In which, Namjoon experiences a weekly quarterlife crisis that comes with being a double major; Seokjin never seems to leave the university; Yoongi sleeps through earthquake drills; Hoseok keeps everyone guessing for his major (aside from his dance org); Jimin becomes the yearly freshie bait; Taehyung gets to the weirdest places; and Jungkook excels at everything except multi-tasking.
(or when two ARMYs with a healthy imagination and a predilection for humor come together and imagine these seven dorks (and a few others) experiencing college life the Arreneo way) MOBILE NAVI
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being a freshie in ateneo meant having awkward and inconvenient timetables, having been the last set of students to enlist for classes. this meant breaks that lasted an average of three hours in between math 11 and enlit classes. to anybody else, it would’ve meant more time to bond with blockmates and making new friends, and new memories - all the works and perks of being a happy, stress-free freshman in college. not for jeon jungkook however.
jeon jungkook was good at many things, especially when he put his mind to it - and from that alone, one could only begin to fathom what he could do if he put his heart and soul into the mix too. he was valedictorian in his batch; he was good in sports, in dance, in music, in everything but math. and multitasking. but multitasking was really only ever meant for computers, anyway.
his ultimate waterloo, however, lied in his social skills. or lack thereof. a major lack thereof.
another unfortunate germ was the fact that com majors were predominantly consisted of females. mostly grown up females. as in those creatures with the flowery sweet perfumes and the high pitched voices and the porcelain bodies made of cotton balls. jungkook was awkward enough trying to mingle with male same-age strangers. but add in girls, and jungkook practically shrunk himself into non existence.
which was how jungkook ended up hanging upside down on the edge of his bed, all alone in his empty dorm room. evidently, mingyu and yugyeom didn’t have the same social ineptitude he had (which was ironic really, since he was the one who had communication as his major).
which was also why, when he heard his phone chime from his desk, he fell head first on the floor in his haste to get it.
vhyung: kookie!
jungkook smiled. v-hyung - well, actually taehyung, he found out recently (but he still called him v-hyung in his mind) - had his weird, eccentric moments, but he also had equally, weirdly impeccable timing.
kookie: ?
vhyung: you wanna go on an adventure with me?
jungkook grinned. he could almost believe the rumors that taehyung was an alien. or had psychic powers. his bet’s on psychic powers.
kookie: sure!
it turned out ‘adventure’ with taehyung meant hunting for the harry potter-inspired café in maginhawa. without downloading the google maps directions. or knowing which jeepneys to ride. or where to get off said jeepneys. they’d ended up getting off by the UP Diliman oval. idly, jungkook was suddenly satisfied with the size of the ateneo campus. if he’d chosen to go here instead, he’d have probably gotten even more lost than he was with taehyung right now.
“hyung, what do we do now? do you know where to go?” jungkook asked after the sixth TOKI jeep passed them by. if he was perfectly honest, he was having second thoughts about this adventure.
“mhmm,” taehyung hummed non-committally, still looking for the right jeep to ride. as if on cue, an IKOT jeep finally approached their spot, and taehyung brightened anew.
he practically dragged jungkook after him, even running a bit despite the jeep making a deliberate stop to wait for more passengers. he practically dove for the seat behind the driver, tapping the old man by the shoulder.
“excuse me (ahjussi), will you be passing by maginhawa?”
it turned out the jeep didn’t pass through the street. instead, the jeepney stopped outside the gates for 20 seconds, and they had to walk the two remaining blocks to maginhawa street.
maginhawa street was this long winding street teeming with mom and pop shops, family restaurants, small time eateries and concept cafes. the food was great; more often than not, easy on the budget, and sometimes had really unique concepts. to jungkook, it really did sound like a “blissful street”.
now if only they could get there. because despite taehyung’s nonchalant reassurances (for the last time, kookie, we’re not lost. just trust me! don’t you have faith in your hyung?) they were hopelessly, undeniably lost.
maginhawa was supposed to be a street with restaurants left and right, one after the other. so far, they’ve only seen houses and apartment blocks; the only food being sold was by some street vendor selling sorbetes for P10 (the avocado flavor was worth it).
“okay,” taehyung said finally, scrolling through his phone. “according to the sorbetes ahjussi, maginhawa should just be around that corner.”
he pointed to the end of the street, curving to the right to an intersection. jungkook exhaled through gritted teeth. they trudged through under the scorching noon sun, squeezing in between vehicles parked along the sidewalks.
