Muichiro Tokito x Fem! Student! Reader
[A KnY AU: Bounded By a Forgotten Past]
School works, why must you delay this post-
Modern and Spirit AU??? :33
I recently rewatched Studio Ghibli's "Howl's Moving Castle" and "Spirited Away" and my childhood is-
WARNING: it's a very long read ahead!
You stare up at the tree-covered hill. Was it a hill or a mountain? It wasn't particularly tall nor short, so you weren't sure. What you were sure is that that big mound of earth was never here before.
"[Y/N]! What's the hold up?" One of your friends called as you realized they were already several meters away from you.
"Hey, this mountain or hill, has it always been here?" you eye the mound with your hands on your hips, tapping your foot. "Didn't we pass a field yesterday? And the other day before that? And the two years we've been passing here?!"
Your friend runs back to you to look at whatever you're looking and gave you a weird look. "What hill? It's the same field we walk past every day."
You snap your head back at her with a dumbfounded expression. "Do you not see this??" you give her big gestures pointing the hill.
She sighs heavily. "Whatever prank you're pulling off, it's absolutely stupid and humiliating. Come on! I don't want to miss dinner!" she grabs your arm and pull you away, you gave the hill (or mountain, but you decide to call it a hill now) one last look before struggling to keep up with your friend.
You were very good at reading expressions and can sometimes guess what people are thinking. It was helpful at times, but it was mostly annoying. You laugh bitterly as you try to erase your friend's deeply annoyed face.
As you stagger back to your group of friends, a pair of pale mint eyes were watching you in great interest. The empty eyes, for the very first time in decades, shimmered with curiousity.
The next day, you decided to leave earlier than usual for school. You were determined to check if that suspicious hill was still there and you weren't gonna let any of your friends drag you away again.
You slip into your shoes and ran outside to take the usual path, greeting familiar faces as you run past them. You finally reach the hill and stopped running, gasping for air. You regain yourself and wipe the sweat from your forehead.
So it's still here. You knew you weren't hallucinating. You walk closer to it as you reach out your hand. You feel the prickly grass on your palm. You hear a rustle from one of its trees and quickly look where it came from.
"Maybe a bird or something..." you assure yourself. As you scanned the hill, your eyes widen in surprise. Were these stone steps here before?
They were covered in moss and some small weeds. What the hell is happening? Maybe you are hallucinating. Is it because of that bun you ate that was a day expired? But you've been doing that a lot now so why is this happening?
The stone steps seems to lead all the way to the top. You hover your hand over your eyes to dull the sunlight as you look up to the top of the hill.
It's not even that early in the morning. And surely it's not tall enough to reach a cold temperature. All those trees definitely didn't do that.
"Gah, all this investigating is giving me a head ache..." you massage your temples and decided to leave this problem in the afternoon, knowing better since you still have the whole day studying. You gave the hill one last look before walking away.
The breeze swayed his black to mint gradient hair. He watches your figure getting smaller until it disappears.
"Yup. It's still here." you tell yourself as you scan the hill.
It was pretty late in the afternoon and the school day finally ended. You skipped [Fave Hobby] club and escaped cleaning duty. You barely escaped from your friends as well. No use bringing people who are blind to this.
The stone steps were still there. You stare at the steps skeptically. Are you really willing to waste your afternoon investigating this thing?
You noticed that the mist at the top have become thicker, immediately answering your question. Nervous, you take in a deep breath and took a step forward. The step was solid. You smile to yourself proudly and continued to walk up the steps. The taller you go, the thicker the trees are. The mist was also starting to form.
You soon start to feel your legs wobble in exhaustion. You must be out of shape since it's the hill isn't really too tall. The mist was thick now, but you notice that the trees are getting thinner. You must be close to something, whatever it is. If you find out there's nothing at the top, you'll freak-
Then you found a shinto shrine. The trees beyond the shrine were a different species, and immediately recognize that they're ginkgo trees. Its leaves were the colors of autumn and pretty much out of season. The fallen leaves were scattered around, but it doesn't surpass the shrine, like an invisible force field to prevent it from crossing to the normal world. It was such a peculiar sight to see yellow colored ginkgo trees in the middle of April.
