I Just Work Here.

Bill, he/him. I work at Arkham Asylum. Always open to answering questions.

[arkhamsorderly]

HELLO ! My name is Bill ( he / him ) and I work at Arkham Asylum as a general caretaker. My ask box is always open, and you can ask me anything- questions about the patients I work with, the gossip circling our break rooms right now, or anything else. I don't bite- that's Croc's thing.

WARNINGS FOR: mature themes, including suicide, violence, gore, toxic relationships, and death. filter any tags you need to, and keep yourself safe. [ I AM PRONE TO INACTIVITY. ]

[arkhamsorderly]

So was anybody going to tell me Dent is pretty decent at pickup basketball (when Two-Face isn't beaning anybody in the head with the ball) or was I just supposed to figure that out myself??

[elizabeth-wayne-official]

Am I allowed to say I have favourite rogues?

[arkhamsorderly]

Hell, I work at Arkham, and I have favorite rogues (Fries)

[arkhamsorderly]

There truly is nothing like having to wrestle Tetch to the floor at 9 in the morning, almost immediately upon walking in the door. He almost bit me, but at least he's back in his cell now.

[arkhamsorderly]

Whew when you first started talking about butchers and pigs I thought you were now working for Pym! (Glad your blog is back!)

Thank you! As you can probably tell, I'm not working for Pym, thank god. I'm too squeamish for all that. Also he gives me the heebie jeebies something fierce, so I try to steer clear.

[arkhamsorderly]

Do any of the Rogues like dinosaurs?

Hey, sorry for making you wait for this answer. Despite what you might think, Jones isn't one of them. Nygma, though. He will never admit this but he's very interested in evolution. It's one of our only civil points of conversation

[arkhamsorderly]

Sometimes I forget how bad it is for Victor Fries. On his better days, I can almost see the man he must’ve been before, and I like that man. I think I like who he is now, too, when he’s being nice. It makes me forget about the force of his despair. Except now I don't think I'm never going to forget again.

“Bill,” he said to me today, “Would it be easier for you if you didn’t have to take care of me anymore?”

I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“It would be easier, wouldn’t it,” he said. “This place is hellish enough. You shouldn’t even be here.”

“Yes, I should. I chose it. And I hate change.” I cracked a smile, trying to lighten the mood. “Besides, who’s gonna look after you if I leave?”

The look he gave me was heartbreakingly gentle, with all the resignation of someone who knows exactly what they’re in for. “Do something for me, and no one will have to. No one else needs to die because of me. You know that.”

“I’m not sure I like where this is going.”

“Open the door, Bill,” he said, his voice hypnotically smooth. “Let me go.”

My blood ran cold. “What?”

“It’s warm out there,” he said. He sounded wistful, eyes fixed on a point beyond me. “I haven’t felt warm in so long.”

“But you'll die."

“Yes," he whispered. "Keeping me alive is a waste. I don’t want to be here, Bill. There’s no way to reverse my condition, and even if there was, I wouldn’t be the man I was again. As long as I suffer-“ and here he looked straight into my eyes, “-Gotham will suffer, too. And you couldn't carry that on your conscience. Just open the door, and let me walk out.”

My jaw dropped. I searched his face for anything that would say he was making some sick joke, and couldn’t find anything.

“Dr. Arkham wouldn’t do it,” he continued. “Dr. Strange said no, too. But you’re a sensible man, Bill. You know this is what’s best.”

I was shaking like a leaf. “You can’t ask me to do this. I can't do this."

“Yes, you can,” he urged. “Think about how much better off you'll be if you do."

"I'm thinking more about my conscience," I shot back. "And your life."

He shook his head. "You're a good man. Your sins will balance out."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that." Then I tried to inject some levity into the situation, because it was sorely needed. "Come on, who else is gonna listen to me talk about all the scrapbooking I'm not doing?"

I could've sworn for a second that I saw his mouth twitch up into a very, very faint smile. I knew that I was being pretty selfish about the whole thing, but if Fries couldn't be bothered to give a shit about himself, I needed to find something else he could care about.

"I'm not letting you out," I said firmly. "And don't ask anybody else to do it, either. I'll kick your ass."

His smile got a little bigger. "You can try."

I'm sure this won't be the end of it, and we'll have this conversation again at some point. But I think I won this round. And now I need a stiff drink.

[arkhamsorderly]

Pretty sure I just got banned from the nearest butcher shop on account of going in there to buy three whole pigs.

[arkhamsorderly]

Dent’s currently in the break room (restrained), courtesy of yours truly, watching the Gotham v. Metropolis football game. This is the calmest I’ve seen him all week, even though Two-Face keeps yelling at the TV. It’s pretty funny

[arkhamsorderly]

Bolton put Zsasz in the isolation ward a week or so ago (which I have many thoughts about) and today’s his last day. He should be out by tomorrow morning at the earliest, and I don’t anticipate it going very well.

[arkhamsorderly]

How's Fries been doing?

He’s actually been decently stable recently. Puts me on edge a little, but I’m glad he’s doing alright. We’ve been talking about scrapbooking recently, and books, too. He goes on these literary tangents about authors I don’t know, and I just take his word for it. Never reading Henry James after the last lecture I got on Portrait of a Young Lady.

[arkhamsorderly]

"nobody... heard me screaming?....."

@arkhambird

Oh- Jesus, you scared me for a second.

Do I know you? Actually, never mind. Doesn't matter. No, I... I know I didn't hear you. I'm sorry.

Are you alright? I know this place looks like a wreck and a half, but it's better than nothing, and you don't look so good. I can help you.

[arkhamsorderly]

How's lynns been doin' recently? :)

Also have you ever had to deal with killer moth, or has he even been to arkham yet? I don't quite follow the news, if i'm honest, so i don't know.

Hey, anon. Lynns is... well, so his cell's getting searched pretty much once a week, and that's because somehow he keeps getting his hands on contraband. And it's not even flammable stuff half the time, it's things like pens and the occasional bit of food snuck out of the cafeteria. One time he had some rope- God only knows how he got his hands on it.

In any case, they've moved me off the rotation that has him in it. Apparently attracting the attention of one murderous guy is fine, but two is pushing it.

[arkhamsorderly]

Someone needs to do a rabies test on Zsasz

[arkhamsorderly]

Who was it this time?

Re: the breakout: Dent. He didn’t get very far, but we were on lockdown for a decent couple of hours.

[arkhamsorderly]

💌 Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome.💌

Thank you, anon 💞

[arkhamsorderly]

Man-Bat's taken a decent liking to Red lately. It's a little weird, but hey, at least nobody's getting bitten anymore.