what is a "romance"? can you eat it? @aromantic-spinda - Tumblr Blog

Hey there!! Welcome to the dizzy aro club!

Our name is Ambrosia, and our pronouns are they/them. We're a system with a lot of aromantic headmates, so this is our blog for aro stuff! You'll find a lot of arospec content here, from aroallo to aroace, loveless to lovequeer, aroflux to demiromantic to quoiromantic, and everything in-between and that which blurs the lines. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay!

BYF: this blog is inclusive of all mspecs, all aspecs, and all "MOGAI nonsense". For some reason, exclus follow me sometimes, so I'm putting that out there.

Icon made by berryscarlett! Header by graphics-cafe!

#I'm not gonna tag a pinned post #well except for my og post tag #dizzy aro is dizzy

aro-absol

Some good news for my arospec followers from the US:

The state of Wisconsin has officially recognised this year's Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week!

This was the effort of Patrick Bex (fluentlyaspec), an aroace content creator who is from Wisconsin.

In this video he uploaded yesterday, he talks some more about it (transcript available on YouTube):

I'm not from the US, but I don't think Patrick Bex has tumblr, so I'm sharing this here.

noromofest

Introducing "No Romo" Fest: a creative celebration of aromanticism 💚

Let's celebrate Valentine's Day with our own definition of love (or a lack thereof)! No Romo Fest is a creative event taking place from February 8th to 14th, open to anyone and everyone who would like to center aromanticism in their work.

Works can be posted under the #no romo fest tag and/or in the AO3 collection throughout the week.

Guidelines & (optional) prompts below the cut:

bloomshroomz-deactivated2026041

Aroallos are often treated as inherently "more sexual" than other allosexuals. Here's why that assumption happens, and why it's bullshit.

Relationships are often treated as inherently hierarchical and strictly defined, due to amatonormativity and a-spec erasure. It usually goes something like this:

You can't have sex without romance. Sex is "dirty" and needs to be "balanced out" or "justified" with romance. Sex is exclusively physically stimulating, and therefore shallow, unless done in emotional service to romance.

Wanting to have sex with people outside of a romantic context is seen as "using" people, inherently. You're "using" them for their body, because you "don't care enough" to love them romantically. Your desires are deemed to be inherently predatory.

You can't have romance without sex. Romance needs to be "justified" with sex, otherwise it's "just platonic."

Wanting romance without sex is seen as "failing" your partner.

Sex and romance are to happen exclusively between two people.

Romantic relationships are more important than all other relationships, except for maybe family. And remember, sex is strictly confined to romance, which therefore means that sex is also more important than nonsexual/nonromantic connection.

Friendships are always less important than romance, and therefore, less important than sex as well. They exist at the bottom of the hierarchy. That's why we have phrases like "more than friends" to describe romance.

In other words, sex = romance, and sex/romance > friendship.

When you take away the romantic elements, you're left with this:

Romance is no longer there to "balance out/justify" the sex, making the sex apparently "more sexual" and "more dirty" and "less emotional" than it would be if it were romantic.

Your sexual desires are deemed inherently predatory.

Sex takes precedent over friendship and nonromantic emotional intimacy in the original hierarchy. Therefore, sex must take precedent over all forms of emotional connection if you're interested in sex without romance, and sex also cannot spark emotional stimulation or connection on its own.

Due to the previous points, you get reduced to a largely "physical" creature, with few or no emotional needs or desires. You are also assumed to disregard the emotional needs and desires of others.

Friendships are still less important than sex. So, even if your friends are the people you're having sex with, it's implied that you don't care about your friends, and you only value them for their bodies. Sex is an insult to your friendships.

Of course, this is bullshit. All of these "rules" are bullshit.

This is how it actually works:

You can have sex without romance. Sex is not "dirty" does not need to be "balanced out" or "justified" by romance. Sex can be emotionally stimulating and fulfilling without romance (though it doesn't have to be, and that's also fine).

There is nothing predatory about having sexual desires/intent without romantic desires/intent. There is nothing predatory about having sex outside of romance, so long as everyone consents.

You can have romance without sex. Romance does not need to be "justified" via sex.