You get closer to the dusty shrine. It was covered with cobwebs. You spot something engraved on its right side. You wipe the dust off with your hand and read the kanji.
"Exactly. There's nothing."
You jump in surprise and turn around too quickly, losing your balance. Someone grabs your arm before your face meets the floor. You regain yourself and sighed in relief. You thought you were gonna have a flat nose by tonight. You swivel around to see a boy who is shockingly already a few feet from you beyond the shrine. He was staring at his hand. His face was so blank, you don't really know what he's thinking or why he's looking at his hand like that.
How could he have such a deadpan expression?
The boy looks like he is younger than you. His hair had raven locks that turned mint in the ends. He was pale and is wearing a cream colored yukata with patterns that are shaped like mists. He's barefooted and had an empty scabbard hanging from his waist.
"E-excuse me!" you call out, snapping the boy out of his thoughts. He stares at you without a response.
You felt awkward. What was he doing here?
"You should leave." the boy says a bit crossly. "Before the sun sets."
You blink a few times. Is someone younger than you telling you to leave? You wanted to coax him about changing his tone and to be more respectful, but upon realizing that the sun was starting to set, you decide to leave him be.
You hesitantly bow and quickly descend the hill. The boy watches you from behind and like always, he waits until your figure disappears. He walks towards to where you stood. The triangle headwear he wears must have fallen when he saved you from falling humiliatingly.
He picks up the hitaikakushi and ties it around his head. He stares at his hand again. His hand that was able to grab you. His hand that didn't come through you.
He sighs, feeling stupid once again. He knew very well that he could not touch humans, yet his body is automated to help someone in need. What happened earlier was different though.
Much much more different.
It's finally the weekend, and you were cursing at yourself for deciding to go back to the mountain again. You decided with a flip coin, since you weren't really sure whether you should visit the mysterious boy or not.
"He must be a yurei or something, so why do I even bother...?" you sigh almost jokingly to yourself and shoved your hands in your pockets.
You soon find yourself at the foot of the hill. The steps were still there. The other day they weren't, you were sure. Perhaps the boy can do that? Make things appear and disappear in his territory, if he was some kind of spirit.
You notice the mist have reached the base of the hill and was much more thicker. The trees danced with the breeze, making you wonder how something that isn't really there be in sync with the world.
You were snapped back to reality. You follow the familiar uninterested voice to see the same boy from yesterday, leaning against one of the trees. The shade from its leaves barely covered his face, but his pale orbs were bathed in little sunlight as if to purposely give empty eyes some light. His mint orbs shone with such a calm demeanor under the sprinkle of sunlight, you thought no one has ever looked so somber for someone so young.
Then you notice the triangular head piece he's wearing. A hitaikakushi. So he really is a yurei.
"Um, yeah, I'm back..." your voice trails off as he walked closer to you, finally fully bathed in the sun's rays.
His brows slightly furrows. "Why?"
You blink. The first time you saw him, you really didn't get a good look at his features. Seeing him now, his hair flowing through the wind while the sun acted like a spotlight, you see him clearly.
Oh my god, he looks like an absolute angel.
You gulp as you thought you were getting hazy. "I, well, uh-"
"You shouldn't be here." he turns his back to you and starts to walk up the steps, the mist seemingly following him like a servant following its master.
"Didn't you invite me?" you voiced a question even though the sight of the mist following his shadow was so fascinating to look at. "The other day there weren't stairs here..."
He stops to give you a brief look. And in that millisecond before walking away again, his eyes flickered with slight shock. You grin to yourself and followed him up the hill.
The boy admits to himself that you were right; he did 'invite' you to his home. He can't help but get curious about a human seeing him for the first time. What's more, he can touch you. Though he doesn't admit one thing.
