French Ashley

\Actress, Writer, Lesbian, French, Crazy/ \Books, Theater, Films/  25 yrs

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips: Chapter 7

Summary: A rough case forces Olivia to admit that she has made a mistake and is desperate to get you back.

Warnings: None, I believe

A/N: See, we didn't let you sit in the angst for too long. Thank you, @impossiblewolf, for sitting with me during this chapter. It was my personal baby for so long.

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3.1k we are back to the beefy chapters

You only last two days in the darkness before you crave the outdoors. It is a dark and gloomy day when you finally emerge, which matches your mood. The wind whipping through the trees is causing even the bravest of animals to burrow away. You, however, are taking advantage of the lack of humans here today to lie on the roof of your home, watching the grey clouds bleed to black. It's the kind of quiet that you have come to crave after having your space trampled in for weeks. 

The darkening clouds feel like a representation of how Olivia’s absence makes you feel inside, and the cold bite of the wind is equal to the never-ending ache in your chest. It’s like a pressure in your head that won’t go away and a pit in your stomach that no amount of blood can cure. But you know it’s safer this way. 

Especially after the hurt you caused her. 

Her thoughts and her words still echo in your mind like a torturous loop. The monster inside of you won’t let you forget. You would have rather starved that day than know you had caused her that pain. You had known from the beginning the hurt she carried, but the monster inside of you hadn’t cared. All it did was get closer to her to deal the deadly blow. It was better that she left, that way you could remember that your heart was dead on the inside. 

‘It was for the best,’ you try to remind yourself for the umpteenth time. Something or someone is coming after you, setting you up for crimes you didn't commit, and the further she is away from the blowup, the better. It just meant that you had to deal with your body constantly feeling like a piece of it was missing for however long this bond would last. You had stopped sneaking off to see her after you had read her mind. The regret of feeding off her still put a pit in your stomach.

That didn’t stop you from wanting her, needing her, and craving her. Every time the wind whirled around you, all you could think about was how much you missed her warmth in your arms. When you closed your eyes, all you could see was the way her eyes shone in the light of the fire. You were helpless when it came to her. 

The ache in your chest swells at just the mere thought of her. You reach up and press on your sternum as if that will force the pain back into its enclosure when you hear her. She is quieter than most, but it wouldn't have mattered. Not when every cell in your body called out to her, begging for her to come closer.

You sit up to scan for her, and you know instantly something is wrong. There is a darkness to her that turns her normal smile into a grimace and her steps into heavy, uneven stomps. Your protective instincts flare, and you let yourself sneak into her mind. You’re met with the image of a child’s body surrounded by so much blood. More blood than what is normal in a human of that size. And the only thing that Olivia can focus on is a wolf stuffed animal clutched in tiny hands.

“Y/N,” she calls out, her voice cracking as you jump out of the memory.

You don't hesitate to jump down from your spot, landing only inches from her. She melts at the sight of you, like her body knows it’s finally safe and doesn’t have to be strong anymore. Within a step, she is collapsing into your chest. You curl your arms around her automatically, and the ache in your heart immediately grows dull.

You know that you shouldn’t be holding her, not when there is so much hurt that still lingers between you both, but you can’t stand by and see her suffer.

You pull back to press a kiss to the top of her head without thinking about it. It has become so natural to you that you don’t even think about whether she really wants it. All you can think of is trying to erase the memories that are in her head. “Olivia, it’s freezing out here. What are you doing?”

“Needed to see you,” she murmurs, her hand coming to curl in your shirt. “I-I couldn’t handle being away from you anymore,” her voice tremors, a mixture of the cold and emotions to blame. “I-I’m so sorry for what I said. I was an idiot, and I didn’t mean it. Please, I’m so sorry.”

“I can feel you shaking,” you tsk in a poor attempt to ignore the rush of emotion from the pain in her voice. You don’t know how to take the apology; you only know that right now you need to protect her. You pull her closer in a vain attempt to at least block the wind. “Let me get you inside.”

Olivia doesn't protest as you carry her up the stairs. It’s warmer within the walls, but not by much. The fire you put on hours ago has lessened, as well as the warmth it usually radiates. You set her down as close to the fire as you can, silently hoping the rug beneath her will be a helpful insulator in the long run. You rush around to build the fire bigger and collect the small mass of blankets you have to warm her up. 

You notice the tears in her eyes when you slide a pillow under her head. They are rolling down her face, staining the fabric underneath. Each one is like a sharp stab to your ribs.

“What's wrong, Liv?”

You see the hesitation in her eyes, like a child peeking around a corner as they watch a stranger move around in their space. As if she isn’t worthy to ask for what she wants. She bites down on her lip hard to stop herself from talking. 

The silence is worse than her tears, so you push her again. “You can talk to me, Liv.”

“I want you to hold me,” she says quietly, her eyes turned down as she braces for rejection. “I need you close.” 

You feel like an invisible force is clawing away at you as you reach forward to tuck the blankets tighter around her. “I can’t,” you whisper, even though it goes against everything your body is telling you. “My body can’t give you the warmth you need. You will freeze.”

She lets out a choked sob as more tears cascade down her face. Olivia had thought she was ready for the rejection, but the reality of it was so much worse.  “Please, I had a really bad day. I just want you to hold me. I need…I need you.” 

You realize something at that moment. She feels the bond, too. A duller version of it, but the ache you have been feeling for days has nestled inside of her too. Which means that forcing the separation has only made everything more exhausting for both of you. The guilt that washes over you is instant, and you feel like an idiot for not realizing the bond would go both ways, even though she isn’t a vampire. 

“I’m sorry. I was reckless that day, and I put you at risk. I just wanted to catch him so that you could be safe,” she explains between wobbly breaths. “I wanted you to see that you were worthy of being fought for. That you aren’t a monster, but all I did was ruin everything. All I ever do is ruin things.”

You close your eyes to push back your own tears. It’s the apology that you have been craving for days, but there is one problem. You are a monster. The more you keep pretending you aren’t, the more risk you put Olivia in. It doesn’t matter, though, because as she continues to shake with tears, all you can think about is holding her and keeping her safe.

You have her tucked under several layers of blankets to try to keep her warm. You peel away all but one and climb underneath, wrapping your arms around her. The next several breaths she lets out are labored and trembling, filled with emotion and relief at you finally being close. Even with the shivers still gripping her body, she clings to you with a white-knuckled grip and nuzzles her face in your neck.

Your face crumbles, but no tears come as you hug her closer, the ache in your chest replaced with an overwhelming surge of relief. Like someone had lathered a thick, soothing balm on the bond. Your torso curls around her, and you nuzzle your nose against the nape of her neck. 

“Wanna talk about it?” You whisper, unsure of what to say.

She shakes her head frantically, and you let out a soft sigh. It doesn't matter that you already read her thoughts; you wanted her to tell you. It felt important to have Olivia open up on her own, but with everything that’s happened, you know both of you have taken massive steps back in terms of trust and openness. 

“You shouldn’t have come,” you murmur after a minute of silence. “It’s cold and simply not safe.” 

Although you haven’t seen the man from the other night since you lost him in the dense woods, you don’t believe he has entirely left. There is still a chance that he is lurking around watching you even now.

“I can take care of myself.” She says stubbornly, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. 

“Right, how could I forget?” you respond curtly, attempting to pull away from her grasp.

“Shit, wait,” Olivia says, her fingers curling tighter in your shirt. “I…I want to tell you. I’m just scared. The stuff I see every day isn’t something that most people want to talk about.”

“Seeing dead children never is,” you murmur before you realize what you just revealed. 

Olivia pulls back just enough to look at you with her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “How did you…have you been reading my mind? Can you read my mind?”

You grimace, bracing yourself for her anger when you reply. “Not all the time. I have become skilled at blocking out thoughts of others. Yours are just particularly…loud.”

There is a long silence that follows your statement until you finally force yourself to look at her. You expect to find anger in her brown eyes, but instead, you find curiosity. You know this look on her face all too well. Olivia is attempting to figure out a puzzle in her head, but you know that you are the one keeping the last piece. 

“Is there a reason that I am louder than everyone else?” She finally asks. “Ever since you fed on me, I’ve felt…different. There is a piece of me that is always wondering where you are. When we were separated, it was torture, like something deeper than longing or desire.”

The reminder of the bite makes the pit in your stomach grow, but you know that you can’t keep this secret anymore. Olivia deserves the right to know about the bond. If she leaves after that, well then…then maybe living a life full of loneliness is what you deserve.

“After I fed on you, a bond was formed. Bonds are very rare. They only happen between soulmates and link them together in every way that you can think of. Their mind, heart, and body become intertwined, so separation is close to torture. A bonded pair is never away from each other for long; it makes them physically ill. I never thought that my feeding off you would form the bond. I didn’t even realize that I could bond with a human. I’m so sorry. Feeding off you was a mistake; I never should have done it.”

Olivia's eyes widen at your choice of words, and she stops your explanation with a gasp. “You were there that night.”

“What night?”

“The night that I said I wished you never fed off me,” she murmurs a red tint coming to her cheeks. 

The words spoken out loud hit you like a hammer to the chest, and you instinctively flinch. A panic settles into Olivia as she tries to explain. “I didn’t mean it. You have to believe me. I don’t regret you feeding off me. I want the mark. I want this bond. I want to be yours. I’m so sorry. I was angry and not thinking right.”

“Olivia,” you whisper, “maybe you were right. This bond is a curse.”

“No!” Olivia responds louder than she originally meant. “This bond is not a curse. You mentioned that the bond forms between soulmates. That means we are supposed to be together. I want to be with you. I want to learn what it means to be loved by you.” She pauses for a moment, adding in a whisper. “I want to know what it is like to stay when things get hard instead of running.”

