Advice Blog

(Mailbox Closed)

[ask--kay]

Hi, my boyfriend of 3.5 years has just broken up with me. (2 weeks ago) We were living together, renting off my parents in one of their houses. He has broken up with me due to the fact that he wasn’t happy anymore and because he says no longer loves me, i had no idea this was going on, the break up was extremely abrupt. We were living with my sister, and another house mate (Amy). Amy has a best friend who always came over to visit, she would act extremely flirtatious around my now ex. (part 1)

I think it is totally reasonable to ask him to move out of your parents' house. Give him enough time to find a new place to live... Usually 30-60 days is standard.I get it that you are hurt by the situation and his actions, but you should try to keep things cordial/respectful. If you need to, you could even get your parents involved or contact a lawyer to draw up an eviction notice. Hopefully things will get better for you once he is out of the picture. Good luck!-Kay-

[ask--kay]

My bf and I broke up a month ago, we text we're on good terms we're friends. His good friend has fEeLiNgs for me and I have fEeLinGs for him. We've admitted this to each other. My ex knows, he's chill told us to do what makes us happy. We just text, I don't see him a lot. He's not a rebound I care about him. I wanna ask him out on a casual date next month idk. Is it weird? Am I a bad person? I don't want to hurt anyone. It's not like we're gonna be together next week, I just want to see him more

If your ex is really okay with it, I see nothing wrong with asking the friend out for a date. You don't need permission, and you are not a bad person. I think it's good that you wanted to be considerate of your ex's feelings. It sounds like this is no issue! Go for it! -Kay-

[ask--kay]

Hey friend Emergency! So my friend Ken came back to our groups voice chat as the shy bi-friend was mumbling "tie me up too" and she got embarassed and said "Oh shit of course Ken heard that" and I helped her laugh it off as a girls only joke that he didnt hear, but he think we were talking shit about him, and blocked all 3 of us on every social media. What can I do to get get him to understand we love him and that we would never have hurt him like that? HELP ASAP

I would probably give him a little space for now, and after he has time to cool off, try to explain what really happened. If any of you have a way to contact him you could ask to speak to him or see him in person to talk about it. I would just be totally honest with him and let him know it was a huge misunderstanding. Hopefully he will believe the truth and you can all make up. If not, he might just need more time apart. Good luck! -Kay-

[ask--kay]

Both me and my boyfriend are virgins who want to have sex after marriage. He's sexted with me a lot, always telling me how badly he wants all of me and to eat me out. He even claims he's discharged in the morning after the night we sext. (This is also the first time both of us have ever sexted anyone.) I am also very much attracted to him, just when we normally talk I get sexually aroused. As a virgin is he just attracted to the act of sex itself or is he really sexually attracted to me?

It’s probably both. There is no need to overthink this. It’s normal to be curious about sex and it’s normal for your hormones when you’re young to make you feel aroused, especially when thinking about the person you love. It sounds like you want some kind of validation that he’s attracted to you, and he definitely is. Take care~ -Kay-

[ask--kay]

What does it mean when a guy stares into your eyes for a long time not anything? A guy did this to me a couple days ago & it has left me feeling flustered with emotions. I don't remember anything that was going on in the environment around us, all I remember is the color of his eyes. He stared right into my eyes for longer than five seconds. His eyes were also watery and red as though he was going to start crying. When he did talk to me, what he told me wasn't bad/sad news. What does this mean?

Hey there! It’s better not to assume anything, so instead of wondering what somebody means by doing something, you should ask! Body language is important but so is verbal communication. Eye contact can mean all sorts of things. Let me know if you want to talk about it some more, ok? ^^-Kay-

[ask--kay]

I’ve sat next to a guy in class for 2 years and we’re really good friends, even though I have a crush on him. Today he brought up one of my friends, who people think he likes, and I was crushed. I tried to play it off as teasing him to find out if he does like her, as she probably likes him, but I started getting angry at her. I like him because he’s a really good person and friend to me, her liking him is based mainly off how he looks. I know he doesn’t like me, but I keep thinking about…

the way he looks at me sometimes, even when we were talking about her. Sometimes I wonder if he does, because everyone in the class says we’re like a old married couple and the teacher even said that we looked a bit cozy once. The only thing he has with my friend is texting each other and talking at lunch in school, I hate that I feel like this. I don’t know what to do about it.

