Coley's Beaus, FWBs and Ladies: A Cheat Sheet (updated 11/9/25)
It occurs to me that with all my beaus (and FWBs and ladies) mentioned in my post, it might be nice to have a cheat sheet. Also it might be helpful to know who I'm still dating and who I'm not, considering we're up to #7, but I'm only officially dating Girlfriend #1 (aka Lady #4) and Boyfriend #1 (aka Beau #7) at the moment (I recently redownloaded Hinge, so we'll see if that changes). There are also several FWBs, so keeping those straight is also going to be an issue. My poor therapist had to make her own cheat sheet (she literally has rolled her eyes when I've mentioned a new person with a one syllable name, because apparently my type is short men with beards and one syllable names).
Beau #1: Straight, 4½ years older than me, 5'6"ish, married with a girlfriend (used to be 2, but one broke up with him), used to do DoorDash, but now works at a car dealership. We met on Feeld and had been talking for awhile when my spouse had told me they wanted a divorce (we went back and forth for awhile, but 6 months later we actually are getting divorced). He was kind of my poly mentor, so when this happened and I didn't know who to talk to, I turned to him. We talked on the phone and when he was done dashing for the day, we met for tacos, made out a bit in his car and then went back to his place and had amazing sex. Was hands down the best sex I've ever had. I joked that he's ruined me for other men.
My biggest complaints with him were smoking and scheduling. The smoking is really bad because he has asthma (as much fun as it is to say I've nearly killed him during sex, it's not fun to stop and grab the inhaler) and how the AuDHD affects us getting together. He can't seem to get a calendar going with his wife, so it greatly affected when we could see each other. Me being able to host should have helped, but he only came here once and it was the week after my spouse asked for a divorce (for real this time).
I finally broke up with him, after asking myself for at least 2 months why I was still seeing him.
Beau #2: AKA The KitchenAid Mixer Guy, because one of his Feeld profile pics is a nude with his KitchenAid mixer. One of the main reasons I swiped on him, TBH. Heteroflexible (as in he likes playing with couples), 3 years younger than me, 5'7", used to manage a theatre until he got fired for sticking up for one of the owner's tenants. He was seeing someone else besides me. He was really funny and reminded me of a friend who passed away 7 years ago. We saw each other weekly for almost 2 months before he fucked off to Michigan and didn't tell me he was actually leaving. He was between jobs and had been waiting for over a month on a background check for one and told me if he didn't get it, he'd go stay with his parents for a bit. Then I didn't hear from him for a few days, checked in and he sent me a pic of his mom's ugly rug on her front porch 🙄
He tried to tell me that our relationship wasn't serious enough for a heads up that he left. "The only person who needs to know where I am at all times is the person I'm living with" (which I argue there's a difference between wanting to know your whereabouts at all times and wanting to know you left the state for several weeks). He claimed we had only gone out 5 times and had been seeing each other for a month (it was 8 times and almost 2 months, but whatever). I miss him a lot, but clearly he needs to get his shit together and treat the people he's seeing with more respect. We had a really good thing going where I'd come over, he'd cook dinner, we'd watch a movie and then have sex (the sex wasn't the greatest, but what he lacked in skill he made up for in enthusiasm). I never wanted more than that, but he seemed to think otherwise.
Beau #3: The drummer. Another Feeld match. Divorced dad of 6 year old twins. Straight, same age as me (graduated a year after me because his birthday is later in the year), 5'6", works in a warehouse, never been poly, but was open to ENM (which I now know is yellow flag). We really clicked right away as oversharers. We both like to try new beers and would go to breweries often on dates. I have my theories as to why he broke up with me based on his "things were moving too fast and I don't think we're a good match" statement. I honestly thought we were a great match because of how comfortable we were talking about deep stuff and I really miss our naked cuddles. We only successfully had sex once because he was having some unexplained ED issues. Best of luck to him with that.
One of the things I'm really bummed about is I actually genuinely like his band. I mean, I'm sure part of it is he looks hot when he's playing (those forearms 🥵), but their music is good too. I really want to show up at a show, looking really hot and see what happens. My therapist will tell me that's a very bad idea. My friends already have (and they managed to keep me occupied when he had one literally 10 minutes from my house to avoid temptation).
Beau #4: Queer, 4 years older than me, 5'7", ex Army Ranger, works in marketing for a big tech company and has an anchor partner. Not a Feeld match (we met at Queer Poly Cocktails). I think being queer cancels out a lot of the problematic military stuff. He's very passionate about suicide prevention for veterans, cowrote a coffee table book of veteran stories, is working on another book about with a friend about how they helped get the abandoned troops out of Afghanistan and was apparently in a really bad zombie movie comprised completely of veterans. He actually has a few pics on WikiFeet, which is... interesting.
He can deadlift more than double my body weight, so that was pretty hot. But he doesn't look very muscly, which I really love.
