Hi again... although I don't feel I can say just a hi after being one month without giving any hint of me being alive or anything like that.
Some of you may have notice I suddenly stopped being around here, even when I'm the first in be in tumblr all the time reblogging or talking with you. But the truth is that it hasn't only happened here, but in real life.
Since 10ish of April, until the last week before this, I didn't go to classes, I didn't left home any single time, because I never left the bed except for basic needs
I just, I just couldn't do anything, not a single motivation to get up, my body was like almost not responding, cause I hadn't any will. I have never been a motivated person, but I could always go on with my life, taking more effort than in normal circustances, but at least I kept going
But all sudden, I just couldn't do anything this month, not getting up, not sitting in my chair, and forget about drawing, I didn't touch anything like paper or my tablet during that period of time... Nothing, not a single motivation, bad sleeping, and of course failing classes because I couldn't even go to them and make the exams/put my name in the assistence paper
And every day that passed I just kept feeling worse...worse, but at the same time, I just felt nothing. I mean, I have dealing with depression and anxiety behaviours since 5 or 6 years know, but I could always get up and force myself to walk, to talk, to go out, to do a life, even if I didn't felt confortable. But this month was an exception, it seems.
Anyway, around a week and a half, I went to my psychologist finally (I'm supposed to go every 15 days because my economic position, but I hadn't seen her for around one month and a half). I mean, going there doesn't really help me that much, because my behaviour is a reaction of the main problem, which is at my home, a place where I have to be always, a place where...well, you call home. Anyways that's not the subject here. The thing is that she made me somehow makes me promise that I will go this last week to classes but as I hadn't any notes or what they saw in that month, I of course couldn't understand anything, but at least that helped me to get out of bed and go out of home.... yeah yeah I'm such an idiot for not going the last important month hahaha now pray for me because my finals are in a week
And well, I forced myself to go to class these 2 last weeks, and I made it! It's not a biiig stept, but at least I began to smile again and laughing at things
The problem now is that, as I didn't go to class, I may have lose the year because of that and return the money of what cost that year😭😂 I don't know if I want to laugh or cry at this point hahahahaha
The last thing I wanted to tell you, is that I'm trying to draw again!! I took my pencil last weekend and started to sketch up some things.... I failed of course hahaha but at least I spent a good time... and now I want to draw again all the time! But I don't do it yo, now I'm too busy trying to make a miracle happen for me passing the next finals exams without having full notes...... Today I had one exam, a parcial exam..... and I fail 🙃 I promised my psychologist next time I will tell her that after focusing a whole week in the exam, I passed it..... But now it will be a lie, at least I tried
Well... I think that's everything. Sorry for my english, it's 4 am, and English was another thing I didn't touch in a month, and now I'm really struggling with the verb to be and have
Hmmm last thing last thing...ah! Right! I want to say you I'm really glad and thankfully of all of you, even if you didn't notice my absence or did <3, although i don't deserve you, I know I'm such a mess even when I spent all my life trying to cover it up
I'm not planning to abandoned this blog, this still feels to me like the only island in a really big big ocean, a place that helps me a lot. Also, [don't read this part if you don't like it] this last season of Miraculous Ladybug is bomb! So I'm really in a urge of drawing those to dorks too... but I know there's people here which don't like the show, and I understand it, that's why I'm planning to do another blog just for MLB!...well.... if you want to. It wouldn't be now, but it's just an idea
Now, it's true I won't be that active in June or some days of July because my final exams, but when I have free time, I'll use it to recover what I forgot about drawing!! And although I don't upload any drawing, I'm always waiting happily to talk with you all, and answer always any question from you! ♡ (specially those which don't require drawing, at least for these weeks, I mean, you won't want to see a deformed potato for Hungary)
Have a nice night/day/whatever!! Look the bright side, at least this year you didn't had Mishapocalypse or Eurovision memes from me I couldn't see Eurovision this year because...things, but I heard Russia's song and I felt in love
Well, I'll stop writing now, it's already 4:30, I spent 30 min writing this and my fingers hurts haha. See you later!!
