living the life autistic

the daily challenges of life in a family with asbergers.

[asd-girl]

Wow....that post was a long time ago...we didn't get covid19...and we did get out of quarantine only to feel the noise and busy-ness of the world... having spent 2 weeks in peace and quiet I had a bit of sensory overload.

1 week later our government (NZ lead by the amazing Jacinda Ardern for all you NOT kiwis) made the very difficult decision that the deaths of thousands of New Zealanders was unacceptable and we would all go into isolation. Only essential workers can go to work... everyone else either works from home or doesn't work. The government is forking out billions to carry us through. We are only allowed out in the car to get food... craziness..

But the current prediction is that we may be the only western country able to eradicate covid 19. In the mean time... we stay in our bubbles and just do our thing. My husband is an essential worker, being a support carer, so he also is the designated shopper.

I feel like I have no direction... I am now working on plan B... which is not tight planning but still gives me some sense of....something. I have had a few days off...that didn't help so I will just do a few hours a day of paid work which may give me a purpose.....

Today is day 11.... we don't know when it will end.

[asd-girl]

I have been in quarantine for 2 weeks... honestly close contact with my boss who came from Auckland and spent 4 hours in my car and then found out she had Covid-19. NZ'S 2ND CASE . ..we now have about 11 cases I think. So it was scary and just how you would imagine it is like with 3 autistic people in close quarters with little escape for 2 weeks. But we made it out.... and into a world that feels like it has changed... and I have had really bad sensory overload for 2 days... so if you go into isolation , remember that too... coming out again is really hard. And holy hell... the supermarket shelves... how is toilet paper going to stop you getting sick....

Please send me back to quarantine... its quiet, it's not busy or rushed, there is no time.... send me back. .

On the up side... work has decided that we will do no face to face visits in April... facetime and phone visits only...work from home... so that is almost quarantine...

So you all be careful out there in the world... wash your hands, cover your coughs, stay away from people.... hang on..... that's Autistic Heaven

[saltywinteradult]

If you use someone’s autism as an excuse to invalidate their feelings, disrespect their boundaries, and ignore their wishes, then congratulations - you are officially a fucking terrible person!

[thegoodvybe]

[asd-girl]

Aspie mum: have you noticed that Dad and I don't make a lot of noise in the morning?

Aspie Son: that's ok, I can make enough for all of us.

[binghsien]

How to have a conversation about a topic you’re not interested in or don’t know anything about:

Listen to what the other person has to say about the topic.

Ask a question about what they said. Asking them to clarify or explain something you don’t understand is great, but any question will do. All else fails, ask them to explain what they like about some part of the topic.

Listen to their responses and go back to step 2.

Do this until 5-15 minutes has passed, then change the subject to a topic of your interest, unless you are actually interested in learning more on this subject, in which case, go on for as long as you like.

Sometimes, they will say something like “I’m sorry to blather on about [topic].” This is an attempt at a conversational dismount. You can either say “no, it was fascinating, thanks” and then bring up your own topic, or you can say “no, it’s fascinating, please keep going” if you want to keep hearing about their topic. Note the tense difference (past -> moving on, present -> keep going).

I just thought I’d write a script for this, because someone who can’t / won’t do this came up in a Captain Awkward column, and listening about topics you have no interest in is a really useful skill to have and not often explicitly taught, particularly to boys and men.

[intpmemestuff]

I needed this so maybe y’all do too

[igotthemautisms]

This is a lifesaver

[asd-girl]

I have been totally lost in minecraft for what feels like days.... but appears to have run its course and I am very tired after many 2am mornings.

But we had a great time.

[weavers-dreams]

I have just found out that fatigue is another thing that is ASD effects (affects?)

Now it makes sense... soooooo much makes sense.. I have had one of those weeks with lots of visits and lots of errands and lots of concentration and lots of... everything. My ability to cope and think is greatly impaired... I haven't really had much time to withdraw...I should have done that today...but I didn't because I had a lot of paperwork... I didn't do that either.... I played minecraft instead...

So my Saturday will be spent doing my paperwork instead of going to the Medieval Faire with my family (darn it ;) , normally I would enjoy this but I think I have had enough this week.)

[asd-girl]

I LOVE PENS!!!!

I love my pigment liners... I have a lot of different sizes. I mostly use them for outlining an zen doodling.

I have 3 pilot pop'lol... green, pink, and purple. The colors are the reason I bought them , but the are so lovely to write with... I like writing in different colors...same with the uniball pens...I got these to colour code my notes in my diary.

Frixion pens are amazing... you can erase them quite cleanly with the silicone nob on the end.

Sharpies are just always fun... for lots of reasons....the one in the photo is my thin sharpie.i use it mostly for writing on files for work. But it comes in handy for art too.

I always have a couple of standard biros/ball points.

But at the moment, my favourite of pens are my fountain pens. How can anyone not LOVE fountain pens. I feel like it's grown up writing! And oh the colors! I am collecting a new colour ink every week... writing with fountain pens is not boring.

