Tw rant: ed, drugs, suicide
This has literally been the worst month I’ve had in such a long time like a literally have reverted to the depressed child I used to an blame myself for everything. Idk why cuz he is the one who cheated and lied to my face, I thought he was my soul mate and the one to teach me that I did deserve a kind and gentle love. Turns out I was fooled by him and made addicted to coke. The worst part is I still love him but hate myself more than I ever have. Like how could I be so stupid. Of course he couldn’t love a fat fucking depressed price of shit like me. I’ve lost 20lbs and spent like 600$ on fucking coke since the break up and can’t sleep and if I try and eat I feel disgusting. I don’t know what even got into my head that I thought I believed love like of course I don’t. I caused my parents divorce, I’m a fucking assole, I’m fat and ugly and I’m a failure. I called him while I was fucking dying like literally od’d and he didn’t even bother to call back but acts like he wants to be friends. No one ever gives a shit about me yet I was so fooled by this fucking man and thought he was my soul mate. I’m fucking delusional and have lost touch with reality, nothing makes sense to me anymore and I just want it all to end. I’m in so much fucking pain but at least I’ve lost some weight I guess. I haven’t even been able to work cuz I work in healthcare but can’t take care of myself rn how am I supposed to take care of other people. I know I need help but I don’t want any. I want to die
Edit: I was in an abusive relationship for 5 yrs also and he fucking new that. Like literally was getting fucking yelled at and manipulated and fucking beat and spent 2 yrs single working through it yet he still fucking manipulated me even though he looked me in the eyes and promised he wasn’t???
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