Yet another a-space!

Call me Bee! it/he, aroacespec (but asks from anywhere on the aspec are welcomed)! Hate asks will be answered privately or deleted, this is not a platform for bigots.

[aroaceasks]

Pinned post!

Heya! This is an aspec ask blog for anyone under the entire a-spectrum to discuss, question, vent about or otherwise explore the aspec experience. This blog is run by one person (for now) - call me Bee (it/he)! I'm only on the aro and ace parts of the aspec, so while everyone on the aspec is welcome to ask, I might not always have the best insight outside of aroacespec experiences - your questions will instead primarily be directed to the community!

Vent/rant asks are allowed, please clarify whether you'd like a response/advice or just want to get your thoughts down.

Please keep me out of flag and label discourse - I'm staunchly in favor of all harmless good-faith identities.

[aroaceasks]

Hi! I've been feeling lonely recently, since my friends all seem to have closer friends, live far away and/or have partnered up, whereas I am still single and solo, as greyaro/biromantic ace.

I love the idea of committment and coziness of a relationship but don't really form relationships (I panic and bail out every time around 3rd date when it starts getting into kissing part of relationship, no matter how cool the person is, okay?).

So I was wondering about how others deal with the creeping loneliness and about any success stories of finding QPRs or good aroace relationships. Kinda just want to see a bit of hope at the end of this tunnel...

Hello! So sorry that you're going through that. In terms of dealing with loneliness, it may be beneficial to seek out (aspec-specific, if need be) in-person spaces. If you have one, try your local library—they also often host book and other hobby clubs, which can be great for meeting new people. (Don't worry too much about the hobby itself.)

That being said, though, I have no personal success stories to share, so I'm posing this question to the community! If you've had a similar experience, please tell us how you dealt with it in the notes (or, if you prefer to, feel free to send me an ask and I will reblog with your addendum—anon is open).

Regardless, I promise you, there is hope. Loneliness sucks, it can feel crushing at times, and you're welcome to come back here to discuss your experiences with it—but no one's doomed to it forever. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in finding companionship, whatever that ends up looking like. :)

[aroaceasks]

Hiii

I’ve been identifying as asexual for a couple of years now but lately I’ve been thinking maybe I’m aroace? Cause like, i had a boyfriend once but I didn’t enjoy any of the kissing and cut it off and now that I think about it I’ve never really understood how being love feels like? I think I just saw him as a really good friend and gaslit myself into thinking I liked him because he clearly liked me?

But people keep telling me I just haven’t found the right person yet which doesn’t sound right because I should have felt something like that already right? Do I want a couple because I’ve come to believe I need to have one? I don’t know anymore

Is this a normal thing? Am I asexual/ aroace or am I just making it up?

Heya! This "really close friend I tell myself is a partner" experience is super common among arospec folk who find out late, and combined with not enjoying romantic acts and saying you don't understand the experience of romantic love, I'd wager that yes, based on this alone, you sound arospec.

"You just haven't found the right person yet" is, unfortunately, one of the most frequently weaponized phrases by aphobes against really all aspec folk, right next to "but that's what makes us human"—you definitely don't need to pay it any mind. Plus, should they turn out to be right, there's no harm in simply dropping the label or using a different one. If the terms "aromantic" or "arospec" help you understand and communicate your experiences in the moment, that's all the justification you need to use them. There's no secret bar that you need to pass, its a purely pragmatic category.

Thanks for the ask, best of luck on your journey :)

[aroaceasks]

New aspec ask blog alert! Hopin to be a place where people can explore their asexuality and/or aromanticity- vent about it, ask questions about what label they might fit under, so on and so forth! Of course, everyone's welcome here regardless of orientation :]