One thing that people need to understand whenever they are discussing Penelope and her character within the Odyssey is that she was not obligated to wait for Odysseus.
This is something that always bothers me every time it's brought up as an argument against Penelope's autonomy within her marriage. Of course I agree that with the time period, Penelope simply being a woman did not allow for much autonomy at all — however it is very important that her choice to wait for Odysseus was hers alone. She did not wait because it was what society expected her to do, nor did she wait because she was obligated to.
If we look at the Odyssey, it has been stated several times that not only was Penelope pushed to remarry by the suitors, but by her own kin and even Odysseus himself.
Book 2: (Telemachus to the council)
ripped apart; my wealth/will soon be gone! The sons of all the nobles/have shoved inside my house to court my mother,/against her wishes/They should go and ask/Icarius her father to provide/a dowry, and choose who should be her husband
*Though it is important to note in this particular instance that although Telemachus is not exactly pleased by the idea of his Mother remarrying, it is not the suitors' insisting Penelope remarry that bothers him, rather, it is their improper way of courting her. Which shows that her remarrying itself was not the core of the problem.
Book 15: (Athena to Telemachus)
Her father and her brothers are already/telling her she should wed Eurymachus./He is the one most generous with gifts/to her and to her father.
Book 18: (Odysseus to Penelope)
At the time/that he left Ithaca, my husband grabbed/my wrist, took my right hand, and said to me,/‘Now wife, I do not think we armored Greeks/will all come home unharmed from Troy./You must remember this: my parents need/to be well cared for in our house, as much/as now or more so with me gone away./When our son’s beard has grown, you must get married /to any man you choose, and leave your house.’
There are of course exceptions, take for example: Telemachus and Eumaeus. However, Eumaeus was described from the start as a loyal slave, this his bias towards Odysseus would of course factor in his judgement, whilst Telemachus (at the point of the Odyssey) is already assured by Athena herself that Odysseus would be returning, which of course leaves little room for doubt.
Now back to the topic of Penelope — not only does this clear refusal to adhere to remarriage show that she willingly waited for Odysseus, this is also shown in her very own displays of grief regarding her husband.
There are several instances in the text where her grief and (and subsequently love) for Odysseus is made apparent. Even from the very first book alone.
“Stop,/please Phemius! You know so many songs,/enchanting tales of things that gods and men/have done, the deeds that singers publicize./Sing something else, and let them drink in peace./Stop this upsetting song that always breaks/my heart, so I can hardly bear my grief./I miss him all the time—that man, my husband,/whose story is so famous throughout Greece.”
Not only does she show her grief in front of the suitors — she has other moments wherein she has privately broken down. (Therefore eliminating the claim that her grief is performative). Like this scene in book 21 for example:
She sat down on the floor to take it out,/resting it on her lap, and started sobbing/and wailing as she saw her husband’s bow.
So clearly by the evidence shown in the Odyssey itself, it is evident that again, Penelope willingly waited for Odysseus. While yes there is in fact merit in analyzing literature through the lens of which it was written, it is also disingenuous to take women who have shown to hold their own autonomy in spite of their circumstances and insist that they have none. Not only does it get rid of the depth of these epics which are heavily filled with rich storytelling, it also reduces the amount of character which these women are given — which is one of my biggest problems with feminist retellings: you cannot claim to be "doing better for a woman" when you proceed to devalue important aspects of her character, especially if she is a woman of antiquity.
Penelope's love for Odysseus is important to her character, just as Odysseus' love is important to his. Her love is her love, not love that is defined by what that society expected of her. It is important to understand that. A woman in a society that refuses to allow her independence can still make independent choices in spite of it. It is important to understand this nuance instead of claiming that every choice a woman makes is not her own — especially when the narrative shows otherwise.