Spirits shouldn't feel lonely. Spirits shouldn't feel anything. Spirits should go to the afterlife, yet he's still here. He remembers nothing of his past or when he was still living, not even his own name. One day, he just awoke on a tall hill with yellow ginkgo leaves surrounding him.
He tried his best to spend his days alone remembering who he was, but to no avail, and decided to give up. He assumed that because of his lost memories, he's still roaming the Earth. The only piece of memory he has is this empty scabbard, and have justified that he was a swordsman at such a young a age. Whether a professional or not, he just knows he's a swordsman.
You see him stop by the shinto shrine. You were still entranced at the sight of the cluster of ginkgo trees beyond the shrine as it danced with the wind with a grace so majestic to you.
"You came to confirm that you're not a lunatic hallucinating things, right?" he says with a flat tone in his voice. "You've seen everything that you can see, now leave."
You consider his question. "It just made things more confusing though..." you mutter to yourself.
But he heard and turns to you, expression unchanging. You catch his eye and quickly tensed under his gaze. It's not that he's intimidating - okay, he is, only because it's like he's some kind of robot. Solemn and somber and deadpan were the only words that can describe his features. It's making it hard for you to read him.
He averts his gaze, startling you just a little. "Then, you can come back whenever..." he huffed. "...just until you're not confused about this anymore."
You stare at him for a moment. His eyes were darting everywhere but you, and he was fiddling with his fingers. What's with the sudden change in reaction? Not that you were complaining. He looked so adorable this way.
You suppressed a grin. "Then I'll be back tomorrow." You almost forgot why you were here, but either way it doesn't really matter as long as you'll come back tomorrow.
You descend the hill as the boy watched you gradually getting smaller until you disappear from his sight. Just like he always have.
He pouts at himself. He shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't come back here. Convinced that it's best for him to be alone, he called himself a nincompoop under his breath. But he had a feeling that even if he hadn't said that, you'll still come back. Your eyes were straightforward about it.
You've been visiting him for the next few days. During weekdays, you'd visit him after school. He doesn't really talk when you ask him simple questions. He didn't seem like he was annoyed by your presence though. Right before the sun sets, he would ask you to leave, and you didn't know why. You were persistent, enough to surprise the boy.
Seriously, inviting me here but then you're not conversing?
One day, he couldn't bare to ignore you for much longer. He was at his usual spot at the foot of the hill. He was patiently waiting for you as he leaned on the tree. This time, he's gonna answer your questions. Well, at least he'll try. He was as clueless as you are, as to why and how he's here.
He closes his eyes, concentrating on the breeze that was passing through him. Though a spirit, his body was reacting to the world naturally. His hair would sway in the wind, the sun would shed light on his eyes, and recently a human girl can touch him.
He opens his eyes to stare at his hand. He recalls the time he caught you before idiotically tripping. Your skin was delicatem as well as warm to the touch. For a moment, he felt alive and breathing. Breathing the same fresh air of mid-spring.
The sound of light footsteps. His gaze landed on your shadow that was increasing in size as you walked closer. Finally, his eyes met yours that shimmered in slight surprise. Your shocked look slowly turned into a warm smile.
In that millisecond of a moment, he saw someone else. A boy with the same heart-filled smile. It was only for half a second, but he saw how kind the boy's smile was. Such kindness would make anyone cry.
"Hey, are you okay?" you were sitting across him and were waving your hand in front of his face.
He finally snapped back and stared back at you. For a spirit, he was already pale. But he was paler this time. His eyes were filled with mixed emotions - so many emotions you couldn't count. But these emotions stood out the most; Shock. Disbelief. And fear.
"What's wrong?" concern growing, you inched closer to him. He turns away, a gesture for you to stop. And so you did. He blinked a few times and heaved a deep sigh before turning back to you. Once again, his eyes were empty and his expression was deadpan.
You wanted to ask again, but given his expression you decided no to pry. For a while, you stayed in your position as you continued to scan his face. His features were clearly blank again as he was staring at the ground. But there's always something more to that unchanging expression he always wears. What could he be thinking?
"Questions..." he starts in a soft whisper.
