Hello hello! my name is Ash and welcome to my writing blog! here I post my works of original and fanfiction. feel free to look around. I'm over 30 and while I don't generally post smut, I would appreciate it if minors didn't interact. my current work is Cosmic Love, an Iron Lung fanfic!
Hey guys! Figured it was high time for a new Intro to my writing blog! Since I'm no longer using Patreon, no point in keeping that. Welcome to my little writing corner here on Tumblr. I post mostly fanfiction, as my original stuff didn't really take off here. Trying to get back into writing for fun, trying to sort of re-center myself after not bothering to write for a few months. Mental health is kinda a big deal and with all the stuff going on in the world, it's hard for me to find inspiration anymore.
Anyway, I do hope you all have fun. Don't be an asshole. Feel free to like comment or share any of my stuff. Please don't use it to train AI, as I'm strongly against it. Please and thank you!
Dakko stirred and curled tighter under his blanket. Underneath, it was warm and safe. At least, warmer and safer than the noise he hid from.
The wool barely muted the sound of whimpers. After everything, he still heard someone meant to be strong and reliable reduced to tears and agony. As he half-slept, it almost felt like Haode was still there, crying for help no one could give him.
Haode isn't crying anymore, he reminded himself. He isn't here. He'll never hit you or scream at you again. He remembered clutching Xigon's hands and the quiet waves of a power the master seemed to want the boy to fear, but all Dakko could find was relief in the thought of it being one's last sensation. We're safe now, all of us.
But someone was still whining above him, muffled as if through a coat sleeve, like no one else was supposed to hear it. The sound of sobs into the stale air of a dusty shed while Dakko tried to pretend they were safe. It was too familiar.
He stirred and a gentle hand rubbed his shoulder through the blanket.
"Seiri..." he mumbled. "What's...?"
"Shhh." Lalek hushed him in a hoarse whisper. "Sorry I woke you up."
"It's not your fault." Wrong sister, but he still needed to say it. "Just don't go, please don't go." Dakko reached out from under the blanket to grab her hand.
"I'm....I'm not going anywhere." Lalek gave his cold fingers a squeeze. "Who's Seiri?"
Dakko peeked out from under his cover. Lalek sat with her head on her knees, and the hand that wasn't comforting him pushed and pulled in aimless motions at the bandages under her scarf. It reminded him of how Haode – as he'd once been, not the monster he'd become – had brought Seiri down from the tree, shrouded the abrasions around her broken neck with such teary eyes, and apologized to her lifeless face for being too late to save her too.
"When Ido and I were little, before we knew anything else, Seiri was our big sister." He held Lalek's hand a bit tighter. It was little more than brittle skin and bone now, but it was still alive. "Our father hated us, but he loved Seiri the wrong way, and it must have hurt so much worse than being hated, because she didn't know any other way to make it stop hurting, except to die."
Dakko went very quiet as he remembered Haode's explanation, how he'd tried to be so gentle about something so ugly. How he used to be gentle at all before he'd done something that made Ami's venomous rage shatter their lives. Dakko's teeth chattered. He felt like he didn't have any right to miss someone who'd turned out so horrid.
Lalek stopped worrying at her neck and brought another cachectic-looking hand down to dry his tears before they froze. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."
"Don't be sorry, just...please don't..." Dakko leaned into her palm. "We love you too."
Lalek didn't respond.
"I like the way you cut my hair," Dakko added. "And your cooking's the best."
That made her chuckle.
"Did Channei really burn water?" he asked.
"That was a joke." Lalek's smile lingered a few more precious seconds. "But if anyone could, she would. She burns so many things trying to cook, I think that's why she eats almost everything raw."
Dakko's eyelids grew heavy again. "Gross."
He half-slept for a few more hours, lulled back and forth by warm memories and ones that lined his eyelids with frost. It came in blinks that weren't quite dreams.
Lalek was crying and trying to hide it. Seiri hadn't cried in front of them. She'd been better at hiding it and now Dakko and Ido were older than their big sister. It was all wrong.
A pretty red songbird flitted down to feast that first morning in the sun. Its feathers fluffed under a fine dust of snow, its voice a high and happy chirp. He always liked the red birds, so warm and vibrant in the blight.
Dakko's wrists curled under Rizval's wrappings. His palms felt damp, though whether from sweat or blood, he couldn't tell.
Blood stained snow such a vicious bright red. It burned like looking straight at the sun. Channei had reassured him and Ido, when it was over, that bleeding out didn't really hurt as much as it looked like it did. That it felt more cold and confusing than outright painful, but to Dakko that just sounded worse. Channei hadn't asked. She'd just hugged him and soaked up his tears for a monster.
Channei. Where's Channei?
Dakko stirred back to wakefulness when the shed's door opened and let in both a cold draft and a flood of sunlight.
Lalek threw her arm up to shield her eyes as they adjusted. Dakko sat up and pulled the blanket tighter around himself.
Rizval guided a squinting and wincing Ido back into the dark of the shed. "Too bright out for him right now."
Ido snapped back at Rizval. "I just need snow goggles." When Rizval tensed up, so did Ido. "I'm sorry."
"You lost yours?" Dakko asked.
Ido rubbed his eyes. "They fell off."
Dakko gave a small smile. "And you didn't pick them back up?"
Rizval giggled like a small child. "Tell him, kid! It was amazing!"
Ido blinked a few times. "Huh?"
Rizval butted in. "Yayaba took him flying!"
Lalek smacked her knees. "What? Ido, really?"
Dakko practically leapt to his feet and stumbled over to his brother. "So you really can fly now, huh?"
"She kind of made me do it." Ido let out an awkward chuckle. "I didn't really do much of anything."
"And neither did I, for that matter." Rizval threw their hands up. "Because I'm evidently very bad at fishing, today's provisions are courtesy of Yayaba."
Ido dropped a sack on the floor. Dakko pulled it open to reveal two huge, toothy-looking fish.
Lalek wrinkled her nose and turned away. "Rizval, remember my rule about fish."
"That you'll cook them nicely if I do the nasty work first and don't leave a mess." They let out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. No, all right, I've got it covered. But Lalek, you need to eat some."
"You all need it more," she rasped.
"Don't give me that shit, rockpile." Rizval's nickname for Lalek sounded sharper than usual. "There's plenty for all of us."
"I..." Lalek clutched a weak hand over her sunken abdomen. "I'll try."
Dakko and Ido exchanged a worried look.
Rizval picked the sack of fish back up. "You'd better." Their tone carried an edge of venom that sealed Dakko's lips before he could interject anything. "I'll be back soon. Boys, get some rest."
Dakko sputtered. "Rizval, I—"
The door closed.
"Leave 'em be," Lalek grumbled. "They're just in a mood."
Ido stirred up dust as he settled down and made himself sneeze. "This shed's filthy."
"Told the owner we'd clean it before we left." Lalek gave him a mischievous look. "Wanna start on that?"
"Um..." Ido looked around at all the disorganized crates and piles of debris. "Maybe later. I'm tired."
Dakko didn't notice his own smile until it vanished at the sound of Lalek gagging as she tried to swallow some water from her flask. He didn't say anything until Ido had fallen into a fitful sleep.
"Just in a mood, huh?" Dakko swept his fingers through the grit on the floor. "Sure."
"Our lovely crocodile has moods, yes. And they'll never tell anyone why." Lalek scratched her neck and coughed.
"I think it's pretty obvious this time." Dakko's lip quivered. "They're worried about you."
"Why would they be?" she scoffed. "Rizval's old enough to know what crocodiles and mosquitoes are. They've seen lots of people come and go. What's one more matter?"
He glanced toward the door. "Maybe that's exactly why it matters."
"Rockpile." Lalek rasped Rizval's nickname for her. "Rockpile. Crocodile. Kid. Fuzzball. Kittycat. We're not even people to them. They can handle it." She stared off into space, seeming to talk more to herself than to him. "I can't, though. Not like this...m'tired..."
Dakko's eyes widened. "Lalek?"
