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@askdrfeeder
Letter from Amanda
Dear Dr. Feeder, Â Â Â Â Â My name is Amanda. Last year I began university, and because of this had to move away from home onto campus. One thing I had promised myself to do when I moved out of home was to gain weight. Since moving onto Campus I have just let myself go completely, and as a result gained 50lbs. However, this summer I will be visiting my mother back home whom is very into healthy eating, and so forth. Let me say right now that I am not loosing any weight whatsoever for her, nor do I intend to stop. But, I do not know what to say to her to avoid her from being too upset. Â Â Â Â Â What can I say to prevent her from being too angry?--Amanda, April 2, 2009
Dear Amanda, Â Â Â Â Â You may not be able to keep her from being angry. Settle for keeping her from nagging you to death. Try: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 1. If she gets angry, DON'T get angry yourself. Â Â Â Â Â 2. If she asks why you gained, say it's because you like to eat and don't mind the extra weight. Â Â Â Â Â 3. If she asks you why you don't diet, say you've tried diets and have found you're happier eating what you want. Â Â Â Â Â 4. If she makes a comment about your weight that is not in the form of a question, don't respond. Â Â Â Â Â 5. If she says something mean, say "Now you're just being mean." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â And remember the three NEVERs: Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â NEVER apologize for your gain; Â Â Â Â Â NEVER apologize for your size; Â Â Â Â Â NEVER apologize for your appetite. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â If she tries to get you to eat healthy food (fruit & vegetables, etc.) go ahead and eat it. It will make her feel better. You can still eat your favorite goodies as well. Â Â Â Â Â If she won't shut up about it, say 'look, I know you're just saying all this because you love me and you want what's best for me, and I appreciate that, but it's my decision and you need to respect that.' Â Â Â Â Â Let me know how it goes!--Dr. Feeder
Dear Dr. Feeder, Â Â Â Â Â Sorry for the long reply period, I only flew in a couple of days ago. As you can imagine, it wasn't great at all. But surprisingly I didn't feel down about it whatsoever! When I first gave my mother a hug, she put her hand on my stomach and patted and squeezed it, constantly glancing down at it. It was horribly awkward. For some reason I expected that would be it. Later that night she gave me a brief "discussion" about my weight and asked me if anything was wrong and so forth. I explained to her exactly what you suggested, that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel the need to diet. Amazingly though, that was it! Â Â Â Â Â Thankfully, she hasn't said anything else yet about my weight which I'm very pleased with. Thank-you so much for your help - the food here is quite healthy, so for that reason I'm looking forward to returning home where I can eat what I like. :) Â Â Â Â Â Again, thank-you so much for the wonderful advice,--Amanda, May 4, 2009
Dear Amanda, Â Â Â Â Â You're welcome, I'm glad it worked out.--Dr. Feeder
#weight-gain #feedee #feedism #advice
idk maybe itâs because iâm getting chunkier and just feel happy with my body but
is there something about how an intersection of feedism and body positivity can exist? like we as feeders shouldnât look at body pos models/activists like we do models. but ignoring the entire feedism community is not great on the body pos side, i think
idk itâs like obviously we, as a society, need to not be fatphobic. but it feels like the movement focuses on people who are naturally plus sized or gained because of illness. what is there to say about those who CHOOSE to be fat? not even choose to stay fat but whose ideal bodies ARE plus sized.
this is kind of just rambling and iâm not even that chunky lol but just a thought iâve been having. what do you guys think!
hi! this is a great topic and i have a lot to say!!
buckle up, cuz this oneâs a doozy.
firstly iâd like to point out that the body positivity movement no longer serves fat people, it works against them. the movement was initially created in the 1960s for fat people by fat people (fat queer jewish women, in fact!) this group had a political agenda, calling attention to the real oppression that fat people face, criticizing the dieting/weight loss industry and how it controls women, and putting an end to medical discrimination and fatphobic systems. unfortunately, this message was boiled down and made digestible to the accepted members of society - âfat people are entitled to basic human rights, respect, and recognitionâ got squashed and molded into âall bodies are beautiful!!â
(see the fat liberation manifesto by judy freespirit & alderbaran, 1973)
body positivityâs roots are in the fat liberation movement, but the two couldnât be more different. to preach only the message of âyou should love your body!â reverts the issues that fat people face to a problem of mindset, rather than a systemic problem that keeps them oppressed. instead of telling fat people not to feel bad about their bodies, everyone should be working to remove the anti-fat attitudes and systems that make them feel bad in the first place!