You look at her trying to find any lie in her eyes, but there is only desperation. Olivia wants this more than you realized. “It’s not easy, but you’ll do it if you care about someone enough.”

“And I care about you,” Olivia whispers, her hand coming to gently cup your cheek. “I care about you more than you know.”

You press into her palm. “And I care about you.”

“So does that mean we can try?” She asks nervously. 

You hesitate for a moment before murmuring, “We can try.” Olivia's face broadens into a grin, and you can’t bring yourself to regret your choice. Not when this is the brightest she has looked in days. “The most important thing is that we do this together. One day at a time.”

“One day at a time,” Olivia nods. “I promise I won’t let you down this time.”

You shake your head, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “You didn’t fail me, Olivia. We just need to figure out how all of this works.”

Olivia smiles, and you take that moment to wipe away the last of her tears. Your hands linger on her neck, where you can feel her pulse below your fingers. The thought of the blood beneath you makes you realize that her veins are straining towards you, begging you to put your fangs in them. 

Your fingers gently push down the collar of her shirt to expose the teeth marks she keeps hidden. They are faint now, almost completely unnoticeable. Your thumb flicks out to trace it gently and Liv lets out a wobbly breath at the sensation. 

“It’s fading,” she points out quietly, and you immediately know what she is asking for.

“Liv, I'm not feeding on you when it's this cold.” 

You know that she has taken back her words, but you still can’t get them out of your head. You won’t take advantage of her in this cold, emotionally heightened state. When you feed off Olivia again, you want her to be sure. 

“Please,” she begs, pulling you from your thoughts. “I missed you. I miss looking in the mirror and remembering who I belong to.”

The plea only makes the guilt from earlier swell in your chest again. You bury your head into her hair, inhaling deeply while also trying to force back your fangs. The bond is partly to blame for your fangs protruding. A newly bonded pair often finds it borderline impossible to be away from each other, let alone keep their hands off one another. A lot of feeding usually happens, too. So although the ache of separation has been soothed, the intense craving to feed has taken its place. 

You kiss along Olivia’s neck, trying to soothe the ache in your fangs by gently nipping at the skin. Olivia’s hand curls into your shirt, and you can feel the way her entire body aches to have you close again. With each press of your lips, all you can think is: I have to wait, we have to wait.

You don’t realize that you have begun to say these thoughts out loud until Olivia responds. “I don’t want to wait. Please. I need something to remove this ache in my chest.”

“I know, Liv,” you whisper, kissing her neck one final time. “I promise, as long as you want me around, we won't be separated like that again,” you reassure her, “but I can’t feed from you right now. You need all of your blood to help stay warm.”

You can tell she is still pouting but your reassurance seems to have soothed her a little. “Of course I want you around. There is nowhere else I want to be.” You smile without realizing it, and Olivia asks nervously. “You’ll feed off of me soon, though?”

“Yes. Soon, I will mark you as mine again,” you say, gently massaging her scalp. 

You don’t realize how that sounds until the words are out there and you tense for a moment, glancing down to gauge her reaction. She pulls back a little to look up at you to presumably do the same, and you find yourself wanting to chuckle at the synchronicity of the two of you trying to navigate each other. 

“Does that mean…?” 

She doesn’t have to finish for you to know what she’s implying. Perhaps she isn’t as confused as you initially believe, but you’re still going to play it safe. 

“I just called you mine. Are those not the same thing?”

“You really…you really still want to after everything that happened?” She asks nervously. 

“We still will take it one day at a time…and there is a lot of building that we need to do,” you say thoughtfully, moving to lightly run your thumb along her cheek. “But that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to be mine.”

There is a grin on her face even as she rolls her eyes. “Say it again.”

“Olivia Benson, you are my girlfriend,” you murmur before grabbing her chin gently. “And I will do my best to prove I am worthy of being yours.”

You feel the way her energy shifts at the comment. The day seems to be slipping away from her thoughts, finally. Eventually, she stops shaking entirely. You think she has fallen asleep until you feel a soft kiss on your neck.

“You are worthy exactly the way you are,” she whispers. 

Her words strike deep like a bolt of lightning being shot into the endless darkness you had been stuck in for days. In its path is that warmth of hers that you had missed so much. You pull her closer and close your eyes, letting yourself bask in it as you sense her gradually drift off to sleep.

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips: Chapter 6

Summary: Sometimes Olivia needs the reminder that she can live a good life too.

Warnings: Angst

A/N: I tried to post this 3 different times and now I'm just angry. 😡 (I think that the world is telling me I should have made it angstier) Collab fic with @impossiblewolf

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1.6k

Oliva’s anger burns bright on the first day that she is away from you. You acted irrationally and ultimately prevented her from doing her job. The second day, the flames start to dampen when she has more time to think about what had happened. She ran out with no plans, no idea what she was doing, and risked more than just her own life in that moment. The words you spat at her still sting when she thinks of them, but they weren’t wrong. Olivia had been reckless since the day Elliot left, working the job like it was some sort of end plan instead of a career that she had pieced together over tears and sleepless nights.

These realizations don’t necessarily help her figure out how to work past this crack that has formed in your relationship. Instead, they fill her with a doubt that makes her nervous, anxious, and just a tad bit bitter.

It is this bitterness that you smell as you watch her from a hidden spot across the street from her apartment. You have posted yourself here every night just to make sure that she makes it home safe. It hurts to watch her come back from work exhausted, her shoulders curled into submission, and her feet dragging along the sidewalk. You wish that you could scoop her up in your arms and kiss away all that pulls her under, but you know that you can’t. Especially not when you hear a phrase come across the bond.

I never should have never let Y/N feed off of me.

The thought is loud and laced with such sincerity, sadness, and anger that you recoil, your face crumbling in silent anguish. You don’t wait to see if she makes it up to her apartment safely after that. You merely turn away and walk into the darkness, letting it consume you until you feel nothing.

If you had stayed, you might have heard Olivia immediately regret her own thoughts. You might have discovered that she had been repeating that phrase all day in hopes of easing the ache that had settled in her heart. It is like a sharp pain that she can’t shake, and it only gets worse the more she is separated from you.

Olivia knows that all of this could be settled if she went back to talk to you, but she can’t bring herself to do it. Instead, it is up to Melinda to give Olivia a push in the right direction and extinguish the embers that have settled.

Olivia comes into the morgue, her heels clacking against the linoleum, but that is not what distracts Melinda. Melinda is used to the anger that has replaced the soft detective that she once knew, but this type of anger seems different. It laces not only in the way that she talks but in the way that she smells. Melinda sniffs again as she turns her back to Olivia to grab a file to make sure that she is smelling correctly, when it hits her.

It’s a smell that has never once laced Olivia’s blood, but Melinda knows well. Another vampire.

“Are you even listening to me, Melinda?” Olivia asks, annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I just…are you using a new perfume?” Melinda responds.

“No...I mean, I haven’t been able to get back home and shower,” Olivia murmurs, suddenly self-conscious. “Do I smell bad?

“Not at all,” Melinda replies, realizing that Olivia knows nothing of the bond, which only makes her more confused. “It’s a good smell actually. Earthy.”

That is when she sees it. Olivia involuntarily rubs at her neck as if the word sparked something, and it reveals just a sliver of the bite mark. Melinda can tell that it is days away from fading, which is more concerning than anything else. A newly bonded pair can’t keep their hands off each other, let alone stop from feeding off the human one. Well, at least that’s how it worked when she had found her bond.

Melinda still remembers the way that her wife drank from her every day after their bond first formed. No matter how much Melinda’s wife had tried to stop, she couldn’t get enough. Melinda had loved every second of it. But Olivia? Olivia looked miserable. Which is the exact opposite of how she should look after a bond has been formed.

“Olivia, are you okay?”

Melinda expects Olivia’s normal answer, a curt I’m fine, when she is anything but. This time, though, Olivia’s face falls, and she shakes her head. The mask around her begins to crumble, and the strain of the bond separation is clear.

“No…no I’m not.”

Melinda takes Olivia to her office, where they sit down and talk about what has finally cracked Olivia’s outer shell. Olivia speaks of you highly, and Melinda can tell that she cares about you. She never once mentions to Melinda that you are a vampire, but it isn’t necessary. Melinda already knows. Not because of the bite still lingering on Olivia’s neck or the bond in her blood, but because Melinda knows you.

You haven't been a vampire nearly as long as Melinda but she still knows of you. She makes a habit of knowing new vampires that come around her usual stomping grounds. You happen to be one of her favorites. Your interactions have been minimal, but she knows that you are one of the good ones. You are the kind of vampire who makes her remember that not everyone she meets is a monster.

She doesn’t tell Olivia this, though. Instead, she listens to her friend admit for the first time that maybe she pushes everyone away before they can leave her.

“You haven’t given her a chance,” Melinda points out finally. “You automatically assume she is going to leave as Elliot did.”

“This isn’t about Elliot,” Olivia says defensively, which only makes Melinda shake her head.

“Isn’t it, though? Ever since he left, you’ve been different. I understand that he meant a lot to you, but Liv…you’re letting him taint everything else in your life.” Melinda pauses a moment to let the words sink in. “You’re somehow blaming yourself for him leaving when it was a choice he made all by himself. You deserve good things. You do realize this, right?”

There is a silence that fills the room. Olivia turns her head away from Melinda to control the emotions that try to break free from their normal boxes. Olivia knows somewhere deep inside of her that she is worthy of good things. She just doesn’t know what those good things are or if they will ever come to pass. It has become harder to imagine what those things might be, especially when an emptiness has settled in her chest that she can’t seem to shake. An emptiness that had only lessened when she was around you but has only seemed to dig its claws further into her over the past couple of days.

“Liv.”

