Searching
A flash of red catches and punctures the corner of my eye
As I pretend not to look
It lets me know you’re there,
Looking too.
It tugs at me to turn and speak
Say something
The practiced witty commentary about anything current
Gets stuck in the middle of my throat, inflicting silence
For one more day.
You didn’t have a name yet and the mystery of it glistened
Then
Stolen cigarettes sucked down in almost secret
Tucked in between brick walls, tinged with envy.
Were we doing something bad I wondered.
Little moments of eyes locked, begging to be filled with first kisses
Over and over
I looked for red
Searched for it in a sea of grey and green, filling up any space I had left
With the quest for scarlet.
A glimmer of hope that we might
Yet I couldn’t find a way to break in
Currently the way you pulled at the cuffs of a white button down and spun
A silver ring around
Around was it your thumb
Was it your middle finger
Was it your thumb
Haunts me
Currently you haunt me
Romeo meets Juliet except this is New York City and no one gives a shit if you off yourself or not
And every time I see the J train it’s like you jump back in my heart and try to push its walls until they crack
I beg for the silence I mastered in the days of searching for red
I beg for her to come and put this to rest.
I beg for her to let me fall in love again.