She flinched. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine." Dakko hauled himself up and brushed dust off himself. "I think I just need some air," he lied. "Going for a walk. Take care of my brother for me?"
Of course, all it took to make Lalek smile was the suggestion that she could still be helpful somehow. "Of course."
He forced a smile in return and stepped outside with some half-true reassurance he'd be back soon, but as he closed the door, it felt far too final.
Rizval's tracks stretched around the back of the shed, and Dakko could just make out the sound of their voice as they sang off-pitch, some nonsense serenading to a cat begging them for fish scraps.
Dakko couldn't resist a chuckle. He knew Rizval always thought no one could hear them singing, and he wasn't about to be the first one to tell them otherwise. That off-kilter song was like birds in the trees. A silent world meant peril. He couldn't stand quiet ever again.
Rizval's singing softened to humming when a wagon clattered its way down the nearest path, accompanied by the chatter of children clearly making too much fun out of an errand. Someone yelled a greeting, and Rizval yelled one back.
We're not even people to them. Lalek's words resonated in his mind. In how many ways was that true?
Focus. Dakko bit his tongue. Lalek needed help, even if she wouldn't let anyone know it, but who could help? Ami had rushed them all out of the farmhouse and said she'd come find them when it was safe, but how would anyone know?
She'd said there was a holf. A beast that hides in holes and sings you lies, she'd explained, and it can take a brown bear's head off in just one bite.
He'd tried to ask where Kolo and Azvalath were. When Xigon and Qila would get back. But she'd just hurried him and his brother out with Lalek, Rizval, and the medicine that Lalek kept refusing to take because she insisted it made it even harder to eat and drink.
When the cart and its passengers were gone, Dakko stumbled out and down the path in some direction he vaguely remembered having come from.
It was a slightly warmer day than usual, which Dakko was grateful for, but it also meant more people were out, and after prolonged dark and quiet he quickly found himself overwhelmed by the village's bustle. By the time he managed to stagger into wider streets, his head ached almost worse than his joints. "Focus, just focus," he muttered to himself. "Just need to find...who? Who can help?"
He nearly ran into someone carrying a heavy crate, then scrambled sideways and tripped on the edge of a pothole. Dakko flailed his arms out and caught himself at the last second on another stranger's coat.
He thought it was Master Qila for a split second, at least until she shoved him backward. "Hands to yourself, boy! I'm not your mother. "
"Sorry!" He staggered into a wall. "I didn't mean..."
She left before he could finish the sentence. Dakko sank against the wall and curled his head into his knees, feeling utterly helpless.
He stayed there for a while, shivering and scared to look up. People passed him by without even the slightest acknowledgement. Somehow, being ignored felt worse than being hit or kicked or screamed at. Dakko scolded himself in the silence. He wasn't an innocent little boy and hadn't been for ages. It wasn't anyone else's job to pick him up and do all the hard things for him.
Air chilled to near-liquid cold in his lungs. He held his breath for a moment, let it burn, then sighed out a cloud of scalding cold steam. Spikes of pinkish-tinged ice bristled through his knuckles and nailbeds. It shouldn't have felt as good as it did. It shouldn't have sung to his heart as it did.
He drank in the cold until a long shadow fell over him. Then he drank in the bliss of something immense wrapping its grip around his nerves. Dakko leaned back, nearly content enough to sleep right then and there.
Long fingers caught the back of his skull and forced his eyes to meet another gaze. One of Master Xigon's eyes was obscured by a bandage, but the other was dilated with something fierce. "Dakko, get up."
"Mmh..." He blinked heavy eyelids. "What happened?"
"You tell me." Xigon pulled Dakko's hood tighter over his head and drew him into a warming embrace. "What are you doing out here alone, hypothermic enough to draw me in from halfway across the village? Do you know what could happen?"
"Hypothermic...?" Dakko couldn't understand why. It had seemed almost hot outside not too long ago. "Drew you in...?"
"Get up." Xigon pressed his thumb near the base of Dakko's neck, flooding him with a sense of warmth that unlocked his icy joints. "With me. One, two—"
Dakko yelped as the tall man hoisted him up, but managed not to fall back down. Sweat and frost mixed on his brow. "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to...I didn't mean to..."
Xigon planted one of his crutches between them. "Walk with me."
He placed an unsteady hand over Xigon's and did as he was told, struck mute with a dread he couldn't name. Passersby scattered as they went. Dakko rubbed his eyes with his other wrist and kept scolding himself. Why had he let that happen just now? Why had he almost given up in the middle of a street on a day that wasn't even that terrible?
Why was he leaning on someone else's crutch for bare minimum strength?
"You could have frozen to death," Xigon said at some point, once they were out of anyone else's sight or earshot. "And everyone on that street would have let you."
"But you didn't," Dakko stammered. He followed Xigon into a sheltered nook between two houses built close together, both of them ducking to avoid icicles.
Xigon leaned against a wall and brought one arm around Dakko's shoulders. "I'm keeping my promise." Something heavy hung over those words. "Listen to me next time."
"Your promise." The boy stared up at a melting icicle, then down at the tiny, deepening crater where cold drips landed like tears. "Can Haode still feel anything?"
"I'll never let Kaosaan..." Xigon trailed off, then shook his head. "What are you really asking?"
"I don't know." Dakko reached up and clenched his fingers around Xigon's hand again. Even with the master's glove and Dakko's wrist brace between them, the contact soothed the ache deep in his bones. "And I don't know why I did any of that just now. I was looking for you, or for anyone who could help really, but I didn't mean to—”
“—endanger yourself in the process?" Xigon finished. "As it stands now, to look for me is to endanger yourself. On some level, you must know that." His fingers trembled slightly under Dakko's. "It's about Lalek, isn't it?"
"How'd you know?" The boy knew the answer as soon as he'd asked.
Xigon's more pronounced tremor was all the confirmation he needed.
"What can we do to help her?" Dakko squeezed the master's hand. "There's got to be something, right?"
Xigon's breath caught for a second. "You've already demonstrated you wouldn't resist me even if I commanded it of you."
The dripping icicle snapped and then shattered against the hard-packed dirt.
"Only Kolo has succeeded in that, and she's left everyone but Azvalath unguarded." There was a strange shift in his tone. "I'll try again, then, and if you refuse again, understand you're eventually condemning Lalek to what I would have just done to you as well as Haode, were I even slightly less sound."
Dakko's heart dropped into his stomach, but he didn't move a muscle.
"Dakko." The master's voice snapped him back to attention. "Incapacitate me right now, make your escape, and wait for Ami to come. She will feel the same draw as I do, but not to consume." He pulled his hand away from Dakko and gripped his crutches tighter. "Don't hold back. I know what you can do."
"No!" The boy yelped like he'd been struck. "I don't want to hurt you!"
"You won't, Dakko." Xigon's posture straightened and his unbandaged eye grew wider, drinking in something no one else could see. "I can no longer guarantee I won't hurt any of you, though. Spare me that risk a little longer. I beg it of you."
Dakko took a step back.
Xigon dropped one crutch and shot his arm out to grab Dakko. He didn't say anything else, but his uncovered eye was impossibly wide and an insidious violet was creeping into it. Were there tears behind that deepening pulse of some far more colossal power?
The boy had never seen anything like it. He wanted to behold it forever, even if it meant—
"Please." Xigon's voice cracked. "Help me."
That pleading was too cruel of an echo to ignore, so Dakko tried Ami's suggestion from earlier and chilled Xigon's inner ear.
Xigon clutched his temple and sank against the wall before folding to his knees. His head dropped toward his chest. "Thank you. Now run."
"No." Dakko crouched in front of the disoriented man. "Ami's got it from here, right? You said so. I'm not leaving you."
"I could kill you," Xigon hissed.
"You won't, though." Dakko let out a dry chuckle. "If it were as straightforward as monsters and good people, I'd just be another tragedy." His cold fingers brushed over shards of half-melted ice, refreezing them. "I know someone or another would be up in arms, but I'd rather you teach me your way than let me be another damned tragedy."