but how did this happen?? well, in the 21st century, diet culture and beauty standards are still raging across the country. everyone has body image issues, including thin people. the message âevery body is beautifulâ sounds very appealing to people who have felt bad about their bodies. and when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. thin people start to take hold of the movement and center themselves.
body positivity becomes about learning to love your âflawsâ - and those âflawsâ are rolls, stretchmarks, etc. anything that (gasp!) resembles a fat body! it is entirely fatphobic in its rhetoric. thin people are capitalizing off of this without taking actual steps to examine or unlearn their fatphobia, while silencing fat people and their struggles. i could speak more on this and talk about how there has become a new standard of beauty within the body positive movement (for example, chubby/small fat people & people with hourglass figures are more accepted than bigger people, and this happens because thin people are at the center!) but iâll just get on with it and explain why that is and how it relates to @sapphicfeederâs original post.
so, why doesnât body positivity intersect with feedism?
short answer: the medicalization of fat bodiesïżŒ + the moralization of health.
too often i see people saying âiâm body positive, BUT i will not glorify ob*sity.â please view this post to see how this statement is wrong in so many ways.
iâm just going to assume that if youâre fat positive, you know that body size is not a diagnosis and there are a bajillion reasons as to why someone is fat - most of which have nothing to do with diet and exercise. (if youâd like more info on this, contact me!) anyway, âob*sityâ is a dehumanizing term used to target and medicalize larger body types, typically in the absence of any actual disease. itâs fatphobic fear-mongering.
most uneducated folks put the blame on fat people for their size - saying itâs their fault, if theyâd just diet and exercise the right way theyâd be thin and healthy. again - untrue, and so many things wrong with that statement. (i mean, if anyone has heard this shit a million times, itâs us.) this fatphobic and ableist narrative has been adopted by thin people who think they have a say in the body positivity movement, and weaponized against fat people based on personal bias. they put a MORAL value on health, (which yes, is a classist, white supremacist, eugenicist idea) and in their eyes, fat = unhealthy. so the fatter you are, if you dare promote your body, the eviler you are.
so that makes feedists the evilest of all.
the truth is, we scare people. (tw: death) it has taken me so long to deconstruct the internalized shame from the media constantly telling me, âif youâre a feeder, youâre killing your partner.â before discovering fat liberation, for the longest time, i felt like being a feedist made me a bad person. and thatâs fucking bullshit!
i donât care about what thin people and fatphobes think of this community - but i do care about how we affect fat people. many fat models on tumblr have âFEEDERS/FETISH BLOGS, DO NOT INTERACTâ explicitly written in their bios and under their photos. and there are multiple reasons for that, which we all need to be crucially aware of:
1. this community is crawling with predators. no wonder people think weâre evil! so many fat women have opened up about their experiences being fetishized without their consent by feeders and FAs. this is a huge problem. the people who do this have internalized fatphobia and are ashamed of their admiration for fat bodies, and it comes out in really ugly ways. we need to turn the focus inward, eliminate predators, embrace fat liberation and feminism, and show toxicity no tolerance.
2. we eroticize weight gain and fatphobia, which is super triggering to a lot of people! saying things like youâre âruining your waistlineâ and most of the teasing/degradation that goes on in kink spaces adhere to fatphobic ideas! most of what we find hot goes hand-in-hand with the medicalization of fatness & moralization of health! eating âunhealthyâ things and saying things like âi really shouldnât, but...â or âlook what iâve done to myselfâ - those can be very hot, but yes, theyâre fatphobic. and thatâs okay, because itâs not real. (at least, i hope you donât say this to people outside of kink spaces!) most of us have this kink because weâve ALL experienced fatphobia early on in our lives. this kink exists because fatness has been demonized by society - humans desire things that are labeled taboo! itâs unfortunate that fatness is considered taboo in the first place, and thatâs a big reason as to why non-feedist fat people are made uncomfortable by this. this kink tells them that their mere existence is taboo!
something that i wish was more clear to people is that the majority of feedists ARE fat positive - that we have experienced trauma regarding fatphobia & the stigma around weight gain, and that fetish/fantasy is a way to cope with that. people eroticize their trauma all the time, itâs a huge aspect of the bdsm fetish community, and i think we should talk about it more. from the outside, our community is viewed as a bunch of skinny people fetishizing unwilling fat people. i wish they would realize that so many members of our community have been fat all of their lives and that this kink strengthens their relationship with their bodies. i can see how to non-feedists, the way we eroticize fatphobia is very difficult to understand.
