I’ve thought about this a little bit, but I think I makes sense
Tw suicide.
So I think about killing myself pretty much every day, or I think about getting some terminal illness like cancer, because then I wouldn’t have to worry about killing myself, the illness would just do that. The feeling I have in my chest is just too much to handle, and it literally hurts all the time. Why, tho? I who live in a good (and happy) country, why do I want to die so badly? Well it’s not so much that I want to die. I want to test my friends and family. You see, I have it on good authority that they actually wouldn’t miss me if I died. I’ve seen videos on YouTube about parents who’ve lost a child to suicide, and a friend I’ve known for 11 years lost her son back in the 00s, and her wounds are as open as if it had happened 5 minutes ago. So I do know how devastating suicide is. But to be honest. My family would maybe show up to the funeral, and then forget about it and move on. The only person who would actually be devastated is my best friend, and they’re literally the only reason why my suicide thoughts aren’t a 9/10 (right now they’re about 7/10 but they’re still there) There’s also the problem that nobody actually wants me, whether it be in love, work or anything else, so why stick around? Would you hang around people that don’t want you? So I need constant validation from my best friend, and their validation is the only I believe, but I still need it constantly. It may seem like I’m being selfish, but I think it makes sense. See, mental illnesses are what they are, illnesses, and illnesses need to be treated, one thing is medicine and the medicine does wonders for my psychosis, but it never took away my suicide thoughts (I just repressed them) and because my suicide thoughts are based on people not liking/wanting me the only thing that helps a little is validation from the only person I believe actually loves me. Them and my cat. My cat loves me, that’s about it.
I don’t know what to say except that if one person would miss you if you died, it’s proof that your life matters to someone. And it’s not just them; there are a few readers here on Tumblr who would miss your posts. (Me, for one.)
What I’m trying to say is: We’re here.