"Huh?" You tilt your head. He raised his gaze to level with yours.
"I'll try to answer questions..." His voice was much louder now. You knew what he meant and nod with your lips tugging into a small smile. He looks away and taps the grass beside him. You gladly moved to sit beside him.
You had so many questions. You wonder which you should ask first. "Ah! I don't really know your name yet. For starters, what's your name?"
He stares up at the sky for a few seconds before responding. "I don't know. I don't remember."
"Oh...did you lose your memories?"
He nods. "Then you don't remember anything from when...I mean, your past?
He nods. You frown. So either way, none of your questions will be answered then? Well maybe questions about the present, he can answer.
"Why are you here? Why am I the only one who can see you?"
He gives it a thought. "I don't know."
You sigh, frustration building up inside you. The anticipation of finally knowing what's going on faded away in a dissatisfied manner.
He sees you, and stared st the ground once more. "...but I think it's because I don't remember anything. That's why I'm here."
You can sense his effort of trying to communicate, and you appreciate it.
Maybe continuing to visit him isn't the worse idea?
"Sorry." he apologised. You knew what he meant. You visit him everyday so you can get some answers, and now that he's finally talking, you were left with absolutely nothing.
But maybe nothing isn't so bad?
That day, he couldn't answer your questions in the end. But you still visit him. What's your goal?
You would talk about how your day went and sometimes even bring snacks. You knew very well he can't eat, yet you still bring these delicious foods with you.
It's not like he's complaining though. He doesn't admit it, but he starts to adore your presence more and more. He was quiet, watching you go on and on about your day. It was a refreshing sight.
Other than that, he's been getting these flashes from his past more often. They come in bits and pieces so it doesn't really add anything up. He would see his own hands holding a sword, unfamiliar faces, another him, and the most mysterious and confusing ones are the flashes of huge pillars inside a seemingly endless room all lined up. He was sure there were other people in the room as well, but this one person with long hair doesn't reveal his face.
He was certain that you would be able to set him free. Is fate finally giving him a favor and sent you here? Or is it the other way around.
"Hey so..." your voice was unsure. He's never heard that tone from you before. "...a guy asked me out on a date. I'm not sure if I should go. I told him I'll give it a thought..."
The way your hand played with your earlobe and looking at the ground embarrassingly, were you asking for his permission?
He blinks cluelessly. "A date?"
You realize and chuckle at him and yourself. "Right. You probably don't know what a date is, huh?" he nods. "It's when a girl and boy go out and do all sorts of fun alone together. They would talk and eat and stuff...but usually when it's only because they-"
"But aren't we doing that now?" he cuts you off. He almost sounded upset. You were staring at his innocent face as you felt your face getting hot. "You're already on a date with me everyday, so you shouldn't go."
"You're havung fun with me around?" the question simply slipped away, and you got redder when you realized. His eyes widened a little and somehow his cheeks were slightly dusted pink. He looks away and hummed softly.
You smile. "I guess I'll tell him no then." he seemed to slightly perk up by your response, but his gaze remains away from you.
You knew you had to tell him at some point, that dates are about when two people like each other. But you decide to let it slide for now. You were feeling too warm and fuzzy inside.
The sun was gonna set soon, meaning he'll tell you to leave again. But you wanted to ask him about that before you do.
"Why do you ask me to leave before sunset?" you casually asked while cleaning up.
He was staring at the setting sun. There was an unfamiliar feeling of anxiety and fear in his eyes. But there was also this strong look too. You've noticed that he seems to grip his scabbard absently whenever the sun is almost setting.
"I...don't know." the same answer to you questions, yet answered with a different tone in his voice.
You thought for a moment. Then you remember about you grandfather telling you stories from his time as a young kid. The mosters prowling at night in search for human flesh, the hunters who possess immense strength and abilities to take those monsters down, and the end and start of it all.
"You told me you were long dead..." you started. You try to search for the words, but there was no sugarcoating it. "...then you must know about the demons, right?"