“aha!” taehyung exclaimed, pointing up at the rusted street signage, ‘maginhawa st.’ in badly faded white paint. still, taehyung looked at it like it was a puzzle from one piece. “see! i told you, we’d get there eventually!”
jungkook held himself back from point out that this was only maginhawa street, not the actual café they wanted to go to.
taehyung swung his arm around his shoulders, turning his phone camera to selfie mode to capture the lackluster street sign, all faded paint and rusted notches.
“ready? 1! 2! 3!” right as the camera shutter sounded, another hand wrapped itself around the smart phone in taehyung’s hand, snatching it away as the person sprinted past them.
“huh-?”
“wait, what?”
it took a solid second before the situation sank in. someone just stole taehyung’s phone. holy shit.
“hey! wait! give that back!” taehyung yelled, and before jungkook could even blink, was already tearing after the snatcher. with a curse his mother would’ve slapped him for, jungkook ran after them, half his mind still not fully comprehending the situation.
“hyung, wait!”
later, jungkook would look back and end up face-palming himself at how ridiculous they must’ve looked. three grown males chasing after each other under the scorching 2 o’clock sun in the more residential area of maginhawa st. (he also finds out later that they could’ve hitched a ride with seokjin who had also gone out to maginhawa that afternoon, instead of going through all that sweat and trouble.
“wait, so those three mofos screaming and running down the street was you guys?”
“hyung. can you please just drop it?”
“what? no! oh my god! that was you guys!” seokjin broke down into pure, unadulterated laughter.
“hyung shut up, you sound like a window wiper.”)
jungkook finally managed to catch up to taehyung, pulling him back to the sidewalks barely in time from getting run over by a truck.
“wait! stop-!” taehyung tried to lurch forward again, but jungkook held fast.
“hyung! hyung-!” the younger boy grunted, pulling them back further into the sidewalk, nearly tackling him until they were sitting on their butts, gasping for breath. “let it go, hyung. it’s useless.”
taehyung didn’t reply, coughing and trying to regain his breath.
“we’ll just get a new phone, okay?” jungkook continued in between breaths. a part of him saw the irony of the situation - him, the freshman, comforting and generally being the more sensible of the two of them (relatively), the older sophomore. taehyung grunted, then groaned, shaking his head of fire engine red hair.
he mumbled something jungkook couldn’t quite catch. “sorry, what?”
taehyung grinned sheepishly, “the phone wasn’t mine.” oh no.
jungkook was almost too afraid to ask. “who?”
“chimchim’s.” how he could muster an even brighter grin given the situation, jungkook didn’t know.
“won’t he get really mad?” taehyung merely shrugged, getting up then pulling his dongsaeng to his feet.
“well, chimchim is really bad when it comes to replying and answering his phone, so nobody would notice for another two weeks…” he turned around just then, and his face lit up in a blink of an eye.
jungkook turned as well, and stared. “is that…”
behind them, a small café not unlike the size of olivander’s from the movie, stood, a large chalkboard poster boasting the café’s special ‘butterbeer’ imitation drink out front. through the glass windows, they could see the several empty tables and a newspaper framed on the wall proclaiming the headline ‘boy who lived’ taken from the fourth book. too bad harry didn't move in the picture.
“see! i told you we’d get here eventually!” taehyung grinned widely, shaking him by the shoulders.
jungkook grinned as well; for a while there, he thought they would never find the damn place, and instead get hopelessly lost until dinner time rolled around, and they’d get locked out of the dorm…
the cold blast of air conditioner never felt so heavenly as they entered, a small golden bell ringing cheerily. a lady greeted them with a smile as they approached the counter eagerly.
“two butterbeers please!” they ordered immediately (maybe a bit too eagerly, if the slight jump and tiny step back she made were of any indication). they ordered the house specialty sandwich, and another fries and split the bill evenly. they made a beeline for the table with the floor cushion seating, the lack of customers allowing them to sprawl their worn out legs. as he took in the shelves of leather bound books, and the stuffed owl in a golden cage, jungkook was starting to think it was all worth it.
“y’know what i think, kookie?” taehyung said eventually as they sipped on their tall glasses of butterbeer (butterbeer was actually just liquid butterscotch, but hey. butterbeer!). “i think all that thief fiasco was part of some magical fate or destiny or prophecy or something, to lead us both here, in this harry potter-inspired café, drinking motherfricking butterbeer - magic.”
“do you think they could also give us magic to find jimin-hyung a phone?” jungkook asked thoughtfully.
(“ah,” jimin sighed despairingly, “the days when you used to call me hyung. where have they gone?”