Xigon pursed his lips. A small streak of blood leaked out from under the bandage over his eye. "Very well, then." He wiped the blood away. "If for no other reason than this is the loudest you've spoken your will since we met."
They grabbed each other's hands, one cold and one bloody, and neither shaking any longer.
Hi guys! Im so sorry it's taken me a while to update! This work week was absolutely crazy for me. Plus we go a blizzard where I live so that's been fun to x.x but I'm here and I have an update! If you wanna be added to the taglist please let me know!
Please enjoy!!!!
Taglist: @thekeeperoftwindragons
Cosmic Love: Chapter 4. Fly
“There was a noise like a whisper, but there was nobody to see. No frame of physical presence. But then she spoke to me…”
-Mono Inc, “Fly”
There was no telling how long Simon was out. Either asleep or unconscious, he couldn’t tell, but he woke with his head throbbing. Simon let out a mumbled curse as he struggled to sit up, the pounding in his head intensifying.
“Fucking hell…” he touched the back of his head and already felt a pained lump growing where he’d hit it, “Damn it all”.
Everything was shut down. He’d seemingly sunk completely, the sub was darkened, aside from the lights on the console and the rectangular camera button. Simon reached a hand up to hit it, but something stopped him-
“Do not touch that! You are hurting yourself every time you do!” a voice in his mind, a woman’s, sounded.
Simon withdrew his hand as if he’d been burned. He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “What the fuck?”
“You can hear me, young one?”
“I’m going crazy-”
“No you are not”.
“Yes…I am. I’m hearing voices in my head that aren’t mine!”
“We need to get you back to the surface. You were never supposed to be here”.
“Who…or what…are you? And how the hell are you in my head?”
“There is no time! I need to get you somewhere safe!”
“Safe?! You wanna talk safe?! There is no SAFE! There hasn’t been since the fucking Quiet Rapture!”
The voice was silent for a moment, as if she had been stunned into silence. For that moment, all that Simon could hear was his own breathing, and his own heart in his ears. Then she spoke again.
“Is that what you humans call it? The Quiet Rapture?”
“Yeah when the stars and planets disappeared…people…everything almost. How do you not know about that?”
“I know it. But I do not refer to it as that”.
“Then by all means, how do you refer to it? Whatever the hell you are…” Simon shook his head, wincing in pain.
“The Great Awakening” she answered.
“The Great what? What the hell do you mean by waking?”
“We need to get you back to the surface. This is serious-”
“What the hell was that thing! That thing that attacked me! Okay…dial it back…who or what are YOU and how are you, again, in my head?!”
There was another hesitation. “My name is Itara. I am known as the Queen in Blue”.
“Never heard of you”.
“That does not surprise me. Hastur has kept his secrets well”.
“Hastur? The King in Yellow?” Simon blinked as he recognized the name.
“Ah so you do know of us. Good” the voice said with a drop of amusement.
“Yeah, from stories. He’s not real…And that means you aren’t eith-”
Simon was cut off by a loud melancholic call that made his ears rumble a little. The convict was quick to cover his ears and hissed in pain.
“OKAY I GET IT! YOU’RE REAL!” he yelled, “Just…don’t do that…not when you're so damn close”.
“Am I real enough for you now, young one?” Itara asked, her voice was deathly calm in his mind.
“Yes, Okay, I get it…you’re real. And you…youre what I was sent down here to find?”.
“Me?”
“Those calls? That’s been you, right?”
“Yes. I navigate in the seas with calls. I believe you humans call it "echolocation”.
“Yeah well the COI wants to study you and they sent me down here to find you”.
“The COI?”
“The Consolidation of Iron. They wanna know how you’re alive on here, figure out how you work and all that”.
“Well they will not get their answers. I do not technically live in this place. You all need to leave. Go and enjoy your lives while you still have them”.
“What do you mean while we still have them? And enjoy them?! Lady, almost everything is gone! There’s nothing really left to enjoy!” Simon sighed and sat with his back to the wall, falling quiet a moment, “So what…the Great Old ones…they exist? Those creatures made by Lovecraft?”
“Yes. We exist. He was a prophet of sorts. Not who I would have chosen but such choices are beyond me”.
Simon sighed in frustration. “So what the hell are you? What do you do?”
“I am a water goddess on Carcosa”.
“Wait, THE Carcosa?” Simon raised a brow, “Like…the ruined city?”.
“It is not just a city. It is an entire world. An entire dimension”.
“So what the hell is a water goddess, a queen from an alternate dimension, doing here?” Simon struggled to stand, his legs trembling.
“I am hoping to do one last favor for humans…before the end”.
Simon stopped, a sort of panic freezing him in place. “And that would be?”.
“I intend to purify this world. Turn this blood into pure water…make it safe to drink”.
That hit him somewhere deep. He'd read the stories of the Great Old Ones. They were supposed to be beyond humans' meager understanding. And yet for some reason…this one cared. Even just a little. It was something Simon hadn't expected. It both touched and concerned him. Why the hell would she, a millenias old being with unfathomable power, give a damn about the last few humans?
“You can turn blood into water?” for some reason he couldn't resist asking.
“Water is blood's primary ingredient. Anything that is liquid…I can turn into pure water”
“Why would you wanna help us? What do you get out of this?” Simon wondered.
Another hesitancy. “Because life is precious to me. No matter how close to the brink it is, life deserves a chance. And I wish to give it one last chance before the end”.
“The end?”.
“Yes. The end. The Great Awakening is Nigh”.
“What is that? You mentioned it earlier” Simon moved over to the floor panel to try and open it. He needed to get to the engine to try and restart it.
“You said you know of us. It is Azathoth who is waking”.
That stopped Simon cold. She wasn't serious. She couldn't be. THE Azathoth…the blind idiot God, the demon Sultan. The one who dreamed reality and all within it.
“Azathoth…Like the very being that dreams reality?”.
“Yes, the very one. He's already begun to stir. What do you think happened to those worlds? To those stars that just disappeared?”.
He stopped dead at that. The panic Simon was beginning to morph into absolute dread. If that thing woke up…
“So it's all for nothing? Everything?” He asked, “life, the universe, all of it?” Simon shook his head in disbelief.
“Perhaps, but you will not even perceive the Awakening. You will not feel it”.
“Do you know how much time we have?”.
“It is…hard to say. Azathoth is waking slowly. You may have anywhere between a decade and a century at this point”.
“And you're giving us water…just to what? Keep us alive long enough to be slaughtered?”
“Do you think I enjoy knowing this? I do not wish to see anyone die…if I did I would not have saved you from Anesa”.
“Anesa? Is she another great old one?”.
“Yes, my fellow sister-wife. Goddess of War on Carcosa. The Queen in Red…”.
Simon worked at the floor panel as they talked, finally getting it open to get to the hull.
“Oh fuck…this is gonna suck”.
“What is it?” Itara asked, her voice concerned.
“Dont worry about it! Just…just keep talking. Anesa…she was that thing that attacked me? That fucking monster thing?”.
“She was…sort of. The monster is her avatar. Anesa herself is still on Carcosa. But she is using what you humans called Astral projection to possess the beast here. Normally I would be able to control it, as it is a sea beast. But under Anesa’s control, the only voice it will listen to is hers. Its body is little more than a host at this point…”.
“Like a spiritual parasite?”
“Sort of…”
Simon grunted as he climbed into the hull. “Fuck its hot down here…Anesa’s a war goddess you said?”
“Yes”.
“What’s a war goddess want with either of us?”
“She was originally after me. Just me. But now that she knows you are involved, you may be on her target list”.
“Fuck…And what does she want with you?”
“To take me back to Carcosa”.
“And let me guess: You don’t wanna do that”.
“Not right now at least. Not until I have completed my task. You were never supposed to be a part of this and I am so sorry you are now”.
“Why don’t you wanna go back? Carcosa’s your home…”
Itara hesitated, taking a deep but gentle breath. “I don’t want his Majesty’s favor”.
“Favor? Hastur’s favor? I mean he’s a king. Assumedly your king”.
“My husband, yes” the word was spat like it was an object of repulsion.
