There's a bunch of adhd advice out there that's like "people with adhd tend to work better under deadlines due to the anxiety so here are ways to artificially induce a stress response in order to get you to get work done" and it's like well what if I don't want to be stressed out all the time in order to function
this gold shouldn't stay in the comments
hey loves, I’ve been reading through the comments and loads of people are asking how to not fall into this pattern because that’s all they know. so, here’s some advice from Auntie Pan who’s been in the trenches (stress-caused disabilities and chronic illnesses).
context: grew up in an abusive, controlling home, escaped to uni, had a prolonged mental breakdown, became a teacher and worked in a dysfunctional school with amazing kids and nightmare management for years. I did not realise I have adhd and autism for a long time. (You might even be able to scroll back through this blog to find the time around which I did realise lol.)
ANYWAY, things that have helped me because my body can no longer handle any kind of stress without flaring up:
If you’re doing anything that requires you to do a lot of prep before you begin the actual thing (e.g. cooking, deep cleaning a room, moving house), mise en place. That’s a fancy french way of saying get everything ready before you begin. So if I’m cooking idk spaghetti carbonara, that means fry and chop the bacon, separate the egg yolks from the whites, put water in the kettle, put dry spaghetti into a pan. Once everything’s ready, it reduces the mental load and means I can focus on the actual cooking and any clean up that I can do along the way. H/t to @ms-demeanor for this, you changed my life!
the Might As Well rule. This one works really well for me but you gotta be careful otherwise you’ll get sucked into the Vortex. Basically, let’s imagine you’re in the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You notice that the extra roll of toilet paper has been used. instead of thinking, “I’ll get to that later”, and then forgetting about it until you sit down on the bog (no judgement, we’ve all been there), you think “Might As Well put an extra roll while I’m here!” This tends to help with the little tasks that build up over time. This Does Not Work for big tasks.
Leading on from no.2, Do It Immediately/ASAP really helps me too. My current boss will email me on a Friday and say, ‘don’t reply to this now! Leave it til monday!’ But she and i both know that if i leave it til monday, I will forget and get stressed and this will make me Very Ill. So, instead, the moment i receive the email, I’ll either schedule in replying to it as soon as I’m done with my current thing, OR I’ll reply to it immediately.
Anything that can’t be actioned immediately, i mark as Unread. Anything Unread in my inbox is a future action, and i check those Unread emails/texts/whatevers Every. Day. To make sure whether today is the day i have the info to action it. (This also means i have to stay on top of my inbox. I read all my emails and then mark them accordingly. I’m also brutal with unsubscribing)
The House Always Wins. Both in a literal sense, because i am in a constant battle with keeping my house clean, and i know now that I’ll never get it as clean as i want it. It’s impossible, i no longer have the energy or stamina to vacuum and scrub everything. But also just in a life sense. I’m never going to achieve things to perfection, and perfect is the opposite of done. And getting things done is that much more important when you have limited energy and strength. Accept that you often have to half-arse life in order to Full-Arse the few things that really matter to you.
Have multiples of everything, everywhere. I wear support gloves, so i need to have handcream at every sink and everywhere i sit down in the house. I try to keep it unobtrusive, but it means i don’t have to trek upstairs just to moisturise my hands. Gum, phone chargers, pens and pencils, water bottles, hand sanitizer, whatever you need.
Work with people, even if it’s online. Body doubling actually works. Also I’ve found that if I’m working on assignments, taking myself to a library or study area that isn’t my bedroom helps so much.
Show off! Tell people on here or elsewhere in your life about the fact that you’ve just written 100 words! Or that you’ve cleaned the fridge and that’s a really big deal for you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
Basically, you’re aiming to reduce the mental load as much as possible. Wear the same types of clothes all the time to minimise the amount of laundry. Eat the same three lunches so decision fatigue doesn’t take over.
All of this takes time to implement and it is cumulative, but i hope it helps. Reading the comments on this post, i finally understand why adhd is comorbid with so many other conditions. let’s take care of each other <3
I'm so glad to hear that helped you!
