Alexander Sinclair ā š“ just feel so a n g r y , all the time. What if after everything that Iāve been through, something's gone wrong inside me? ā - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Dependent OC for Ashcroft HQ
nalaniās ears rang as she left the busy and loud nightlife she was just apart of to join the outside world. the lights took her a moment to adjust to and the amount of booze in her system hit her all at once when it was finally quiet. well, quieter at least. she leaned against a wall where she thought enough people would leave her alone for a few moments and took out her dab pen and took one long hit before holding it out to the person closest to her.Ā āwant a hit?ā the smoke was still leaving her lips as she spoke.
ITāS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE HEāS actually gone out. Or at least had a good time. And itās less than five months until he doesnāt have to use his ridiculous fake anymore. But just as heās predicted most of his group has d i s p e r s e d in different directions, leaving him outside by himself. Some weekend. He thinks. But his solitude doesnāt last long before a vape pen is in his face, the stranger in front of him looking about as drunk as he is.Ā
āIāuh.ā He hesitates for a second. But one hit wouldnāt kill him, and at this point in the night he needed it. āYou know what? Fuck itāsure.āĀ
HE STILL DOESNāT KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT HER. Being away at school allowed him to ignore her existence at first. Just as he did with all the others. But sheās still here. Despite his fatherās old habits, Alex had yet to see another girl walk through the door saying she was dating his father. And even though thereās a part of him that wants to despise her as much as Leo does, Alex canāt bring himself to do it. Even if she probably knew more about him than heād ever want her to. No matter how many times heās told himself to get to know her, he canāt. Sure Cami isnāt his m o t h e r, but Alex never really knew Ariana Sinclair either.Ā The little voice in the back of his mind always likes to remind him that she can disappear just as quickly as everyone else in his life did. And that thought alone has forced him to keep at a distance.Ā
āSoā, Alex drawls, leaning back against his seat. His gaze focused anywhere but her. āYouāre sticking around, huh?ā ( @ethercals )
HE ISNāT SURE WHAT EXACTLY LEADS HIM to his uncleās house. But after an exhausting morning run and returning to an empty house, the boredom hit him like a freight train. He misses the endless motion in Boston. How people were constantly making plans and doing things. Ashcroft is one s t a g n a n t day that never wants to end, and he wonders if heāll actuallyĀ go crazy before the summer ends. Maybe he should bother to text back his high school friends and make plans. But that requires too much effort, and too much explanation on his part. So instead heās found himself at Oliverās. Part of him hopes his uncle is home so that he doesnāt have to return to an empty house, but the other part wonders if heās being too intrusive. Canāt he just come over? Was it hypocritical to suddenly hang around your family after avoiding them most of the year?Ā Ā
ā Hey, itās Alex. ā His voices carries down the hall. ā I let myself in. ā ( @sweetshadcw )
HEāS AWARE THAT HE SHOULD BE DOING more with his time off than moping around. It certainly wasnāt going to get him back to BU in the fall. But the thought of texting anyone from home to make plans feels too exhausting. Itāll require explanations. Why havenāt you texted us sooner? Why did you come home three weeks e a r l y? Itās a time bomb heād rather leave ticking for now. But there are at least two people that donāt leave him restless at the thought of contacting. And perhaps thatās because of the blood the three of them share, or the fact that he can just look at either of them and say so much more than his mouth ever could.Ā
He decides to find one of themāhis little brother. Knowing itās likely that the other Sinclair is still home, Alex sprints up to his room. He steps over to the open doorway, bruised knuckles tapping lightly against the frame.Ā
āLeo, you in there? Iām about to die of boredom in this house.ā ( @goldblcd )
HE DOESNāT KNOW WHY HE BOTHEREDĀ coming here. It isnāt as if he enjoys the taste of coffee, he d e s p i s e s it. The bitter taste, the pungent smell. Not that heād ever indulge in a latte either. Even if itās loaded in sugar the espresso still hits him like a freight train. But he has to keep busy. Even if that means tutoring kids on the side, and doing some stupid summer rec league so that his family stays off his back. And after attempting to help out a junior with his Trig final all morning, Alex Sinclair forced himself to drink coffee. His dark gaze bores into the cup, wondering if how long itāll take to force the liquid down. If he can even hope to keep it down at all.