“they were gone the day he outgrew you,” jin sighed just as despondently, watching jungkook snatch another calamari from his plate.)
“ah, but magic is not something given just like that, my young pupil,” taehyung said sagely, words muffled by a mouthful of cheese fries. “for things like that, one needs lucky felix.”
“i don’t think they have that here, hyung.”
“which is why we have the second best thing - colt 45 beer.” taehyung continued simply.
“huh? i thought you weren’t allowed alcohol?”
but taehyung shook his head, “no, not for me - for jimin.” he gulped down the last of his butterbeer. “he’s low tol - like really low tol. hasn’t been able to build up his tolerance yet.”
“…i still don’t understand how that’s going to help.”
“he drinks the beer, gets piss drunk, and that’s when we tell him.”
“won’t he remember in the morning?”
“yeah, he’ll remember that he accidentally flushed his phone down the toilet - after puking in it.”
jungkook nodded thoughtfully. yeah, that sounds like it’ll work.
“so… how do we go back to campus?”
taehyung opened his mouth, paused, then closed it again. “let’s just wait and see if magic will come to our aid again.”
just then, the little gold bell on top of the front door chimed again, and seokjin came in, hand fixing his bangs.
“ah! seokjin-hyung!” taehyung and jungkook called in unison, waving their hands high in the air.
“oh, i thought i saw you two,” seokjin smiled, approaching them like some prince from a fairytale. “you guys done? i was just gonna buy some cauldron chocolates to go before heading back to campus. wanna go with me?”
“that’d be great hyung! thanks!” taehyung grinned happily while jungkook gazed at seokjin with wide starry eyes. “we’re saved! v-hyung, magic does exist!”
(“so was that really just magical coincidence back then?” jungkook asked, taking a swig of actual beer in walrus.
“no,” taehyung snorted. “i just noticed seokjin hyung’s truck parked across the street. and he always buys cauldron chocolates for the weekend.” “oh.”)
- Miss March Muffin
as a side note, this sorta happened irl. except, instead of stolen phone, i got myself a cut on the arm. from a wooden plank. random, i know. idk either.
i hope this was funny, and you that guys enjoyed~! :)
aka the “What if Bangtan Sonyeondan members were students in ADMU” fic series nobody (except us) really asked for. [insert cameos from other KPop groups]
Let’s have some fun with this, shall we?
I. The OrSem Experience (pt. 1)
Jeon Jungkook stood awkwardly in the middle of the buzzing crowd that was his batchmates in the wide driveway leading to a huge covered court. A group of girls chattering beside him suddenly started jumping around, jostling him sideways, and he instinctively swerved away from the point of potential contact, adjusting his backpack strap in an attempt to make it look less conspicuous. He ended up bumping into another group of people, and after a hastily mumbled apology, he moved onward, closer to the rioting noise by the court fences.
For some reason he could not comprehend, there was a horde of screaming, yelling people in blue shirts, rattling the wire mesh fence, holding up sign boards of sorts. Jungkook wondered for the tenth time in as many minutes whether he was at the right place, as he stared at the painted faces on some of these people.
If anything, Jeon Jungkook was beginning to learn at least two things.
One, that Metro Manila truly was a strange city. Two, college was even stranger.
Further inside the court, someone turned on speakers - the ear piercing wail of feedback deafening everyone within a mile radius for a solid five seconds - before some chart topper pop song from three months ago blared out. Like some sort of programmed signal, the rioting horde by the fences jumped back, and started dancing. In perfect sync.
Somehow, their energy was contagious, and looking around, Jungkook belatedly realized some people around him jamming and bobbing their heads along. The beat drops for the chorus, before everyone erupts into an explosion of yelling and shouting. Strangely, still in sync.
This is crazy. Jungkook thought, big eyes round and wide. This is college. Wow.
Before long, several people came out and began ushering them into the courts. With all of them there, under the 9 am June sun, the queue seems to stretch the minutes to infinity, aggravated with every bead of sweat dropping from Jungkook’s forehead.
“Jungkookie!” His head shot up, straining to look past the sea of heads around him.
“Jungkookie! Over here!” Somewhere to his right, he caught a glimpse of Mingyu’s head bobbing up and down trying to get his attention. In the same circle of heads, Jungkook saw Yugyeom’s, easily standing out with his height - Jungkook secretly envied him this, and wondered how much dairy he’d have to drink to reach that height. He’d first met the two at the SOSS Open House a few months ago, and again at Cervini Caf a week ago. By some stroke of luck, they’d ended up getting roomed together at Cervini.
