Dokjoong are so pathetic for each other and I think about it sometimes and it's such a funny concept.
Kim Dokja is obsessed. He has been obsessed since he was a malnourished bullied fifteen years old domestic violence and suicide attempt survivor, reading about a fictional character who was cooler and stronger and more dramatic than anyone in real life. And now that character is real, and he's right there, and KDJ has to actively stop himself from staring (which fails miserably every damn time).
Yoo Joonghyuk is washing dishes. His sleeves are rolled up and his forearms are—
When YJH does something impressive like cuts down a monster in one epic swing or solves a problem KDJ was struggling with (and KDJ rarely struggles with that kind of stuff so it's even more impressive), or even just exists in the same space, KDJ has to physically bite his tongue to keep from saying something cringe and embarrassing.
I've never met anyone like you.
I read about you for thirteen years and you're still more than I imagined.
He says none of this, because he'd rather die forever than say it out loud. He says "sunfish bastard" and "emo jerk" and "you're so dramatic" instead. Because that's the language they speak, the one where insults are endearments and silence is devotion. But sometimes, late at night, when YJH is probably asleep and KDJ is laying awake watching the ceiling, he thinks about how lucky in the most fucked up way he is. How damn absurd. How this man—this protagonist, his protagonist—chose him. Some random guy from the bridge he's never met before. A false prophet. A reader. A nobody.
And he thinks, I would burn down the Star Stream for you.
And then he goes to sleep and pretends he didn't.
YJH calls KDJ by his name more than necessary. "Kim Dokja". Not "you" or "hey" or nothing. The name, like he's testing that KDJ is still there to answer.
On those rare main scenario window days with no crisis and no urgency, they sit in the same room. KDJ reads TWOS on his phone (yes, despite YJH being right there. so greedy). YJH polishes his sword with that unnecessarily terrifying focus or just digs through something in the system or just sits. They don't talk. But then KDJ will look up and catch YJH watching him. Not like, staring menacingly or judgmentally. Just resting his eyes on KDJ, his oh so beautiful face fully relaxed. Like KDJ is a landscape he's memorized but keeps looking at anyway.
And YJH won't look away when caught, that bastard. He'll hold eye contact for a beat too long and then return to whatever he was doing. And KDJ, who has spent his whole life being looked through, not looked at, feels something crack open in his chest.
He doesn't say anything and neither does YJH. But later, when they're alone, YJH will stand a little closer and let their shoulders touch. Let KDJ lean into him for just a second before stepping away.
KDJ notices all of this. Thinks about it at 3AM when he can't sleep.
Thinks, he probably does this for everyone.
He doesn't, and KDJ knows better than anyone that he doesn't. But believing that YJH is doing it for him is terrifying, because what if he's wrong? What if he's reading into things? What if he lets himself want this and then it just gets taken away?? So he builds a mental case and files all the evidence and tells himself he'll believe it when he has enough proof.
Meanwhile, YJH is standing three feet away, staring at him with an expression that HSY has described as "like you personally invented the concept of oxygen", and KDJ is still not sure. Fucking idiot.
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
yousharknotpass
titsay
ellievsbear