“Your…your husband?” Simon blinked as he opened the power grid, only a small light from a life jacket acting as a light source, “Okay, I had no idea Hastur was married”.
“He is…ten times over”.
“TEN?! Holy hell…And Anesa…Got it. The sister wife, she’s one of the wives too”.
“Among his most loyal. If not his most loyal”.
“God damn…So I’m basically caught up in a Great Old One family drama…lovely”.
“Which is why I want to get you out of here. You and the other humans need to go somewhere safe. Or at least safer”.
“Do you not remember what I said? Nowhere is safe. Nowhere. I meant it. We don’t know what safety even feels like anymore” Simon replied, feeling a sort of sorrow begin to settle in his chest.
He hadn’t known safety since he was much, much smaller. Before Eden, before he and his mother had to flee their home world. Simon tried not to think about it too much before attempting to restart the sub’s engine.
“No one deserves to feel that way, young one. I am so sorry” Itara’s voice reached through his mind like a tender caress.
“Nothing you can do about it. And apparently nothing we can do about it. Once Azathoth wakes…that’s it. We’re all fucked”.
She was quiet for a moment as if thinking. “It will not be so bad. You will not be in pain for long, if at all”.
Simon sighed as the engine came back on. “Finally…And yeah that’s really fucking reassuring”.
“Why did they send you down here?”
“To find you”.
“You know what I mean, young one. Why are you here?”
“Could you…my name is Simon. Okay? I have a name, use it. It’s bad enough the COI pricks just call me convict. I just…I just wanna hear it from someone else”.
“Simon…I will remember you”.
“Good. Now I was sent down here to find you. But…If you want the long story, and the reason why you should probably not associate with me, I was one of their enemies. I was one of the Edenites who raided Filament Station. It wasn’t…” he struggled, the words choking him, “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters anymore. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore”.
Itara was quiet as he climbed back up. She took a few more calming breaths through her gills, thinking to herself.
“I will return to the surface with you, Simon of Eden. I will tell them what they need to know. And I will demand you be freed from this contraption. This…death trap”.
“You’re serious?” Simon was stunned for a minute, “Just like that you…you’re gonna come with me? And try to get me free? Why? What do you get out of me being free?”
“If I am able to help even one person, I will consider that achievement enough. If I can spare even one from suffering a horrific fate, it will be worth it. No one deserves to die down here like this. I will protect you from Anesa. When you are returned and hopefully freed, I will return to finish my work and face her head on”.
“And if they don’t free me?”
A loud growl sounded in his mind. “Then the last thing the Consolidation of Iron will know is how cruel I can be…now let us get you back…”.
“This is crazy. I can’t believe I’m doing this…but I’m trusting you” Simon looked up as he sat in the chair, “Don’t make me regret it, Itara”.
“Never, Simon of Eden…”
Gods that was a long one! Anyway if you guys liked it, please consider reblogging, commenting and liking! I appreciate it so so much! I hope you guys are staying safe and warm, and I'll see you soon in the next chapter ^-^
I am so sorry this one took a little longer to get out, I have been busy dealing with other stuff! I did go see Iron Lung again! And I really can't wait for the physical release! Here's a new chapter for you guys!
Taglist: @thekeeperoftwindragons
If you wanna be added to the taglist please let me know! Enjoy!!! ^-^ 💙❤️💜
Cosmic Love: Chapter 3:
Pearls of Light
“Carried away by the truculence of my world, I got lost in search for enlightenment. The blue rain covered my roots, and I forgot where I came from…”
-Within Temptation, “Pearls of Light”
She faintly remembered things…very faintly, like a dying ember in the back of her vast mind. She only barely remembered the feeling of grass between her toes, and remembered the beams of light shining through a forest canopy. She remembered…a face. Barely, like it was there and then gone again in a matter of seconds. Every blink of her eyes brought something ancient to the surface.
The blood ocean was vast. She knew she had a huge task ahead of her, but this was important. Her final gift to the last remaining humans. Of course their existence was so temporary, but it didn’t mean that it was worthless. Not to her it wasn’t. Life was…precious. Something to be loved, revered even.
“I am water…” she reminded herself, “A force of life…no matter how fleeting that life is”.
She held out a pearl clawed hand, the webbing between her fingers glistening a sparkling blue, then green, then purple. She closed her eyes and concentrated, evening her breaths with every movement of the gills on her neck. This had to work, it did back on Carcosa. If she could do this…maybe they stood a better chance. Her hand glowed, and she felt that achingly familiar zing in her very bones, that surge of power. She gnashed her teeth, growling faintly as the magic burned. She kicked her powerful legs, movement meant to ease the tension a little. She struggled, her mind bombarded.
“You are wasting your time, sister…return willingly. His Majesty demands it!” she heard Anesa call.
But not even the great war goddess could pull Itara away from her task, her duty. This was not her world, not her reality even, but to preserve life…was that not the job of all gods, regardless of where they tread? A problem did not have to come to Carcosa to be dealt with.
“His majesty can wait until I have completed what I have set out to do. Send your monsters, Anesa. I will not be swayed” Itara calmed her breathing, as it was best to not show any sign of fear or submission in the face of one of Carcosa’s oldest queens.
“You would waste your life, your power on these specks of nothing?!” Anesa hissed and Itara felt the blood around her stir.
“They are not nothing!” Itara growled, “They are people! They are lives! Each of them!”.
“Soon to die, sister! The Great Awakening is nigh, and then your precious work will be for NOTHING!”
It was true. The Sultan was stirring, and with him the stars and planets were vanishing. But even so…Itara persisted. Ignoring the words and roars of her sister, she once more focused her power, her whole body glowing like an aurora made flesh. Itara let out a roar of her own as Anesa approached, her avatar’s many fanged maw opening widely as if to devour her. Around Itara, the blood…it began to change. The avatar stopped dead, the beast’s animal mind fighting the possessing war goddess to try and process what was happening…
Itara flowed through the blood, her glow not at all dimmed as it started to clear around her. Water. She was turning blood into water…safe, drinkable…liveable. This was what Itara set out to do, to purify this world and make it safe for the last humans. She let out a call, a song of victory, the sound so loud it made Anesa herself retreat. Her beast couldn’t survive in water…
She watched the beast retreat, leaving her alone once more. Itara breathed hard, her gills flapping rapidly. But she saw her work. She could do this. She could make this world, this moon, clean. Clean and safe. Because they deserved it…no matter how short their time was. Itara started to swim up to the surface when something made her pause. A sudden flash of heat, a sharp pain that permeated her entire body. A flash…a light…
Itara trembled…her whole body convulsed as her body flashed in different colored lights in response. She felt a sort of falling sensation…her mind going back to a different time…a different place…
There was…a man. A man in the woods…Did he live there? She couldn’t remember. The Child thought so. She was told to stay away from him, but he was so kind. The Child just thought he was lonely. Was he? Again, she couldn't remember. He was there when the Child was stranded, left to die.
“When I was hungry, you fed me. When I was abandoned, you came for me. When I was sad, you dried my tears…”
“LET HER GO!!!!” the man’s voice yelled, like an echo lost through time…
Itara shot up, her senses suddenly hyper aware. Whatever that thing was, it needed to be dealt with before it hurt anything or anyone else. Her rage guided her, as did her calls. Itara roared, her jaw extending like that of a goblin shark. She rammed into something, but was too blinded by a fury she didn’t know she had. The object wasn't one she knew. But she coiled her long tail around it, attempting to drag it under.
“Shit! Shit!” a voice sounded in her ears.
But Itara wasn’t sure if it was another of her distant memories…or if there was something else there. The confusion only made her more aggressive. She swam faster, harder, whipping the object around in her tail. She could’ve sworn she heard something in it, but rage blinded and deafened her to whatever it was.
“Threat…enemy…” it was all she could think.
“FUCK!” a voice cut through and reached her ears.
Itara blinked rapidly. Someone was in the object…someone alive. Oh by Azathoth…how could she have been so blind?! Worse yet? Anesa was below, her beast roaring and once more bearing its enormous teeth.
