Sad Ghost Piett

Deceased Imperial Admiral. Summoned back to this cruel world somehow. Non-selective indie Admiral Piett RP. Parody account. The living can ask questions. See the image credits page for disclaimer

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

You're probably the only imperial Vader has never force choked. Do you have any tales of him being nice to anyone?

He once helped the Emperor cross the street, I suppose. Which was quite a feat indeed saying that the streets in Coruscant have over 20 lanes and no traffic lights to be seen.

I am not the only imperial who was never Force choked, contrary to popular myth. Veers was also on that list, alongside most of the Thundering Herd. I suppose Vader must have favored the army.

I believe most of my colleagues in the ISB also got by choke-free, but - I can say this now that I am dead with nothing to lose - I believe that was because the ISB is already so liable to getting themselves killed, even Vader saw no need to expediate the process.

-Admiral Piett

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Question for Piett. Do you still have a crush on Vader. If not, what happened?

It is very complicated. I still do not know what my relationship with Vader truly was. They say that there is a thin line between fear and love but when you're working a 16-hour shift trying to find one beat up Corellian freighter without getting your neck snapped, you don't have time for philosophical musings. Death doesn't make one's love life any easier, especially when one has a great deal of deceased exes.

At any rate, I have a stable posthumous relationship right now with another officer. He and I are happy together. So, the past is a bit of a moot point now.

-Admiral Piett

[pianopadawan]

Rest in peace, Ken Colley. Thank you for giving us Piett.

[eustacefrog]

Oh No: Admiral Piett Gets Email From Lord Vader Asking What He Accomplished Last Week

OUTER RIM — Following a sudden rise in rank, Admiral Firmus Piett was faced with his most challenging mission yet: sending Lord Vader an e-m

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Five Things I Accomplished Last Week:

* Broke galactic records for not sleeping

* Cleaned the drool of General Veers’s Denonian Lowhound from an AT-AT console

* Reported Lieutenant Venka to the Disciplinary Committee ten times

* Sassed bounty hunters

* Ran a 19-kilometer long war ship

(Apologies to Captain Needa for blaming the Falcon incident on him in my interview. I didn’t know what else to say, and I technically was not incorrect.)

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Stars, I miss Crying Days. I don't get Crying Days off anymore.

[ask-supervisor-heert]

Happy Imperial Mandatory Family Bonding Day for those who celebrate!

For those who are not celebrating, reminder that it is a mandatory holiday and stating that "no one enjoys it", while a factually correct statement, is not an excuse as far as COMPNOR is concerned. :)

Reminder that for those of us in the ISB who do not have today off, I will be hosting a Staff Bonding Day dinner. I understand that traditionally, we are supposed to serve turkey and plompkin pie. However, as those dishes are not within the budget of the 5-credit gift card given to the Attendant Wellbeing fund for this dinner, we will be serving a suitable alternative of frozen peas. I hope to see multiple people there this year!

Sending good vibes and glory to the Empire

Most Sincerely, Attendant L. Heert ISB Central Office, Coruscant

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

I will be there. I do love frozen peas.

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

I made the walls bleed in the Senate for Halloween as a fun additional haunting activity after I ran out of plompkins to throw. It is my understanding that the walls have not stopped trickling blood despite the fact that I returned to the afterlife the following day. This is unusual. I'm not quite sure how this came to be. I have mixed feelings about this mishap. On one hand, I do not like to leave a mess for other people to clean up. On the other hand, the people in question are Rebel Scum, and the fact that my haunting had this effect is making me feel like a powerful, vengeful spirit.

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Feeling cute. Might haunt the Senate. Might make the walls bleed or something along those lines.

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Hello ADM. Piett!!

Here, have a sunflower 🌻

I hope you're doing well :3

Question: On my region of my planet, Terra, a holiday often known as "Halloween" will begin soon. It is believed that the spirits of the dead can pass through the veil between the living and not, to mingle with the living. Will you come visit? There will be a lot of food for the visiting spirits, and I think it might be enjoyable. :D

Dear anonymous living soul,

I appreciate the invite. I never got invited to many things in life, so this is special.

Halloween is an extremely busy time of year for us deceased Imperials. I usually spend the entirety of the day haunting Rebel Scum and throwing flaming plompkins at them from across my favorite covered bridge on Axxila. I doubt there will be much room for festivities in between, and I would have to check with Max as to whether he has other plans. He usually likes to reanimate an old AT-AT and crush the Rebels' plompkins. But if I have time, I might float by, grab a cup of caf or a spare plompkin if you have one. My nephew says I ought to mingle more with the living for non-vengeful purposes, so I'll see.

-Admiral Piett

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

I've been asked by the COMPNOR Commission for the Mental Preservation of Imperial Officers to share a fun fact about myself, so here it is:

My head comes off in death, as does every other part of my body.

This did not used to happen when I was alive.

