MAG[REDACTED] - Double or Nothing
tw: non-descriptive mention of suicide and cults
- I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU
- Sam, you know exactly why I'm here
- And why exactly would I tell you how I ended up here? You've got your own god serving you its powers on a silver plate and you still serve a different one- why would I talk to a traitor like you?
- Because I *know* you're no different
- NO DIFFERENT? HOW DARE YOU COMPARE US, YOU TWO FACED DISGRACE! I joined the Falling Titan's reign for the man I loved and as soon as the waves took him I changed sides. The difference between us is that I left. I didn't serve two powers at once. I didn't sell out like that.
- And your heartbreak as well as you leaving one entity sent you plummeting into the arms of another one...
- Do you really think I became like this over some breakup? You should know damn well that serving an entity requires stamina, effort and reassurance. I didn't just have a small depressive episode and stuck with The Lonely, I was destined and I finally arrived, I could feel it.
- Would you mind going into greater detail?
- You're just as ceaseless as your master, so fuck it. I need this off my shoulders. Go do your thing, and once it's over get the hell out of my sight
- Got it. Statement of Samuel Bolt, regarding the story of how he obtained his powers. Recorded from subject 2024 May 6th, archivist present: Arcturus Walker. Statement begins:
- I've had it rough since forever. I can't remember my childhood and it's probably for the better. I couldn't figure myself out. Depending on the circumstances I was always someone else. At home I was chatty, couldn't shut up about whatever caught my fancy back then, but once around people I knew it was a total blackout. I never said a word, almost to a comedic degree and around strangers once more it was like I transformed, I was brave and, perhaps not a leader but still, assertive in conversations.
And I got *respect*. Something I didn't get at home nor from those who were supposed to be my friends. So I craved talking to strangers, I frequented parties, beaches, conventions for trivial topics I wouldn't think about twice but it worked. People appreciated my attitude, were acting just how I wished they all did. In retrospect that is, as I actually hated approaching strangers. I found myself in this paradox, either I couldn't express myself or I had to do so around *people*. And how I hate people. Always did, that never changed. And the burnout, that damned exhaustion, I was living my daily life on battery saver to have enough energy for all that self fulfillment later. But now I can be myself, the fog listens, the empty houses are there for me to wander, to explore the perverted lives of those that never lived there, not really. It's amazing. I'm all alone, happier than ever. No need to fight against stupid amatonormativity, I never even wanted a spouse. I had one crush in my life and look where that lead me, to an entity that couldn't keep me around for a year. Heh, pathetic.
Serving your *better* god did me no good, I got way too existential for my own right. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good philosophical crisis every now and again, but it felt like the sky was peering down at me, my own insignificance took a toll and at that point I once again felt that need to prove myself to make it worthwhile. The others in the cult? Oh they bathed in the light, enlightened about their own meaninglessness they fully gave in to nihility. But I couldn't. It didn't feel right. Call me another stupid human, well I'm not even that anymore I suppose, but I needed purpose. And that was to be myself, with myself, without the whole entire universe towering over me.
- Huh, how did you find the Forsaken? What did it take for you to join and embrace it?
- To find it? I kinda always felt it was out there, the tranquility of isolation lifted my spirit, I could tell there was something otherworldly behind it. From the two of us you were always the one reluctant to spirituality and look where that lead you!
- To be fair, neither of us would have guessed the ones overlooking our world were born not of perfection but of fear-
- Mr. fancypants coming at me with that poetic language, oh please. Your little ego was stroked, because the way those scientific videos you always watched about our universe altered your brain chemistry, were just a step away from what one of those entities stood for. I still remember how full of joy you were reading your first Leitner, still not believing a word that text said but you just related so close to it, it was like someone read you. You chose a path and didn't even knew what you signed up for. Hell, neither of us did, I'll give you that. And I don't know what it took for you to be able to throw people into the sky, but the Lonely took nothing from me. Hear that? Nothing. Not until I gave it what I thought it deserved. It never drove me to do this, it calmed my mind when I most needed it, making every moment of peace last forever. I'm not saying it was easy serving it you know, I'm sure you can't relate but I'm plagued with guilt for every bypasser I sent into the fog. But it never made me feel like I needed to be different to align with it. I could join its grace without changing a thing, even carrying all that guilt. It allowed me to keep that part of my humanity. That's why I did it. Neither you nor your polycule of gods deserve the details-
- The Sam I knew would've never worn turtlenecks. I can guess the rest, thank you very much
- ...So am I free to go then, *officer*?
- Did it seem like I forced you to stay?
- Is that a rhetorical question? Get outta here, you bastard *tape clicks off*
Thank you so much for reading this episode of MAG[REDACTED] which was dedicated to The Lonely! I have an important announcement to make: I am an author for @magnusforgaza, please check them out and donate to the charities if you can! You can also request me to be your artist for any tier 1 commission!
You can read the rest of the episodes here: The Flesh The Vast The Stranger The Dark