“You will not have this one!” Itara roared and began to swim away, still pulling the strange object by her tail.
The war goddess was having none of it. The eel-like beast all but launched itself up at Itara and her prize, barely missing them. Itara moved the object, some kind of metal…box? Tube? Its shape was hard for her to describe in the panic of the moment, but she moved it from her tail to her long fingered hands. She clutched it close to her chest protectively, knowing now there was a life inside made all the difference. Regardless of if it was the thing that harmed her…life was something to be cherished.
All life.
Across all universes.
A queen did not belong to her people. A goddess even less so. And right now, she belonged to who or whatever was inside this strange little contraption.
“Hold on little one!” Itara tried to warn whoever was inside as she all but dove into a cavern where Anesa’s avatar couldn’t reach them.
“ITARA!!!! RETURN TO CARCOSA AND RECEIVE HIS MAJESTY’S FAVOR!” Anesa roared.
She hissed and roared right back. “NOT UNTIL I SET OUT WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO! LEAVE THIS ONE, SISTER!”
Itara watched as the eel beast attempted to enter the cave but its size proved too much. For now, it had no choice but to give up the hunt. Anesa swam away in a fury, the silence in her wake deafening…
And I hope you guys enjoyed! I'm gonna try and update again some time! I'm just gonna be really busy this upcoming week as I got an uptick in hours at work. If you liked please comment, reblog, and well...like! Thank you sooooo much! ^-^
Didn't think I was gonna update today but here I am! Feeling like crap but still working on this! I love it that much ^^
Taglist: @thekeeperoftwindragons
Here we go!
Cosmic Love- Chapter 2
The Unforgiven
“What I’ve felt, what I’ve known, never shined through in what I’ve shown. Never be. Never see. Won’t see what might’ve been”
-Metallica, “The Unforgiven”
He couldn’t say how long he was down there for. They never did give him a means to keep track of the time. Well…that would’ve meant they expected him to come back alive. It was beyond obvious they didn’t. After what felt like hours, he took the damn headset off and barely stifled the urge to throw it. This was bullshit. For all they knew the thing was dead now and he was probably chasing and listening for a damn ghost…
“Fucking hell…” Simon shook his head and got up to check the camera, taking a quick picture, “C’mon give me something…anything”.
He wasn’t entirely disappointed. Just…freaked. Something was actually there in the grainy photograph. An almost human-like skull but…malformed. It didn’t look right. The eyes looked empty, blank…too dark, too large. And way too many goddamn teeth to count
“Oh fuck this!” Simon stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, “What the bull fucking hell?”.
Simon hoped to god this wasn’t it…this couldn’t be it. When he took another picture…the thing was gone. Not even a trace of it. He didn’t know what the hell that was, but it definitely didn’t match any description of a whale he had. He stepped away, heart pounding up to his throat.
“Don’t mind me…just move on…” he went back to the controls, once more setting on the headset.
From what he read, whales had a tendency to migrate. They were in constant motion. So whatever this thing was, it was probably long, long gone now. They migrated for many things: Better food, birthing waters…or hell maybe they saw the thing he just did and peeled the hell out. Not that Simon could blame them in that case.
As he kept his ears out for any trace of the sound, he felt the back of his neck burn. It did that on occasion. First when he got the tattoo, it burned. Then the burn grew worse after the COI burned it away. At first, it felt like he lost an organ or a body part. Now? Now it was like…like an empty space. For those who came to Eden, were molded by it, were never allowed to fully forget it. Simon let himself briefly touch the burning scar, attempting to soothe it. He had no idea what the hell they used to burn off the tattoo, but the nerves seemed permanently fried. Just another punishment.
What they did to him was monstrous. But Simon knew he deserved it. A monstrous fate for a monster. Eden, despite its early message of peace, grew lost in its radicalism. And Simon? Simon was among one of their best soldiers. Simon the Butcher…Took all of those lives for a cause he now no longer believed in. Maybe deep down he never did.
But then why did he hold on to the sprout? Just like his neck, his fingers briskly touched the clear talisman in which the last tree sprout laid preserved. Why? If he no longer believed…why bother with something so small and insignificant? Because it wasn’t. Not completely. Not to him. Because without it, he was nothing more than just Simon the Butcher. Holding on to it was like…holding on to his own personhood. At least that’s what it felt like to some extent. It was more than just a memento of the place he was made to call home. It was him, in a sense.
A low, almost melancholic sound pulled him from his thoughts.
Haunting, like an ancient spirit reaching out through the depths. It was a song without words, beyond meaning. It gripped Simon, his attention rapt in his listening. A loud, but low pitched moaning, followed by a series of clicks hit his ears, registering in his head. Instantly he hit the record button on his control panel, feeling his eyes go wide as saucers.
He’d never heard such a strange, symphonic call. It kept going for about thirty seconds, and it just held him in place. For a moment, Simon forgot to breathe. Slowly, it faded and echoed into the depths, and he let himself breathe again.
“Holy shit…What the hell was even-”
“Convict! You caught it?!” Ava cut him off over the speaker.
“Yeah! I got it! Holy…There…It’s here, somewhere. I…i can’t pinpoint where exactly! But-”
“The problem is sound travels farther in liquid. I guess blood is no exception. That thing could be thousands of miles away”.
“But I can bring this back right?!”
“We can get some information from this. We can possibly measure how big this thing is, based on how far the call travels and what we know about earth’s old whales. Keep your ears open, Convict. You’re gonna be hearing more of that I’m sure”.
“We had a deal! I got you your data-”
“You got us a recording. They want to see what this thing is…what it does. How it survived here. We need more than a call”.
“You can’t be fuckin’ serious…For sure, you want me to track it?!”
“At least make an attempt. If you can get us a longer sound or even a picture, you can come back up so we can analyze more of the data. We want to see what this thing is”.
“Yeah well it’s not alone down here”.
“We’re aware”
“And you decided not to tell me why?!” Simon demanded.
“You know damn well why. You wouldn’t have agreed otherwise. And don’t say you would have. We both know that’s bullshit”.
“Oh piss off…You did this on purpose! You’re not expecting me to come back, are you?!”
“I’ve never said-”
“You don’t need to! You say it in everything you refuse to tell me…”.
A tense quiet followed, feeling like a proverbial stand off. Simon had no doubt Ava was probably discussing it over with her damn crewmates, leaving him out as per damn gone usual. He rolled his eyes. This was bullshit.
Then there was a rumble and Simon felt himself slip. Something had just knocked into the Lung. He barely caught himself from falling face down when another call hit, louder and closer. Simon felt a sharp pain in his ear before it stopped suddenly.
“What the fuck?! So much for it being thousands of miles away!” Simon stumbled up, trying to get the pain in his ear to subside, though he was left with a subtle ringing…
“I know for a DAMN fact you heard that!”.
“We did! Note the location and keep your ears out. Be ready to get a picture. If that thing’s right below you-”
“I hope to whatever god there is it isn’t…” Simon scrambled to the camera and all but slammed his hand on the button.
But all he caught was an empty space. So it wasn’t there. At least not directly. Which meant that it was possible there was more than one whale-like creature here. The thought terrified him.
“What in the world are you waiting for? Unless you’re just screwing around…”.
Unfortunately for Simon, that was a possibility that couldn’t be ruled out completely. This was going to be long expedition, he just knew it.
I'll hopefully be starting chapter 3 later or tomorrow! If you enjoyed please consider liking, commenting and reblogging! ^^ and if you really like what you see here, please follow!!!! ^-^ 💙❤️💜
chat reminder to just write whatever the fuck you want. write that overused trope. write that obscure shit that no one will have heard of. just. do it. your writing is yours stop depriving it of that.
honestly in the era of AI slop it is more important than ever for you to write or draw that incredibly niche/strange/unpalatable thing you want to make. the world needs the unique weirdness of people more than ever
Not even a full 24 hours later and I'm back with an update yall! So this one is a Simon centered chapter, a little introduction if you will. Again, if you wanna be on the taglist let me know, because I'm hoping to start one!
