the stars will lead me to you

• ren • she/they • 25 • hi. i draw sometimes. mostly this blog is me dumping current hyperfixations. this blog occasionally features adult content, but i rarely pay attention to my notifications when people follow me, so please take responsibility for your own internet space and make it safe for yourself. do not follow me if you are underaged or uncomfortable with adult content; you aren't my audience. antis and fancops are on some weird purity juice that i have no interest in, and it is also not welcome here.

[lawuchisw]

Vil: leaves out poisoned apple for the rat* Epel and the rat at 3am:

[8nin]

Not to vagueblog but some of you are definitely the sweetest souls and I think of you fondly

[raisinchallah]

when creative partnerships are more intimate than a marriage and the break up is worse than a divorce

[loveridden1999]

[mapleejay]

does anyone else think about how brave all their friends are and get really emotional about it

[mapleejay]

I'm glad everyone is alive rn

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[grungekitty-77]

Fun fact, that was literally what inspired me to make this post!

[dovahbeat]

Adding my 2 cents worth that I learned from my time in DBT.

Guilt and shame are NOT the same emotion!

Theyre very similar, but theres a key difference. Guilt comes from an internal source and shame external.

What do I mean? Well, when you feel guilt, its because you've betrayed your own morals. Youve done something you view as bad, and you feel guilty for defying your own moral code.

Shame, however, is external and comes from our individual societies, and has nothing to do with moral codes (in the way guilt does). Shame comes from how OTHERS perceive you. You go to school, and wet yourself, you feel shame because the other kids point and laugh, they think less of you now. You may know it was an accident, and accidents happen, and thats okay! But because other people now think less of you for it, you feel bad.

Not taking away the points of OP, i still agree, just think it might be useful to distinguish between the two emotions because they are not the same.

[mewwon]

Seeing ads for perfume is so crazy.. like girl what do they smell like

[loveridden1999]

[persianmom-deactivated20260602]

she’s just like me fr

[cottoncanyon-deactivated2018012]

Reblog if it’s ok for people to give you $599.99

[btc-official-deactivated2024071]

“do we think maybe a vegetable would cause less despair” still living in my head rent free

[btc-official-deactivated2024071]

[teaboot]

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

[justlightmeonfire]

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

[teaboot]

Also the amulet

[whimsicalmayhem]

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

[teaboot]

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third

[hotvampireadjacent]

Insane

[golongbyjoannanewsom]

obsessed w this person in the replies

[grahamkennedy-deactivated202411]

[fangs-4-fags]

rolling snake eyes is a bad thing. being a snake in the grass is a bad thing. being cold-blooded is a bad thing. the english language is so fucking hostile for snakes why do you hate us so bad

[fangs-4-fags]

NOT TO MENTION snake oil salesmen are famously sketchy. why do you hate our oils

[fangs-4-fags]

really funny character concept i will definitely be using some day: oil salesman who is a snake. introduced as a snake oil salesman

[fangs-4-fags]

he's a painfully honest and sincere oil salesman. he's not selling miracle cures he's telling you exactly what it is. and what it is, is oil. he's got olive oil coconut oil corn oil. every kind of oil you can think of

[evilwriter37]

Saying “this niche, properly tagged, warned, and rated piece of fiction could theoretically hurt someone” is not a good argument. This properly labeled cookie with the allergen information at the bottom that contains gluten could theoretically harm me very badly, but only if I consume it. Tags are like nutrition labels, and warnings are like allergy information. If you know you have an allergy to something, the logic is to stay away from it. It is the same with fiction. I’m not running through stores yelling at people to take all the products with gluten off the shelves just because it could hurt me. Instead I ignore it and go to the gluten free section and find cookies that are right for me. And if running through a grocery store yelling sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is. Stop doing the same with fiction.

[heatwavesintheuk]

Hey, @evilwriter37

I’m gonna need to ask you a walnut question for form’s sake. Suppose you found a blank bag of very generic-looking whatevers but there’s no clue as to what it is. You ask one of the members of staff what that’s about and they say ` “Oh, that’s the John Doe Surprise Special. Mr. Doe has this bad habit of baking at 3am or whenever he can’t sleep. Because it’s the middle of the night, he never knows whether he’s put in [potential allergen 1, potential allergen 2, potential allergen 3 and/or potential allergen 4].” What do you do next?

[evilwriter37]

Well, if you have allergies, it’s very obvious to not consume the unmarked bag. A rule of thumb for me with allergies (irl) and content warnings is: if I don’t know what’s in it, I don’t eat it. It’s that simple. I don’t know if you’re trying to egg me on or something, but no one is forcing you to “eat” the unmarked bag.

[teaandcrowns]

preserving good tags

[weaselle]

in keeping with the food metaphor, out in the wild, where there ARE NO LABELS, when you find a food that you do not know if it will harm you (assuming you do not have access to plenty of food you are familiar with) what you do is

You assess it. If you have a nut allergy, you ask yourself if this looks like a nut. If you have a shellfish allergy, you ask yourself if this smells like seafood.

Then you test it. You touch your tongue to it and wait a couple minutes. If you feel okay you take a very small super tiny piece and chew it a couple times and tuck it in between your gums and your lip and leave it in your mouth for several minutes while paying close attention to your body, and see how you feel. If you feel okay you swallow that tiny piece, and you wait about 20 minutes and you see how you feel. If you feel okay you eat a more normal size bite and you wait a couple hours and you see how you feel.

If at some point in this process you start to feel nauseated, or headache-y, or ill in any way, you decide not to eat that thing.

OR. You don’t eat it until someone you know and trust has consumed it and tells you it doesn’t taste of nuts or shellfish. And even then. You proceed with caution.

You decide for yourself. You exercise care in what you consume. You don’t walk up to an unfamiliar plant and scarf down a handful of leaves then scream that it should have had disclaimers and warnings all over it when it gives you diarrhea.

Trigger warnings and tags and ratings on art or entertainment are a nice thing to do for people. I try to do it. But we are all responsible for our own immediate safety. We are also social creatures who depend on each other, so maybe that means you don’t read or watch something until someone you trust has vetted it, that’s a great way to handle that. So is finding authors whose labels and tags you trust. But when it comes to fiction and the communication of ideas, there are a billion things that are fine for most people but bad for some, and no way to get a billion labels on it, so… you still have to find your own way.

I will continue to tag and label things as well as i can. I hope i can be a trusted author for many people. But i’m never going to be able to put every warning. Take your own precautions. If you are continuously having issues with content, find a friend that can pre-read/watch and give you all the warnings you need. Take your own precautions.