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Cosmic Funnies
Color Me Curious
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occasionally subtle
tannertan36
Misplaced Lens Cap
Sade Olutola
Today's Document
Xuebing Du
KIROKAZE
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The Bowery Presents
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@art-bigotti
Does Mom know you want her husband? Would you ever tell her?
“I’m pretty sure I have told her, or she did know, and we’re over it now. Hell, it’s just a crush. I’ve moved on. I value my friendship with both of them more than any crush.”
honesty hour - dad asparagus ... would you hit?
“I respect that man TOO MUCH to commit violence against his beautiful face.”
❛ becoming a sorcerer's apprentice is dangerous business. ❜ (From Art)
"You're not going to sway me, Art. I want to learn from you."
"It's time to test out a little theory of mine. If you... came back, different. When I escaped the jungles of Jumanji, that's when I first felt it. A strange buzz. Not a coke-buzz, but a magical buzz. Did you feel it when you returned? Something magic, something new."
"I've certainly felt... something." Mom pauses to think about the question. She wasn't sure what it was. But it was different.
“Now, don’t get me wrong. The coke really helps that buzz really grow, opens that potential. But we’re going to try this sober. Really dig deep. Remember that feeling. That cold, empty, terror. That acceptance of the end. And then… life. Again. Now… you see that guy? Behind the alley? You’re going to use your feelings… to transport his wallet into your pocket.”
❛ becoming a sorcerer's apprentice is dangerous business. ❜ (From Art)
"You're not going to sway me, Art. I want to learn from you."
"It's time to test out a little theory of mine. If you... came back, different. When I escaped the jungles of Jumanji, that's when I first felt it. A strange buzz. Not a coke-buzz, but a magical buzz. Did you feel it when you returned? Something magic, something new."
"Dad Asparagus looks like an orphan in a production of Oliver! but damn it he looks good in that hat." from mom
Art Bigotti nodded slowly and affirmatively. "So you think we should cast him in our joint project production of Oliver! as an Orphan? I was thinking one of the adult roles, but... you're right. The hat works."
"Well, it might be good to have him help... you know, keep the kids in check during the production. It'd be easier to do that if he played a kid, right?"
“You’re right. It would be too on the nose to cast him as one of the adult characters whose role is literally to keep the kids in line. It’s visionary. You’re a visionary. I’m so glad we went in on this project together, Mom Asparagus. I’m really learning a lot about you. Have you had a lot of experience with stagework?”
"Oh, Art, I was just thinking the same thing! I know (think) we've had our differences in the past but our equally burning passion for Oliver! has really brought us together." Mom paused for a moment. "Not really, actually. I just, you know, when I was away I thought about all the things I never got to do. Directing a musical, specifically this musical, was very high on my list."
“I’m proud of you! I know how that is. You disappear, life feels like it’s over before it began… and then, suddenly, you get your life back. It’s almost like a second chance. You have to live for every moment!” He said with a grin, and then added, “Speaking of high, do you want some cocaine? It’s really helping me lock in right now on the musical and not the trauma of being another statistic in the Asparagus community,”
Mom smiled gently at his words. "Yes, I suppose you can relate. What with Jumanji and all that. It's nice to have someone who understands." Pausing, Mom nods. "What the hell, sure. What's a little line between friends?"
“Are you sure you’ve never played? The things that happened to you. It all feels so… similarly random and ridiculous. Like a bad dice roll.” Art said, handing her the baggie. “Anyway, who are we auditioning next?”
"Dad Asparagus looks like an orphan in a production of Oliver! but damn it he looks good in that hat." from mom
Art Bigotti nodded slowly and affirmatively. "So you think we should cast him in our joint project production of Oliver! as an Orphan? I was thinking one of the adult roles, but... you're right. The hat works."
"Well, it might be good to have him help... you know, keep the kids in check during the production. It'd be easier to do that if he played a kid, right?"
“You’re right. It would be too on the nose to cast him as one of the adult characters whose role is literally to keep the kids in line. It’s visionary. You’re a visionary. I’m so glad we went in on this project together, Mom Asparagus. I’m really learning a lot about you. Have you had a lot of experience with stagework?”
"Oh, Art, I was just thinking the same thing! I know (think) we've had our differences in the past but our equally burning passion for Oliver! has really brought us together." Mom paused for a moment. "Not really, actually. I just, you know, when I was away I thought about all the things I never got to do. Directing a musical, specifically this musical, was very high on my list."
“I’m proud of you! I know how that is. You disappear, life feels like it’s over before it began… and then, suddenly, you get your life back. It’s almost like a second chance. You have to live for every moment!” He said with a grin, and then added, “Speaking of high, do you want some cocaine? It’s really helping me lock in right now on the musical and not the trauma of being another statistic in the Asparagus community,”
"Dad Asparagus looks like an orphan in a production of Oliver! but damn it he looks good in that hat." from mom
Art Bigotti nodded slowly and affirmatively. "So you think we should cast him in our joint project production of Oliver! as an Orphan? I was thinking one of the adult roles, but... you're right. The hat works."
"Well, it might be good to have him help... you know, keep the kids in check during the production. It'd be easier to do that if he played a kid, right?"
