I want you to remember Everything you said

Noah Puckerman here, but you'll call me Puck if you know what's good for you. Chances are I've slept with you, your girl or your mom. Junior at McKinley High, football player, Glee Club member, sexshark and all around badass. Got a question? Needing to get your fix? Click on the message button below. Just don't fill my ask with shit about hopes, dreams, butterflies and lame shit. 'Dude, in Human Sexuality do you get to fuck or do you just get to watch people fuck? -Jenko' This is clearly an RP account. While I am badass I’m not Mark Salling or associated with the bastards known as RIB.

[cheercaptn-deactivated20221010]

Is this conversation actually happening, or is this some really weird dream I’m having?

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Dunno am I naked? Cus’ I’m naked in dreams that involve me and you.

[snixxx-tana-lopez-blog]

Your ass is toast. I think your best bet is to not say anything and resign to life as a single father. Maybe the unwed mother’s club will come to glee club and sing a creepy funk tune with you.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Trailer park life is the life for me. Think they can sing Cherry Pie? Not a creepy ass funk tune but it’s why I’m in this mess.

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

Noah, you know googling symptoms is just as bed as trolling WebMD. If you really are in need of a doctor, you know my daddy would provide a general checkup and diagnosis if he could.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

You give me too much credit. Trolling WebMD, you think people hit that up like they do porn sites? I swiped a couple bottles of cough syrup so I think I’m good. Plus I’m short on cash, thanks to all the shit I’ve got to do for probation I can’t work as much.

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

Oh, really? And by chance did your receive your accreditation at the FBI? 

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

I’m on the board of the FBI, we don’t let just anyone wear our shirts.

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

Not the time your guttered mind is thinking of, Puckerman. Clinical diagrams, yes. A titty show, no.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

My mind lives in the gutter. Still gonna call myself Dr. Boobs if I gotta look at a bunch of medical slides.

[levi-eckert-blog]

I’m not like a doctor or nothin but that kinda sounds like the flu to me. I didnt know that you got chills and stuff when you were pregnant.. It kinda reminds me of that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where he like gets pregnant and has that kid and stuff. Who would be the baby momma?

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

In dunno dude, Quinn turned into Linda Blair when her eggo was preggo so who knows. Santana, though her ass isn’t about to pay child support.

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

So it seems like you need to teach me about football, and I need to teach you about biology. 

Lucky for you, Noah, I may just have a powerpoint at the ready.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Does this powerpoint have a lot of boobs on it?

[levi-eckert-blog]

It told you your either dying or having a baby… i dunno about you but that kinda sounds like it failed… im no doctor or nothin but that dont sound right. 

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Headaches, coughing, chills and a desire for murder when people bug you. Sounds like dying or pregnancy to be.

[snixxx-tana-lopez-blog]

I hope for your sake it’s at least a rich old lady. With a gun shy husband.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

We both know most of their husbands either carry a gun or a bat.

[levi-eckert-blog]

You googled the stuff to find out whats wrong? 

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Google never fails me. Plus it costs cash to go to the doc, google is free.

[snixxx-tana-lopez-blog]

As much as you get around? You’re pregnant for sure..

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

And not with a food baby. Damn my whore ways.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Pretty sure I’m dying.... Google says I dying or pregnant...

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Text  ✉ Britt

Brittany: Would you beat up a teacher?

Puck: It is on my bucket list. What did they do?

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

Can we broker a deal if I agree to a fierce and intense whisper over a yell?

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Only if you jump up and down while doing it so I can look at your boobs.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

Text  ✉ Britt

Puck: Do I need to kick someone's ass for making you have a bad day? Cus' I'll do it.

[messagerachelberry-deactivated2]

Considering your current volunteer status with the JCC, I would hope that so-called break you speak of is one of a permanent nature.

And there is certainly a chessboard in Berry BonanzaTM Game Closet. While I won’t commit to yelling – I do need to preserve my instrument and eventual livelihood after all – even just a sliver of understanding and knowledge would go a very long way to an increase in my overall enjoyment of this particular sports ball. 

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

My failure to become a criminal mastermind with his very own ATM may have just made me better at keeping the shit I do secret.

And every other game known to man. Yell during two games and I’ll teach you all I know.

[cheercaptn-deactivated20221010]

I’m trying to decide if I even want to try and correct everything wrong in this sentence or not.

[askyourboypuckypuck-blog]

It’s flawfess. Jesus was a Hebrew so he didn’t eat pork. He came back to life, that makes him a zombie. You celebrate him coming back with a giant bunny and candy. Zombie Jesus doesn’t eat the brains of those that follow the ways of the Hebrew.