Word crimes I have personally witnessed
Since my early days on the internet, I have kept a file where where I record phrases that people have said on the internet that have really razed my hackles.
“Thanks for your inciteful comments”
Are you thanking me for starting a flame war?
This is what you have when you’re a pedestrian in a crosswalk.
Sometimes the monarch offers you a 100% discount.
They’re very dainty hands.
Some people might be turned incorporeal in situations like this, but not me.
They’re beautiful sources. Gaze upon them and appreciate their splendor.
“This peaked my interest”
Now that my interest is at the summit, it can only go down.
The horse is in charge now.
“For all intensive purposes”
These purposes are quite vigorous
I’m sowing six feet deep.
I’m very well-hydrated before dinner.
I’m going to articulate this entirely using gestures.
“I’m honing in on your location”
You probably went through a lot of whetstones on the way here.
The opposite of bad breath: it’s such a pleasant odor that few can resist its allure.
Young Frankenstein’s assistant should have been willing to pay for this instead of stealing a brain from the university laboratory.
Sometimes those summits can really catch you off guard.
I assume this is what tugboat operators do.
Sometimes a stench is terrible enough to cause chaos.
You owe me performance royalties for using that phrase. I charge $50 per say.
This happens earlier in the winter, especially after Daylight Saving Time ends in November.
Not to be confused with a fowl swoop, this one is probably up to no good.
You should keep your shredded cabbage in the fridge after adding the mayo.
I’m paying close attention to the location of the applause.
Where we keep our OSHA-compliant gear.
“I don’t want to take this for granite.”
Of course not, it’s clearly bismuth.
I’m pretty sure it’s a violation of city code for a non-residential church building to charge rent.
You don’t want to know what’s in the plumbing.
The forklift operator is expected to use this to keep things sanitary.
I’m going to attack my nemesis using this syringe.
Carved marble can last a very long time before expiring.
I’ll case the joint, then gesture with my finger to draw your attention to anything suspicious.
Rock climbers carry bags that are like this.
“I’m going to pour over the data”
Please don’t spill your coffee on spreadsheets.
“That’s just an old wise tale”
You shouldn’t be so dismissive of elderly wisdom!
Old Jeremiah is always up to funny business.
“Don't give me short shift”
If you're getting paid by the hour, you don't want your employer to send you home early.
“This peeked my interests”
That sounds like an invasion of privacy.
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