Christopher Vanderbilt

[gossip girl rp only. mature content. read wisely]

[astute--charmer]

[astute--charmer]

Chris' gift from Nate Archibald.

Merry Christmas, cousin.

(THC cufflinks)

[astute--charmer]

Chris' gift from Nick Vanderbilt.

Now you can fake it all year long.  HH, little brother.

  (outside)

 (inside)

(Fake Diploma Kit)

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

N: Nice twisting. Maybe you should go into PR.

N: That wasn't a product of fucking, that was a product of drinking my weight in Jack on date night.

N: I know her. I'm not going to get a rash from her.

N: No? She might actually have too much going on upstairs for you.

C: I was considering it.

C: And then fucking. Because you guys only fuck when drunk, right?

C: Let's hope not.

C: Or maybe I don't have a thing for girls who are the "marriage-type."

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

N: They don't give a shit about my best interests. They're interested in one thing, and it sure as hell isn't me. Or her. And if you think otherwise, maybe all the not-smart-ones you've brought home when options run short are getting to you. Can you actually fuck away brain cells?

N: Just out of curiosity, mister fake letterhead and school attendance, what are we considering 'rash' here? Not to be confused with /a/ rash because those are completely different issues.

N: Geography better not be the only reason you don't fuck her.

C: Your name is on that trust, and that's what they're interested in. In a way, it's kind of your best interests. Apparently you can, newly-wed.

C: That wasn't rash, it was the best decision I've ever made for myself. Hmm, why don't you tell me, Mister-Run-Away-To-AC-With-A-Barely-Legal-To-Get-Hitched? Make sure you really know the chick you married other wise you'll get a rash.

C: Wow, protective of the wife, are we? Besides, she's not my type.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

N: Well they can freeze the money market but he doesn't have access to my investment ones. Benefit of being an adult. He wants me to do an ex post facto prenup. He got Claine involved. Can you imagine me telling her that making this any better?

N: It's pussy. I don't really feel like more details are necessary. There aren't surprises or cobwebs or power tools or anything like that.

N: Fabulous.

C: Very, very true. But you have to keep in consideration, they're only trying to help you. Of course, their help is only going to make things worse, but they have what they think are your best interests at heart. So don't do anything rash, man.

C: Well, how would I know? We're not down south, so I don't fuck your wife.

[icy-isobel]

This city is full of idiots.

[icy-isobel]

  Now that’s just cruel.

[astute--charmer]

Complain and I'll make you wait even longer.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

N: Still better than you telling them about Harvard, but only slightly.

N: Honestly, dad pissed me off and I walked out.

N: If we don't talk about the thing it's not a thing. It's not a honeymoon it's an escape because her parents aren't any more easygoing than ours. So things down under will be great because they aren't here. Unless you mean the other down under, and then... maybe. If you get me drunk enough.

N: Do you /ever/ stop talking?

C: Right.

C: Yeah, your account is totally freezing for that one.

C: It's totally a honeymoon. I was actually talking about Australia, but hey, tell me about the other down under too. I have to know what we're dealing with.

C: Depending on the day. Today, no.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

N: Fuck you. Lovingly. But still, fuck you brother.

N: No, I don't know it. I've never really been stressed before. Have you heard from Mom and Dad? Because I did. All afternoon. And I got to visit with Claine. It was super awesome.

N: But sorry. Seriously. And now I'm going to Australia.

N: Well, that wasn't the right limb. It broken and now I'm going to beat you about the head with it.

C: Fuck you too, brother.

C: Well, you are. I /haven't/ surprisingly, thanks for that. Ooh, how was that?

C: What's this, a honeymoon? What's the worst that can happen now? Just don't get her pregnant. Nevertheless, let me know how things are down under.

C: I'd really love to see you try. I'll sue, and you really can't afford that what with a new wife, not to mention the very possible possibility of Gramps cutting you off.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

C: At least you appreciate it even a little.

C: Try to think positive, bro.

N: That's not what I said or implied.

N: Okay. I'm positively screwed. So is she.

N: Since when am I good at thinking positive? I'm a selective realist. On a good day. Maybe.

C: Yes it is, no need to hide it. You're welcome.

C: You're annoying when you're stressed, you know that?

C: Well, we're related and I'm good at being positive half the time, so I was going out on a limb.

[charmingoliver-blog]

My flight leaves in about five hours.

[charmingoliver-blog]

  Not an offer, love.

Yep.  Next step is boarding the jet.  Think you can handle it?

[astute--charmer]

I would've made an amazing birthday present.

I think you'll have to walk me through it.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

C: Do you want me to send over Jennifer? Because you seem like you need to take a load off and she knows how to swallow a load. Or two.

C: How lucky for you.

N: I'm sure the environment appreciates your attempts to recycle even more than I do.

N: Yeah, that's the word I'd associate with any of this. Lucky.

C: At least you appreciate it even a little.

C: Try to think positive, bro.

[charmingoliver-blog]

My flight leaves in about five hours.

[charmingoliver-blog]

  With all due respect, fuck you very much.

But yes.  

[astute--charmer]

I have people who do that for me, so no thanks.

That's a start.

[astute--charmer]

Text to cousins

C: Oh right, your trust didn't kick in yet. HA.

C: He's totally fucked.

J: It doesn't for two more years. Shut up Chris.

J: He so is.

C: /Technically/ I didn't say anything. But I won't gloat.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

C: Sometimes I worry about you.

C: At least it was like rub-n-tug central without having to pay. Not that we ever have to pay, but isn't that what Thai women are known for?

N: Look, on the level, I'm messed up. I was leaning toward the never doing this crap side of life and here I am. We had this cool, casual thing and now I have a wife I can't unhave without major consequences. And even if we just ignore it, it's still there. So no I have no idea what to think but worrying about me is pointless.

N: Yeah, I guess. Like I said, the details are fuzzy.

C: Do you want me to send over Jennifer? Because you seem like you need to take a load off and she knows how to swallow a load. Or two.

C: How lucky for you.

[astute--charmer]

Text || Chrick

C: And what's that?

C: I wouldn't say it's the /first/ time you've fucked up. Remember that Thai broad you picked up the summer of '09? Because in case you don't or choose not to, I'll be glad to remind you that it wasn't a pretty sight.

N: I don't know. But it's definitely not worried.

N: Hey, you know, in the end the tests came back clean and that's what counts. You live and learn. She was all I picked up and a lot of that time is really fuzzy for obvious reasons so all's well that ends well.

C: Sometimes I worry about you.

C: At least it was like rub-n-tug central without having to pay. Not that we ever have to pay, but isn't that what Thai women are known for?

[tomhordy]

Henry Cavill for GQ