He wove his way through, coming to a stop beside them just as they neared the entrance to the court. A few meters away, a couple of tables were placed side to side, acting as a registration counter, where people - wearing the same shirts, but significantly more tame than the rioting students earlier - were scanning the freshmen’s IDs. Behind them, the rest of the court was filled with rows upon rows of monobloc chairs, facing a stage set up in the far corner.
The rioting horde in blue shirts had considerably dwindled down, having dispersed throughout the steadily filling court. Jungkook just couldn’t tell for sure whether they were ushering or standing sentinels with their huge signs.
Or dancing strippers…but with clothes.
“Good morning! Welcome to ORSEM Lipad!” A girl with short black hair chirped cheerfully from the other side of the table, holding out an ID scanner.
“Ah, your block is A1!” She announced after the beep. She then gestured to a guy wearing a vaguely familiar boxy grin, yellow paint all over his face. “You can go follow Taehyung here to show you the way to your block. You should see a sign with A1 on it.”
“I told you, to call me V!” Taehyung whined, stomping his right foot.
V? As in, V-hyung? Jungkook stared finally beginning to recognize him as the same guy from Cervini.
“V-hyung?” Mingyu asked out loud.
“Ah! Mingyu! And Jungkookie!” Taehyung practically dove, about to pull the two wide-eyed freshmen into a hug. But before his arms could wrap around their shoulders, however, the girl yanked him back by the shirt.
“Kim Taehyung! How many times do we have to tell you, you’re not supposed to touch the freshmen!”
Like a puppet cut off from its strings, Taehyung fell into a slouch, a full-blown pout on his lips.
“Stop holding up the line, and take them to their seats! And no touching!” The girl barked sharply, then turned to smile sweetly at them. “Kindly follow this doofus to your seats. And feel free to dodge him when he tries to hug you. It’s against the rules.”
Jungkook and Mingyu shared a bewildered glance, before following Taehyung, needing to jog a bit to keep up. The boys were led away from Yugyeom, who belonged to another course, seated on the other side of the court. Communication majors were located all the way to the side by the walls of the court, along with the other Social Science courses. Quite a lot of seats were still empty, with nearly half the batch still queued up behind. Taehyung came to a stop beside a smaller, slighter boy - no, a girl? No, a boy, a pretty boy with a bowl haircut - this time in a green shirt with a cartoon monkey captioned “chuga on!”
“Jiminie!” Taehyung squealed, practically tackling the boy. The fact that he didn’t topple over, however, hinted at his strength. Or maybe he was just used to it? Jungkook didn’t know.
Probably both.
“Look, Jiminie,” Taehyung swung his arm towards them, as though he’d discovered a new species of teletubbies. “Freshies~!” As though the entire court wasn’t steadily filling up with freshmen.
Jimin smiled nonetheless, his eyes disappearing into tiny crescents. “Hi, welcome! What are your blocks?”
“I’m in A3.” Mingyu said, raising his hand.
“Ah, then you go over there, with Jackson-hyung!” Jimin replied, pointing somewhere further back. “He’s the one with the horse head on a stick.”
“Okay...” Mingyu said eventually. Jungkook could understand the trepidation in his voice.
“See you later, Mingyu.” Jungkook said, his tone as though saying a final farewell.
“What about you?” Jimin turned to him, and Jungkook felt himself shrink further into himself on instinct.
“Jungkookie’s A1!” Taehyung crowed. “He’s under you, Jiminie!”
Jimin brightened, perking up, and Jungkook didn’t know if it was the sun or something, but the already pale boy seemed to glow.
“Oh wow! Here, take a seat here!” Jimin ushered towards the seat. “Jungkook, right? Here!” He handed him a board with his name on it, holding it out by the string.
Just then, the court plunged into silence, and Jungkook turned to see Taehyung twirling his index finger in the air.
“FRESHIES!” Someone yelled into the mic. “ARE YOU READY TO ERUPT?!”
Jungkook saw other freshmen looking around in bewilderment, not unlike his own wide-eyed confusion. Jimin looked at him with the same eyesmile, even as Taehyung stood up on an empty monobloc chair, yelling, “READY!”
Pacific ring of fire! Pacific ring of fire! Pacific ring of fire! …BOOM.
Jungkook watched with eyes big and round as they gyrated to the ground, before springing up high, cheering and yelling.
“We’ll teach you the dances later,” Jimin said, laughing. “But yeah, take your seat. Welcome to the Ateneo!”
Oh. So this is college. Jungkook thought as he took his seat, watching as Taehyung started pumping his fist on top of his head, yelling something about striking a hard pose.
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