Ask the Vantas family

WELCOME TO THE LAND OF DOUCHEFUCKING STEAMY ASS SHITS, WHERE I WILL BE YOUR GUIDE THROUGH THIS HOOFBEAST'S ASS EXCUSE FOR A BLOG. WELCOME ABOARD THE SHITSACK TRAIN.

[askthemutantfamily]

TEREZI: TH1S SHOULD DO TH3 TR1CK! TH1S 1S TH3 ONLY W4Y TO G3T K4RK4TS DUMB 4SS TO TH1NK 1T 1S COOL! 1T 1S OUR L1TTL3 S3CR3T NOW 4NON! >:]

[askthemutantfamily]

REDGLARE: 1t’s not l1k3 th4t 4nymor3, bud. Now4d4ys, 1 own h1s 4ss, 4nd h3 lov3s 1t. >;]

SIGNLESS: Kinky. 

REDGLARE: 4ll jok1ng 4s1d3, 1t’s n1c3 to s33 you 4g41n. 

SIGNLESS: It’s nice t9 see y9u t99, 6ut I’m n9t all that c9nfident as t9 whether 9r n9t y9u’re j9king, my friend.

REDGLARE: Th4t’s for m3 to know, 4nd you to not f1nd out.

[askthemutantfamily]

SIGNLESS: Redglare was actually 9ne 9f my first high6l99ded f9ll9wers. If it weren’t f9r her and her drag9n, my m9vement w9uld have perished in it’s infancy. 

---In the distance---

PYRALSPITE: grumble

TEREZI: K4RK4T YOU C4N NOT B3 S3R1OUS!! JUST P4T H3R ON TH3 SNOUT. SH3 WON’T BIT3 YOU...

KARKAT: OW, FUCK!!

TEREZI:...H4RD! H3H3H3H3...

REDGLARE: Pyr4lsp1t3, b3h4v3! You just h4d 4n 3nt1r3 d33rc4t, 4nd th3 l4st th1ng you n33d to 4qu1r3 4 t4st3 for 1s som3 w1mp’s mut4t3d blood. >8P

PYRALSPITE: chitter

[askthemutantfamily]

SIGNLESS: I d9n’t kn9w a69ut Karkat 9r Kankri, 6ut I d9 s9metimes when I’m in the sh9wer t9 pass the time. I think the 9thers might 6e em6arrassed 6ecause I have a w9nderful v9ice. (;B

[askthemutantfamily]

((Sorry for accidentally deleting these))

@musical-clarity @thesirenwithredhair

[askthemutantfamily]

KANKRI: My sleeping ha6its are n9ne 9f y9ur 6usiness, thank y9u very much. N9w if y9u’ll excuse me, I’m g9ing t9 make a ph9ne call.

KANKRI: ((9hmystarsimg9ingt9die))

[askthemutantfamily]

SIGNLESS: ..I missed y9u t99, 6ud.

[askthemutantfamily]

KARKAT: THE EASIEST WAY TO CONVINCE A GRUB-FACED CLUB FONDLER TO USE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS AS THEIR NEWEST COAT OF PAINT ON THE WALL IS TO LEAVE THEM TO THEIR OWN DEVICES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN SOME SMUG ASSHOLE WHO THINKS HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING IS GOING TO INSULT THE FUCKER’S ENTIRE RELIGION.

[askthemutantfamily]

KARKAT: ...

SIGNLESS: ...

BOTH: (WHAT THE FUCK)

[askthemutantfamily]

SIGNLESS: HEY! Cut that 9ut Crabdad, 9r I’m rev9king y9ur chilled r9e cu6e privileges again! 

KARKAT: SCREEEEECH

SIGNLESS: Umm, I’m glad y9u, er, agree? (Please d9n’t 6ite me)

[askthemutantfamily]

You are suddenly aware of the rapidly escalating situation, and are hit with the sinking feeling of trepidation.

What will you do?

====> GET HELP?

[askthemutantfamily]

KARKAT: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[askthemutantfamily]

SIGNLESS: What happened t9 Karkat?!

[askthemutantfamily]

Hey Karkat! I dare you to say who your crush is!!

You ask the DEVIANT LARVA about his love life. It doesn’t appear that he understands, but he responds with a strong SQUEAK regardless.

[askthemutantfamily]

MAGIC ANON!! YOU ARE NOW A GRUB FOR THE NEXT 5 ASKS!

KARKAT: SQUEAK.

[askthemutantfamily]

oh hey.... WHATS UP KARBRO? you seen any bad dream miracles? I CANT WAIT HAHAHAHAHAHAH

KARKAT’s mind: FUCK NO

[askthemutantfamily]

I understand that you guys are on this new planet and stuff, but, how did you get there? I thought that only a handful of you guys survived?

SIGNLESS: 9h dear.. that’s a l9ng st9ry An9n. H9wever, if y9u’re willing t9 listen, I will share it with y9u. 

As I’m sure y9u are aware, this st9ry 6egan with tw9 ill-fated universes: 9ne was h9me t9 f9ur friends playing a simple game with 9ne an9ther, I’ll call it universe A f9r simplicity, and the 9ther was the h9me 9f twelve y9ung wrigglers wh9 were attempting t9 save their race with the very same game, universe 6. As y9u kn9w, these tw9 sessi9ns were fated t9 intertwine with 9ne an9ther in the grand scheme 9f things. Seeing as 69th were d99med 9n their 9wn, the tw9 gr9ups 9f children decided t9 scratch the game f9r universe A. 6ut, this is where 9ur st9ry diverges fr9m the the 9ne y9u kn9w. 

SIGNLESS: Due t9 Her a6sense, the scratched universe prepared it’s wards with nuclear fall9ut. Seeing as these new children grew up under different circumstances, their 69nds were much str9nger than the alpha timelines. With9ut the fallen Empress t9 cause hav9c in the sessi9n, the children were a6le t9 defeat Aranea easily. The real pr96lem was when an alternate versi9n 9f L9rd English attacked them.

SIGNLESS: Many 9f the children perished in the 6attle against him, 6ut three 9f them escaped: the Knight 9f 6l99d, the Seer 9f Mind, and the Heir 9f 6reath. Up9n their escape, they happened up9n an 9dd artifact that defied the game itself. It seemed t9 6e in the shape 9f a spir9graph made 9f 6lades. T9gether, they fired this artifact at English and slayed him. It was then that they were appr9ached 6y a p9werful H9rr9rterr9r wh9 made them an 9ffer: A w9rld were they c9uld 6e reunited with all 9f the individuals they c9uld remem6er s9 l9ng as they surrendered their a6ility t9 dream t9 the 6east. 

SIGNLESS: The Heir remem6ered his friends and family, and the Seer remem6ered her r9le-m9dels. The Knight remem6ered all 9f his friends, h9wever, in a str9ke 9f ir9ny, he th9ught t9 himself “G99D RIDDANCE, I’LL NEVER HAVE T9 DEAL WITH FUCKING T99L AGAIN”. Unf9rtunately, this c9unted as remem6ering the individual he was s9 eager t9 6e rid 9f. Erg9, we als9 live with 6ef9ran Kankri.