Jealousy is a normal human reaction. 

My advice: tell this guy that you have feelings for him!

You will never know how he feels about you unless you put yourself out there. I know it’s scary to think about, but even if he doesn’t feel the same way, rejection isn’t the end of the world. Who knows? Maybe he does like you back! 

-Kay-

[ask--kay]

(1/2) Honestly I just want some advice on this guy I've been talking to, we haven't been talking for super long (like a week and half and we met on tinder) but I felt like we hit it off pretty well. The week before we were supposed to meet in person for the first time, his older brother had committed suicide. I sent him a text a while after I found out that Im totally here if he needs to talk. It's been about a week since we talked and I keep going back and forth on asking if he's ok or if

2/2) I should just give him space?? And if I do give him space, how long? I'll admit I do like him but I don't want to give off the impression that I want us to automatically go back to flirting, Im honestly coming a place of worry and concern and I'm just not sure what to do

Hey there!

I think it’s great that you care about this guy, even though you barely know him. And I think you can let him know that you're here for him, without it sounding like you just want to flirt. Be genuine with him. Let him know that if he needs space, it’s okay, but that if he needs someone to talk to, you’re there. Worst case scenario? He doesn’t reply, or he replies in a negative way. 

Best case scenario? He doesn’t feel so alone in dealing with a really difficult and painful experience, and he has a friend to talk to.

-Kay-

[ask--kay]

(Part 1). I recently started a job at a movie theater and I have been working there for three months. One of my managers treat me massively different then he does the other employees. With everyone else, he has casual conversations with them but, with me, he explains my job to me over and over again. When I am working in the concessions stand, he is always there working with us and, the entire time, he micromanages over me. Like today he was on the other side of the concession stand & I was

(part 2) heading to the microwave to make someone a hot dog. Then my manager tells me the time for how long I am suppose to cook the hot dog from the other side of the concession stand while dealing with costumers. He also restates things that I say to the costumers to my other employees. I feel like he thinks I am stupid because he micromanages me and is always around whenever I mess up and laughs. However, he will tell me that I know things at the same time. He also tries to compliment me. 

(part 3) The only time he has been casual with me is one time whenever he tried to pull pranks on me during our shift together. I am just very confused by him. I told him just last week that I thought he hated me. He told me he didn't hate me and that he didn't dislike me. I don't know how to respond. Why does he talk to everyone like they are his friends while with me it's two extremes? My mom said that she think he likes me but I don't feel that's what he thinks of me, due to him constantly 

(part 4) micromanaging me. I thought that when someone micromanages you it is because they don't trust you/your capabilities. I am so confused. Is it more of what my mom thinks regarding him having a crush and he is trying to keep some professional distance or is it because he actually hates me? I have been confused about him for months and I don't know how to respond to him by this point. 

Hello! 

I don’t think your manager hates you. 

However, I do feel like his behavior is a little inappropriate. If he treats you differently than the other employees, there might be a reason. The frustrating part is that you might never know why. 

It sounds like you’ve tried bringing this up with him, and he brushes it off. 

I think what you need to do is figure out how important this is to you... 

Does his treatment affect your ability to do your job safely?

If not, I hate to say it but you may have to learn how to tolerate it.

On the other hand, if you feel uncomfortable, threatened, or unsafe because of how he treats you, that’s when it’s time to get others involved. 

You can get in touch with HR (human resources) and report his behavior anonymously. They will most likely investigate the incident, and respond accordingly. 

Personally, I think what I would do is try to hang in there for a little longer, and see if the situation improves. Perhaps he will realize over time that you don’t need to be micromanaged, and your relationship with him will be better. Unfortunately, everybody has dealt with a bad boss at some point or another in their life - it’s almost unavoidable. 

