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@assassimp
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀'𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈'𝐌 𝐀 𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂 !
independent, selective and private blitzo buckzo of helluva boss. 21+ only. not affiliated with the show's creator. also found on overlordish, assassimp & firstbl0ods.
𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁. populied. goodtouch. veestowers. astronomowl. firstb0rns.
𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙨. general meta. inbox prompts. stolas.
𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹. badcard. magiskat. overlordish. firstbl0ods.
𝗪𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗘𝗡𝗗 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟 (𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱) 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦, 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗢𝗡𝗘.
sentences taken from lily allen's latest release. feel free to adjust/edit as needed.
"you want it? it's yours."
"i could never afford this."
"made me feel a bit awkward."
"you need to be back in london for rehearsals in may."
"i got some good news, i got the lead in a play."
"i thought that that was quite strange."
"well, i mean, it doesn't make me feel great."
"well- if that's what you need to do, then..."
"right, well... how will it work?"
"i mean, it makes me really sad."
"no, i'm fine, it's- i want you to be happy."
"i've given up on getting sleep tonight."
"i can't shake the image of her naked."
"i'm not hateful, but you make me hate her."
"you're mine."
"why can't you wait for me to come home?"
"this conversation's too big for a phone call."
"did you kiss her on the lips?"
"did you have fun?"
"this has all been too brutal."
"if it has to happen, do you want to know?"
"what a fucking line."
"i don't know if you do it intentionally, but somehow, you make it my fault."
"'course i'm angry."
"'course i'm hurt."
"looking back, it's so absurd."
"'course i trusted you and took you at your word."
"who said romance isn't dead?"
"there's been no romance since we wed."
"why aren't we fucking, baby?"
"you let me think it was me in my head."
"you don't stop talking."
"baby, stop it, it's three in the morning."
"i wanna be your whore."
"i made my baby's favourite."
"i read your texts, and now i regret it."
"i can't get my head round how you've been playing tennis."
"if it was just sex, then i wouldn't be jealous."
"you won't play with me."
"who's (name)?"
"i need to be alone."
"you made it all my fault."
"you moved the goalposts."
"you've broken the rules."
"you took me for a fool."
"who the fuck is (name)?"
"no, but who is (name), actually?"
"i know none of this is your fault."
"messaging you feels kind of assault-ive."
"i saw your texts. that's how i found out."
"tell me the truth."
"i can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth."
"how long has it been going on?"
"is it just sex, or is there emotion?"
"he told me it would stay in hotel rooms."
"why would i trust anything that comes out of his mouth?"
"we had an arrangement."
"be discreet and don't be blatant."
"there has to be payment."
"it has to be with strangers."
"but you're not a stranger, (name)."
"hey, he is telling you the truth."
"our relationship has only ever been about sex."
"i can promise you that this is not an emotional connection."
"we don't speak outside of the time we spend together."
"when he talks about you, it's with the utmost respect."
"is that the truth, or a line that he fed you?"
"lie to me, babe, and i'll end you."
"i can't trust anything that comes out of your mouth."
"i'm not convinced that he didn't fuck you in our house."
"do you two ever talk about me?"
"has he told you that he doesn't love me?"
"i bet he tells you he loves you."
"i wouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth."
"i hate that you're in so much pain right now."
"i really don't want to be the cause of any upset."
"if he's lying about that, then please let me know."
"i have my own feelings about dishonesty."
"lies are not something i want to get caught up in."
"you've made such a fucking mess."
"i need a drink."
"i need a valium."
"i know i stand to lose it all."
"i can't seem to hold my shit together long enough."
"don't come home."
"i don't want you in my bed."
"i'll drop off your clothes, your mail, and medication."
"i'm losing my mind."
"nothing's ever gonna be the same anymore."
"talk about a low blow."
"you're so fucking broken."
"how'd i get caught up in your double life?"
𝗪𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗘𝗡𝗗 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟 (𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱) 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦, 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗧𝗪𝗢.
sentences taken from lily allen's latest release. feel free to adjust/edit as needed.
"i went through your bedside drawer."
"you bought her a handbag. it wasn't cheap."
"i was in london, probably asleep."
"did you go to montauk for the weekend?"
"was there an encore?"
"why won't you tell me what her name is?"
"this is outrageous."
"what, is she famous?"
"what a sad, sad man."
"what are you so scared of?"