Olivia puts up her hand to silence Melinda. “I get what you are trying to say, just give me a minute.” Melinda waits until Olivia takes a deep breath and turns back to her friend. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Talk to her,” Melinda emphasizes quietly, her gaze so gentle that part of Olivia doesn’t feel like she deserves it as some of her words to you echo in the back of her mind. “Words got you into this, but they’ll get you out too. Solidify your words with action. Keep showing up for her like you have been. You’ll never know what is possible if you don’t try."

“Actions speak louder than words,” Olivia acknowledges.

Melinda nods, “You know that better than anyone. But words matter too.”

So with an exasperated sigh, Olivia leans back in the chair and tries to figure out how she’s going to start the process of earning your forgiveness. She’s not expecting it to be easy considering what she’s said and how guarded you’ve been since she first met you, but she doesn’t want to abandon you. And more than anything, she wants this ache in her chest to go away.

As she sits with the comfort of a friend discussing her biggest regrets, you lie on the floor of your cabin, deciding what to do. The windows are shut tight, not even letting in the smallest glimpse of light. The fireplace is out and has been for days because there is no point in keeping the house warm when there is no one to keep warm anymore. So you sit in the dark and wait for the pain to ebb into something more manageable.

Yet every time you get close to moving forward, Olivia’s thought come rushing back to you. I never should have never let Y/N feed off of me. It’s a heartbreaking contrast to the pleading, sincere words she had said about caring about you too much to let you die. The sting of the words never fades, even after you repeat them over and over.

There is a tiny voice in the back of your mind that you can’t seem to shake. It is that same voice that was in the back of your mind the day that she came back. That voice that was buried so far under your pit of hunger that you had chosen to ignore it. That shitty little voice had been right all along. You never should have fed off her. You should have fought harder against her pleas. You should have let yourself wither into nothing so you could finally be released from this hell that has trapped you in a lonely existence. It was the only rightful end for a monster as cruel as you. Instead, you’ve succumb into a whole different kind of painful prison, where the bond between you and Olivia will ache, throb, and yearn for eternity.

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips- Chapter 5

Summary: Olivia's ability to care about her own safety has never been her strength, and now it costs her more than she realizes

Warnings: Angst

A/N: @impossiblewolf wants you to grab the tissues. I say welcome back to the monsters in my mind ;)

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The very thing Olivia never wanted to happen happens the next night. 

It hasn't been long since she showed up at your doorstep again, your mark barely covered under her shirt. It has been half an hour, maybe longer, when a noise outside catches your attention. You try to be subtle about it so she’ll continue telling you about Fin, the man who you saw waiting for her the other night. Apparently, her years of being a detective have helped her to even read creatures like you. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, a small furrow in her brow. 

“Uh, nothing,” you reply, briefly waving a dismissive hand. “Just thought I heard something outside.” 

You sense through your newly formed bond that she doesn’t entirely believe you — her eyes give it away too — but it seems plausible enough that she continues telling you about Fin. From the way she talks about him, you can tell they’re good friends. You’re glad she has someone like him in her corner. You know from a couple of fleeting thoughts that Olivia often feels like she has no one. You wish that you could tell her that you will be that someone for her, but you know right now, even with the bond, Olivia doesn’t believe that to be true. She is constantly waiting for the other foot to drop and for the fragile relationship you have built to completely shatter around her.

A couple of minutes pass by before you hear another noise, this one louder and closer than the last. This noise seems to catch Olivia’s attention, too. Both of you stand, but you’re quicker, crossing the room in a matter of a couple of strides to look out the window. The moon is small in the sky, so despite the lack of clouds, it’s still pretty dark out by human standards. 

But you can still see him. 

Standing a couple of hundred yards away is a human with a flashlight clutched in his hand by his side. He looks tall, close to six feet. He appears thin, but clearly has the strength to carry dead human bodies. 

“What is it, Y/N?” Olivia asks, standing close enough to you that your skin tingles at her warm breath fluttering across your skin. 

“Someone’s here,” you reply, your voice serious as you step away from the window and pull her with you. 

Olivia’s eyes widen with alarm, and she pulls away from you. “I have to go catch him. He could be the killer.” 

“Absolutely not,” you say quickly, harsher than you intended.

“It’s my job,” she snaps back. 

You see her flinch for the first time when you put yourself between her and the door before she can blink. “I’m not letting you go out there. You don’t know these woods like I do.”

“Then come with me! This guy has killed ten people now, Y/N. I need to get him off the streets,” she argues, gathering her things. “The quicker we catch him, the quicker your life can return to normal.”

“You can’t be certain it’s the killer. It could be someone lost in the woods. It happens occasionally, believe it or not.” 

Olivia scoffs. “Come on, you know that’s not true. The only person who could be here at this particular location is the killer. He could be looking for where to dump his next victim. Or worse, he could be figuring out how to hurt you.” 

She tries to step around you to reach for the doorknob despite knowing she won’t succeed. You merely grab her wrist and lead her away from the door. The simple action causes her scent to change to overwhelmingly bitter, enough to make your nose crinkle. You had smelled her frustration before, but this is something worse than anger. This is a flicker of hatred from being stopped from doing something she deemed important.

“You’re interfering with an investigation and my promise to you, Y/N,” she says, her voice low with warning. “Don’t make me restrain you.” 

You let out a dry laugh, which only makes her more upset. “There’s nothing here to restrain me with except the cuffs on your waist, and I would break those before you even fully had them on me.” 

“Then let me do my job,” she growls, yanking her wrist from your grasp and storming toward the door. 

You let her go this time, mainly to let her blow off a little steam. Before she’s at the bottom of the stairs, you’re already in the doorway. You want to give her space, but you aren’t stupid. She isn’t thinking clearly enough to do this all alone. 

“Don’t you care about your safety?” You ask as she pulls her gun from its holster and her flashlight from her pocket.

“The badge on my hip has an oath attached to it, and part of that oath is to protect and serve.” 

“This feels a little like that saying you humans have about calling the kettle black,” you admit as you walk down the stairs. 

You’re not looking at her but instead at the woods in front of you. The man is still standing there, watching the two of you interact. You can only pray Olivia can’t see him. 

“Forgive me for actually caring about you, too,” you say. “For wanting to protect you from things that you have no business getting involved in alone.”

“That’s rich coming from the person who didn’t want me to come around anymore,” she snaps. 

“For this very reason,” you say as you grab her by the biceps this time, forcing her to look at you despite her not being able to see you. “Plus, I thought we were past that. I was wrong to send you away then, but I’m not wrong when I say that you have no idea what you are doing and can’t do this alone.”

You won’t say it, but you wonder if her visits here have inadvertently led the killer to come into the woods this deep. You won’t put that kind of blame on her, despite how plausible it sounds.  You can’t even bring yourself to be mad at her reckless behavior. You wanted her here even before the bond formed, and now that it is locked into place, you can’t regret seeing her. 

“And if you go after him now, you could still risk exposing me, which goes against your promise to keep me safe.” 

You see the words hit her like a slap across the face, and you’re hopeful that you might have finally talked her off the ledge. Until you hear the crunch of snow and see the faint evidence of a flashlight across the snow in your peripheral vision. Olivia’s reaction is immediate. 

“NYPD!” She yells, her head whipping in the direction of the light. 

Again, she pulls out of your gentle grasp and takes off running in the direction of the mysterious figure. You have no choice but to follow after her since you know the layout far better than her and potentially even better than the killer. But the killer is wise enough to head in a particular direction that you know leads to denser woods. 

You quickly abandon traveling on foot in favor of jumping between the trees while keeping track of where Olivia is and where the killer is. It’s useless, though, because after a few minutes of chasing, the killer manages to disappear as suddenly as he appeared, as if he may know of a shortcut or secret underground system of sorts that you haven’t found quite yet. 

You jump to the ground and sniff around for him. You look for his footprints, a blood trail, anything to show where he went, but there’s nothing. 

“Detective?” You yell, looking over your shoulder. 

“I’m here,” Olivia pants.

“He’s gone.”

“Son of a bitch, how’d you lose him?” She questions, bewildered. 

You roll your eyes, feeling a renewed anger ignite in your belly. “These woods are dense, in case you haven’t noticed. It affects my speed.” 

“If you had let me go after him the second you heard him, I might’ve gotten him.” 

“Or maybe it would’ve ended the same way, or maybe you would’ve gotten hurt, and then what, detective? You can’t keep your promise to me and do your job if you get hurt. How would you explain to your squad that you were out here alone again, even after Fin told you to stop coming here?”

“Since when did we go back to you calling me detective?” She asks, her frown evident in her voice as she ignores the rest of your statement. 

“Since you gave me no choice but to follow you in a police chase.” 

“I was just trying to protect you, can’t you see that?” Olivia snips in defiance. 

“I said no,” you bark out. Olivia stares back at you defiantly. “I’m not worth all of this danger and hassle, Olivia. I don’t matter. You aren't risking your life for me.”

“Yes, you do, Y/N. You matter. You matter to me. Isn’t that enough?” Olivia asks, and for the first time, you hear a wobble in her voice. It’s not that which breaks you, but her devastating thought after:

Aren’t I enough? 

The thought is born with such a sad and broken tone of voice that you subtly recoil like the July summer sun just touched your skin. Of course, she’s enough, and that’s the problem. It’s making connections like this that have forced you to pick secluded areas to live for centuries. You wonder for a moment if your desire for close contact has caused you to lose your edge in remaining so well hidden. 

“You are enough, Olivia. You mean more to me than anyone I have ever met in my entire miserable life, and it is killing me to see you act like your life doesn’t matter. You call it your job and doing your duty, but you are being reckless. I can’t be there to rescue you every damn minute of the day.”

You regret your words the second you see how they hurt Olivia. In her mind, you see the image of a man clear as day yelling a similar phrase at her. Your non-beating heart still manages to sink as she visibly recoils and a hardness comes to her features, worse than tears. You could handle the tears, but no, this was a complete removal of feelings.