Finally, if you can’t find a reasonable solution and things don’t get better, you may want to consider finding a new job. 

I hope things work out for you! Take care~

-Kay-

[ask--kay]

So last week, I started an on campus job. But after going in for a couple days, I'm not too sure about the job. The hours aren't great, the boss isn't great at communicating with me, the pay isn't great, etc. I don't really think I'm going to enjoy working here, but I can't really tell. The general feel isn't great though. And if I don't keep this job, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get another one this semester. What would be the best course of action? And if you think I should quit, how?

My advice is to stick it out for a couple more weeks. You may just need some time to settle in and get used to the job. Try to go to work with a positive mindset. If you and your boss have communication issues, see if you can improve on that. Give it your all, for a week. And if you still hate it or you still don’t think it’s a good fit for you, then you can quit. It’s most professional to put in your “two weeks” before you quit a job. You speak to your boss and let them know that you plan on resigning, and then you work for two more weeks. This gives them time to find a replacement for you, etc. However, you don’t necessarily have to do this. It would be the best way to quit if you do decide to quit though, because it leaves things on good terms and gives an opportunity for a positive reference when you need to find another job. You also need to consider the fact that you may not be able to find another job this semester. How important is it that you have a steady income? If you are relying solely on this job for living expenses, it might be worth it to you to stick it out even if you dislike the job. If that’s the case, my advice is to keep this job while you apply to other places, just in case. When you find a new job, you can then quit this one. That way you don’t have to stress about having no income! Whatever you decide to do, things will be okay. I hope everything works out for you! -Kay-

[ask--kay]

I really like this boy but we are both shy & kinda awkward. We kinda talked during the summer but we both got busy. He talks to other girls just fine but is quiet around me. One time at one of his football games he called me his lucky charm. We haven’t talked in a while but last week he talked to me in the hall & I can’t stop thinking about it but I’m scared to tell him how I feel. What should I do?

I think you should try getting to know him a little better and see where things go. Connect with him on social media and get his number so you can start a conversation with him outside of school. See if you can spark up a friendship with this guy, and maybe things will continue on from there. Plus, once you two are a little closer, you might feel more comfortable with telling him how you feel! Good luck! -Kay-

[ask--kay]

Should I try to reconnect with someone from my past? We used to be friends & cared about each other very much. We got in a fight two years ago & we haven't talked since that day. It's hard because there really hasn't been a day that has went by that I haven't thought about them. They are always there, within my thoughts. I honestly never want to see anything bad happen to them. I feel if I do try to reconnect with them, they would get even more mad & push me away or ignore me. What should I do?

I would reach out. The worst that could happen is that y'all remain not friends. Send an e-mail, text or call/leave a voicemail- whatever you're comfortable with! Explain that you miss y'alls friendship and that you don't like the way you left things and that you'd love to be able to try to reconnect and build a friendship again. If they say no, don't be hard on yourself! Some people just don't care for reconnecting, and that's ok! I'm sure you'll find an equally valuable friendship if they decline 💙 ~Sharpie

[ask--kay]

my boyfriend keeps giving me empty promises of doing things and going out. I stopped asking him to things because he would always say he was busy. He says with sincerity I believe that he does want to hang out but it just seems like he's not trying enough. Yesterday he went to a party without me after promising for the last 3 days to me we'd hang out. I like him and he likes me but I don't know what I should do

I feel like you should sit down and have a healthy conversation about how you're feeling. You need to express that you feel underappreciated and neglected in terms of his time spent with you. See what he has to say. Maybe y'all can brainstorm different things/places to go that you both enjoy! God luck! x~Sharpie

[ask--kay]

My best friend just got a new boyfriend and she really likes him, but I'm a little worried. He smokes a lot of weed (which is illegal where I live) and he has a past with heavier drugs. Also, he talks a lot about having connections with criminal people. So I asked my mom, who is a police officer, to look him up in the register. Am I a bad friend? I feel bad for doing this behind her back. And for being the 'preppy friend' who judges your boyfriend. I just don't want her to get in trouble😔

