Alyssa Newton @aspiritinthewind-blog - Tumblr Blog

This is when it gets hard

They won't understand....

No one ever understand depression like you do. They’ve never walked it never felt it like you. It’s not just being sad, it feeling like you are falling below the line of neutral, the inability to feel happy, a mile journey up to feel that way. But always feel nothing, pass sad, passed anger, passed hurt, into silence, into numbness. You don’t feel anything. Nothing stings the way it use to, nothing feels warm, just nothing. You want to feel happy you want to feel warmth, you want to feel the love. But you can’t. It’s a blackness that covers your whole body blind. They will never understand that. They’ll never understand that you are dying to be ok. That your dying and fighting to be the person you were before this toxin. but the voices are pulling you back and the painlessness is taking over.

#depression

I'm alone... I don't want to be anymore

Sometimes I feel not good enough for anyone. Not good even for anyone to stay around. There will always be someone better for you, than me.

I'm losing everyone, I don't want to, but my mind is pushing them away. 😭.

#Ihatedepression

I fucking hate this week already and it hasn't even started yet.

A drug

A drug is making me who I'm not meant to be. A drug to make pain go away, is now making the pain. Mind, body and soul. I'm struggling with something you won't understand. This isn't my choice. Body why can't you function normally. Mind why can't you stay out of it.

Why can't anyone understand that I'm not perfect. That I have struggles. I have pains, hurts, and woes. I'm trying to figure out life just like you are. I miss the days when I had my head on straight. But my head is spinning now. Spinning out of control.