advice wanted. i (jewish) stopped speaking to a friend of 12 years after they were silent after october 7th, said nothing when there was an antisemitic shooting in my city, just kind of would go silent if i brought u antisemitism, litmus tested me about palestine, kept saying to me that they wanted to attend the anti israel rallies at their university, never bothered to genuinely ask my thoughts on any of this (or educate themselves at all for that matter) and started talking about the jews in their area (we live in different cities "not being the good kind") etc. one day about a year ago i just became disgusted and cut them off. a pro israel candidate won in their area beating a progressive candidate and now suddenly they want to reach out to me. they're pretending like nothing happened tho even tho it's obvious to them that i've gone silent. i guess they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. so i ignored the texts. and now they've sent me a letter. i kinda don't even want to know what's in it. and i don't really want them back in my life. am i wrong? anyway sorry to send this here. you're just always so thoughtful and this blog has been so comforting to me.
What you've described isn't a friend who got confused about a complicated conflict. This is a person who wanted a Jew in their life as social cover, sorted Jews into acceptable and unacceptable categories out loud, went silent when Jews got shot in your city, and spent a year auditioning you for ideological compliance.
October 7 didn't create this person's antisemitism, it just made them stop hiding it.
The letter showing up now, after a pro-Israel candidate won in their area, likely isn't a sign of growth. It's the same pattern.
I doubt they're reaching out to you as an individual they care about. It's more likely a political outcome scared them, made them wonder if the political winds are shifting, and now they want a Jewish friend back in their corner.
When your existence was inconvenient to them, they went quiet. Now that their own comfort is threatened, you're suddenly worth a stamp.
You're finally seeing clearly that the friendship was always on their terms, always contingent on your acceptability, and effectively ended the moment they showed you who they are.
You can't lose something you never actually had. The grief you feel is real, but the loss is illusory.
You don't owe a response to a letter you didn't ask for. You can shred it unopened and sleep fine. If you do read it and it contains anything other than a genuine reckoning with specific things they said and did, there's nothing there worth the effort a response would require.
You already knew this a year ago, Anon. Nothing has changed except they're scared now too.
I know it hurts, but you did the right thing a year ago, you're still doing the right thing now, and the fact that it hurts doesn't mean you were wrong.