"i think you're sinking."
"you're protecting a lie."
"you don't want her thinking you cheat on your wife."
"you're such a coward."
"i don't want to fuck with anyone else."
"why do i feel like such a failure?"
"a life with you looked good on paper."
"i've been trying to be open."
"you really sold me on a dream."
"he wants to take me out to dinner."
"hope he looks better than his picture."
"i think you're in love with somebody else."
"did you fall in love with somebody who isn't me?"
"is she having your baby?"
"i'm looking for someone to have fun with while my husband works away."
"i'm almost nearly forty."
"i'm a mum to teenage children, does that sound like fun to you?"
"i hate it here."
"that's not really my name."
"you know i used to be quite famous."
"i'm here for validation."
"my marriage has been open since my husband went astray."
"she used to be quite famous."
"she's no stranger to failure."
"she's terrified of failing."
"she's just here for validation."
"i thought they got married in vegas?"
"my friends all tell me that you're deranged."
"i want to be told i'm special and i'm unusual."
"i want to be spoiled."
"i want to be told i'm beautiful."
"why won't you beg for me?"
"if you want me to stay, i'll never leave you."
"i've become invisible."
"i'm expected to be nice."
"i'm protecting you from your secrets."
"the truth would be brutal."
"god knows how long you've been getting away with it."
"all i can do is sing."
"why should i let you win?"
"i will not absorb your shame."
"it's you who put me through this."
"you've taken everything."
"you're just a little boy."
"things have gotten complicated, what with all the fame and money."
"he just wants attention."
"he can't really do attachment."
"it's not me, it's you."
"it's what you've always done. it's what you do."
"there was nothing i could do."
"i thought that i could keep you happy."
"it is what it is."
"you're a mess."
"i'm a bitch."
"i wish i could fix all your shit."
"all your shit is yours to fix."
𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐄: Is this your power? You're like, tell people obvious shit guy?
"i'm shoot your dick off and fuck you with it guy, let's get that on the table." voxtek exes are so blinded by the shit they've been sniffing it takes blitzo twenty minutes just to explain basic conversation skills to them. brownnosing the three most fucked-through, talentless cunts in the pride ring might be worse than the working hours. at least they've got cocaine on tap to get them through. blitzo has to buy that shit himself. "forgive me, rising sensation that-anal-slut-from-rimjob, for not being totally confident in your ability to grasp actual fucking business practise. you wanna tell me how this shit works? you wanna sit in the spinny chair and talk me through legal-ese? be my guest!" @starpotentia1.
blitzo is near on illiterate. he can barely read or write. i can't imagine there are imp schools in hell (maybe i'll be proven wrong, idk) but even if there are, blitzo didn't go to one. numbers are shapes and patterns and make a bit more sense to him, but he's very literal with his spelling (as we see in the show he spells very phonetically and is a really, really bad texter). whatever small things he did learn were taught to him by his mother and other imps at the circus, but none of them were really equipped for it, and as a result he struggles now. he doesn't really think of it all that much or get embarrassed unless it's directy pointed out or mocked, and even then he takes it personally as a jab rather than a hit at his intelligence. less "you're stupid" (so what, who cares, so are you, and on top of that you're ugly) and more "you're embarrassing" (way worse, how dare you, now you've been shot in the face)
𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐇: "i've been up and down and over and out."
"and did it do you any good? fuck no, it didn't." he can speak pretty solidly from experience there. blitzo's been eating more shit than any sinner in hell, just objectively, and he's assured that it hasn't benefitted him even slightly. if anything, all of his charm, patience and desire to work hard has all formed in spite of the eating shit. those prudish whores in heaven better be thanking their lucky stars that he can't be redeemed at this rate, or the whole place would be getting torn up at the root. "face it, you're as fucked up as the rest of us. what is it, wills? minimum wage at a slop-factory? mediocre dick from a washed-up bassist who thinks fingering is the height of romance? get fuckin' real." @veestowers.
@secondwife assass 😏
"so nice i had to taste it twice. skips all those shitty fuckin' icebreakers, right? 'oh, blitzø, what's your favourite food?' 'blitzø, tell us, what do you do outside of work?' read it and weep, bitch. clear as fuckin' day, right on the sign. ASS. ASS. IMP. can't be any fuckin' plainer."
don't EVER be mean to him. btw
I HAVE SEEN DEER SPLIT OPEN ON THE ROAD AND THOUGHT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THOSE SOFT AND GENTLE FUCKERS DESERVE.