I personally think it's ok to do some research on our friends romantic interests. Sometimes people are blindsided by love. If you find anything out on him, I'd really think about if it's something you just don't approve of, or if it could honestly affect her negatively. If it's just weed and small drug charges- I'd mind your own buisness. People can do low core drugs and be decent people. If it's something major, I'd sit down and be like "hey girl, you know how crazy worried I get and I did a little digging and want you to know I found out xyz. I'm not trying to persuede you either way, but knowledge is key in my opinion and I think you. Deserve every fact. I won't change how I treat/feel about you or you being with him. I just thought you should know and also know I'm here to talk about anything" just reinforce you love and care for her deeply and don't want her hurt. But if she things she knows what she's doing, you need to butt pout and just be supportive. Good luck x~Sharpie

[ask--kay]

How do I deal with my uncle who is an alcoholic. Yesterday I was going with my sister and I walked to my mailbox to mail a letter and wait for her My uncle drove up and was telling me to get in the car and that I could wait at the house. I told him no and that my sister was gonna be there in a minute but he kept saying 'bo get in what are you scared' which I'll admit I was he was drunk I was afraid he was gonna yell at me like he has before. I just don't know what to do I'm sorta scared of him

Honesty, that is SUPER inappropriate of him. You have a right to say no and you have the right to be listened to when you say no. The next time it happens, I would tell him "Uncle ___, I am uncomfortable getting in your vehicle when you have been drinking. I'm sorry if you don't like that but I won't risk my safety. I am not ok with you not listening to me telling you "no", so I'd appreciate you leaving me alone now." Then you either walk away, get your friend you're meeting with on the phone and see whwre they are and completely ignore anything else he says. You deserve to be listened to.You deserve your "no" to be heard.You have every right to be scared and you are valid in those feelings. Stay safe and keep your head up 💙 ~Sharpie

[ask--kay]

Hey I'm the one with best friend of 6 years. I confessed pretty much right after I sent that advice thing in and got rejected. Things are still pretty awkward and he doesn't really seem to wanna talk to me much right now. It sucks but all I can do is check on him every once in awhile. He lives 4 hours away so our friendship is pretty much all through our phone or Xbox. Our mutual friend that's his local best friend said he seems fine over there. Just waiting to go back to normal. -B.R.

Give it a little time. Feelings are complicated! He might want some space right now, but I think you two can repair the friendship and go back to normal, as you said. You guys got through this awkward part once and you can do it again. Everything will be okay. Let me know if you need somebody to talk to~ -Kay-

[ask--kay]

This probably sounds out of proportion, but i'm just gonna ask. A few months ago,I followed a guy I liked on social media. Later he denied it, but then followed me. We are now a bit closer to each other, and I was wondering if I should request again.

It’s worth a shot! If he follows you on social media, it would make sense for him to allow you to do the same. :)-Kay-

[ask--kay]

So I've been friends with my best friend for 6 years. We had a third friend that introduced us that turned into an ass. But I liked him for 2 years until I realized that. After about a year I realized I had feelings for my best friend. He's a genuinely nice and amazing guy and he does like me back. But when he confessed to me a year ago I turned him down cause I was scared of what could go wrong if it didn't work out. I want to tell him how I really Feel, but I don't know how or if it's ok.

I think you should tell him how you feel.

In my opinion, it’s better to risk rejection than to always wonder what could have happened. You already know that he has feelings for you, or that he used to have feelings for you. In my experience, romantic feelings don’t go away that easily, especially if you constantly are around that person. So, it’s likely that he still does like you back.

Even if he doesn’t, it won’t be the end of the world. Remember when he told you he liked you and you turned him down? Maybe it was awkward for a little bit, but you two are still best friends! So there is no need to worry about your feelings getting in the way of the friendship.

My advice is to tell him in whichever way is most comfortable for you.

Maybe you could start with, “Can we talk about something? Remember when you told me you had feelings for me, and I told you I didn’t feel the same way? It turns out that I actually do like you.”

Something like that, or whatever works! Be yourself with it.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes~

-Kay-