You are not "failing" your partner by not wanting to have sex. You might be sexually incompatible if sex is something they want, but that is not "failure" on anyone's part.

Sex and romance can happen between as many people as you like, as long as everyone is on the same page about things.

Romantic relationships, as well as familial relationships, are not inherently more important than any other type of relationship.

Friendships are not inherently less important than other types of relationships. There is no inherent hierarchy.

Sex is not an insult to friendship. Having sex with your friends does not mean you only value them for their body.

Wanting sex without romance does not inherently mean that sex takes precedent over everything else. For some people, it does, and that's fine. But that's not usually the case, and it should not be assumed to be the case.

Quoting some stuff from myself and others:

People tend to assume that aroallos are always hypersexual, or always loveless, or always prioritize sex above all else when it comes to their relationships with people. And all of those things are valid experiences, but they don't apply to me personally. I've been trying to put it into words... People think that a lack of romantic attraction necessitates an amplified sexual attraction. Like just because I'm aro, I must be "more sexual" than other allosexual people. It seems like people think sexuality has to be "balanced out" with romance. But I'm not particularly sexual; I'm just not ace. [...] there's nothing wrong with prioritizing or emphasizing sexuality. But that's not an inherent aspect of being aroallo, and it doesn't describe me personally. The primary purpose of my relationships is emotional connection. Sex is just a cool thing that I may or may not do with people.

- Myself [Feb. 1, 2024]

I hate that when I announce that I'm aro, but not ace, people are like "yes fuck nasty I respect it 😏😏" like okay girl sure I do that but do you think I don't experience longing for human connection ? You heard non/aromantic and thought "wow, you must be so good with one night stands no emotional attachment whatsoever". Like no, I still (and you're not gonna believe this guys) care about the people I may or may not sleep with ?? Hello ??

- max-nicoxposts [June 4, 2024]

Alloaro culture is always being expected to either be asexual or hypersexual; nuance was something meant for others I suppose.

- Anon [May 28, 2024]

Aroalo culture is someone assuming I'm ace when I say I'm aro, and when I say I'm actually aro and bi they react with "so you're just a predator"

- Anon [May 27, 2024]

there's nothing wrong with being a man and wanting to sleep with men and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer men are sex-crazed. there's nothing wrong with being a woman and wanting to sleep with women and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer women are predatory. being alloaro doesn't make you a derogatory stereotype. you deserve respect, no matter what

- pansyboybloom [Jan. 16, 2024]

So much of the arophobia directed towards aromantic heterosexual men seems to be rooted in willful ignorance about what aromanticism actually is and how allosexual aromanticism differs from sexual objectification. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction towards others. That’s it. It isn’t the same as sending unsolicited dick picks to strangers or reducing women to their bodies. When a misogynistic man disregards a woman’s personhood in favor of treating her as a sexual object, it isn’t because he doesn’t experience romantic attraction to women. It’s because he chooses not to value women as people.

- heartless-aro [Dec. 30, 2023] [I highly recommend reading the full post. I only included one section here due to length.]

and if you're aromantic, you also have to be asexual. because sex without romance is immoral and dirty and abusive. and every aroallo is an invader who's trying to destroy your perfect, pure, sex-negative aspec community. if an aromantic is not asexual, they are not a valid aromantic. if you've ever found yourself wondering why aplatonics and aroallos alike have their own small communities instead of just being a part of the wider aspec community, this is why. you drove us away. and your acceptence of aromanticism is still entirely conditional.

- thermodynamic-comedian [May 29, 2024] [also recommend reading the full post]

aro-prompts

Write about an aromantic guardian angel who’s tasked with watching over a hopeless romantic

aggressivelyarospec

#AggressivelyArospectacular is happening in TWO days!

Let’s take this moment to remember all of the different ways to submit work to the project:

- Make a new post on tumblr and use the tag #AggressivelyArospectacular (in one word) in the FIRST FIVE TAGS (that last rule is super important, if you don’t follow it we won’t find your post.) - Submit a link to your post if it can be found elsewhere than tumblr. - If it is not safe for you to come out as aro on your personal blog, you can directly submit your work to us anonymously at our submit page and we’ll post it for you.