Hurting her again wasn’t your intention. You’ve sensed from the beginning the hurt she carries, and you don’t want to be added to the invisible list of people who have caused her grief. Now you went and have done exactly that, except this time you think you may have done it worse than all those who have come before you. 

“Well, don’t worry. You won’t have to ever come to my rescue again. I’m done,” she says with a calm finality before she turns away and disappears into the woods. 

You collapse onto the porch after following the bond’s urge to make sure she gets in her car safely. You think about running back out to her, but what is the point when you know that it will only make things worse. Despite what she said yesterday about caring about you, you knew that the end of your relationship was inevitable. You knew she would eventually see the monster that lives inside and would wise up and leave, and, after what you foolishly said to her, her walking away is what you deserve. 

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips-Chapter 4

Summary: So much human interference means that you are starving until Olivia takes it into her own hands. You just don't realize the consequences of her actions till it's done

Warnings: Blood, Fangs, Vamp! feeding.

A/N: I mean it's a vampire story. Y'all do realize that there is going to be a lot of blood and feeding right? Collab fic with @impossiblewolf

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Olivia doesn’t exactly listen when you say that night would be the last night you see each other. She comes back to your home every couple of days but never approaches the house. She just looks for signs of life, to see if she can see you from where she stands. Looking for those things in the dark is hard though, so often she leaves seeing nothing.

You though, you see her every time. You perch in branches making sure she stays safe in woods that now drip with blood. You find it cute that she is stubborn, but are infuriated by her recklessness. Well, infuriated that you care so much about it.

You just want her to be safe. Olivia wants the same for you. You just don't know why.

As days turn into a couple of weeks and Olivia sees absolutely no signs of life, she’s forced to approach the house for a closer look. With the investigation going slower than she thought it would and NYPD practically residing on every corner of your property, all of the local wildlife has left, making hunting very difficult when just stepping out of your house threatens to overwhelm you because of all the human scent. You have been doing your best to stay out of their way and off their suspect list but it is coming at a great cost.

You’re shaking and weak by the time Olivia finds you. You are curled on the floor furthest from all the windows. You didn't hear when Olivia knocked and then eventually let herself in. Instead you have been chanting: I don't feed off humans over and over. It’s barely working, especially since you don't remember the last time you ate, which only becomes concerning when Olivia fades in and out of focus in front of you.

“Get out,” you growl as her scent fills your nose, more intense than normal and almost overwhelming for your senses.

Your fingers curl as you will yourself to stay seated. It’s hard enough to have Olivia around when you are fully fed, but right now it’s unbearable. The bitterness of her usual scent is stripped away, instead replaced by a sweet concoction that sends your head spinning.

What you wouldn't give for one single taste of the blood that runs through her veins.

The thought terrifies you and you try to curl further into yourself. You can't feed off Olivia. You won't. Not when it comes at such a big risk.

“I know you are a vampire,” Olivia says as she steps closer, crouching down to invade your space, “and I know our presence is causing your suffering.”

You groan as your fangs pop out against your will at her scent’s close proximity and your head turns away to find a momentary reprieve. “If you know what I am, then you should leave.”

“And let you die here? No.” She says stubbornly.

“Olivia. Go, now,” you snap, your voice carrying a weak tremor now. “I'm begging you.”

“I'm not letting you starve,” Olivia repeats. Her hand comes to rest on your thigh and it’s like fire despite the clothing that separates her skin from yours. “Not when I care about you this much.”

Your eyes snap to hers, the unique lavender shade that once resided there now replaced with a stunning forest green as a result of growing more comfortable around her during her few visits. Olivia immediately gets entranced by the change of color. She thought the lavender was beautiful, but this… this color was better.

The ability to form words is momentarily lost to you. You forgot how stunning she was in your time watching her from a distance. Now her curls are full volume, framing her face that is full of concern. Olivia pulls her hair into a ponytail, exposing the pale expanse of her neck. You gulp as your focus hones in on the thrumming right below her skin.

“Olivia,” you choke out, your voice wobbling with desperation.“I don't feed on humans anymore.” You pause, closing your eyes to shut away the old memories threatening to overtake you. “Last time I almost didn't stop.”

“You’ll stop this time,” she says with such confidence you almost believe her. “Now please, let me help.”

She extends her hand out and pulls you to your feet. You are so weak that you wobble for a moment. Her hands grip your hips to keep you upright and your head spins out how overwhelming she is this close. You don't know if it is because you haven't eaten in so long or because of her presence and her scent, but you can't force yourself away from her.

“Please…” Olivia whispers desperately, tilting her head to the side.

You gulp but know fighting this is useless. You are starving, Olivia won’t leave, and without her you won't make it much longer. With her fingers digging into your hips again you let your fangs finish growing.

“Are you sure?” You ask as your hands begin to tremor in anticipation as you push back a stray hair.

“Feed off me,” she says in response.

The words send you spiraling and you gently reach out to trace the column of her throat. She gulps making the vein bulge. Your fingers curl involuntarily and her eyes flutter shut. It may have been decades since you fed off a human, but you don't remember any being excited in the way she is.

“Please,” she whimpers when your thumb brushes her again, “use me.”

With a final, dry swallow, you sink your fangs into her neck. You moan desperately the second her blood reaches your tongue, and it feels like you’re soaring. You can feel your body returning to normal strength and your brain fog disappears. As you gain more control you repeat the mantra: Stop, stop, stop.

Even with the words echoing in your head you get lost in it for a moment. Animal blood has sustained you but it doesn't replace the rush that comes with fresh human blood.

It isn't until she lets out a large whimper, one hand trembling on your hip and the other coming to curl in your hair that you realize you have lost track of time. You panic, thinking she is in pain and launch yourself away from her. The sudden motion makes her crumble to the floor with a resounding thud.

You don't hear her call out for you. You’re too caught up in your own thoughts. You bring your knees to your chest and rock back and forth while your chest heaves for air it doesn’t need. You can still feel Olivia’s blood coursing through your veins and your hunger has abated momentarily, but there is still a voice in the back of your head telling you that you should have drank more. You’re so caught up in battling against it that you jump when a hand lands on your shoulder, warm and soothing.

“I'm okay. I wasn't in pain,” she admits gently, her thumb coming to collect the blood that still drips down your chin.

She holds it against your mouth until you open up and lick the liquid off her finger. You moan as the metallic taste reaches your tongue. Her face burns red at the noise but she doesn't turn away. When she removes her thumb, you realize you haven’t closed your puncture marks and there is still blood gently pouring down her neck. It has created a path down the v of her shirt and it’s inches away from disappearing into her cleavage. Before it can, you lean over and lick up the trail of blood to the initial spot you bit her. Olivia’s breath audibly stutters at your boldness and once again she reaches to grab your shoulder to steady herself. You aren't alarmed this time and begin to flick your tongue across the bite.

“Aren't you still hungry?” Olivia asks, her fingers curling slightly into your shirt.

“I can survive off what I had,” you reply, kissing the spot gently. “I'm almost done removing the mark.”

She really does push you away this time. “No, don't get rid of it.”

Your brows twist in confusion. “But if I don't close it, it will scar.”

“I…I want to be reminded of who marked me,” she says quietly.

The shyness in her tone and the way she looks away has your body vibrating. You step closer, letting your fingers curl around her jaw. With a gentle pull her eyes finally lock on yours and then look to your lips. There is still blood lingering there, but it doesn’t bother her.

You don't know who leans in first, but suddenly you two are kissing. Her teeth pull down gently on your bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth and removing the blood that was there. You can't help the little moan that claws its way up your throat.

When you finally pull away, Olivia’s breath is shallow. You both stay still for several moments, your foreheads pressed together. When you finally move, it’s to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Let me get you something to eat,” you murmur, leading her over to the couch. “You will want to replace the blood you lost.”

She nods and watches as you duck into the kitchen, but is quickly hit with confusion. “Wait, you know how to cook?”

“I do,” you nod, moving around the room with a level of expertise no one would expect a vampire to have. “I cook meals for the homeless from the deer I feed from. I don't let anything go to waste.”

Olivia blinks, visibly caught off guard from this new information. “That’s really thoughtful.”

“Keeps me busy,” you shrug briefly.

And it helps them not feel so invisible. You know what it’s like to be alone, to have no one looking out for you or even anyone to talk to. You don’t just give them a warm meal. You give them a little love, a little support and strength to get through the day. In turn, you get that connection you sometimes crave so much.

“I make clothing from the animal hides too,” you continue as you spice up a piece of raw venison while waiting for your old fashion stove to heat up. “Hats, mittens, coats. Blankets, even.”

“Wow,” Olivia breathes.

She had known from the moment she met you that there was a gentleness to you beneath all the armor you put up to protect yourself. She didn’t realize how deep that gentleness, that selflessness, really went.

‘The world needs more people like her,’ Olivia thinks to herself.

You hear the words so clearly that you look over your shoulder at her to see if she actually said it, but one look at her face tells you she didn’t. Not verbally, at least.

You also realize she looks different. She has a glow around her now. A light that is lavender tinged with bursts of green. Your eyes widen subtly as the realization settles within you.

Feeding off of her has formed a bond.

Bonds are rare within the vampire and werewolf community, but anyone within them knows when they’re around an individual or a couple who shares one. There’s an aura that follows them, and it rests upon the individual or couple like an invisible mark that screams off limits.

It also means you become attuned to everything. You can feel her heart calming in her heart, her body shifting before she moves, and her words before they are spoken. You in turn feel a fierce protectiveness rise in you over any noise that rattles the house. You would have done anything to keep Olivia safe before, but now it’s a need, an obligation, buried deep inside of you.

The only unfortunate thing is: humans aren't supposed to be able to bond with vampires.