[ask-supervisor-heert]

There’s a collection of bonsais for sale at a good price at a place called Galactic Antiquities and Objects of Interest. However, I haven’t heard of this store and they only have 3/5 stars on the Imperial Ratings Hub. I’ve been asked to make use of the polling feature to honor the Emperor’s love for democracy.

Should I buy one for Supervisor Meero’s office?

Yes

No

Voting ended onOct 16, 2024

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

In my day, we didn’t have bonsai. Only dead branches because plants were allergic to Lord Vader.

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Update on the Plompkin Growing Endeavors

I spoke with Captain Needa, who has apparently had success growing petunias in the clouds of the afterlife. Therefore, I assume the same should be true of plompkins. This is a relief, as it will save me the trouble of possessing a plompkin farmer to grow a patch on my behalf.

I had my mother send me plompkin seeds from the living realm, which I have now planted in the clouds. Now, all I have to do is wait, and that should be easy enough given that time is now meaningless to me. If all goes well, I will have enough plompkins to supply not only my haunting endeavors, but also those of General Veers's Thundering Herd. Perhaps they can launch flaming plompkins from spectral AT-ATs.

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Due to the ISB Regulations on plompkin commerce, I have resolved to grow my own plompkins. The trouble is that it is difficult to grow anything as a ghost. Seeds don't take root very well on clouds. So, I can't grow the plompkins in the afterlife. However, I am also not very skilled at manipulating garden tools without a tangible form.

Perhaps I should find a medium who is also a gardener. Alternatively, I could possess a gardener to grow the plompkins for me.

I'll have to weigh my options carefully as plompkin season is already here.

[ask-supervisor-heert]

Autumn ISB Updates!

As we enter the season of autumn, here are a few friendly reminders.

1) Festive Plompkin Commerce

This year, the ISB Board voted to make the festive Axxilan orange gourds known as "plompkins" a regulated good due to reports of Rebels setting them ablaze and throwing them at Stormtroopers. Therefore, all imports and exports of plompkins are being monitored by the ISB. I have been charged with compiling the summary report for the Coruscanti data. Therefore, I have authority to access files related to plompkin commerce in all sectors. I appreciate your cooperation in advance.

2) Seasonal Caf Orders

I am aware that autumn drinks are now available in the cafe located on the ground floor of the ISB Central Office. Due to the high demand for these fall drinks, they are usually out of stock by mid-afternoon. Consequently, please understand that if I receive any order request after 1300, I cannot promise that I can procure a plompkin spice latte. I appreciate those of you who have been understanding of this fact without subjecting me to various threats and insults. Please understand that I have no control over how the cafe stocks their ingredients, and I have many other duties to fulfill besides caf orders.

3) Pet Costume Contest

I encourage everyone to enter the ISB Pet Costume Contest for Imperial Halloween. Last year, we only had four participants, all of whom were my tookas. While they certainly love winning, I think it would be fun to have some new competition this year.

4) ITO Droid Decorating Contest

Similarly, I encourage everyone to enter the ITO Droid Decorating Contest for Imperial Halloween. Supervisor Meero and I are already working on our very top-secret design. :)

Sending good vibes and glory to the Empire!

Most Sincerely, Attendant L. Heert ISB Central Office, Coruscant

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Damn the Rebels for ruining plompkin season! This is why we can't have nice things!

I wonder if the ITO Droid Decorating is open to everyone or exclusively ISB. I will submit an inquiry.

-Admiral Piett

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Dear ISB,

Is it plompkin season yet? I already have the matches ready and a list of Rebels who need to lose their heads riding across the Old Axxilan Ghost Bridge. Without the plompkins, there is no point in me haunting this bridge at all, and I might as well ask Grand Moff Tarkin for a new haunting assignment.

Dearly Departed, Admiral Piett

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

The ISB confiscated my orange Axxilan pompklin gourds on account of it being “too early” for flaming gourd throwing season. I have filed a posthumous appeal to have them returned to my symbolic grave at once.

[ask-supervisor-heert]

Friendly Reminder to Our Wonderful Supervisors

Firstly, thank you for all that you do.

Secondly, Attendant Felzonis and I would like to say that we know your caf orders are extremely important to you. We do our best to make sure everyone’s order is satisfactory. However, if your order is not to your satisfaction, we ask that you please voice these concerns to us in a calm manner.

I also ask that you give the erroneous caf to me to dispose of in the trash compactor. Not in my bonsai. Not on my desk. Not on me. In the trash compactor, please.

Lastly, please understand that we each only have two hands and contrary to popular belief, I am not able to balance a third carrier on my head. Please give us at least five minutes to transport your orders before berating us over the commlink.

Thank you to Supervisor Meero for always following the above recommendations and helping me draft this message!

Sending good vibes and glory to the Empire!

Most Sincerely,

Attendant L. Heert

ISB Central Office, Coruscant

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

Ha. In my day, if you spoke to your commanding officer like this, you’d be thrown out the airlock.