my soul pig died. Now what? No, that’s not a rhetorical question, now what? Seriously?
I knew this day would come and I knew it would hurt. But it genuinely feels like an out of body experience. My brain is fighting to flat out reject it as reality and live in ignorance. The sobbing comes in heavy waves.
I had always thought about doing something extravagant with Linda. Maybe have her bones cleaned and display them in a shadowbox. Or straight up taxidermy. But when it came down to it, I went into autopilot. I took her to our cremation place we’ve used way too many times now and did what we always did. I didn’t do anything extra. At the end of it, I think something in the back of my brain knew we couldn’t. We had to stick to the routine. And when I get her ashes back, a portion of her will go in my cremation necklace along with the other pigs so we can all continue to stay together. It ended up feeling unfair to only do something extra with her and keep her so segregated from the others in death.
anyway I’m unwell, spiraling, and I feel myself going straight into survival mode. And my support system is lacking. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is perfect. It’s everyone else. The “friends” who live near me, some of them in the same damn apartment complex? Silence. My job? No one even acknowledged my call out text. Nothing. Radio silence. Which honestly just confirms what I already thought but that still sucks.
I’ll probably be ugly crying if you need me