On to the chapter! ^^
Cosmic Love- Chapter 1: World So Cold
“I don’t believe men are born to be good. I don’t believe that the world can be saved. How did you get here and when did it start? An innocent child with a thorn in his heart…”
-12 Stones, “World so Cold”
For the longest time, life felt like a monotonous blur. How else was he supposed to see it when most of it was spent in a damn cell? Trapped by four walls, and a past that refused to die…what else was there for him? He almost forgot his name in that wretched place. So often, too often, he was only Convict, or Butcher depending on who was speaking to or about him. Like a parasite, it stuck to him, but it was his soul it drained rather than his blood.
It was exhausting. All of it. Maddening, one might call it. What else was there for him in a world like this? A world, no, a universe on the verge of collapse. What was the point? What kept him going? Simon didn’t know at this point. What was left for him?
Perhaps that was why he took the deal. They send him out to that godforsaken world, moon, or whatever it was, and if he brought back something of value, they would free him. Simon didn’t know what would happen once he was free, if anything would. But anything was better than this singular, too regulated existence. He’d been all too eager to sign the Council of Iron’s contract, eager to get out of the damn cell…
Not realizing that he had signed his own death warrant.
What a fucking joke…
Simon should’ve guessed this would happen. The very second the captain said that this WAS the test…goddammit he knew he was screwed. He’d traded a cell for a coffin. Welded in shut, with no food and next to no water…god all the signs were there.
“Fucking idiot…” Simon berated himself as he continued this wretched, pointless search.
All of this trouble for some goddamn sample. But the specimen itself was…oddly elusive. Apparently some sort of noise was heard within the sea of blood, similar to ancient whale calls. Whatever it was, the Council wanted it, why Simon wasn’t sure. Nor did he see the point.
Not that he could see anything anyway. No windows. Just that damn camera and a goddamn microphone specially designed for this. If something was alive down in this hellhole, he needed to find it, get a piece of it, or see if he could find the damn robot that initially recorded the sounds and only made it long enough to send it to the Council. The last one was the least likely, nothing like that lasted down here that long. That was why now they were sending man steered little prison submarines down there, to seek this thing out…or die trying.
“C’mon you big fucker, where are you…” Simon thought aloud as he stopped and set out the microphone to record.
Well, not being able to see was bad enough. A part of him wished he didn’t have to listen to this. No whale or whale-like calls, but not quite silence either. The occasional click, a distant whistle or beep-like sound…but that was about it. Sometimes he’d catch the sound of scurrying or like rushing water. He hated that the most. It meant something was WAY too close for his comfort. And with no windows, well…it was safe to assume that it could’ve been anything. The Council knew there was life down there. What they wanted to know was what kind of life and what they could do…
“It’s fucking fish…what are fish gonna teach us?” Simon rolled his eyes and shook his head.
Unless this thing was actually a whale…then Simon realized he didn’t know what he would think. The last whale died on earth centuries ago, from what he was told. Enormous creatures who called the deepest oceans home…Simon had only seen pictures of them. He slipped on the headset, listening once more, keeping an eye on his coordinates, and the previously recorded notes from where this thing was heard. For a moment, surrounded by the quiet of the bloody sea, Simon could let himself forget. He could let his mind go numb to the world, to all but listening for that melancholy call…
“Where are you?” Simon thought aloud once again.
Though he supposed the better question would’ve been what was it, rather than where. What was he getting himself involved in? What was so important about this thing that he was risking everything for? A drop pulled him out of his thoughts.
Shit…
“And so it fucking begins. C’mon you big fucker…just one call…one sound…” Simon removed the headset and sighed in aggravation.
“Anything, convict?” the captain, Ava’s, voice sounded over the speaker.
“Nothing yet, but there might be a leak…pressure’s getting heavy”.
‘Then I suggest you find this thing real fast, quick and in a hurry. You aren’t far from where it was last heard”.
“What even is this thing?” Simon asked, “Like what do your scientists think it is?”
“There’s a lot of speculation. You don’t need to know about it right now. Just keep focused on finding that thing”.
Of course they weren’t going to tell him anything, ‘cause that would make everything too damn easy…
“Fine, fine…but I find this thing and I’m out. Right?”
“If you bring us back something from it, be it a sound or a sample…”
“Yeah, yeah. I read the contract. Just saying I should know what exactly it is I’m looking for, and how the hell do you expect me to bring it back. Especially if it’s as big as you seem to think”.
“Just focus on the task, Convict. We need to find this thing before we can even consider capture. We need to know where it goes and set up a trap at a later date, if possible”.
“Got it, right…”
“Don’t die, and keep in touch if you can. Have the recording equipment and camera ready”.
“I got it! I know what I’m doing…” Simon growled, “Somewhat…”.
Silence was all that followed, leaving the convict alone once more with only his thoughts for any semblance of company.
“You better show yourself soon, damn it…It’s fuckin’ hot in this thing…” Simon mumbled as he put the headset back on.
If you guys enjoyed please consider commenting, liking, and reblogging! I'd love to hear what yall think! ^-^ ❤️💙💜
Holy hell I have returned! I haven't written anything in ages. Depression will unfortunately put you in a creative slump I'm afraid :( but I'm back and have a new fanfic I wanna start posting. As I mentioned earlier I recently went and saw Iron Lung, and thought it was amazing (I wanna see it again but I'm debating if I should since I have a cold and I'm on bitch week so that's fun) so I've thrown this short prologue together and I hope you guys like it! More to come!
Cosmic Love- Prologue
Prologue
“The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out. You left me in the dark. No dawn. No day. I’m always in this twilight. In the shadow of your heart!”
-Florence+The Machine “Cosmic Love”
The stars are gone…
The mortals call it the Silent Rapture, but the Outer Gods and the so called Great Old Ones call it by a different name: The Great Awakening.
Something far more ancient is stirring. The drums. The Flutes. They cannot keep him asleep forever.
They were never meant to.
And upon his awakening, the dream will end. This universe will be no more. And they do not even know it.
Life…is such a fragile, hurtful thing. Nobody should decide who is worthy of it and who is not. Not Hastur of Carcosa. Not Great Cthulu. Not even the Sultan himself.
They do not understand life. Their immortality blinds them, despite seeing across countless eons. They do not see it. They do not value it.
The stars are gone…
The Great Awakening is Nigh…
I know it's short! I'm sorry guys! But I promise there will be more! If you wanna be put on the taglist for this story please let me know! Please don't forget to like, comment, and share! Thank you all!!!! Feels good to be writing again even a little bit!
So I went to see Iron Lung not too long ago and I'm kinda obsessed. I had an idea for a sort of shape of water-esque fanfic where Simon is saved by a more benevolent entity but she gets herself captured so he has to find a way to save her. It would more or less be a lovecraft crossover, with different names being dropped and entities referenced.
I don't know if I wanna write it but I might. Right now I'm not feeling too great and I'm kinda focusing on just trying to get better
So I went to see Iron Lung not too long ago and I'm kinda obsessed. I had an idea for a sort of shape of water-esque fanfic where Simon is saved by a more benevolent entity but she gets herself captured so he has to find a way to save her. It would more or less be a lovecraft crossover, with different names being dropped and entities referenced.
I don't know if I wanna write it but I might. Right now I'm not feeling too great and I'm kinda focusing on just trying to get better
The ground was buried under a heavy, undulating blanket of white that smoothed out the greenery of the Earth. The morning sun pierced through the naked trees as a lone butterfly lands on a tree, its wing flutter gently.
Then, a girl cups the butterfly in her hands. Opening her hands gently to look at the small insect in her hands; eight legs with its vast, intricate wings catching the light.
The small butterfly flutters away, being the orange smear against the sunlight.
From afar, near the edge of the woods, where the pine branches hung heavy with white blankets, she saw him. The deer was a young buck, his antlers just small spikes dusted with frost. He stood perfectly still, his ribs showing slightly through his thick, gray-brown coat.
It snorts and digs its hoof into the snow, looking for any food. Slowly the young girl walks forth, rummaging in her pockets to find a small firm apple.
She knelt down, feeling the cold seep into her snow pants. She held the apple out, waiting patiently for the deer to come to her.