Upon hearing the word, flashes of different faces printed on his mind all at once. Sharp teeth, eyes cravung for bloodlust, claws that can easily rip your heart out - they were all different people but with the same description. Finally, the last one was longer - the long haired man with no face finally has one. Intimidating six eyes were starung right at him.
He almost lost his composure if it hadn't for you. He realized he was as stiff as a board and finally relaxed once he felt your touch. You grabbed his arm with worry that he wasn't responding to your calls.
"Are you okay?" you asked.
He absently gripped your hand that was holding unto him and pulled it away, just to hug you tight. You were surprised with the action (and his strength for someone with a small build). You were really getting worried.
As you were about to say something, he spoke first. "...I want to protect you. Let me protect you."
"Protect me from what?" he only hugged you tighter. You didn't know what and why is this happening. You also don't know about his past was about. Heck, you don't know anything about him at all.
You stare at his scabbard. He was a swordsman, that's for sure. Maybe it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you knew who he was or what he's been through - you know him as the boy who is hugging you right now. That matters.
You slowly wrap your hands around him as you were engulfed with the last but of sunlight left. "Alright." you brush through his hair and he immediately relaxes in your arms. You don't know it, but happiness was bubbling from his chest.
It was just another usual day. Another school day have ended and you were heading to the usual hill where he lives. Sometimes, you end up daydreaming while walking but every time you find yourself at the foot of the hill already. It's like your body was automated. Thinking back when there wasn't any magical hill yet, you just head straight home. Your mom would say to have fun with friends and go somewhere after school, but you just weren't the type to do that. You chuckle at yourself.
You realize that you've arrived and saw the boy standing straight with his fists clenched. When you met his pale eyes, you couldn't believe what you were seeing.
His eyes gleamed with hope and excitement. He wasn't trying to hide it. His deadpan expression was replaced by excitement and impatience, and you admit it was foreign to you. But it was a sight you can never forget.
"What are you doing standing there?" he breathed, barely hiding his emotions. "I have a lot to tell you."
"Wow! So you had a twin?"
He nods vigorously. He continues to tell you of his memories with a happy look on his face. It's been like this everyday now. You weren't the only one talking anymore. You were exchanging stories; stories of your lives, stories of the past and the present.
"I was a demon slayer too! A high-ranking one at that." he stares at you with a proud look on his features.
"Really?" you stare back at him in awe. "You're so young though! What else do you remember?"
"That's all I remember today. I'll tell you more if anything else comes up!" he says cheerfully. But soon, his expression softened as his gaze seemed to pierce through yours without him realizing. "[Y/N]...are you happy for me?"
You held your breath, completely off guard. You hadn't forgotten what he said before.
"If I get all my memories back, I might finally move on. I'll be free."
He said that just a few days after you've met. Now, it's been weeks. Of course you should be happy for him. After so many years, he's this close to finally move on from the world who couldn't see him, realize that he was still there. But then he'll be far from your reach. He'll get farther and farther until you couldn't grasp him anymore.
You smile, forcing yourself to remember what he wants. "Of course I am! You'll finally be free!"
He nods at you. Before meeting you, it bothered him that he's alone in the world. No one can see him - the whole world can't see him. And such loneliness is absolute torture for a spirit of a child. Though an elite swordsman of the past, he's still a young boy. A young boy who then meets a young girl of the present. You were cheerful, kind, and loveable. You were also a bit clumsy and a tease, but those were the qualities that made him feel alive even just for the afternoon where you spent time with him. For the first time, he didn't care if the world couldn't see him. You turned into his world already.
And for the first time, he wished he would forget.
Tiem flew. Months passed. By now, the boy has probably remembered everything. Everything except his name. He didn't mind though.
"Hey! There's a summer festival today!" you visited him in the morning to inform him of the annual summer festival happening in your neighborhood. "I promise to bring in lots of prizes today! And maybe some food." you barely hid your cheeky grin.
"Stop teasing me with food I can't eat!" he pouts at you. You laugh and ruffle his hair, giving his heart an unusual skip. "But didn't you say that festivals are the best at night?"