He seemed pretty smitten with me, but he's also had a busier than normal late summer/early fall (he said it's the busiest time for him at work). I was been super frustrated by this because he does make time to see his anchor partner, but would go weeks without seeing me. We did finally have a talk about it and he said it's just been bad timing. He claimed he was definitely into me, enjoyed spending time with me and didn't think things were casual, but he also doesn't have the bandwidth right now to develop something more serious. Then he broke my heart. I was almost as heartbroken about this as I was about my divorce. I realize now that I was definitely a hot mess because of my divorce and insecurities and it was just too much to handle. I used to think he was incredibly emotionally mature, but as I've met new people, I've realized that actually isn't the case.
Possibly Beau #5: Pansexual, 6 years younger than me, 5'7", ex Navy, mobile urgent care nurse (though recently got disability benefits approved). He doesn't seem that young, which I think is probably due to being in the military (and again, being queer seems to cancel out problematic military stuff). We met on Feeld. We get along really well and sex was been really good. We actually talked for 3 weeks before meeting IRL.
I had a good feeling about him. I was wrong.
We went out once and it was absolutely lovely, but over the course of 4 weeks, he cancelled on me 3 times. The 3rd time was the final straw for me. He agreed that I had every right to be upset and want to break things off after that. I really wanted him to fight for me. He didn't. Things like this make me feel like I'm not worthy. Deep down, I know it's not true, but I'm just not at a point mentally where I can believe it. Hopefully I'll get there someday.
We actually started texting again. My therapist helped me realize that I reacted poorly (not that I shouldn't have been mad, but my reaction was out of line). I apologized and he offered to talk it out, but he's been really busy, apparently 🙄 I eventually told him I missed texting with him and he said the reason he wasn't responding was because he thought I wouldn't want to start texting again without talking. I told him that ideally, talking first would be good, but that I was open to texting anyway and waiting for him to have the time to talk. So far, it's kinda how it was before with less sexy talk (though it's becoming more and more and even not when I'm drunk or high). We finally talked about it and he would love to have something with me, but he can't offer what I deserve, time commitment-wise. So we'll just keep texting, I guess. His recent disability approval might result in the possibility of being able to see each other regularly, but he has to get his meds under control first.
Honestly, I can't stop thinking about how he first kissed me, how good the sex was and I often pull up the intentional shirtless selfie because he's really fucking hot. I have a problem and his name is Beau #5.
Beau #6: Straight, 4ish years younger than me, 5'10," software engineer. We originally met on a Discord for some of the board gamers in the local poly group (I'm not into board games, but they assured me their gatherings aren't as board game focused). He offered advice on buying a house, but realized I had already done it pretty recently, so I didn't need it. We ended up talking at poly cocktails and when I got home, he asked if he could text me instead of using Discord and I replied with my number. Then he asked me out.
We've only been on a few dates, but they were amazing. I'm actually the first person he's gone out with since he met his wife. He didn't really feel like he was poly, even though his wife decided she was. He had started thinking about dating, but hadn't really put himself out there until he met me. He thought I was really cool and ended up asking me out.
Unfortunately, both of our lives have been blowing up, so we decided to put things on pause. Mine is starting to slow down, so I'm hoping his gets there soon.
Beau #7 Boyfriend #1: Pansexual/heteroromantic, about a year younger than me, 6', works in sales support for a payroll company. He has longer hair than I do, which normally would be a turn off, but he never wears it down, so I can deal with it. You can read the backstory on him here.
He's really lovely and he's my boyfriend now 🥰
FWB #1: Straight, 2 years older than me, 6'1", works for some sort of non-profit (I think). We met on Feeld. I was high on our first date (unintentionally) and having a beer made it worse. But even with that, I realized I definitely didn't want to date him. He is excellent in foreplay (definitely a pleasure dom), but mediocre at sex. He's definitely too tall for me to want to date (when you're over 5'10", your face is too far away for kissing), but he's nice to have in my back pocket for when I want to get laid.
I also went on 2 dates with a bisexual guy who is only 5'9", an ad exec and is 3 years younger than me. The conversation flowed well and while I wasn't sure if we had chemistry, he kissed me while we were waiting for my bus and yup, there definitely was chemistry.
We had a very successful second date that resulted in an accidental hickey. It was totally one of these:
We also had a good talk about expectations. He's not poly and wasn't really interested in it, but was perfectly comfortable with me being poly and hearing about my other relationships. Before we met, we were chatting the afternoon where I was finally meeting Possibly Beau #5 and he said, "Get it, girl!" and was happy to hear that I got it. Ultimately, he was looking for a long term monogamous relationship, but he was also content with seeing me in the meantime. He recently told me his ex asked to get back together and he said yes.
I'm honestly not sad about it because I didn't like him as much as my beaus. I mean, I did like him, but the connection wasn't as strong as it is with my beaus. I didn't even feeling any NRE with him really. But I enjoyed the companionship and sex.
The Tree: so I had the following in my Feeld profile
I was striking out with the really tall guys. Some were fake. A few seemed interested and then disconnected (the worst was when I sent one a sexy photo and he disconnected with me upon seeing it). I've been talking to one who is actually 50, but doesn't look it at all. I've been trying for months to get together with him, but he's got 4 kids in their teens and 20s and is just too busy. It's a shame because he's really hot.