If your post hasn’t appeared on our blog three days after you have posted it, please don’t hesitate to contact us directly and link us to your post!

Any original creative content is welcome, whether it’s aro-focused or not! (Although we do like to keep our blog mostly romance-free, it’s not a strict rule either.)

Remember this year we shared some prompts to help kickstart your creative process. These prompts are not mandatory, only there to inspire you. You can still submit any sort of original art on any day of the week, even if it does not fit the prompts.

We can’t wait to see all of your contributions!

aggressivelyarospec

Aggressively Arospectacular 2025 starts in a few hours.

Are you ready?

Yes!

Not yet but I have something planned

Noooooo

Voting ended onNov 17, 2025

voids-mogai-blog

Anattraction Spectrum Flag

My redesign of the aspec flag that includes other types of anattraction besides just aro and ace

(anaesthetic, aplatonic, analterous, asensual, +)

Original Aspec Flag:

voids-mogai-blog

Anattraction Spectrum Flag

My redesign of the aspec flag that includes other types of anattraction besides just aro and ace

(anaesthetic, aplatonic, analterous, asensual, +)

Original Aspec Flag:

angry-loveloose-loveless

i feel like someones opinion on lovelessness, or aplatonic/afamlial/asensual/other less known aspec identities lets you see how they really think about aspecness as a whole.

Are you really supportive of aromantic & asexual people if the idea of someone being aplatonic is too much? Because it really feels like someone being aromantic and/or asexual is only acceptable if they make up for it somehow.

Being aro and/or ace should not be an identity that has to make up for anything. Not only does it make the identies seem like something that’s negative or makes someone “lesser” because they don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction/love, it harms aplatonic people.

If the idea of someone not loving period doesn’t feel “right” to you, or that sounds impossible, then I’d ask what you really think about aspec people. If you can wrap your head around not feeling romantic or sexual attraction/love, not feeling various other forms or not feeling any period shouldn’t be that much more difficult to understand.

The only thing I can really guess is that you either don’t really thing a lack of attraction is possible, or you view being aromantic & asexual as lesser and needing to make up for the identity with platonic and familial relationships/love. Which isn’t true support. Excluding part of the aspec community makes you aphobic. If you can’t support aplatonic, asensual, afamilial, or any of other lesser known aspec identities while viewing aromantic and asexual ones as the only “valid ones, you are aphobic. And I sincerely doubt how much you actually support aromantic & asexual people to begin with.

angry-loveloose-loveless

love and care are two different things.

you can be loved without being cared about.

you can be cared about without being loved.

Being loved without being cared about, when you’re loveless, you can feel it. You know. Care is built on trust, on wanting the best for someone. At least for me it is. I couldn’t explain to you what love is, because I don’t understand it.

I can watch someone tell me they love me, and I feel nothing. It is just something you say. I don’t really mind. I know it’s something that’s meant to be kind. But when you don’t care about someone, it’s so stark and clear. And it does hurt, especially when it’s someone that’s supposedly supposed to care about you.

its very hard to cover up the fact that you don’t care about someone when they can’t feel or understand love.

i’d rather someone care about me than love me. maybe that’s just because i’m loveless, because everyone acts like its some moral failing.

being loved and being cared about is differently, and the absence of one of them certainly hurts a lot more.

angry-loveloose-loveless

okay. i’ve thought about how i’d describe this to someone who can’t really differentiate them.

Imagine someone’s trying to talk to you in spanish, you don’t understand spanish, so the best you can do is sloppily repeat their words back to them. They do not like this. They can tell you don’t know how to speak spanish properly, and because of this they act like it’s a moral failing on your part.

They can speak english, you’ve seen them do so with others, very fluently even, so you try to speak english with them in an effort to connect. They aren’t having it. Other people are looking at you and telling you that YOU are awful, because why won’t you just talk to them in spanish?

It’s a guilty feeling, because, you don’t know how to. You just don’t understand it. Whether no one gave you the means to learn, or you just don’t really want to learn another language, you can’t speak spanish. And even though they can speak english, they don’t.

It’s completely possible to talk to you in english and still talk to other people in spanish, but they don’t want to. People tell you that you have to speak in spanish to have a fulfilling relationship, so you’re kind of just left on empty.