ā How do people drink this shit all the time? It tastes like tar. ā ( @thcprcblem )
SLEEP NEVER COMES EASY FOR a restless mind. Heās used to tossing and turning until the rose tinted dawn stains through his windows, announcing yet another night without a decent rest. The psychiatrist, ādoctorā comes up with every trick in the book thatāll improve it. But she canāt comprehend the w i r e d thoughts that scream through his ears. Except there is one thing that tames his restless nature, or at least leaves him too exhausted to fight the chaotic dreams that threaten to surface. Running. He usually waits until the streetlights come on and itās only him and the rare vehicle speeding toward their annual night shift. Tonight is no different as the streetlights reflect off his white tee shirt and a drizzle of rain dampens his chocolate curls.Ā
But it isnāt until his thighs are screaming and the air has all but left his lungs that Alex finally returns home.Ā The light spilling from beneath his doorway causes frustration to build inside the eldest Sinclair. Was it his dad worried that he was doing something stupid again? He hoped not. It isnāt until he barges through the door that the relief floods him. At the very least this face brings more comfort than anger. ā What are you doing in here? Did some dad reject you on Tinder again? āĀ Ā ( @lvxprima )
STARTER CALLā Give this a like if you want a starter from Alex so I can get some threads going. If youāre a multimuse please specify which person you want it for.Ā
[ MUSE 82 ] āā is that TOM HOLLAND? no, thatās just ALEXANDER āALEXā SINCLAIR, the 20 year old CISMALE who is a COLLEGE STUDENT. some say theyāre ELITIST and VOLATILE, but their family and friends will swear theyāre FOCUSED and LOYAL. when i think of them, i think of sleepless nights, bruised knuckles, and sad eyes. i wonder if his family knows that HE WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION. āā ( Mar && 23 && est && she/her )
Trigger Warnings: mental health, depression, anxiety, references to self-harm and attempted suicide, panic attacks
Hi everyone Iām Mar. I was here once but I had finals going on and time was crazy so I didnāt really get to know everyone. But now I have a lot more time on my hands, and Iāve wanted to bring in Alex for awhile. Listed below are some basics about him, I also have his statistics up on my page that go a little more in depth. Iāll have his bio ready whenever I donāt feel like being lazy. Please love my sad little emotional tornando and give this post a like if you want to plot. You can also message me on my discordĀ mar_rosex#6743 at anytime. I promise I donāt bite. I canāt wait to interact with your muses! (Ā Also this is so long I write wayyy to much pls bear with me x: )
Basic Intro:
Alexander, aka Alex Sinclair (Donāt call him Alexander unless you want him to throw a shit fit) is the eldest of the Sinclair siblings. During most of the year heās away at school in Boston. But for some breaks and visits heās living with his family in Ashcroft.Ā
His mom left when he was only three. He actually does remember her, though a lot of it is very fuzzy. His feelings are very conflicted. He has abandonment issues just like his other siblings. But he canāt bring himself to hate her. Heās wanted to try to find her for awhile now but worries what the others will say if he does. He has this veryĀ āthe grass is always greenerā perception about her. Like if she were still here they all would have turned out better, or maybe Alex wouldnāt have this irrational need to shut out any woman in his life that attempts to be a mother figure. He knows itās stupid to hold out hope of ever coming in contact with her again, but that doesnāt mean heās given up on that dream.
His relationship with his family is complicated. Mostly because theyāre aware of his mental health issues, and it embarrasses him. Sometimes heās around and other times heāll text his dad the night before Thanksgiving dinner and say heās gonna spend it somewhere else. He wants to be the big brother that buys them alcohol when they sneak off to parties, and beats up the bullies. He does love them though, even if heās not good at explaining emotions. HisĀ ā I love yous ā are very subtle. If they need him, heās there without hesitation. While he struggles with explaining things to his dad, he will talk to his siblings. Itās always felt like the three of them against the world.Ā
He isnāt aware of his fatherās illegal business, but Alex doesnāt have much interest in the legal one. Business involves too much talking, too much kissing peoples asses. Itās not his kind of career. But besides this Alex still has an irrational need to please his dad. He feels like he has to do double the work since his mother isnāt there to see all his achievements. He also knows how successful the men in his family are (even if it wasnāt for legal reasons), and he wants to be better than them.
To most, Alex comes off as an outgoing guy, and kind of a dick. On the outside heās very elitist. He will always try to be the smartest in the room, and let you know it. Alex has always had this irrational need to be the best at everything. Even if he isnāt, heāll thinks he is. He knows the weight of his name, and has constantly used it over the years to get what he wants. But at the same time heāll also mock others who do the same and call them trust fund brats. If he sees you as a threat, aka youāre outshining him--itās a big issue.Ā If he likes you though heāll stick his neck out for you. (This mostly applies to his siblings, but theyāre not safe from his competitive streak either.)Ā His loyalty to those he cares for knows no bounds. And if youāre in some trouble heās the first person there to help get you out of it.
Alexās elitist streak doesnāt just end with interactions. He wants success, he craves it. Give him the smallest bit of power and heāll run with it. Even if heās set for life he plans to use his degree to make a name for himself. To be known as more than just another Sinclair kid. School has always come easy to Alex. He decided to attend Boston University and just finished his Sophomore year. Academics have always been something heās enjoyed, but he can often get away with doing well and not studying. Heās studying Engineering with a minor in Chemistry. Math and Science have always been his favorite subjects. He loves knowing thereās a definite answer. Put him in an English class and heāll either fall asleep or slowly die of boredom.