For anybody looking for resources from someone dealing with actual ADHD, I have an incomplete but ever growing list of ADHD tips, tools, and suggestions on my website.
A lot of the pages on that site are adapted from my tumblr posts, for instance I'm adapting this post about car repair projects with ADHD into a guide on project management and completion with ADHD.
(Red links are stuff that I've got planned but haven't published for reasons that are probably clear to anyone looking for ADHD advice online)
From someone who eventually ended up with chronic fatigue and POTS and unable to work/study/leave the house, chronic illness forums can be a great source of advice/ideas. The biggest piece of advice I’d pass on is:
You can lower the amount of work you need to do much, MUCH lower than you think.
You don’t need to cook food. You can have ploughman’s lunch type snackboards for every meal - e.g cheap sandwich meats, cherry tomatoes, crackers, cheese slices, plate optional. (this is an amazing free cookbook by and for chronic illness and neurodivergent folk - the “recipes” are as simple as humanely possible). Or buy frozen meals. Or buy takeout.
You don’t need to wash the dishes. You can use disposable cutlery/plates/cups, or eat food that requires as little dishes as possible (see: frozen meals) and rinse/wipe off the food from the necessary dishes.
You don’t need to shower - you can use baby wipes. Or splash water under your arms. Or extra deodorant. Or don’t shower at all.
You don’t need to brush your teeth. You can use mouthwash. Or, as my dentist reccomended, have a disposable cup and brush by the bed, and spit into it afterwards. Or swish water around your mouth. Or just don’t brush your teeth at all.
—-
These are some of the more extreme examples (and obvs not everything here is possible for everyone) but the point is you can do less.
Yes, it will feel like shit. Yes, it isn’t ideal for your mental and physical health, but trust me, constant stress is far worse.
Other than reducing stress, a huge benefit of doing this is changing your overall mindset.
After being forced via chronic illness to get extremely creative finding ways to survive, I got used to discarding the suggestions that just didn’t work for me.
Before there were countless ADHD suggestions I had previously been trying which didn’t work, and then added to my stress by becoming yet another responsibility.
Now, I use them as ideas, and only use them when and where they feel helpful. If I try something that should work and it doesn’t, I try something different.
(And I suggest doing the same with this post)
Just remember, if you don’t schedule time for maintenance, your body machine will schedule it for you.
i've been stuck in burnout for seven months. This advice is unbelievebly helpful. There's only one i need to add.
Take a break.
I am so serious. Playing a game for an hour? Take a break. YOUR BODY NEEDS IT (dead serious death stare).
Doing art for– uuh, well, too long i guess 😅? Take a break.
Out to get groceries and only halfway through? Take a break!
So, what is taking a break?
It means to
Stop whae you're doing
Change physical position
stare out the window or at a white wall or ceiling
Let your mind process what has happened since the last break
Breathe
And what is not a break?
Scrolling [tumblr]
reading news
watching a tv show
Listening to radio
Basically anything that gives your brain input. Let it be for a minute. Or five minutes. Ten if you can.
Our minds are CONSTANTLY running around like a greyhound. They NEED to have breaks to process.
Your body also needs breaks, but in the form of movement. No, not running. Slow movement. Standing up. Sitting on the floor. Stretching. Just movement. Imagine you're one of those old asian ladies doing tai chi in public. That's what you're aiming for.
I recently got hit with a seizure out of nowhere in the middle of the night, plus I already have Autism and ADHD. Spent 5 weeks in the hospital. Details soon, but upshot is they replaced both shoulder joints. I can't raise my arms above the level of my shoulders now. But the worst part is I suspect a whopper of a drug interaction and an excess of stress are causing me to stress clean. I can't put stuff down. Gotta do the dishes and fold the dry clothes, gather up the next load, sort stuff to go to Goodwill, sweep up the dog hair from the floor, on and on. I had to get everything delivered from Walmart for groceries but I kind of jumped the gun on driving because I have things to do! And my left arm spasms constantly... Supposedly a muscle reaction. No one has told me if it will stop or go away.
I'm trying now to put more deliberate attempts at resting and mindfulness during the day, slowing my breathing. It's the only thing that helps the arm spasms.