There are no laws against it. Just the unfortunate truth that eventually humans die and when they do the grief is so all consuming that typically the vampire follows suit. It becomes unbearable to exist in a world where a bonded no longer exists.

“I, um…I use every part of the animal I can,” you continue a little awkwardly as you cook. “I leave what I can’t use for the carnivores around here.”

The two of you carry on in conversation as you cook, and you watch in your peripheral vision as Olivia gradually settles into the couch, making herself comfortable. She perks up when you finally come over with a steaming plate of cooked venison and vegetables. You sit down beside her and lay a thick pot holder on the table in front of the couch before setting the plate on it.

“It looks like steak,” she admits, surprised.

“Well yeah,” you chuckle. “What’d you expect?”

“I don’t know,” she responds, looking over at you. “What’s it taste like?” Her cheeks burn when she realizes her mistake. “Wait, you can't eat it, that was a stupid question.”

You shrug, laughing lightly. “Some people say it tastes like chicken, others say it tastes like lean beef. It depends who you ask, I guess.”

Olivia cuts off a piece and blows on it until she feels it’s safe enough to finally eat. When she does, the pleased hum she lets out makes you smile.

“Tastes like steak,” she concludes after swallowing.

“Good, now eat,” you encourage, your eyes tracking her every moment.

You watch her while she eats, cataloging every twitch in her brow, exhale through her nose, and shift in her arms. You didn't feed enough to make her woozy, but you still watch her like you did.

While you watch, your hands travel along her arms in random patterns, coming up to brush along her neck and cheek. Now that you have touched her you can't get enough. You crave the calming heat from her skin and the way she smiles at you softly. It’s a side of her that you know people rarely see and you want to soak in it as long as you can.

“I'm okay, you can stop worrying,” she reassures you with a soft smile. “You should have eaten more.”

You choose not to tell her that you weren’t worried anymore, that you had simply been staring because she was beautiful, because the bond makes you feel every pulse of her heart, every flutter of her chest, every shift in her mind. Instead, you merely move forward to carefully brush a strand of hair behind her ear and shyly press a kiss to her temple. You can't help but grin when her breath stutters.

“It’s my job to worry after I feed off you,” you say softly, letting your finger gently fall to her neck. The mark is closed but not faded. You know she wanted this but you can't help but wonder. “Are you sure you won't let me heal this?”

“Leave it,” Olivia says quickly, a little panic in her gaze when her eyes widen. “I want you to be able to know where to feed next time.”

You let out a soft laugh at the absurdity of the statement. You have been a vampire for centuries and never once questioned where to feed. Her face burns when she realizes how silly she sounds so you choose not to tease her.

You let your thumb gently swipe the fading bite. “…You think there should be a next time.”

“Well…I…” Olivia stammers, a little distracted by your fingers now running up and down her throat. “I'm not going to let you starve.” She gulps her face turning red. “And…uh, I really enjoyed it.”

You smile, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss against her temple. The softness of her skin pushes away the guilt building in your stomach as you admit, “I enjoyed it too.”

Her face relaxes and you feel her heart slow as she moves closer to you. Your body thrums with appreciation at her warmth. You want nothing more than to hold her tightly to you for as long as she will allow.

“Can we cuddle?” She asks softly as if reading your thoughts. She feels a sudden urge, like an intense craving, to be close to you, to feel you around her.

You can't deny her, not when she has given herself so easily, and not with the fresh bond still thrumming under your skin. So you adjust on the couch to pull her against your chest. She hums as she melts against you. You pull up the blanket as she clutches your shirt tightly in her hand.

“Thank you,” you whisper along her hair line, “for coming even when I told you not to.”

Olivia laughs, nuzzling closer to you. “I'm not letting you go that easy.” The comment comes lighthearted but her thoughts betray her. I can't lose her. I can't lose someone else again.

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips- Chapter 3

Summary: More bodies keep piling up but the only thing Olivia can think about is how to keep you safe.

Warnings: Canon typical crime scene

A/N: Collab fic with @impossiblewolf

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Two more bodies show up a few days later. Twin sisters, and they’re just as bruised and mutilated as the first three bodies.

Before she even sees the bodies, Olivia notices how much farther she has to drive into the woods to start seeing officers than the first time. Although she’s been around here more at night than during the day, she recognizes the route she takes to come to your house as she walks up to the crime scene. Your home is still out of sight from the scene, but Olivia worries about how much longer you’ll be safe if they can’t catch this killer.

She doesn’t know why she feels this instinctive urge to protect you, but it has become all-consuming lately.

She discreetly searches for you in the trees as she walks up to the bodies with Amaro by her side. She feels an unexplainable twinge of disappointment at your absence before she turns her full attention to the bodies. You shouldn’t be here; a piece of her knows that, but she still wants you close. She rationalizes that it's merely because she doesn’t want you to be the next victim, but deep down, she knows that isn’t true. Olivia just wants you close because you bring a safety she hasn’t felt since Elliot left.

“Son of a bitch,” Olivia sighs when she realizes that the bodies don’t look older than fifteen, which is younger than the first three bodies dumped here.

“Looks like this guy likes variety,” Amaro comments.

“That and the fact that what little of this guy’s DNA we have isn’t in the system makes him that much harder to pin down,” Olivia growls, running her hand through her hair, letting the curls fall back around her face.

Her heart breaks for the girls lying before her. From the reports on the other three bodies, she knows these girls’ last days on earth were a living hell. But she also feels upset for you, because it seems her promise that they would get out of your hair won’t come to pass as soon as she hoped. It has been at least a week since you have been able to find silence on your own property.

“I meant to ask you,” Amaro says, pulling Olivia from her thoughts. “Did you and Fin ever find that person you saw watching us the last time we were here?”

She looks over at him and shakes her head. “No,” she lies. “We lost track of him at some abandoned shed. We took a look at the other abandoned buildings nearby but didn’t find anything.”

“Do you think maybe that’s our killer sticking around to watch us?”

“As much as I hate to give this guy any credit, I don’t think he’d be dumb enough to do that,” Olivia admits, looking back at the bodies. “I don’t know who it could’ve been, but I don’t think they’ll be of much help to the investigation.”

Any further comments Amaro may have are put on the back burner when Melinda walks up to the scene. Olivia begins intently listening to her despite already knowing everything she’s going to say about their injuries. The only thing that is on her mind is checking in on you.

——————————

Olivia has been at your house a couple of times since the first night you two met. She never stays long, but you learn to enjoy the couple of moments you get to be in her orbit. Olivia Benson is a fascinating woman that you can’t get enough of. You constantly have to remind yourself that she is only visiting because of her work. As soon as the killer is found, she will fade away, just like everyone in your life.

That doesn’t stop you from preparing for her arrival tonight.

Instead of lounging around outdoors like you often enjoy doing, you stay inside and get a fire going so your home is warm when she arrives. You even bring a blanket down from upstairs and drape it over the back of the couch like you’ve seen some people do in hopes of making the room look a little more cozy and less like a space you barely use. You never used to see the importance of having a home to come back to. For years, you wandered wherever the wind took you, but when you came to New York, you decided to finally let roots settle in. Now, looking around your house, you realize maybe you put out branches instead of roots.

You don’t know why you care about what she thinks of your space or why you’re going out of your way to try and make her comfortable — well, you do know. It’s because it’s the right thing to do, and this is the first human you’ve been remotely interested in having in your space in a long time — since she’s more or less made it clear that she’s only here for business. It’s not like anything could happen between you and her anyway. It gives you the freedom to play around a little more than you would have at any other time.

Her knock on your front door is softer than you expect from an officer like her. You’re tempted to tell her it’s open, that she can step in freely, but that type of behavior is for friends and casual visits. You have to remind yourself that this is anything but that. When you open it, you’re greeted with that same vanilla and bitter undertone scent. There’s something different about it today. The scent itself is the same, but the way it fills your nose is just…different.

Like she’s having an internal conflict of her own. You think about dipping into her thoughts and extracting what the problem is, but you stop yourself. You normally don’t have a problem reading others' thoughts, but with Olivia, it feels wrong to do it without her knowing.

It’s a contradiction you have never experienced before, so you cast aside the thought for another time and offer her food or water — which she declines, not entirely unsurprising — before the two of you sit in the same spots you sat in a few days prior.

“The two new bodies found today mean that we’ll be around here longer than I originally thought,” Olivia says. You hear her upcoming apology in her tone. “I’m so sorry for the disturbance this is causing you.”

“Yeah, me too,” you reply quietly.

But getting upset at her won’t change anything. She’s just doing her job, and frankly, you’re not the only one affected by this. Five families are hurting. You can leave without a trace, even if you don’t want to, because you like this place. These families are changed in a way that doesn’t heal over time, just gets a little less painful every day.

“Whoever this guy is, he’s getting closer to the house. You might not be safe coming out here alone anymore,” you tell her, even though the thought of losing her company is like a sharp pain.

She seems to bristle at the comment, and the bitterness in her scent overtakes the vanilla. You look away, hoping not to portray the guilt that comes from making her feel that way.

“I believe I am very capable of taking care of myself,” she snips, harsher than she originally intended.

“I don’t doubt that at all, Detective,” you respond calmly. “I haven’t known you long, but you seem like one of the most intelligent officers that I have met. I just don’t understand why you are putting yourself at risk for me.”

The admission is soft and shows the insecurity that underlines your thoughts lately. There was a reason that you kept yourself locked away in the woods. Staying away from civilization means they couldn’t see the real monster that you were barely keeping contained.

Before you can put more distance between you and her, Olivia rests a gentle hand on your thigh. You are immediately nervous about how cold your body is, but she doesn’t seem fazed. Instead, she just squeezes gently.

“You deserve to be able to walk around your own property and feel safe,” she says softly, but there is a flicker of something else hidden behind her eyes as well. “You are worthy of help, too.”

