Maria Hill

Don't even ask me why I'm on here. Someone's gotta keep this bunch from causing trouble.

[askblackwidow]

Hill is dead.

They said I was dead, too. Don't believe everything you see, they like to sensationalize things for dramatic effect.

[askmariahill]

[ask-hawkeye]

Don't leave me on this site alone, Barton.

You're the one who decided to get back on here, Tasha

[askblackwidow]

Blame Hill going on about “good PR”

[askmariahill]

Why am I being dragged into this?

[ask-director-fury]

dude you're like 60 what are you doing on Tumblr

60? I'm gonna take that as a compliment.

And last I checked this site doesn't have a maximum age.

(also, blame Hill.)

[askmariahill]

It’s good PR.

[ask-director-fury]

I am not a pussycat, Romanoff.

Parker, don’t listen to her.

@ask-miss-romanoff @sarcasticpeterparker

[sarcasticpeterparker]

You terrify me. How’s it going?

[askmariahill]

He’s a pussycat when he wants to be

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askprofessorxavier]

Ah, so you’ve done your research.

You probably know what I can do, then?

[askmariahill]

I do, and I’m going to politely request you don’t try and do it to me.

[askprofessorxavier]

Wouldn’t dream of it.

The thought didn’t even occur to me.

[askmariahill]

Good. I just wanted to make sure.

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, of course.

Say, have you met Erik? You could try convincing him that you’re me!

[askmariahill]

I haven’t, actually.

As fun as that sounds though I think I’ll have to pass. I don’t know you well enough to pull off a deception like that.

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askprofessorxavier]

Ah, so you’ve done your research.

You probably know what I can do, then?

[askmariahill]

I do, and I’m going to politely request you don’t try and do it to me.

[askprofessorxavier]

Wouldn’t dream of it.

The thought didn’t even occur to me.

[askmariahill]

Good. I just wanted to make sure.

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askprofessorxavier]

Ah, so you’ve done your research.

You probably know what I can do, then?

[askmariahill]

I do, and I’m going to politely request you don’t try and do it to me.

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askmariahill]

Looking good!

[askprofessorxavier]

I’ve gotta say the same thing to you.

I’m Charles, Charles Xavier.

[askmariahill]

Maria Hill. Nice, if slightly strange, to meet you.

[askprofessorxavier]

Charmed.

So, you’re a SHIELD agent, aren’t you?

[askmariahill]

I am. And you’re the guy who runs that school for Mutants, right?

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askmariahill]

Looking good!

[askprofessorxavier]

I’ve gotta say the same thing to you.

I’m Charles, Charles Xavier.

[askmariahill]

Maria Hill. Nice, if slightly strange, to meet you.

[askprofessorxavier]

Well, this isn't weird at all... (askmariahill)

female!Charles for 15 asks (1/15)

Woah. We’re like twins.

[askmariahill]

Looking good!

[askmariahill]

Please tell me you have a mission for me to go peel that nazi orange potato

The mission I have for you is to wait until you’re given orders.

[askwintersoldier-blog]

You and Fury are no fun.

[askmariahill]

Say what you want, it’s us who ends up having to get your asses out of trouble.

[askwintersoldier-blog]

You can’t get in trouble if no one can prove you guilty

[askmariahill]

I’m not going to tell you again, Barnes. Leave this situation alone until we tell you otherwise.

[askmariahill]

Please tell me you have a mission for me to go peel that nazi orange potato

The mission I have for you is to wait until you’re given orders.

[askwintersoldier-blog]

You and Fury are no fun.

[askmariahill]

Say what you want, it’s us who ends up having to get your asses out of trouble.

[askmariahill]

Please tell me you have a mission for me to go peel that nazi orange potato

The mission I have for you is to wait until you’re given orders.

[asksteve-rogers-deactivated2019]

Tony: Wow, you’re turning into a true millennial Cap! That phone’s stuck to you like me on a hot chick in a bikini. Did you finally get a girlfriend? Just be careful not to let any dick pics fall into the internet. It will be public forever.

Me: ..er..I’m not supposed to then? It’s not like the whole world will find it..right? *worried look*

Tony: …fucking hell, Steve. You’re not actually supposed to do whatever a girl on the internet tells you to!

Steve: She was really pretty?

Tony: She could be anyone, using any picture!

Steve: ..Oh.

Tony: *throws hands up in the air* Fuck it. Someone else can deal with the PR explosion. I can’t deal with old men from the 1920s. Next thing you’ll tell me that you didn’t even bother to cover your face.

Steve: …….should I have?

Tony: EUGH *walks away*

[askmariahill]

*sighs* I’ll see what I can do. 

Honestly, Rogers, do I need to book you on an internet safety course?

[asksteve-rogers-deactivated2019]

Might need to, ma'am. This newfangled technology stuff is COMPLICATED.

[askmariahill]

It’s really not. A lot of it is just common sense.

[asksteve-rogers-deactivated2019]

Tony: Wow, you’re turning into a true millennial Cap! That phone’s stuck to you like me on a hot chick in a bikini. Did you finally get a girlfriend? Just be careful not to let any dick pics fall into the internet. It will be public forever.

Me: ..er..I’m not supposed to then? It’s not like the whole world will find it..right? *worried look*

Tony: …fucking hell, Steve. You’re not actually supposed to do whatever a girl on the internet tells you to!

Steve: She was really pretty?

Tony: She could be anyone, using any picture!

Steve: ..Oh.

Tony: *throws hands up in the air* Fuck it. Someone else can deal with the PR explosion. I can’t deal with old men from the 1920s. Next thing you’ll tell me that you didn’t even bother to cover your face.

Steve: …….should I have?

Tony: EUGH *walks away*

[askmariahill]

*sighs* I’ll see what I can do. 

Honestly, Rogers, do I need to book you on an internet safety course?