And I haven't even touched on all the other sort of pens... gel pens, roller ball pens, brush pens, calligraphy pens, pens pens pens pens!

[asd-girl]

I had 3 visits today and drove 1.5 hrs each way.

When I get home from these days I am very close to a meltdown. I used to think the drive exhausted me... but I am more tired on a 3 visit day with a 3 hrs drive than a 1 visit day with a 5 hrs drive.... so logic suggests that it could be the visits rather than the drive....

Strategy time..... I can't avoid it... it's work it's what I do. And I enjoy most of the 1hr visits. So the strategies come in when I get home.... coffee and time and space. Maybe I will have to hide in my room for a bit... don't follow me.

NOW this is where life in an aspie family works.... you don't need to explain why or how.... they know... so when I ask... "just leave me alone" as I cover my eyes tightly... my husband says... ok we are just going out for a bit....peace...

[asd-girl]

In August I bought a book to write in each night before I go to bed... not a diary really but a way to sort through the more self destructive thoughts I was having at the time. I wanted to find my Pollyanna that always used to be there but has been missing for a couple of years. I decided that I would find at least 1 thing to be grateful for everyday. I found it hard to do every day but this has gotten easier as it does help me and I have written most days of this year.

To date I have a list of 84 things I have been grateful for. My Pollyanna is not as she was but I feel better and am grateful that I am living with gratitude and am more accepting of the shit (and good things too) that happen... my life is better.

[asd-girl]

Sometimes I just want to scream..."Enough already" ... I just can't deal with your anxiety shit... I have enough of my own..... in a family where EVERYONE in aspie there is always someone in some stage of meltdown.

And I am the mother...that is the same as in an NT family... the mother always has to carry the shit.... and I can just handle some things the boys can't... gender difference? Possibly... My husband is pretty good at dealing when I am melting down... but not when he already is... I am glad I have my own space.

[asd-girl]

Me and people-ing.... I can do this... I always thought I wasn’t too bad at it, but it is clear that I really am. I like people... but I don’t understand them, and generally they don’t understand me. 

I have always had a very social job... but as an ECE teacher, I socialize with children who are very forgiving and non-judgmental. My interactions with parents are limited to drop off and pick up, my interactions with collegues used to be OK when it was a small group of older collegues who tend to be less judgmental - now days the newer younger generation seems to get a bit precious and but hurt when they are trying to deal with a collegue is a little different, I am just over that and don’t work in centre based work anymore. I am now a visiting teacher - I see my clients once a month, and my bosses and collegues at most 3 times a year - everything else is on line... Perfect.

Personally - ok with a small group of familiar people - but I can’t be bothered with people who don’t at least make an effort to understand me - I am too old to play games and I don’t really understand the rules anyway.

Larger groups - well - I don’t get the rules, I am always saying the wrong thing, or too much, and I know i have broken some rule because I get the looks, the silence or worse - ignored. But I never know exactly what it is I have done wrong or how to make it any better.  I usually end up feeling completely lost and alone in a world full of people who get it. I have been doing my degree for 3 years with the same people (1 more year to go) and it wasn’t until late in our 3rd year that I felt I was beginning to make a little headway and feel comfortable with them. I feel that they “get me” a little - I am sure that I will never really “get them”    

Bigger events - like birthdays, weddings, even family weddings are a completely NO GO area for me. I used to but found it really hard. Now I don’t even try. All my anxieties and sensitivities are triggered being in a noisy busy room full of people - a lot of who I don’t know - all playing a game I don’t understand. The last wedding I went to was about 7 years ago - a friend of my husband - I knew no one - i was completely traumatised - we left and went out to our favourtie restaurant instead. I have never been to another wedding again - even my Brother-in-laws weddings. 

After I have spent time with people, or been out to a work visit, It feels like I just need to go to my room and lie down, I used to think it was the travel but I have realised  - just over the last week - that I need to go to my bed and Hide for a bit - in the solitude and quiet - and then I can face the world again. 

So I don’t think I am really as good at socializing as I thought - but I know how to handle myself and I am really OK with where I am with it now. I don;t think I need to get better at people-ing, I just need to get better at handling the fallout.

[asd-girl]

OMG I have just had this huge revelation... my husband and I can go for days... even weeks without contact... just us... it's an aspie thing... we have these lovely NT friends who will get worried if they go too long without hearing from us... so they txt and ask... are you Ok?...and we are all like ...yeah? Why?... you know sometimes people will just txt to "check in ". They will say hi... how are you? I am always waiting for the REAL reason they txt. I will have to train myself to be OK with texts for no real purpose.

[asd-girl]

I am a 50 mumble woman, with undiagnosed asbergers, my Husband has in diagnosed asbergers and our son was diagnosed 6 years ago. He is 18.

Our son's therapist says we are the most aspie family he has ever met...

After watching this video today... not just girls, BTW.... my son does some of these too... I decided to add to my tumblr with some stories of our life living with asbergers.