scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 17 (masterpost here)
*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*
Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.
Tim: *tapping at his phone*
Jason: Tim, what's your handle?
Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.
Dick: what are you doing?
Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.
Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?
Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.
Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?
Dick, without blinking: yup.
Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.
Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?
Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.
Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.
Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?
Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.
Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!
Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.
Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*
Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,
Alfred: *starting to get concerned*
Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?
Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.
Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'
Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,
Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,
Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.
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