(note, this isn’t the best explanation, there’s plenty of nuances and also language works differently than abstract things like care and love, but the message is still there.)

angry-loveloose-loveless

aroallos are so cool btw did you know that.

did you know that sex and sexual attraction isn’t inherently romantic? and that the two don’t have to be intertwined? i think everyone should know this.

aroallos are splendid and demonizing them or labeling them as abusive monsters in relationships because they don’t love romantically is really weird and bad btw. aroallos are still queer, and denying that is WEIRD.

i hope all the aroallos have a splendid and fantastic day.

angry-loveloose-loveless

Hey, I hadn't even thought of this actually, but shout out to people who label as "just aro" as well! Aromantic people in general, are really, really awesome! Sex favorable aro and/or ace people are wonderful in any flavor!

Also, I'm sorry about how people treat you, calling someone deragatory words like that is genuinely awful. Also, saying any aspec person has it "worse" than another is sort of dumb, we all experience aphobia, maybe just in different flavors, and it can effect people differently.

I'm not aroallo myself, but I'm sure your welcome in that part of the community all the same, especially if you can relate more.

minimosquitogirl-deactivated202

tysm <3 I mean it still sucks being like this sometimes because it is taboo and the black sheep of sexualities, but I think the shame has gotten better ever since I became an adult and felt for the first time like I was “allowed” to be aro while still sex-favorable. I do think we have an issue in our community where we act as though being any variant of aromanticism that’s not combined with sex-averse asexuality is an inherently 18+ or nsfw thing when it’s not, it’s literally an identity. I think I suffered more when I was a minor because this kinda mentality reinforced the idea that there was something wrong, forbidden, or inherently nsfw about my identity which we need to stop doing. we need to stop acting as though the presence of romantic feelings sanctifies queer youth identity. aroallo is an identity just like any other identity like gay or straight. minors can be and are aroallo/just aro and we need to accept that and encourage spaces where they can find support and safety without feeling like their orientation is inherently something that’s sexually mature.

angry-loveloose-loveless

Wonderfully worded! I do seriously agree that there shouldn't be as much stigma surrounding sex favorability in aromantisim, even when a person is a minor. There's a difference between acknowledging your identify and orientation, and something being nsfw. You are completely right, and I really hope that the community can start branching out of this sort of mindset, aroallo/just aro youth deserve to feel welcomed and accepted just as much as every other queer identity!

this-is-aphobia

Reminder that aplatonic people are very valid! Reminder that EVERY aspec identity is valid! Reminder that actually, it doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks it’s valid so long as the label is comfortable for you!

The aspec community, and queer community in general, has bigger problems to worry about than how individual people wish to define their attractions or themself. You do not need to use labels you don’t want to, other people using them doesn’t hurt you whatsoever.

If you can acknowledge romantic, platonic, and sexual are different things, but for whatever reason think you can only have a lack of romantic and sexual, I seriously need to ask you why. And if your answer is along the lines of, “well people NEED friends”, you will be blocked! You are repeating the same nonsense amisics spread to aromantic and asexual people, without even thinking about it. Just because it has a fresh coat of platonormativity on it doesn’t mean it’s not any less amisic.

angry-loveloose-loveless

STRONG believer in love isn’t a universal experience.

Love is NOT that important, placing any love in hierarchy is WEIRD. That includes placing platonic love above romantic love and acting like everyone should view it that way. Aplallos exist, and they may not value platonic love the way you do, it’s just as weird as an allo person putting a higher importance on romance and/or sexual love/relationships and acting like it should be like that for everyone.

Sooo tired of people saying how you can feel love in other ways, yada yada. Some people don’t!!!! You’re being annoying!!!!! Your messages may be helpful to some people, but don’t brand it as the universal aspec experience, because it isn’t.

It’s important to acknowledge there are other forms of love that are more important to other people, but it’s also important to acknowledge that you don’t have to feel any which one!