The deer grunts, his ears flicked. He took one cautious step, his hooves sinking into the crust of the snow. He watched the girl with large, liquid-dark eyes, searching for any sudden movement. But she stayed frozen.
Finally, the buck lowered his head. With a soft crunch, he took a bite of the apple. The sound was loud in the silence of the winter woods. The girl smiles softly, feeling a warmness in her chest.
When the deer finish the apple, she reach a hand out to pet its head. It didn't flinch away but allows it.
From afar, the deer saw a large man staring at them. Cloaked in fur coats and face covered a hood, with a grunt the deer backed away and run away when the man walks forth. "Eve."
The little girl turns around at the sound of her voice, "Father!" she sat up and ran to his arms. His hands went around her waist and hoist her up, her small hands gently touches his scars where different parts of men skin stitched together.
You see, her father was a reanimated man created from different body parts of different men. Created by her grandfather Victor Frankenstein. Although she herself was human, a young babe found in the woods wrapped in cloth and laid beside her mother who died from hypothermia.
Her father, Adam, took her in and raised the babe as his own. Teaching her how to talk, read, walk. He was there when her first was his name "Adam".
Soon, more words came out of her: "Sun", "Butterfly", "Flowers" and such. Adam felt proud how far her speech has improved overtime. An accomplishment thanks to him.
"Father, I catch a butterfly and fed a deer!" She beamed.
"I saw." Adam smiles. His fingers tucks in a strand of her hair. He bent over to place her down. "Come, let's go home." He reach a hand out for Eve to take.
Eve takes it as they walk home, Eve swings her hand playfully. "Will the deer come back, father?"
Adam looks over with a soft smile on his face. "Certainly."
From afar, the same deer watched the family with a twitch of an ear.
Victor Frankenstein syndrome aka you spent nights over nights crying and bleeding over this work and now that it's finally done you're just like "nvm. it's trash" and go to bed
please, please, please. stop writing only smut i'm so tired of this, i'm begging y'all.
don't get me wrong i LOVE writing and reading smut just as much as the next person but you know what i also love? writing and reading STORIES. i love me a good smutty story but i'm just so sick and tired of looking for something to read and stumble upon a thrizillion of blurbs of pure and plain generic smut.
Author's Note: I was half-finished with this chapter, then I almost died when my car got hit by a truck. I have a traumatic brain injury that isn't fully healed and some of the damage may be permanent. Please forgive any decline in the quality of my writing. I'm trying my best.
Azvalath woke with a harsh cry from yet another nightmare. His ears still rang from the holf and Valielit screaming daggers through his skull, and he couldn’t erase the purplish glow of Xigon’s mutilated gaze no matter how hard he rubbed his eyes. All he could do was feel around his surroundings with shaky fingers in some feeble attempt to reorient himself.
A pile of old blankets. Dust bunnies. Cobwebs. But no one else. After his sleep disruptions had woken everyone else up a few too many times, he’d moved into the hallway closet out of embarrassment. It wasn’t any easier to sleep in there. He yearned for his own bed until he remembered how Valielit had shaken him awake and then violated every fiber of his being.
He clawed at his ears, half-expecting to find blood. There was nothing. Only a knot in his hair, which he yanked out with an irritated grunt. Then he fell back into restless silence. Not that anything, even solitude, was ever quiet. The old farmhouse’s walls still creaked with every gust of wind. His pulse still hammered in his ears. There was still the faint thudding of Master Xigon’s crutches as he paced up and down the short hallway in an almost meditative rhythm.
Azvalath sat with the background noise and tried to slow his thoughts. He found it impossible, even with his body so utterly exhausted from night after night of fear devouring what should have been rest.
A loud thud outside the closet freed his body from its growing heaviness. He was almost grateful to be startled, broken out of the seemingly unending near-sleep haze. Then his mind caught up, and he let out a gasp.
“It’s fine, Azvalath.” Xigon’s calm voice drew Aza’s gaze to the closed door. “Lost my footing. Sorry if I woke you.”
Azvalath crawled over to sit with his back against the door. “You didn’t.”
“You haven’t been sleeping.” It wasn’t a question.
Aza fidgeted. “Neither have you.”
A soft chuckle. “Facetious much? Kolo’s certainly rubbed off on you.” Xigon shifted, probably to rest against the other side of the door. “You also clearly haven’t been taking what Ami gave you for your difficult nights. If it doesn’t work, you need to tell her.”
He wiped sweat off his forehead. “It’s not that.”
The master hummed. “What is it, then?”
“What if we’re attacked again and I don’t wake up in time?” Saying it out loud, Azvalath cringed at how much he sounded like a child afraid of monsters under the bed.
A pause stretched between them. Azvalath swallowed hard.
Then, after what felt like far too long, Xigon answered. “That’s why I’ve been keeping watch.”
Azvalath let out a long sigh. That notion somehow hadn’t even occurred to him. That the masters would keep him safe, so long as he trusted them – yet another thing he’d once thought constant but was now showing its cracks.
Still, he clung to that fragile reassurance and let his eyes close.
He thought he heard Xigon whisper something that didn’t seem meant for him. “She’s got it all wrong. I’d only burn the world if it kept any of you from freezing to death.”
Azvalath drifted in and out the rest of the night, clinging to what precious moments of rest he could seize between the lapses of half-awake dread and incoherent nightmares. The voices of Slaaek and Valielit woke him in cold sweats until his weakness dragged him back down. Back and forth. Up and down. Endless.
He didn’t know when it was that he woke to a cold cloth on his head and voices distorted as if they were underwater. His eyes cracked open, but he couldn’t focus. His vision doubled, then tripled, making his stomach turn. He shut his eyes again.
A gloved hand shook his shoulder. “Azvalath, hey, look at me.”
He blinked, dimly registering the voice as Ami’s. “What…?”
“Go away. I’m not going to ask you again.” She sounded irritated enough that Azvalath flinched. Ami patted his arm. “Not you. Kolo keeps putting feelers under the door. You’re not going anywhere until I say so.”
He still didn’t understand.
“Azvalath, this is why taking basic care of yourself isn’t optional,” Ami scolded. “When you don’t get proper rest, it weakens your body’s defenses. The little monsters only I can smell, you practically invited ‘em right in, and now you’re sick. Fuckin’ congratulations.”
Azvalath groaned. “Where’s…?”
“Where’s everyone?” Ami guessed his next question. “Don’t bother. Can’t have you getting anyone else sick. A pesky chill for you, but it’d be a death sentence for Lalek. So you had better do some gettin’ used to me. Got it?”
He wondered idly who she’d just told off. Lalek? Why would it be a death sentence? Getting used to...
A sharp pain in his throat interrupted his thoughts. He coughed until he was completely out of breath. His blanket slipped off and cold air shocked his bare skin. Then his eyes shot wide open. Where the fuck was his shirt?
He scrambled to cover himself back up, then started a hoarse command. “Now give me…”
“No.” Ami interrupted him mid-ultimatum. “Assuming you’re wanting your shirt back. I took it off you because you were burning up. If you’re that shy, just stay under the blanket and quit fussing about it.”
Whatever remained of his dignity curled up and died.
“Y’know, pal, I wouldn’t ever expect you’d be so modest.” Ami’s eyes darted and she flashed an impish grin. “Is it because you don’t want a woman seein’ you outside a certain context?”
Azvalath rolled his eyes. “I don’t…” He coughed again. “I don’t have…those sort of…relations with women.”
“You mean…oh! Ha!” Ami snapped her fingers. “You’re a man’s man. Should’ve guessed. Well, not that it’s my business, but y’know, I’m a nosy sort, and hey, better I have you talkin’ instead of brooding like a hen in the box.” She picked something up off the floor and sniffed it. “Your gloves still smell like sabretooth cat even though Jai-Lag’s been out hunting for days. That’s precious.”
He didn’t know how to respond to any of that.
“Well, shit. Here I am, prattling on like a dirty little bird. Sad to say, what you’ve got is best fought asleep.” She pressed a gloved hand under his ear and tilted his head sideways. “Deep breath in.”
