As Told By Her

[fihli]

this morning my starbucks is all women, so when i ordered it was all “i love your glasses!” “that drink is soooo good” “have a great day babe!” which is amazing showstopping incredible BUT yesterday the same starbucks was staffed by all guys and my interaction went kind of like this:

first guy, unprompted: we’re trying to help john name his scorpion

his coworker, leaning around him: here’s a list of names you should vote or write your own

me: …..what

john: AGGRESSIVELY SHOWS ME PICTURE OF BABY SCORPION

[that-twink-over-there]

This is what “Boys will be boys” should mean

[unshrink]

you know, it’s really rude to talk while I’m interrupting

[boymilf]

rly wanna crack an egg onto a photocopier n scan it jsut 2 see what happens

[shopcat]

looks like an egg

[shopcat]

[huffpost]

[angstycabindad]

Margaret Cho is a goddess - I’m entertaining no contrary opinions as this time.

[octoberwitch]

[thecolabubble]

he’s gonna pick up the pumpkin and start swinging it around like a mace

[hazy-october]

[johnnyjoestarrelatable]

you weren’t a “well behaved” child you had anxiety and were terrified of conflict

[beguilewritesstuff]

[mindfulwrath]

panic really does turn you into a complete fucking moron huh

[mindfulwrath]

to be clear, this is about timed missions in video games

[archangel-online]

Me: knows full well where each button on the control is, can press x without even looking for which one is it.

Quick time event: “PRESS THE X BUTTON”

Me: “OH GOD OH FUCK, THE WHAT??”

[nightfuryqueen]

Game: Gives you a simple task that you’ve probably already did many times before.

Game: Adds a timer.

Me:

[funkyness]

having a “smart"phone for me is just

*opens the clock app instead of the calculator app*

*opens the calculator instead of the clock*

[blush-and-books]

*opens calendar instead of either of these*

[alarmingpenguin]

She's right and I'm scared

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

This implies a liquid form of bread

[disgruntled-neighborhood-wife]

Beer

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

FUCK

[ayellowbirds]

"So your planet, 'Dirt'—"

“‘Earth.’" 

“Right, Planet Dirt. It has two massive polar regions?“ 

“Uh-huh?“ 

”…named, ‘Bearlandia’ and ‘Nobearlandia’?“ 

“I think something went wrong with the translation software.”

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

SET COURSE FOR BEARLANDIA

[cryoverkiltmilk]

*slaps the upper part of the map* “Go HERE if you prefer bears.”

*slaps the lower part of the map* “Go HERE if you prefer NOT bears.”

[whitepeopletwitter]

[politijohn]

[politijohn]

Yes, this is really a thing...

[solitarelee]

Yep, because baby formula is one of the most shoplifted things in America. Which should ALSO radicalize you.

[irishcottagecafe]

Y’all ever wish your only responsibility was taking care of a small vegetable garden

[decadent-hag]

2020 is really going all in huh

[dankmemeuniversity]

[hissillyfaggot]

[luldamdaddy]

Y’all ever be chillin, then think.. damn this is real life