But below the surface thereās always been something more to him. He isnāt this outgoing, cocky guy that everyone thinks he is. No one talks about the fact that if thereās too many people in the room his hands will start to shake and heāll lose the ability to complete a sentence. Or that during parties Alex always ends up outside after it feels like the room is closing in on him. Rumors hushed pretty quickly when someone though they heard Alex say that socializing feels draining. Most assume his permanent frown is due to looking down on everyone else. For some reason he always seems angry, even when no one is trying to steal his thunder. Itās always felt that way. Ever since he was a little kid and would run off only to be found by his dad hiding somewhere, a sobbing mess that couldnāt stop shaking.Ā
Therapists used to blame his mom, so when he turned 18 he refused go anymore. They said his abandonment issues led to irrational bouts of anxiety. But itās easy to blame her when Alex has always just been...sad. Thereās never been a day where he doesnāt feel the endless need to be the best or please those he cares about. Thereās days where he canāt get out of bed. Days where eating or showering seem like too much so he just lays there, wondering why the hell the universe bothered with him. He feels like the doctors never listen. That they think heās crazy when heās just angry.Ā
Heās terrible with his emotions in general. In high school he was nicknamed a hot head for always snapping at others or trying to get in fights with those who threatened him. If it wasnāt for his last name, he probably would have gotten suspended for bruising his knuckles on the other boysā faces. In college his roommate has forced him to take up boxing, where theyāll go to the gym for hours and just punch the bag. It helps, but the rage is always simmering. Instead of coming off as weepy and sensitive he uses anger to communicate. Itās often a cry for help, but heāll never admit that. Heād rather have people think heās a dick than crazy.
Every year it got worse, especially after he moved away to school. In high school heād be medicated to keep things under control. But without therapy the pills stopped, and so did his control. The panic attacks became more common, to the point where people in his classes would notice the sweat on his brow or the shallow breathing. His roommate would comment on how Alex hadnāt left the dorm in two weeks, or that his phone was off for days. He wouldnāt go home for certain breaks or weekends, worried that his dad would see him and be disappointed. Or that Leo and Dylan would think he was too crazy to be around anymore.Ā
It came to a head at the end of the current spring semester. His last psychiatrist told him that he was a volcano, and everything was going to blow if he didnāt confront his issues. It started at a party his friends were throwing. They dragged him there The typical signs were all showing. He couldnāt talk to them without downing some drinks. The room felt like it was closing in every time someone brushed against his back. Too small a space and way too many people around. Everything that heād been pushing away suddenly rose to the surface. He doesnāt remember most of it. He just remembers running out of there, and then heās in the dorm showers. He didnāt remember the knife he took from the kitchenette or one of his hall mates screaming for help. He always did it as a teenager when his dad was looking the other way, and it never caused too much harm. It was always a release. But this time it was.
So the school sent him home, and his professors took his current grades as finals. He has to go to a psychiatrist for the rest of the summer in order to get cleared to go back in the Fall. She refers to it asĀ āthe incidentā, much like the other few people that are aware of it. Sheās also diagnosed him with Depression. He refuses to talk about it head on with pretty much anyone, and his issues in general. Everyone else just assumes he finished the semester out early. Since he has to go, AlexĀ just tells the psychiatrist what she wants to hear. He takes the pills she gives them but tries to flush them down the toilet when no one is looking. He hates being home. He hates being labeled as a crazy ticking time bomb. His anger hasnāt suppressed, if anything itās gotten worse. He just wants to go back to that toddler who was laughing with his mom in the backyard and blowing bubbles. Not the mess he is now.
Wanted Connections:
Sinclair Fam: I need this. All the family, all the drama. Give it to me.Ā
Ride or Die: His best friend since they could walk. One of the only people outside of his family that knows what the hell is going on with Alex. These two are hardly seen apart. They probably are one of the few people who can push him to try in therapy and help him get his shit together.Ā
College Roommate: I think this would be interesting if it were someone from Ashcroft. Especially since theyāre one of the few people who know about the incident and Alexās struggles. Itād be cool if maybe this was someone who he always knew but didnāt get close with until they lived together. Also now that theyāre both home and can see one another again itād be interesting.Ā
High School Friends: I imagine he had a small group he was close with in school. People that he still bothers to talk to after graduation. People that he grew up with and know him better than most.
College/Boston Friends: People he met while away at school. Maybe they also live in Ashcroft or recently moved there.Ā
Enemies: Since Alex is a dick to 90% of the human population heās well aware that heās made enemies. Thereās probably a line of them tbh.
Ex-Girlfriend: Alex isnāt a relationship guy. That requires too much of letting someone else in. I imagine this was something from highs school and he pushed her away. Maybe it was mutual. Or it could be really messy. I love everything angsty so Iām down for w/e for this.Ā
Flings: As I said above heās not into relationships. Heāll usually hookup or do FWB, but heās pretty private about it. He doesnāt let the line blur between a hookup and something more. Usually if he thinks someoneās catching feelings heāll end things.Ā
If you had any other ideas in mind donāt hesitate to hit me up about them. Iām always down for anything, Iām a shameless plot whore.Ā