( SOME THINGS HAPPENED TO ME IN MY FORMATIVE YEARS THAT I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT ).
sel. priv. vox populi from hazbin hotel. written by levi (26 / he & neopronouns / est). 21+ only. graphic credit.
𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐄 : you know, for being a real piece of shit you are pretty easy to talk to.
"shit, toots. some fuckin' compliment. coming from miss niche microcelebrity?" considering the company odile used to keep, maybe blitzø should be more concerned. if odile was entrenched with the vees and still has the room to call him a piece of shit... he brushes her off, aiming a useless kick at her ankle. "i'm easy in a lotta ways, bitch, but everyone that's ever seen my puss did it in person. or over text message. that's one better than you." @starpotentia1.
𝐕𝐎𝐗 : can you just focus? what, you got ADHD or something?
"i have employees, you ffffff-" blitzø bites his tongue (miraculously), flicking his eyes back to the phone in his hand. the shitty drawing millie sent into the group chat helps soothe him somewhat. funny what seeing a cruddy illustration of vox bending over to be fucked by a rising stock arrow can do for the aggravated psyche. direct insults are off the table if they want a new office - and fuck, they really do - but he's a hellborn lust imp. surely his spiked, spiteful curiosity can either be forgiven or brushed aside. "you know, vox, i always wondered; when you eat pussy, what's happening up there? you know, the whole no-nose thing has to be fucking annoying. for you!" @populied.
𝐅𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐈 : you know, for being a real piece of shit you are pretty easy to talk to.
"oh, look who's talking!" blitzø's missed this. even admitting it in his head feels like too much, a pill he didn't quite swallow right - like he can feel it travelling through his chest, hard and sore. he throws an arm over fizz's shoulders, careful of his fuck-ugly little jester hat (flicks the bells on the way, but otherwise leaves it alone). "you're the king of being a piece of shit. or the... whatever-they-call-it when you're not actually a guy. what the fuck was that, by the way?" there's so much of their past they still can't turn over. every day he toes the line a little closer, more cowardly curiosity than anything else. there has to be a limit. there has to be a point he loses fizz for good all over again. "couldn't let me have fuckin' anything. you got your shit changed in the program before i fuckin' did, you know that?" @veestowers.
𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐀 : it's just, when you add 'obviously' it feels a little less obvious.
"ha, whaaaat?" satan's low-hanging ballsack, he's fucking this up. how come he fucks this up every fucking time? he swallows thickly, knowing his eyes have gone all large and round but unable to train them into anything normal. "oh, i get it. you kids, and all your... kid-things." fuck! he isn't even old, okay? he was young, like, fifteen years ago! "come on, loony, you know what i mean! let's just take daddy at his word and never ask any more questions about this ever again, mmkay?" @infierna.
𝐅𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐈 : i was trying to imply that with the silence.
the mere idea is so offensive that blitzø forgets to be pissed about the silence. "since when do you imply things with silence? fuck you, fizz, i can't believe you got all domesticated and boring. you're going to start telling me about your fucking day next, aren't you? aren't you, you sad little twink?" @veestowers.
𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 : you look like you could use a drink.
"you know something, ang?" blitzø rounds slowly purely because there's no one else to round on. "you're lucky they pay you for sucking dick and not anythin' fucking else." they know each other well enough that blitzø can end the snipe with a soft nudge to angel's shoulder. there's a moment of warmth, a split second in which angel is holding him up more than he's holding himself, and it's so good it makes him sick. "get me a harder, daddy. or get your daddy to do it, i don't give a shit." @goodtouch.
𝐌𝐎𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐄 : alright, just so you know, i only turned around cause someone yelled, not because i'm a bitch or anything.
"oh, who the fuck do you think you're kidding? we all know you're a dirty little bitch, moxx." blitzø barely looks up, waving moxxie over with one hand. he's using the other to trace the words on the page, because if he doesn't he's going to lose his place and moxxie's going to be a bitch about that, too. "get the fuck over here and read this boring shit. or i can make mills say it, see if it makes you soil your pants. bitch." @veestowers.
"does no one else think vox has a fuckin' huge forehead? am i seriously alone in this? listen, i have a big forehead - game recognises game, bitch."