If you still had a beating heart, you would be sure that it would be flip-flopping in your chest right now. Instead, you just feel a burning under the part of your skin that her hand touches. You give her a soft nod, trying to compose yourself.

“I hope you don’t come to regret that choice,” you whisper.

“I won’t,” Olivia reassures you before removing her hand. You instantly feel the loss with a cold rush coming over you. “Is there anything new you can tell me?”

You shake your head. “No. I wasn’t around this time.” You lean forward and rest your elbows on your knees, clasping your hands together to keep from playing with your fingers. “I was miles away, deer hunting. The fresh snowfall around here means that the few deer still around aren’t moving. The additional foot traffic has likely spooked them and will continue to.”

“You seem to know a lot about the surrounding area,” Olivia comments, her pen gently scratching away at her pad.

You shrug. “I have to. I live off of it.”

Olivia tallies this to her list of growing evidence that you are, in fact, a vampire. It soothes her to know that you are the animal-eating kind instead of the one that seems to prey on humans. Not that it would have mattered that much to her anyway. She still feels that magnetic pull to you that makes her skin vibrate. Which has only grown when her hand leaves your thigh, and she can still feel sparks along her fingers.

After a couple of hours of asking any question she can think of to get as much case related information from you as possible, followed by you asking about her work and even a little about herself, she runs out of excuses to stay and eventually stands up to leave. She has a sinking feeling that once she leaves tonight, she won’t be coming back. It weighs on her more than she wants to admit. Olivia has lost so much over the last couple of months with Elliot leaving that she doesn’t know if she can let go of something that seems to bring light back into her life. However, she can’t really find a reason to cling to it either, not without admitting too much.

“If there are any updates on the case, I will make sure you are aware,” Olivia says, hoping that you will accept the offer.

Her heart sinks when you immediately shut her down with a shake of your head. “I was serious about what I said earlier. These woods aren’t safe for you anymore. Not alone.”

“Then let me…”

Her words trail off when your eyes instantly darken, and for the first time, Olivia realizes that they are actually purple, not gray like she had originally assumed. You shake your head as if to rid yourself of the anger that had sparked. It allows your eyes to settle back to the lighter shade that Olivia recognizes.

“No,” you say as you walk with her to the door. “There’s no way around this, Detective. This is the last night we’ll see each other.”

Olivia can hear a degree of pain in your voice, and she wonders for a moment just how deep that pain runs. With what she suspects you of being, she imagines you’ve said a lot of goodbyes. But no matter who or what you are, they’re never easy. She knows about goodbyes all too well, and she wishes desperately this didn’t have to be one, but she doesn’t think that she is going to be able to change your mind.

The air between the two of you is heavy with finality as you walk her back to her car, but you stay further back when you smell the presence of another human. You recognize the scent from the first day you saw Olivia, so you know the human is safe. It cuts your time shorter than you would have wanted, but you know this is the right choice. Olivia isn’t safe here anymore, not by herself, and you can’t risk anyone else figuring out your secrets.

“Goodnight, Olivia,” you murmur as you watch her walk the rest of the way.

Right before she is about to break the tree line, she turns to look at you. There is a sadness written in her features, and it only makes the hurt inside of you double. She gives you one final wave.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

She walks a little further before she sees Fin, and she’s torn between wanting to let out a laugh or simply roll her eyes despite the action going unnoticed thanks to the dark.

“So this is what you’ve been spending your nights doing,” Fin says once he can see her. “No wonder you come in lookin' so tired every day. You know you shouldn’t be out here alone.”

“What can I say?” Olivia shrugs, forcing a smile through a fresh wave of ache in her chest. “I’m like a dog with a bone.”

“Which isn’t a bad thing sometimes,” Fin acknowledges. “But you can’t save everyone, Liv.”

Olivia looks over her shoulder to where you’re still standing. Fin can’t see you. She knows that now, because he’d be acting very differently. He’d probably cuss, immediately want to meet you, or something in between.

“It’s not always about immediately saving people, Fin. Sometimes it starts with showing them they’re worthy of being saved.”

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips-Chapter 2

Summary: Olivia continues to confirm that you are one of the magical creatures she researched.

Warnings: Minor crime scene description

Previous Chapter-Next Chapter

Masterlist

A/N: Collab fic with @impossiblewolf

1.8k

Olivia wakes up the next day knowing two things: you are a vampire and you didn't commit these murders. She is positive on the first thing and a little more uncertain about the second. The evidence points to a cold hearted killer with no remorse. She just can't fathom a world where that is actually you.

So she takes a risk and sees you out the next night.

“I know you didn’t do it,” Olivia says to no one in particular.

She’s standing outside in the winter breeze that bites at her skin anytime it blows. She's closer to what she believes to be your home than the night before, but she makes no move to approach the steps leading up to the door. She’s trying to respect your space and hopefully give you reason to trust her.

Unlike the last time, there’s no clouds in the sky tonight. The blame for any darkness in the woods lands solely on the trees and the impressive range of their branches. The noises Olivia hears in the woods tonight are different from last night as well. There’s a pack of wolves — or maybe coyotes? — wandering close enough that Olivia can feel her body preparing to release the tsunami of adrenaline at a moment’s notice to take care of them. Now that she knows about the existence of magical creatures she thinks she sees them everywhere.

“What, you didn’t believe me when I told you that last night?” You reply from the aged rooftop of your home.

Olivia shines her flashlight in your general direction. Its white light shines on your legs, which are bent at the knees as you casually sit on the point of the roof. For a moment, she wonders how you got up there.

“Trust, but verify,” she says with a nonchalant shrug. “I think you know more than you’re telling me though, and I’d really like to know what it is.”

“Will it get your people away from my property any quicker?”

You stand to your feet and walk down the slope of the roof. Her flashlight follows your every move, shining on you from your chest to your feet by the time you reach the edge.

“We’ll have no reason to be here once we know more about this guy. So yes, we’ll be out of your hair quicker if you’ll cooperate.”

You let out a hum and jump over to the nearby tree to get yourself down. You could have jumped to the ground right from the roof, but you’re not looking to terrify the officer with stunts that would be dangerous for her kind.

“Come on in then,” you say once your feet touch the ground. “No room for argument tonight.”

You reach the top step of the four steps leading up to your porch before you hear her walk on the first one. You have the door wide open by the time she reaches the porch and you notice her scent is different tonight. More vanilla and less of that bitter smell. Another scent hits your nose as you move toward the unlit fireplace for the necessary light and heat for your guest. A scent you know all too well.

Blood.

You can’t hide the way your eyes go wide or how your fangs are already half out. You tense your jaw and will yourself not to inhale, to not even move as the urge to pounce her washes over you. It doesn't matter that you ate yesterday, food is sparse and you are always on the brink of hunger lately.

“You’re bleeding.”

Your voice is tight but the panic you’re feeling coats your words. Olivia quickly looks down at herself, assessing for any damage and sure enough, she finds where she’s bleeding. There is a slash in her jacket that reveals her pale skin. The wound isn’t serious. It’s nothing more than a simple cut from a branch that is probably long overdue for a trimming, but just a little is all that’s needed to send you over the edge. It’s why you haven’t turned around to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” Olivia says, the calmness of her voice somehow helping you calm down a little too. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Go through the kitchen over there,” you point to your left. “And it’ll be the first door on the right.”

You don’t realize you’re shaking until you hear her footsteps recede and your muscles finally unclench. You decide to put off making the fire for a moment longer in favor of opening the front door. You stick your head outside and take in a deep breath of air, the coolness of it still a little startling for your body despite your colder body temperature. You repeat this process once, twice, three times before you close the door again, feeling more composed. The smell of her and her blood still lingers, but you trust your self control.

“Just don’t get too close,” you whisper to yourself as you walk over to the fireplace.

You load it with five cut logs and light it with a match. The soothing flames flicker to life, giving the small living room a dim glow of light. It’s not enough though, so you wander the house for the few oil lamps that the previous owners left behind. You’re in the process of lighting the second one when you hear Olivia slowly come back into the room. You look up at her from where you’re seated and quickly notice she’s used one of your shirts to tend to her wound.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “I couldn’t find a first aid kit anywhere.”

You wave your hand dismissively and place the lit oil lamps on either side of the coffee table in front of you. You stand to your feet and walk into the kitchen to place the third one on the kitchen counter.

“It’s okay,” you say as you walk past her again. “I actually don’t have any first aid kits around.”

Unbeknownst to you, that fact only further supports Olivia’s certainty of your immortality.

“It’ll take some time for the fire to warm up the house. I have some blankets, if you’d like one.”

“My coat will suit me fine for the time being, but thank you.” Olivia nods politely and sits on the couch. She finally sets her large purse on the table in front of her and takes a legal notepad out of it.

“You never told me your name,” you say as you step closer, trying to figure out if you want to sit in the sofa chair near the couch or pace.

“It’s Olivia…Olivia Benson,” she says with a soft smile.

“What’s your rank in the NYPD?”

“I’m a detective. I work in the Special Victims Unit.”

“Special Victims Unit?” You frown, the term unfamiliar to you.

“We investigate a lot of sex based crimes,” she explains. “As well as child abuse and neglect, domestic violence, human trafficking. All of the especially heinous crimes.”

“Wow,” you blink. “That’s…a lot.”

You decide to take a seat in the sofa chair a few feet away from the couch. The chair is large enough for you to curl up in so you sit in the corner furthest from Olivia and bring your knees to your chest so you smell more of your scent than hers. It does little to cover up the blood that has already invaded your senses.

“It is,” Olivia admits. “But the work is rewarding.”

Despite it never ending. When they got a group of perpetrators off the street, it seemed like double the number of new ones took their place. Many people tried to be Debbie Downers regarding her career path over the course of her career, but she wouldn’t let them be the ones to make her walk away.