“You’re right. It would be too on the nose to cast him as one of the adult characters whose role is literally to keep the kids in line. It’s visionary. You’re a visionary. I’m so glad we went in on this project together, Mom Asparagus. I’m really learning a lot about you. Have you had a lot of experience with stagework?”
"Dad Asparagus looks like an orphan in a production of Oliver! but damn it he looks good in that hat." from mom
Art Bigotti nodded slowly and affirmatively. "So you think we should cast him in our joint project production of Oliver! as an Orphan? I was thinking one of the adult roles, but... you're right. The hat works."
are these the same people that came after you last time? (From Art but his SOC version)
"Milward and Cavis?" Reverend Gilbert questioned amicably. "I wouldn't necessarily say they 'came after' the church, so to speak. They just got a little carried away with their own production. But they helped us out a ton this Easter!"
Alan had forgotten about Milward and Cavis, to be entirely honest. "Oh, okay, good. Good. So... just to be clear, you definitely haven't had contact with any... questionable people who would be coming after you because your name might have accidentally come up in mention of an illegal nine-pin gambling and legal-for-this-day-and-age-but-still-sketchy drug ring?"
tell me who else knows. right now. (From mom)
"Uh..." Art looked at her, knowing this confrontation could be about so many things. His unrequited crush on Dad Asparagus, the Jumanji Murder-thing, her going Missing but having nothing to do with Jumanji to his knowledge...
"Well, uh... I think... uh, I think maybe... Bob? The Tomato, not the Cucumber. And uh... Qwerty, I guess? You could... ask them?" He suggested uncomfortably.
“Good. You shouldn’t be running to tell people that information. Keep it close to your vegetable chest.”
Deciding to take his chances and guess what she meant, he leaned in and whispered, “Have you been? What do you know of… that place?”
tell me who else knows. right now. (From mom)
"Uh..." Art looked at her, knowing this confrontation could be about so many things. His unrequited crush on Dad Asparagus, the Jumanji Murder-thing, her going Missing but having nothing to do with Jumanji to his knowledge...
"Well, uh... I think... uh, I think maybe... Bob? The Tomato, not the Cucumber. And uh... Qwerty, I guess? You could... ask them?" He suggested uncomfortably.
"All I do is try, try, try" (from Bob)
Art nodded, "well, your form is good. Trying is half the battle. Have you tried cocaine? I always bowl better with cocaine. I've got some on me right now if you want to try it free. Money back guarantee if you don't get at least two more strikes than your average."
well, i don’t want to be rude, but that story was very long and much more involved than i originally thought it would be, and i’ve had to poop through most of it. (from junior)
"Then why the hell did you ask me about the Jungles of Jumanji?! Did you really not think my entire last forty years of trauma would be a quick answe -- oh, my god, just go to the bathroom! Kids are so weird."
"I dunno! I thought it would be interesting! Not poo poo bad. Boo! And for your information I don't have to go anymore."
"Concerning. You know, I have an old board game back here. You wanna roll some dice and I'll trade you fifty bucks?"
Junior considers this. "Nah. I gotta work on my gambling addiction. Rolling the dice could make me fall back into it."
“How about one hundred? Two hundred? I’ll give you any amount of money and or drugs you ask for.” He offered maliciously, a deeper grin seeping through his forced-polite smile. “For just one itty bitty roll.”
"Are you a fuckin' narc?"
“No, I’m a man who has a lot of money, a lot of drugs, and a board game I want someone to take the next fucking turn in.”
well, i don’t want to be rude, but that story was very long and much more involved than i originally thought it would be, and i’ve had to poop through most of it. (from junior)
"Then why the hell did you ask me about the Jungles of Jumanji?! Did you really not think my entire last forty years of trauma would be a quick answe -- oh, my god, just go to the bathroom! Kids are so weird."
"I dunno! I thought it would be interesting! Not poo poo bad. Boo! And for your information I don't have to go anymore."
"Concerning. You know, I have an old board game back here. You wanna roll some dice and I'll trade you fifty bucks?"
Junior considers this. "Nah. I gotta work on my gambling addiction. Rolling the dice could make me fall back into it."
“How about one hundred? Two hundred? I’ll give you any amount of money and or drugs you ask for.” He offered maliciously, a deeper grin seeping through his forced-polite smile. “For just one itty bitty roll.”
well, i don’t want to be rude, but that story was very long and much more involved than i originally thought it would be, and i’ve had to poop through most of it. (from junior)
"Then why the hell did you ask me about the Jungles of Jumanji?! Did you really not think my entire last forty years of trauma would be a quick answe -- oh, my god, just go to the bathroom! Kids are so weird."
"I dunno! I thought it would be interesting! Not poo poo bad. Boo! And for your information I don't have to go anymore."
"Concerning. You know, I have an old board game back here. You wanna roll some dice and I'll trade you fifty bucks?"
well, i don’t want to be rude, but that story was very long and much more involved than i originally thought it would be, and i’ve had to poop through most of it. (from junior)
"Then why the hell did you ask me about the Jungles of Jumanji?! Did you really not think my entire last forty years of trauma would be a quick answe -- oh, my god, just go to the bathroom! Kids are so weird."
Art Bigotti-core
