How did you figure out that you are gender queer and did you figure out the same thing about your brother before he did?
Right, this one’s a bit of a long tale, so settle in. I only started callin’ myself genderqueer recently enough, mostly ‘cause the word itself didn’t come around ‘til the 1990s. But as for when I actually realised I didn’t quite slot into the usual notions of gender? That goes back to the mid-1100s or so, give or take.
I’ve always lived a bit outside the lines, y’see, especially as someone who was born AFAB. For all the world might’ve seen me one way, I never quite fit the part they laid out for me. Bein’ a druid helped a fair bit there, gave me room to breathe, to exist beyond what was considered the norm. It came with a kind of freedom, y’know? Let me move through things a bit differently. I still went by more feminine terms back then, sure, but most folks could sense there was something off the beaten path about me. I used to think it was just ‘cause I was a Nation, since people tend to view us as a bit uncanny anyhow.
Then the tide shifted when the more organised religions started rollin’ in. I took to dressin’ more like a man, not to ruffle feathers, but more to keep the peace, to avoid drawin’ the wrong kind of attention. Wasn’t rare, mind you. Lots of women did the same back then to carve out some safety or keep a bit of autonomy. But when I spoke with them, a lot of 'em said it made them feel strange, like they were puttin’ on someone else’s skin.
Me? I felt grand. Like I’d finally slipped into something that fit.
And that was the difference, wasn’t it? Over time, after talkin’ to all sorts, humans and Nations alike, I started to see it clear. What I felt wasn’t just about gettin’ by. It wasn’t survival or stubbornness. It was something rooted deep inside, something that never really matched up with the boxes everyone else seemed so keen to stay in.
And from there, well, it’s kept shiftin’ and stretchin’ over the years, as all good truths tend to do. But that core feeling, that knowing? I’ve carried that with me since those early days. And I reckon I always will.
As for Ollie, ah, I’d like to think I figured him out before he did, in more ways than one. I suppose that’s just how it goes when you end up playin’ Mam for a while, yeah? You learn to notice the quiet things. The little shifts. The moments they don’t realise they’ve said more than they meant to. He came into his own, same as I did, just in his own way and time. Now, he might give you a different version of it all, mind. But you’d have to go ask him yourself for that one.