When you’re talking about aspec people, that’s including aplatonic people. That’s including afamilial people. That’s including asensual people. That’s including anattractional people. The aspectrum is more than just aromantic and asexual, and that should be considered before you start trying to claim that love is some universal experience.

writing-prompt-s

“You have to understand, the use of love potions is both morally gross and legally r-”, you interrupt the alchemist, and say the potion is meant for yourself.

transcendragon

There’s a long, awkward silence. Some of the many vials in the alchemist’s back room shelves tinkle. There’s so many that they surround the entire room in a rainbow of potions that sparkle gently in the light. It was a sight that had given you hope, when you first saw it. If the alchemist has all these potions then there must be one that can fix you.

Now, in the silence, the potions seem to mock you with their unattainablility. The silence stretches until the alchemist finally speaks: “Why?”

You rub your face, grimacing. You’ve never talked to anyone about this, and you were hoping not to start here. But the alchemist simply waits, staring at you intently.

“My best friend is a girl called May,” you say finally. “I’ve known her since we were young. We were neighbors, you know? And we’re going to the same university together.”

That hadn’t been an accident. You’d both looked through possible colleges together and picked out the ones that would be right for both of you, applying to all of the same ones. When the acceptances came you’d run over to her house so you could read them together.

“…and?” The alchemist prompted. Talking about this was harder than you thought.

“And she asked me out,” you blurted. “Said she’s been in love with me for years!”

“Ah.” A noise of understanding clicking in the same place. “You don’t feel the same way.”

You hung your head, not able to look the alchemist in the eyes. “No. I’ve never felt that way, not about anyone.”

You’d never told anyone this before. You’d watched all the movies with your best friend growing up, seen the princes and princesses. You’d heard all the lines about how love was the strongest magic, stronger than all the potions and charms and rituals. So when the crushes never came you didn’t tell anyone, obfuscating any questions about it.

May had never pressed you about your crushes. You’d hoped she was just being respectful, but now you knew the truth. She hadn’t wanted to talk about her crush on you.

“You don’t love her romantically, then.”

“I don’t love anyone romantically,” you replied. You still couldn’t look up to face the alchemist.

“So you’re aromantic.”

The alchemist’s matter of fact tone and the unfamiliar word caused your head to finally shoot up. You stared at the alchemist, who gave you a little smile. They didn’t look appalled or pitying, just… sympathetic.

“Let me get you some tea,” they said. You followed them out of the room, feeling baffled.

There was a long discussion over a pot of chamomile tea. Well, they did most of the talking. You held your cup of warm tea like an anchor as you listened in wonder. They explained that the way you felt was normal; there were words for it and even other people like you. It was an incredible relief, but at the end of it you still felt conflicted.

“Even if how I feel is normal and okay,” you said, “May still loves me romantically. If I can’t love her back she’ll abandon me.”

“No.” The alchemist was much more confident in their tone than you felt. “If she is a true friend then she won’t abandon you over something like this.”

You hunched your shoulders. “I don’t know that for sure.”

“The only way to find out is to be honest,” the alchemist said. “You need friends who accept you for you. Even if you took a love potion, the effects would fade and you’d constantly need more. She’d find out, and everything would be worse.”

You cringed. It was too easy to imagine it, and that would be far worse. You clutch your teacup tightly.

“But how can I tell her that I don’t love her the way she loves me?”

“Ah.” The alchemist gives you a true, warm smile. “A potion of courage is something I can do for you. No payment required, just remember: I’m here with my tea if you need me.”

You took a deep breath in and intentionally straightened your shoulders.

“Thank you. For everything.”

onequeermushroom

"but aromantic people can still be in romantic relationships! i headcanon this character as demiromantic" okay then

where's the "do i really love them romantically? or did i just convince myself i do?

where's the "am i still really aromantic? what if it was just a phase? what if i'm normal, actually?"

where's the "what even is romantic love. what even is the difference being romantic love and platonic love. nothing is inherently romantic, it all depends on intent. but that can't be the only difference, can it? then people could just chose to be in love. but that's not how it works, is it?? "

where's the not being aro enough for aro spaces but being too aro for allo spaces

where's the "i keep falling for my friends and it keeps costing me friendships. help!"