3. some fat people have expressed frustration towards feedees/gainers (specifically those who have not been fat all of their lives) for fetishizing and appropriating their trauma. i do not personally agree with this viewpoint, but again, itâs important to know that the viewpoint exists and respect it, since it is from the perspective of those who are marginalized and have faced oppression.
whew! okay. that was a HUUUUGE tangent! if you made it this far i love you. in direct response to @sapphicfeeder - yes, people who choose to get fatter deserve body positivity and to love their bodies! AND to participate in fat liberation. feedism and fat liberation MUST intersect because our community is made up of fat people! we have a responsibility to protect and uplift those in marginalized bodies (and when we donât, things get ugly and creepy.) fat liberation belongs in the feedism community - but feedism does not belong in the fat liberation movement. thatâs right! when engaging in fat activism, leave your kinky gear at the door! of course involving others in your kink without their consent is wrong, but also fetishizing fatness and the lived experiences that come with it can be damaging to others outside of kink spaces. please please please be conscious of how youâre interacting with spaces made for non-kinky fat people. but simply promoting the beauty you find in fat bodies isnât fetishization - itâs just your view! :) and it helps to normalize fatness and appreciation for fatness.
in conclusion: fat feedists are fat people! they face the same oppression that vanilla fat people face, and deserve access to the same support and spaces that vanilla fat people do. it all comes down to body autonomy. if gaining weight is affirming to you - you have the choice to change your body and you deserve to love and celebrate your body. just be sensitive and aware of how the feedism fetish can affect others outside of kink spaces.
All well and good, but the thing that is left out here (and in other such fat-related rights screeds) is:
gluttony
I understand that many fat people donât practice gluttony, and no doubt want to separate themselves from it. There is social stigma against gluttony. So gluttony tends to get swept under the rug in most of these fat-rights/body-positive discussions. Iâm not sure where it even fits in. Certainly I wouldnât require individual fat people to discuss whether theyâre gluttons or not. Itâs nobodyâs business, after all.
By the way, I donât conflate gluttony with feedism. Some feedees may eat a lot just because they want to get fat. They are not true gluttons, since they donât really enjoy eating like that.
Similarly, gluttons, unlike feedees, may not like being fat. They just accept it as a consequence of their passion for food. Or maybe itâs a trade off--after all, having a fat-person appetite may allow them to enjoy gluttony more than a thin person ever could.
In short, feedism, gluttony, getting fat and being fat all intersect in every way possible. And like I say, I donât know where gluttony fits in to any of these movements. I just want to put in a plug for those who love gluttony and are brave enough and strong to do what they love in spite of social taboos. I admire them!
Hey, I just found out something about God and his opinion on fat people. In Leviticus 3:16, it says âAll the fat is the Lordâsâ. In Proverbs 11:25, âThe liberal soul shall be made fat.â And in Proverbs 13:4, âThe soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.â Meaning if you work hard, you will become fat. I thought that was pretty interesting. God wants us to be fat. @bk2015stuff
(Btw, Iâm atheist)
So, Iâm on a mission from God? :D
Note also that Jesus was alleged to have been a glutton. ( Luke 22:65)Â
Why I want to be fat
I received an ask asking why I want to gain, it was from someone who has been struggling with an eating disorder and didn't understand why one would want to gain weight like this and I accidentally deleted it! It was such a good and respectful ask so I'm going to respond here.
No this isn't offensive I'm glad you asked! It's totally ok to be curious and I get why some people wouldn't understand it. I used to struggle with an eating disorder as well and a bit after I became more comfortable with my body and recovered I found that by gaining I felt so much better about myself and it was a good way to take control of my body. I used to always be ashamed of my weight, even when I was super skinny, and when I found this kink I learned I don't need to be and I can be big if I want and I don't have to be ashamed, in fact I could be proud of it! I also love the nurturing aspect of it, I love doting on someone and showing your love through feeding them, and returning the love by being big and soft and cuddly for someone who wants that. It's very wholesome and loving and makes me feel a lot more confident in my skin :) I hope this answers your question!
Hey Everyone!
What kind of photosets would you like to see? I would love some ideas! You can offer up suggestions on:
What types of clothes
Angles
Certain parts of the body (no full nudity or face)
Themes?
Something else I can't think of?
I'm open to suggestions! I can't promise I'll get to all of them right away, but I'd love to hear what my current active followers would love to see!
The Wall Test
Can you believe how big Iâve gotten?
Given your expressed love of stuffing and gaining, yes, itâs not hard to believe. Still impressive though. Thanks for making the world a more beautiful place.
So, how do yaâll go about explaining your fetish to partners outside of the feedism community? I need to with someone, but Iâm nervous. Help!
Sameee
http://askdrfeeder.dyndns.org/letters.html#Amanda
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