“What—?” Before he could finish the question, she pushed something under his nose that made his head spin into oblivion.
The next time he was aware of existing, he was outside.
He never remembered waking up, much less getting dressed or going outside.
But Kolo was there too, striding ahead while he followed with unsteady steps. His left arm was pulled taut in front of him, snared in Kolo’s unseen grip. Judging by the ache in his legs, they’d traveled quite some distance. His lungs burned, and he fought with all his might not to cough and lose his wind.
Kolo turned to look at him. “Hey Aza, you with me now?”
He rubbed his throbbing left shoulder. “What the…?”
“Sorry. Would’ve gone while it was still daylight if Ami didn’t keep knocking you out and telling me off,” Kolo sighed. “She hasn’t been letting anyone near you, but I really need to show you something.”
She stopped at what looked like a black wall in the scarcely-moonlit field, then slid a wide door open and pulled him in. Their eyes lit up in unison, filling the space with enough of a red glow to see by. She pulled the large door closed behind them, and Azvalath took in their surroundings. It was oddly warm and smelled musty-sweet, bales of hay stacked against one wall, another lined with tools and horse tack. The back wall was obscured by a dark heap of something that smelled vaguely metallic and earthy. The dust did his lungs no favors, and he was coughing before he could ask why they were out here in someone’s barn instead of anywhere reasonable.
“Aza, try the door please.” Kolo waved her hand in that direction. “Make sure the latch is secure and no one else can get in.”
“Hm?” He squinted at the door latch and wondered why Kolo was so worried about anyone else getting in. Lock the door. He remembered Xigon’s voice all of a sudden. Lock the window. Trust me.
Chills racked his sagging frame. The door didn’t come open when he pushed or pulled on it. He told Kolo as much and then coughed again from the dust in his already-ravaged airways.
“Thanks. Don’t turn around. Stay facing the door.” Before he could protest or question it, Kolo moved a few invisible appendages to keep his back to her. Her next words didn’t seem directed at him. “Show him something to help him understand. Be gentle. Keep my head clear. And do not bite or I’ll kill you. Understand?”
A long, low hum reverberated from along the back wall. Something shifted and scratched along the floorboards. Azvalath’s jaw clenched so tight he might’ve feared cracking his teeth.
His vision doubled, then tripled, then warped into nightmarish mirages that blurred with a sudden onslaught of tears as his skull seemed to split in half with intense pain.
Unbidden, he remembered the worst pain of his entire life. It hadn’t been from any battle or any feat of strength, but a sickness in his youth. One largely buried that would have been a mercy to forget. A tangled mass of corruption deep in his brain, one that had grown to crush his mind in fits of agony that made headache seem like a drastic understatement. Then it had grown to throw his body down in convulsions and started stealing away his speech, his movement, his breath, everything that kept him alive, until…
Four hands on his head, four violet eyes, their images melting together like superheated metal. Pain. Someone screaming – himself, perhaps – and a high-pitched ringing as the most horrid power shot through his skull, though for once to save and not to harm.
Then he was surrounded with warmth and love like he’d never known, as Qila and Xigon reassured him that he was safe now, that he could live long and well now that they had successfully destroyed the source of his illness.
He blinked away tears and the present returned. Feeling he was no longer held in place, he turned slowly toward the back wall.
Four eyes watched him once again. All Ferash Therall’s red.
Kolo looked over her shoulder. “Quiet.”
The holf’s mouth closed.
Azvalath fell back against the door, breathing so hard and fast it hurt. Kolo caught him before he could sink to the floor. “Aza, please, forgive me.”
He wiped his eyes and fought to catch his breath enough to speak. “What is…?”
Ah, fierce little crier who dreams of hunting. The ground changed, but you know me.
The words entered his mind without any sound. He still glanced around frantically to try and find the source. His eyes landed on the holf’s, and his heart chilled with realization.
“Slaaek answers to me now.” Kolo bowed her head slightly. “Your sickness was getting worse and worse, and I…we all needed you back. I couldn’t just stand back and watch, Aza. I needed to do something. And I also needed you to know about Slaaek. You of all people deserve to know. I really would’ve told you sooner if I had the chance.”
As his breathing finally started to slow, more from exhaustion than any sense of calm, he realized something that shocked him almost as much as the reappearance of the living nightmare they’d barely escaped. Every breath was clear now. The choking thickness in his lungs was gone without a trace.
“I think I destroyed it all.” Kolo loosened her grip and let him stand back up. “I…didn’t want you to know I was doing that, so I told Slaaek to show you something else.”
Azvalath looked down at her and clenched his hands into tight fists. “Kolo, you had better not be expecting my thanks, because you’ll never hear them.”
“I’m not expecting anything from you, Aza.” She held her hands up. “Really. Nothing. Go on and hate me the rest of your life if you want.” Kolo’s shoulders sagged and she turned away from him. “Probably safer for you that way.”
The holf’s eyes narrowed into bright slits of red light, sharpening all their shadows. Nice-smelling. Slaaek’s thoughts invaded Aza’s mind in a rush. If you’re of no value to my i’iba…how I hunger, ah, how I hunger! The monstrous thing yawned, baring all its arm-length teeth as they parted and then smoothly interlocked.
Not knowing whether Kolo could hear any of that, Azvalath managed a shaky response. “Do I really have an option at this point?”
Kolo must have noticed him staring right past her, because she turned to Slaaek at once. “Slaaek, unless I tell you otherwise, take his word as you’d take mine.” She pointed to Azvalath. “Understand?”
The holf lifted its head and extended its neck, inching forward on its still-folded limbs to back Azvalath flatter against the wall. The large slit-like nostrils flared, then relaxed. All well, if I must. Slaaek licked his lips. Azvalath, was it?
He gulped and nodded.
Stop shaking. The holf hummed with a tone somewhat resembling a scoff or chuckle. Its head tilted to some unnatural-looking angle. Tremble at the old woman instead. Tremble when she stops loving you enough to avoid necessary things.
Azvalath steeled himself as the holf backed up to curl against the wall again.
“Aza, if you can still trust me…” Kolo stepped between him and Slaaek. “I need to go back to my old village and see something. I was hoping you’d come too.”
“Why me?” Azvalath let himself relax enough to take a few unsteady steps toward her. “Out of all people, me?”
“Could you ever keep a secret from the masters?” she asked.
“What?” Azvalath raised an eyebrow. “I…could try?”
“See, that’s why I’m asking you and no one else.” She met his eyes. “I feel like no one else would even try. Although, I’m also not sure how we would even sneak out without anyone noticing.”
Slaaek sighed.
“Look, we can have the full discussion on that later.” He pointed at the holf’s half-focused eyes. “But as much as I hate to say it, Slaaek could provide one heaping distraction if he hides himself a bit more sloppily.”
Kolo shook her head. “I wouldn’t trust him to keep his teeth to himself.”
Slaaek’s head twisted sideways again. I can hear you.
“I know!” Azvalath snapped. “And I don’t appreciate your eavesdropping. Or being here at all, for that matter.”
Whatever. The holf straightened his neck and yawned. I wish I ate you. Suppose I did. My i’iba would be most distressed then, would she not?
Kolo glanced between them, then grinned the way she did anytime an idea clicked. “Aza, if you’re with me on this, don’t come back to the house. Just wait for me to get back here, all right?”
He gave a short nod. “And that?” He gestured to Slaaek.
“Slaaek, you’re free to go.” She went and opened the door wide. “Don’t make a mess anywhere near us.”
The holf crept past them and stood up on long, trembling limbs. With one last taunting look at them, he stalked back out into the fields, humming something like a lullaby.
“I really can’t blame you if this is where we part ways for good.” Kolo gave Azvalath a tearful look. “I can’t fault anyone for being scared of me now, because so am I.”
Looking back at her, Azvalath’s chest ached. “How the fuck could I back out now?” He took a shuddering breath. “What would I even be going back to? I haven’t had an ordinary day since we met, you chaotic little shit. Of course I’m going with you.”
