Random Saturday Morning Thoughts..
I can’t be good at something that I never start.
But the truth is that, I get tired of starting things. I get tired of starting things, because I have to stop them when I realize I don’t like it as much as I thought I would. In other words, it didn’t give me the dopamine that I had anticipated. Or there isn’t enough time, or enough money. You know, all of the normal excuses.
When I stop things that I decide are going to be my THING, I look like a quitter.
How do you explain to someone outside of your brain that you aren’t quitting. You are a creator, and that media is not giving you what you wanted? I find that explanation virtually impossible. Once those conversations begin; the self-doubt creeps in, and I start to convince myself that I have fake passion, it surely was fleeting, I have no idea who I am, what I like, and why would I have even thought that I would be good at something else.he was portrayed as a mad man, and that is how I feel most of the time, and even get called crazy most of the time, but I know that I am not on his level.
That’s the thing though…I am good at all of these new ventures that I try. Hell, even great. They just don’t spark joy…
And trust me, I know how self absorbed that sounds.
I really wish that I could have a conversation with Pablo Picasso in the afterlife, because I want to know what the heck he would be thinking now in regards to his creations. He was portrayed as such a mad man, and that is how I feel most of the time, and even get called crazy most of the time, but I know that I am not on his level. I wonder if he knew how great he would be considered after his death?
I am also aware that multi passion is a thing. I learned that recently. I think that I always knew that, but I was looking for validation that it is okay to know that, or something. Then we get into the hard part of being multi-passionate. There is not enough time in the day, nor money in my bank account for all of the things that I love to do. I know that is the real problem in my brain. I have so many things that I love, and that bring me joy. I want to live in a state of joy alllllllll the time, because I finally came out of survival mode & challenging emotions are…well, challenging.
Those of us that live so long in survival mode, and then fight to get out and try to stay out deserve some sort of medal. I just have to figure out how to share my passions now that I am out of survival mode. The real fight now is being able to stay outside of survival mode, which I know maintenance is the true hard part. I know that I am passionate, I’m just multipassionate. There are so many things that I love doing and bring me hoy,m but I dont have enough time in the day for all of them, and i think that is the real problem here. I don’t know how to make the money that I need to make and PLAY. But maybe that is the thing. I show people how it is possible to be silly, fun, free, passionate, and get down to business. Why can;t we show both sides of ourselves and still be taken seriously? Why is our ability to do a job based on the things that we like to do in our free time. Our job is what allows us to have the funds to do what we like to do in our free time, so why is it that we keep it private? Is it because we are so fragile that we cant handle what other people think about us?
I think that is why some people (myself included) never stop talking sometimes. It’s like, if we dont give others time to talk, then they won’t have time to point out all of the things that we perceive we are doing wrong, but dont know how to improve and definitely dont want to ask.
Phew, being someone with a mind that goes 84723987 miles per hour is EXHAUSTING.
That’s all.
Random I know.