ash

𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒/𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 | 𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗃 5𝗐6 | 𝗌𝖼𝗈𝗋𝗉𝗂𝗈 | 𝖻𝗈𝗈𝗄𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗆

[artvmix]

jesper, nina, and wylan are sitting on a bench

inej: why do you guys look so sad?

jesper: sit down with us so we can tell you

*inej sits down*

wylan: the bench is freshly painted

[artvmix]

nina: poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses

wylan: this knife is actually a magic wand

inej: meet me in the denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel

jesper: *cocks gun* magic missile

kaz: what the fuck is wrong with you people

[artvmix]

jesper: i'm an idiot

kaz:

inej:

nina:

matthias:

jesper:

kaz: if you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day

[artvmix]

kaz: where's jesper, nina, and wylan?

matthias: they're playing hide and seek

kaz: where?

matthias: i don't think you get how this game works

[artvmix]

nina: why are jesper and wylan sitting with their backs to each other?

inej: they had a fight

nina: then why are they holding hands?

inej: they get sad when they fight

[artvmix]

cop: you’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle

jesper: shit

wylan: wait, three?

cop: yeah?

nina: OH MY GOD MATTHIAS FELL OFF!!!

[artvmix]

kaz: i think we're missing something

jesper: teamwork?

inej: cohesion?

matthias: a general sense of what we’re doing?

[artvmix]

jesper: why is matthias so sad?

nina: he took one of those “which crow are you?” quizzes

jesper: and...?

nina: he got kaz

[artvmix]

nina: why are your tongues purple?

jesper: we had slushies. i had a blue one

wylan: i had a red one

nina: oh

nina:

nina: OH

matthias:

matthias: you drank each other's slushies?

[artvmix]

david: isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

genya: plane tickets?

nikolai: concert tickets?

zoya: prostitution?

david, holding his broken frames: glasses

[artvmix]

matthias: what does 'take out' mean?

nina: food

wylan: dating

kaz: murder

jesper: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD

[artvmix]

*everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

kaz: so. who broke it? i'm not mad, i just wanna know

everyone:

inej: ...i did. i broke it

kaz: no. no you didn't. jesper?

jesper: don't look at me. look at matthias

matthias: what?! i didn't break it

jesper: huh, that's weird. how'd you even know it was broken?

matthias: because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken

jesper: suspicious

matthias: no, it's not!

wylan: if it matters, probably not, but nina was the last one to use it

nina: liar! i don't even drink that crap!

wylan: oh really? then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

nina: i use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. everyone knows that!

inej: okay let's not fight. i broke it. let me pay for it, kaz

kaz: no! who broke it!?

everyone:

wylan: kaz... kuwei's been awfully quiet

kuwei: rEALLY?!

*everyone starts arguing*

kaz, being interviewed: i broke it. i burned my hand so i punched it

kaz: i predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick

kaz:

kaz: good. it was getting a little chummy around here

[artvmix]

inej: good morning

wylan: good morning

matthias: good morning

nina: you all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit

jesper: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

[artvmix]

jesper: bye wylan! bye kaz! bye matthias! bye inej! bye nina! bye wylan!

inej: you said ‘bye wylan’ twice

jesper: i like wylan

[artvmix]

matthias: nothing in life is free

nina: love is free!

jesper: adventure is free

wylan: knowledge is free

kaz: everything is free if you take it without paying

[artvmix]

matthias: what did you guys get in your yearbook?

nina: 'prettiest smile'

wylan: 'nicest personality'

jesper: 'most likely to start a bar fight'

inej: 'least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

[artvmix]

nina: is having a penis fun?

matthias: it has its ups and downs

jesper: sometimes it’s a little hard

wylan: it’s a pain in the ass

nina: oh, jesus, fuck, guys, come on