lock me in a dungeon with words

Carolina sc:lashiabow  

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Tell Anxiety

Some quandary the mind makes

Visualizing pathways to nowhere

Thus creating motionless to be verbs, unanswered questions

Responding with inaction

Yo soy; Nginguye

Guy full of gin en dilema

The core has slowed down (or gone in another direction).

Slower than the surface

Can you feel it beneath your feet?

Ham, Let('s) go to the Rock quarry and work this out

After this. After all. It's just your mind playing tricks

In all certainty victory is the only outcome.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Thoughts in regard to the debate of women vs men. We are not here to compete for this is not a competition we are one intertwined formed together to duplicate life. Yet the designed system of people activity continue to distract us with division teaching us to fight

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Have you ever been so tired

That you were afraid to go to sleep?

Last night I awakened from a dream

Of being in Kyiv

In a house

In a subdivision

Looking out the window

Waiting for the Russians to come attack

I was literally there; in my dreams

I don't want to go to sleep and go back

Awakening knowing that's someone's reality

While I lay on my mattress

Free-ish protected-ish

The world needs a dream catcher

What web can we weave to protect us from the realities that keep us up at night and rob us in our slumber?

Sending so many to slumber

Cousins, tell me

My ancestors with the answers

Jung how can my collective consciousness

Transport me across the ocean from one news article

Yet the solider can pull the trigger on another human looking directly at them?

Where is the humanity? The consciousness?

What happened to Ubuntu? Maybe for you the concept never existed.

For me, I'll use my awake time and pray that I don't sleep walk in fear.

May we become so tired of the status quo that we will take action even if we are afraid.

Надобраніч

[be-humblle]

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

He is the type that will say I'll be back

and actually return

Go and come

The type that said I'll be there

And actually show up

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

I ate prayer for lunch

Walked for dinner

Cried for a snack

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Sidereal time: 21:16:40 UTC

For memory

 Sun in Leo at 18° 03'.

 Moon was in Libra at 21° 09'.

Mercury in Cancer at 29° 11'.

Venus was in Libra at 03° 19'.

Mars in Capricorn at 11° 26'.

Jupiter was in Pisces at 21° 30'.

Saturn in Sagittarius at 03° 05'.

Uranus was in Sagittarius at 18° 29'.

Neptun in Capricorn at 03° 21'.

Pluto was in Scorpio at 04° 44'.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

I realize I been struggling to write this because I've been trying to write myself in a box. I taught my students, "learn the structure and throw it away. " Next time I sit to write it'll be unstructured, poetic.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Disruption and freedom doesn't sound like it goes hand in hand. Says the free ones.

Well we all can't have freedom if we don't disrupt bondage the free ones have tried to install.

(But are they really free? Or are they chained to a system that let's them think they are ? Knowing their position would change if they removed their foot.......)

We must

Breakthrough chains.

Bring forth change.

Two can't walk together except they agree.

Stop walking hand and hand with shackles.

Walk in liberty.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

You have fought your way here

The hill blocked the view but you kept climbing

You paid your way literally,

You worked, watts, ate, slept, repeated

You presented across the ocean, alone

You returned to NCAT and H-Town

Danced to Davido

Wrote to the water

Electricity from the LED wattage

Gave light leading to liberation

You stuck a qtip up your nose to see if you had Covid-19

You quarantined.

You gathered data in a pandemic. You worked around zoom schedules'

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

False dichotomy

I'm in between body positive

And don't eat fast food.

Natural picked out afros

Or Wigs without gorilla glue

Both eyes open,

For my consciousness is aware of two perspectives

Simmer anger or SPEAK

Black or African

Feminism or Womanism

Partner or Husband

Stuck in between the concrete cracks that grew the rose

Seeds planted in grains of darkness

Sprouting scholarly works

Spreading to the collective

Tu(2) Pac (whoa)mxn, I'm the ghost in the maze

Between lines; Running from invisibility

Nothing good came fast

I'm positive my body holds a brain

That turns heads of the ones picking out the

Kinks and curls of laws that defy gravity

What noise is this? Give me my glue gun. Ho!

I'm seeing double!!

Beauty is within the binary code

Stuck together...

In slit drums carrying messages across the ocean

I'm phoning home to my ancestors

Let my accoustic vibrations sound across waves

Singing a bridge in conjunction with

My FANBOYS coordinating the story and...

I'm not a false dichotomy. My vision is clear.

I created consciousness that erases or.

I know who I am and your lens of me is non existence.

I'm glued to and within myself.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

My advisor wants me to choose a defense date.... I'm freaking out.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Adequate analysis of oppression

Mentally free-capture the mind, the way one thinks

Whenever … oppressed groups dare to critically interrogate our locations, the identities and allegiances that inform how we live our lives, we begin the process of decolonization. If we discover in ourselves self-hatred, low self-esteem, or internalized white supremacist thinking and we face it, we can begin to heal. (hooks, 1994,248)

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

Notes:

Theorizing anti blackness

ostensibly

anachronistic

recalcitrant

precipitated

ascension

Assault

Frank Wilderson asserted, "a paradigmatic impossibility" because to be Black is to be

 "the very antithesis of a Human subject" ([34], p. 9). ( Dumas, 2016)

"Black constructed as problem—for white people, for the public (good), for 

the nation-state, and even as a problem for

 (the celebration of) racial difference (Gordon, [10], [11]; Melamed, [20])(Dumas, 2016)

..................................................................................

My mere existence as human.

Race is a social construct to categorize humans.

Anti-Blackness is deeper than race. It's an assualt on humanity. On being. On existing.

Examples of attack on humanity

1. Property

2. 3/5

..................................................................................

Anti blackness trauma

"the recalcitrant

spirit of Africans to maintain memories

of tradition, rituals, spirituality, and so-

cial organization is an important part of

reclaiming cultural social organization

to engage in collective healing."

This classical form of African

American cultural well-being has been

articulated as follows: “awareness-rec-

ognition of one’s collective African iden-

tity; priority value placed on African

survival, racial-cultural self-knowledge

and positive development, participation

in African cultural institutions and their

perpetuation, practice of resolute resis-

tance against all “anti-African” forces

(Kambon & Bowen-Reid 2010, 98). (Fairfax,2020)

Dumas, M. (2016). Against the Dark: Antiblackness in Education Policy and Discourse. Theory into Practice, 55(1), 11–19. https://doi.org/10.1080/00405841.2016.1116852

Fairfax, C. (2020). The Need To Be: Since 1619, Trauma and Anti-Blackness. Phylon (1960-), 57(1), 56-75. doi:10.2307/26924987

With the onslaught of political and

economic violence and subjugation,

“the control and domination of Ameri-

can institutions projects all positive as-

pects of African culture as negative,

savage, uncivilized, unproductive and

even ungodly, simultaneously reinforc-

ing every Eurocentric belief, thought

and behavior as classical, positive and

good” (Harvey 2018, 77). ( Fairfax, 2020)

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

I'm tired of the way white people, specifically white women, look at me when I say I'm a PhD candiate.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

This is not a new conversation and quite frankly I'm exhausted at the continued necessity for this dialogue. W.E.B. Dubois wrote about about this in 1903, Baldwin in the 80s.

[asdfasfasfadfaqsfasfasfasf]

They pray with you so hard

That you walk away believing everything's okay

Tarry night