You smile brightly, happy that he remembered what you said. "Mhm! That's why I'll be back before sunset."
"Watching fireworks are the best when you're with someone."
That day, you did visit again before sunset. You were wearing a [F/C] kimono that was decorated with flower patterns and your hair was tied in a loose bun. All he could do was stare at you as he blushed.
"S-stop staring too much..." you mumble, but he hears and apologises.
You sit beside him and told him what you saw. You showed him the prizes you won from winning games, and flaunted the delicious snacks you brought (resulting a drooling spirit).
After all that, everything finally calmed down. You were both waiting for the fireworks display to start. You were right at the entrance of the shinto shrine. Beyond it, the autumn ginkgo leaves seemed to shimmer slightly under the soft moonlight. You never stepped foot beyond this shrine because he advised not to. The way he told you, it was obvious that it was his haven. It was where he feels safe and at peace. A few days after first meeting him, he sits in the middle of the pile of leaves and stares at the sky. Now he doesn't. Does that mean he can feel at peace with just by being with you now?
"[Y/N]! Look!" he points at the sky and you follow; different colored fireworks exploded in the star filled sky. Its light reflected on your features that showed awe and happiness.
The boy next to you, however, weren't watching the dancing lights in the sky. He was watching the girl beside him who's completely absorbed in the beauty of the fireworks. He feels the same way as you, only it wasn't towards the fireworks.
Then, a flash. He grabbed his head in pain. This was clearly a memory; but why does it hurt?
He sees a man - he was blind. He was wearing a black kimono with a white kimono jacket that had purple and pink mist like patterns that starts from the end of his jacket. He wore the smile like Buddha. A calm aura radiated from him. They were in a room and he seems to be lying down. The man was sitting beside him and was saying something, but he wasn't audible. Until-
"You will get your memories back...
Then he was back. The memory faded away. He was sitting beside you under the now empty sky. The fireworks display ended. You were calling out his name and was holding him. Your eyes showed nothing but concern and worry. Suddenly, he hugs you. Tears started streaming down his face as he buried his head into your chest. It was gonna stain your kimono, but you didn't care. You didn't know what was going on, and all you could do was hug back.
You stayed like that for what felt like hours. His sobs subdued into quiet sniffles. He held you tighter, as if he was afraid that if he lets go, you'll disappear.
"...Muichiro." he muffled. He looks up at you, eyes sore from crying. "M-my name..."
You widen your eyes in realization. You start combing his hair with a smile, but tears were forming in your eyes. "Muichiro...it's a nice name."
"Don't lie!" he says and breaks away from you. "Don't smile like that!"
His words broke your heart.
"Don't tell me you're happy! Because I'm not!" he yells. He stands up, staring at the ground. "I'd rather forget everything again and stay here with you!"
He was crying again. No, of course you should be happy. But you can't help your feelings. You don't want him to say that; he doesn't mean it. And if he does, you should stay strong for him. He needs to be set free. You stand and hug him tenderly. He gives in quickly and hugs you tight. You couldn't find the words. You knew you should change his mind. You don't want him to disappear while he feels like this.
A sudden breeze, then a strong wind. The ginkgo leaves were flying, circling around you. Soon, the mist joined in. He hugs you tighter, but even when he did, his grasp and warmth was gradually fading. You cupped his face in both of your hands and gave him the warmest smile despite the tears.
His eyes widened. He knew what those words meant. It wasn't a simple confession. You were telling him to go. You were telling him that it was okay and that you'll never forget him.
He smiles back. "I like you too." he holds your hands as your foreheads touched. You shut your eyes tight as the strong wind almost felt like a tornado.
Then you can't feel his warmth anymore. You can't feel his face in your hands. The wind disappeared. You open your eyes slowly.
You were standing on a field. As if the hill was never there. You stare at your hands, before falling on your knees.
As tears streamed down, you still smile. "Muichiro..." you whisper. His name meant 'nothing', but his whole existence was the opposite of that. Despite his name, you knew he lived a happy life. And hoped that his time with you was just as happy.