“Okay, so, what do you want to know?” You ask, breaking her from her thoughts.

“I want to know everything surrounding the time you found the bodies. I want you to tell me every detail, no matter how small or minute it is.”

“Okay,” you nod thoughtfully. “Like I said yesterday, I was doing a perimeter walk around my property when I found the bodies. I do a perimeter walk a few times a day.”

“Was this the first one you’d done for the day?”

You shake your head. “No, my second.”

“When do you usually do your first walk, and how long do they usually last?”

“I do my first walk around breakfast, which is around 7 or 8am depending on the day. They can take a couple of hours. This property is huge.”

“Were the bodies there during your first walk around?”

“No. Where they were, I would’ve noticed them the first time around.”

Olivia nodded briefly and jotted down the information as you continued to speak.

“I couldn’t tell what they were at first but once I got close, I realized they were bodies. I knelt beside them to look for a pulse, but then I heard footsteps in the snow. I got startled and my hand slid through one of the puddles of blood. That made me panic a little more, but I was able to get away and when I looked back, you guys were surrounding the bodies.”

“Why did you panic when the police arrived?” She asks calmly but the question still makes your skin bristle.

“Police in my experience have never been helpful,” you retort, crossing your arms defensively. “The sooner that I can rid myself of them the better.”

Olivia watches you for a moment, her face giving nothing away but curiosity. “Well, I'll try to make sure we can get out of your way as quickly as possible.”

“That would be appreciated,” you say, even though there is a part of you that hates to think about her leaving anytime soon.

She digs through her bag and pulls out a business card that she hands to you. You do your best to avoid touching her as you take it.

“That’s my card so you can call me if you see or remember anything I should know about,” Olivia says before packing her things.

“I don't have a phone,” you tell her, holding the card toward her.

She refuses to take it and only gives you a soft smile. “Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the same time.”

“Only you. No one else.”

The demand comes out harsher than you wanted and part of you wants to apologize, but Olivia seems unfazed by it and nods before promising that she’ll continue to show up alone.

It surprises you when she doesn't protest to you walking her to the car tonight. You have to point out three different hazardous spots to her so that she doesn't stumble, but you eventually get her back to her car safely. As much as you dislike the presence of the NYPD near your home, you actually like Olivia’s company. From an investigative standpoint, there doesn’t seem to be much reason for her to come back out again, yet she is. You decide to be a little daring and take that as a sign that maybe, just maybe, she enjoys your company too.

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26 //

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips: Chapter 1

Summary: When bodies end up on your property you know it means trouble. You just don't expect it to also bring someone sweet mixed truth with a little bitter.

Warnings: Canon typical crime scene

A/N: Collab fix with @impossiblewolf

Next Chapter

Masterlist

2.5k

There is a pang in your stomach that reminds you how long it’s been since the last time you have eaten. Winter in New York, when you are a vampire that only feeds off animals, is never easy, but you refuse to compromise your morals in the name of a quick meal. You stagger through the woods, following a faint scent of blood. You realise too late that it isn't fresh. The blood has already soaked into the snow, turning into red ice around the three dead bodies that lie on the edge of your property. You lean down to inspect them for a moment before there is a loud rustling behind you.

For a second, you panic, your hand sliding in the bloody ice before you are on your feet and hiding behind a large oak tree further in the forest. The winter has made the trees bare, but humans are loud, and you have spent centuries learning how to avoid them. 

You realise a second too late that blood is still on your hand as it tightens the knot already in your stomach. You bring your hand up, watching as the red liquid drips down into the snow. You feel your fangs fight for dominance, and your tongue skims your upper lip. It would be so easy just to flick it out for a taste, something that you haven’t allowed yourself in centuries, but you refuse to give in. You chose to stop feeding off humans for a reason. 

You remind yourself of this as you scrape the blood away on the bark of the tree, using the rough texture to calm you down. Once you feel like you can think again, you turn to watch them. A group of humans dressed in puffy winter coats gather around the bodies, and you internally groan at the unwanted attention that has plopped into your front yard. You think about turning away to go to another spot to find food when you smell her. 

It’s vanilla mixed with something bitter, like coffee that was brewed a little too long. Despite the bitterness muffling how truly sweet she is underneath, you know that one taste would be like pure sugar to your veins. 

The woman the scent belongs to enters the fray, her brown hair blowing in the wind, and that scent you’re attracted to — the vanilla mixed with bitterness — hits your nose again, followed by the floral body wash and shampoo she often uses. She dominates the scene before her, with a confidence that makes others move out of her way. Yet even from this distance, you can tell that it is all a mask for the much softer woman who hides underneath. 

It takes all of your control not to step into the clearing and scoop her in your arms. You can't remember the last time you have smelled a human who could make your memories melt into nothing but desire, and right now you are too weak to keep fighting, so you turn and run as fast as you can.

Just as you turn your back, Olivia looks in your direction like a magnet trying to find its match. She blinks once, and you are already gone, but she keeps staring.

“World to Liv!” Fin calls out, clapping his hand by her ear.

“There’s someone here,” Olivia says, turning to face the other detectives. “Someone’s watching.”

“What?” Amanda frowns, her tone showing enough panic for Olivia to know who she’s not taking along with her to further investigate. 

“How do you know someone’s here?” Amaro asks. 

“I just get the feeling we’re being watched. Fin, with me. Amanda, Amaro, stay with the bodies and investigate the area.” 

Olivia leads the way in the direction you ran off in. The urgency in her step makes the crunch of snow beneath her feet that much louder to your sensitive ears. Still, you make a clean escape, but you watch from your new hiding place as the officers continue their determined search for you, making it all the way to a small abandoned shed on the property before Olivia finally lets out a frustrated huff. 

“There’s no sign of your mystery man from this point, Liv,” Fin says, holstering his weapon. 

“I see that Fin,” she replies, a little frustrated. “But you saw the shoe prints. Someone was there.” 

“Well, whoever it was, they’re gone now,” Fin says. 

Despite the evidence that suggests you’re supposedly long gone, Olivia isn’t convinced. That eerie feeling that she’s being watched is still heavy on her shoulders, but she isn’t sure where else to look and frankly, there’s no time. She and Fin are needed back at the scene. 

The idea of coming back tomorrow with more officers and even a couple of K-9 units comes to mind, but she keeps the thought to herself. A much more tempting thought suddenly pushes its way to the front of her mind: coming back later, alone, to further investigate. She isn’t sure what it’ll accomplish, since it’s possible whoever she saw has long been scared off. But this serial killer and rapist has claimed eight people already. She needs to close this case. 

Although you haven’t needed to breathe for centuries, your breath still hitches as she turns around, and her gaze unknowingly lingers in your direction. Her big brown eyes immediately draw you in, as does the pain that sets so heavily in her gaze. It’s clear there’s a lot on her mind and arguably more on her soul. It’s more baggage on a single human than you’ve sensed in a long time, and as you watch her and the man, Fin, walk away, you find a small part of yourself hoping that maybe you’ll cross paths with her again. 

—————————-

As the cloudy day turns into night, the moon occasionally peaking out from behind the lingering clouds, you find your thoughts keep drifting back to the brown-haired woman. To ‘Liv,’ as you overheard Fin call her. The way he said it suggests it’s a nickname, likely for the name ‘Olivia’ but you can’t be certain. You don’t get around many people anymore — and haven’t for many, many decades. Your friends are few and far between — so you’re a little outdated on names. 

While your mind stays busy with the thoughts of this woman, your other senses focus on the quiet night you’ve decided to sit out and enjoy from the comforts of a sturdy tree branch roughly twenty feet off the ground. Being in such a secluded area means the only noises you often hear are those of animals. Rabbits, deer, owls, squirrels. It’s all peaceful sounds to you, and sometimes you like to imagine what the different animals are doing — or even what they’re thinking — if you can’t see them. Tonight is no different. You can hear a few deer nearby, their feet crunching softly and slowly in the snow. They’re not hurried, knowing they can take their time to move to wherever they want to settle down for the night. 

But then you hear a sound that’s out of place. A sound you recognise from earlier: human feet. Except this time, they seem a little slower than earlier, almost as if they know they shouldn’t be out here alone. When you smell the scent of the human, it feels like everything stops. 

Vanilla and something bitter. 

She came back. 

But she’s come back more nervous than before. You can sense the fear she carries, hear it in the way her blood is pumping faster in her veins. It’s intoxicating and forces you to do something you haven't done in years—you speak to her.

“You’re either really brave, really curious, or really stupid.”

She doesn't jump; her years of detective work have carved away the normal alarm responses, but her dominant hand goes to pull out her gun, her flashlight pointing in the general direction of your voice. She aims it at the tree ten feet off from where you are. You giggle, and she moves too far in the opposite direction.

“Show yourself!” She calls out. Her voice is level, but the fear is written in the thrumming of her blood in her veins.

Olivia hears a soft thump of feet coming in contact with the ground, merely feet from where her gun and light are pointed and she moves them both to aim at you. You hiss as the light hits your eyes and you squint, holding your hand up to block the light. 

“Turn it off,” you snap, blinking quickly in a poor attempt to get your eyes to stop burning from the difference in light. 

“Who are you? What are you doing out here?” 

“My name is Y/N, and you happen to be on my property.” 

Even with your hand blocking most of her flashlight, you see her gun lower a little. 

“Now, can you put your weapon away, please? I have no intentions of harming you as long as you don’t try to harm me.” 

‘Not that you could,’ you think to yourself. Neither the gun in her hand nor her raw strength could ever do any deadly harm to you. But you don’t want to have to be forced to hurt her in any way. 

“Not until you tell me your involvement with the three victims my team and I found today.” 

“I had nothing to do with those bodies,” you reply sincerely. “I was doing a perimeter walk of my property when I heard you and your team and saw the bodies.” 