where's the "what even is dating. how does that even work"

where's the not getting crushes. it's either completely fully in love or nothing

where's the being perfectly happy without a romantic partner, but also happy if you happen to have one

where's the needing unusually long to get over a relationship and detangle yourself

where's the "love at first sight is fake, it doesn't work like that"

where's the "i don't know you well enough yet to be romantically interested in you. i don't even know you well enough to know if i could be romantically interested in you"

where's the usual aro stuff. having difficulty with romantic relationships or situations without knowing why. not being able to relate when others talk about their crushes and relationships. advice always being either "talk about it" or "break up" if asked. feeling like there's something wrong with you bc you don't work like everyone else

demiromantic people are still aromantic. you can't use that as a cop out to write aro characters as if they're allo

- sincerely, a demiromantic person who'd like more accurate representation

the-indigo-symphony

Minor annoyance I find in fandoms: when people write aromantic characters in romantic relationships and then say it's okay because they "headcanon them as romance favorable". Okay. So where are the fics about them being a romance favorable aromantic? Because the only thing that you and everyone else with this excuse of a headcanon are writing is romance, not aromanticism.

And you know what, I was gonna leave this part in the tags, but it needs to be explicitly stated. I think the people who do this and get criticized for it usually make this into a fandom police thing, which is not the point, and I feel like at least some of them are deliberately missing the point to play the victim. The point is that if so many people are completely leaving out a character's sexuality from their fan works, writing that character as if they are not that sexuality or it doesn't matter what their sexuality is beyond being attracted to this other character (which just loops back to writing that character as if they are not that sexuality), claiming that they do this because they know the nuances of this sexuality (that they don't even have), yet all the while none of them are actually acknowledging those nuances in their works... Yes, people are going to ask how much you actually respect people of that sexuality. Yes, people are going to ask how much you actually like that character if you have to erase a notable part of who they are in order to enjoy them.

If so many people want to write about a character who is romance favorable aromantic, where are all the fics about about romance favorable aromanticism? Why are all their works just about romance? Where's the research to learn common romance favorable aro experiences? Where are the fics about the aro character learning they're romance favorable? Where are the plot beats where the aro character tells their partner that they're a romance favorable aromantic? Where is the hurt/comfort about the aro character fearing that their partner will leave them for one who can feel romantic attraction? Where are the misunderstandings about aromanticism that delay them getting together? Where is the angst of the aro character only discovering their sexuality while dating someone and stressing over what this means for their relationship? Where are the discussions about what both of them want from this relationship? Where are the background details about aro merch or this character's past with romance? Where are the explorations of how they feel about specific romantic actions or events? Where are the works about the aro character helping the other learn that they're also a romance favorable aromantic? Where are the character analyses getting into exactly how this character feels about romance as a romance favorable aromantic? Where are the words "romance favorable aromantic" – or even just "aromantic" – in these works? Why can't I find any of the examples I just gave among all these ship fics about romance favorable aros (or if I do, they're only ever written by real aros)? Why are all these works about a "romance favorable" aromantic character indistinguishable from works about an alloromantic character?

Why does seemingly everyone with this headcanon conveniently leave out anything related to the aromantic part of "romance favorable aromantic" in all of their works?

(The similar excuse of "they're on the aromantic spectrum and experience some romantic attraction" has the exact same problem. If their sexuality is so important to you that you're going to write about them expressing it... Why isn't it ever mentioned? Why doesn't it seem to affect them in any way? Where's the aromanticism in your work about a character on the aromantic spectrum being arospec?)

At the end of the day, you can write what you want. But if what you write implies you're a POS who cares more about shipping than uplifting aro representation, and who speaks over real aros while lying that you respect them and complex identities so so so much... You can't really act surprised that people are upset with you.

#now that I think about it I should've posted this here but oh well

aromantic-diaries

Yknow what I'm bringing this up again, I've talked about how people only bring up sex/romance favorability as an excuse to ship fictional characters but thinking about it now, the aspec community is just as guilty of this because whenever it comes up it's ALWAYS on the topic of "is it okay to ship blorbo if they're canonically aroace" and not "hey maybe we should listen to sex/romance favorable people and try to understand their experiences better"

This community has an issue of only viewing certain parts of itself through the lense of fandom

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what is a "romance"? can you eat it?