“If you had nothing to do with them, then did you maybe hear or see who did?” Olivia asks, slowly holstering her weapon. 

She lowers the flashlight so you can lower your hand, and she steps closer to you. You step back in response, intent on keeping distance between you and her. You may be full now, but there is something about her smell that wants to override any rational thought.

This distance gives you more room to think, and you take a moment to reflect on the past day, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There’s a period of time you can recall when you heard some noises you couldn’t immediately identify as what made them.

“There was a time early this morning that I heard some unusual noise, but there’s a lot of animals around here.” 

“Did you see anything?” 

You shake your head. “No. Didn’t get to the area fast enough to see who or what it was.” 

Olivia scoffs, and suddenly, that vanilla scent that made everything stop earlier is almost completely consumed by the bitter smell. It’s clear she doesn’t believe you, and you feel the sudden urge to try and change her mind. You are distracted, however, as your nose crinkles, and she moves closer again, quicker than before. 

“I find that hard to believe,” she replies. “You out-ran my partner and me pretty easily earlier.” 

You shrug. “I know the area. Now, do you maybe want to come inside? It’s awfully cold out tonight.” 

“Says the one poorly dressed for the weather.” 

Olivia isn’t entirely sure why, but she reaches out to touch you. Her hands get within millimetres of making contact when you quickly pull away, but the closeness was all she needed to feel how cold you are. It radiates off of you like the air from a freezer when someone first opens its door. You hear her breath hitch from this new information, her gaze looking you over from head to toe. 

The whole time she’s been here, she hasn’t gotten a good look at your features. She’s curious, sure, but she suddenly feels an urgency to get away from here. She’s not afraid — at least, not any more afraid than she had been when she first arrived — but her brain is thinking of all the things she needs to research, the comparisons to crime scene photos she needs to make. 

You can sense her mind is buzzing with activity. You can hear it in your own ears and feel the way your mind seems to rattle a little. You shake your head briefly to try to get rid of the feeling. 

“Can you be quiet?” You ask, reaching behind you to touch the tree you bumped into when you moved away from her. 

Olivia blinks, visibly confused. “I didn’t say anything.” 

She suddenly reaches for her pocket and pulls out her phone. You don’t have any technology but you recognize the modern technology when you see it from your occasional trip into the city. 

“I gotta go,” she says. “It’s late, and I have work to do.” 

“Can I walk you to your car?” You ask. “There’s an active wolf pack nearby. I heard them a couple of hours ago.” 

“I think I can manage, but thanks.” She says, turning to walk away. 

Despite her decline for an escort, you secretly follow her back to her car and stay out of range of its headlights, watching as she drives away into the night. 

————————

Olivia’s kitchen counter looks like a crime scene. 

Photos from today’s crime scene in the woods and all of the other scenes are scattered across the entire surface, her laptop sitting in the middle of the chaos with several tabs worth of research opened on it. She’s been at this for hours, closely studying the bruise patterns and bite marks found on the victims. Whenever she needs a break from that, she reads the research about vampires pulled up on her computer. 

Olivia has never been one who was particularly interested in the concept of vampires and werewolves. She always thought they were complete fiction, simply the product of someone’s imagination. But after reading all of this research and various articles, she has no choice but to admit that vampires are real.  

And there’s one in New York. 

But you’re not the killer she’s looking for, she concludes after comparing the hand bruises and bite marks on all of the victims. 

“She really was telling the truth,” she sighs to herself as she puts away the photos and shuts off her laptop. 

She decides at that moment that she’s going to go back to see you. She’s certain you know more than what you initially told her, but you are refusing to cooperate because of how she treated you. You’re one of the best leads she has, the only one who could potentially describe the person who dumped the bodies there. And she’ll try to learn more about you. Maybe showing an interest in you and what you are will help her build a rapport. It certainly has nothing to do with the fact that she’s incredibly interested in you in a way that she hasn’t been interested in anyone else since Elliot left without a word. 

As she climbs into bed a little later that night, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, it’s the dim image of you in her mind that helps her drift off to sleep. 

-

Taglist

@writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 // @impossiblewolf // @violet-amore // @teadah18 // @ffionhxw // @lawolsonlover // @natromanoff14 // @introvertpan84 // @caitlink26

[ghostwritingnightmares]

As Blood Drips Masterlist

Summary: When bodies keep piling up Olivia doesn't expect it to lead her to a vampire who has been hiding away for decades. What's even more alarming is that Olivia can't seem to stop thinking about her either.

Warnings: Blood, Violence, 18+, Smut, Alternate Universe (more to come)

A/N: This is no longer a collab fic. I will be pursuing the ending on my own.

🔥-Smut

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9 🔥

Chapter 10 🔥

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 🔥

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

[ghostwritingnightmares]

Finding Salvation Masterlist

Summary: Olivia Benson doesn't let anyone get close to her personally or professionally. It has hurt her one too many times before. Casual one-night stands are her norm until you sit down at the bar next to her, and her whole focus shifts. This series will follow Olivia Benson throughout her years at the SVU team.

Warnings: 18+, Smut, WLW pairing, Some episode spoilers, Canon regular violence, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Mentions of drinking, Canon typical stalking (This is will continue to change over time. Please check individual chapters since each one is a little different)

SVU Masterlist

~-~

Chapter 1: Finding Home In A Bar ❤️‍🔥

Chapter 2: Finding Release When Stressed ❤️‍🔥🫣

Chapter 3: Finding A Way Back In 🫣

Chapter 4: Finding How To Cope 🫣🫠

Chapter 5: Finding A Way To Open Up

Chapter 6: Finding Out How To Step Up

Chapter 7: Finding Out How To Get Together

Chapter 8: Finding All The Broken Pieces

Chapter 9: Finding A Way To New Understanding 🫠

Chapter 10: Finding A Way To Stay Put 🫠

Chapter 11: Finding the Art of Tease, Deny, and Release ❤️‍🔥

Chapter 12: Finding Tension Between The Lines ❤️‍🔥

Chapter 13: Finding A Way To Admit What Is Already A Given

Chapter 14: Finding A Way To Celebrate The Most Important Day Yet

Chapter 15: Finding A Way To Remake The Day

Chapter 16: Finding A Way To Reconnect ❤️‍🔥

Chapter 17: Finding What The Point Is

❤️‍🔥-Smut, 🫣-Angst, 🫠-TW

-

Taglist

@cupldscntrl // @panerasbox // @writerspirit // @milfslvr // @marvel210 //

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

we should have started rioting when they took cd and dvd player slots out of laptops

[vamplire]

vampires kissing the spot they’re about to bite has me nodding my head like yup that’s the good shit right there

[defyinmavity]

ich spür', sie ist hier und lebt noch 🥀

[ashleymattei-blog]

Right, I'm not consistent but here is something I did on procreate/procreate dreams.

No need to present anyone LOL.

Don't take and repost, don't alter and claim as your own.

[girl4music]

That one reaction from Amarice in ‘Animal Attraction’ just after Xena reveals that she’s pregnant. She looks from Xena to Gabrielle twice over with not so much a shocked expression on her face but rather one of complete incredulousness. And I can’t quite decide if it’s because she’s wondering what Gabrielle might think and feel that someone else got Xena pregnant

OR (because she knows that Xena and Gabrielle are together) that she’s trying to figure out how it’s even practical Gabrielle could get Xena pregnant. I mean it’s at this point in the show where everyone that knows, hangs around or are even involved with Xena and Gabrielle know the truth about them. So because of the ambiguity of the writing, it’s hard to deduce whether the way Amarice reacts to the information is because she knows about them and is processing the practicality of Gabrielle’s involvement or because she knows about them and is concerned about Gabrielle processing the information if it was somebody else.

Because you see… anything can happen in this wacky show and therefore women getting other women pregnant is entirely possible. And therefore I think it’s likely that Amarice’s reaction could be either way or even both. Her reaction and expression to me reads like (to borrow a quote from ‘BTVS’): “How? What? How?”. And just the thought of that makes me giggle.

It’s like she’s trying to process in her head whether it’s Gabrielle’s baby or not, and if so - what possible hijinks the two of them could have been up to that could even make pregnancy happen. It’s hilarious!

This is what subtext and ambiguity in TV show writing does. It’s creates and provokes in the watcher many different interpretations because the writing is so understated. You’re not given a “Yes” or “No” answer outright. So you have to come up with it yourself. This is what I absolutely love about Xena. The ambiguity and subtext in the writing of the narrative. It’s fucking brilliant the way they do it. The way they get passed the censorship of same-sex romantic/sexual implications. It’s ingeniousness.

[writing-prompt-s]

"hero by rescuing my daughter I want to offer you her hand in marriage." Said the king "uh actually your majesty I was hoping to have the hand of your royal sorceress instead." Said the hero "uh sure I have no reason not to I grant your request." Said the king confused

[oldtvandcomics]

"But who are you, noble hero?" continued the king. "I see that you carry a blank shield."

"I will tell you," said the hero, "if you swear me that you will give me the sorceress."

"On God Almighty, I swear," said the king. "Now tell us your name, and from whence you came."

The hero pulled off her helmet, revealing the sweaty face of the king's daughter.

"Annabel, what the fuck?!", cried out the king.

"Dad, you promised," said the princess Annabel.

[italymystery-swanqueen]

👀

[im-j-o-h-n-locked]

fellow swens, is up to you now 🫵🏾🫶🏾

[ashleymattei-blog]

‘Kay another batch because why not, although I ain’t sure I can keep it up because although I have a looot of stencils done, I don’t have many fully fledged out pieces.

Yet again, don’t take and repost, don’t alter and claim as your own.

[ashleymattei-blog]

Alright second batch because I was bored and wanted to share more xD

Don't take and repost, don't alter and claim as your own. As stated previously I’m on twitter.