Finally, I matched with The Tree. He's 6'4" and straight (possibly heteroflexible, as he's interested in being in an MMF) and 2 years younger than me. I met him and it turns out I actually really like him. Like honestly, if he were at least 6" shorter, he'd be 100% my type.
My curiosity is the logistics of having sex with someone over a foot taller than me. The tallest guy I ever dated was maybe 5'10" and then, as I said before, FWB #1 is 6'1". I also have very short legs (25" inseam), so that could make things even more complicated.
We've been doing the FWB thing for a bit now and I don't think I could have picked a better specimen, TBH. I mean, there was one who looked like Matthew Gray Gubler that I was very interested in, but he had a very sparse profile and well, he didn't like my sexy pic (unmatched after I sent it 😒). It's definitely a novelty, but we have fun. And he actually has asked me if I wanted to get together, so it's nice not to always be the one asking for a booty call.
Recently, I've had rough times and he's really been there for me in a way I would not expect from a fuck buddy. But I guess we're more than that. We are definitely friends and I can tell he really cares about me. I mean, anyone who'll let you cry all over them after sex clearly does. I'd honestly like to date him, despite him being freakishly tall, but he's been dealing with a messy breakup for awhile and he's just not ready for a relationship. But he's been amazing to me (and not just in bed) and I really thought there could have been something there once our lives became less of shitshows.
Things have gone a little sour after I told him about Boyfriend #1's STI. I literally only heard from him once after I told him I was having a panic attack. He's been leaving me on read. I'm pretty sure it's over now 😔
FWB #2: Straight, 5'7", 3½ years older than me. We met on Hinge. He was actually the first person I talked to on there. There's definitely not a romantic connection there, but I do like him a lot. We have a lot of good conversations. He's actually available most nights, so he'll be the one I text first when I need to get laid. He is also excellent in bed, so even better.
Lady #1: My friend's partner. Originally met on Hinge, but met organically in person, 5'3", 5 years younger than me, bi. Her partner was actually the guy who Beau #4 was going to let have me, not knowing he wasn't my type. I walked into our local poly cocktails one night and went over to say hi to him and she was sitting across from him. "We're talking on Hinge!" she exclaimed. NGL, I was feeling a little awkward about it, especially since her partner was giving off some more than friendly vibes to me, but he was actually excited that we matched and had been talking. He even gave her my number so we could text and coordinate a date.
We went on a date (drinks) and had some good conversations about homebuying (her and her partner just put in an offer on a house) and dating (straight men are horrible). I wasn't sure how it actually went because when we were parting ways, she hugged me goodbye and ran away to her bus stop. And no, her bus was not coming because I was on the same side of the street, walking away from her stop and the bus would have passed me by. We were supposed to have a cute thrifting date, but she had to cancel because of a work thing 😕 She admitted later that she wasn't feeling romantic vibes, but definitely wants to be friends. She also said she's open to things changing in the future, so we'll see how that goes.
Lady #2: Pansexual, 5'4", 5 years older than me, met on Hinge. We had some fun banter back and forth for awhile and then she asked me out. We went out to a local lesbian bar and had some good conversation while we were there. She's a sex therapist, which could be interesting, and also very kinky. The date went well. We ended up making out at the bus stop. We went on 2 other dates that went very well, but never managed to get a 4th date planned, mostly because my life blew up. But she also has tried to be helpful while I've been dealing with the blow up and I really appreciate that. She recently got some bad health news and is focusing on her health, so that's that.
Lady #3: Some flavor of queer (not sure specifically, but I know she does not like men hitting on her), 4 years younger than me, 4'11". She is the gorgeous organizer of the local poly group. Boyfriend #1 and I actually had a conversation about how hot she is.
One night at Queer Poly Cocktails, she got into a very heated discussion with someone after the event was over. She was really upset about it when we walked out of the bar together. We walked to her car and she just broke down, crying. I told her it was ok to let it out ("But you've been going through so much lately and I don't want to dump all of this on you!") and just held her until she calmed down. Then she asked if she could kiss me.
100% not on my bingo card for 2025.
We continued to kiss outside of her car and I pulled back and asked when she was coming to see my new house. She said hers was only a 5 minute drive, so we went there and hooked up. The next day, we talked about it and decided we're going to get to know each other better. She really only has time for 1 on 1 dates about once a month, but honestly, that's what I have with Moxi and I get to see Boyfriend #1 weekly, so it's fine. Plus she's going to start inviting me to her girls' night/brunch/etc. She's sweet and funny and sexy AF and I'm still shocked that we hooked up.
Moxi: 3 years older than me 5'1", bisexual. I've known her for about 9 years. I met her when I played roller derby. She used to play on one of the home teams until she had a TBI, but decided to come back and help coach the rec league (where I was playing). I always thought she was gorgeous and had an amazing body, but I honestly didn't think she liked me like that. Well, apparently she did, but didn't want to cross a line with me.
I quit playing roller derby after some beef with the league and nobody talked to me after that except Moxi. We kept in touch all these years. She did the sweets for my wedding and invited me to hers too. She was the first friend who I told about going poly and it turns out she is too.
We talked recently and admitted there was a mutual attraction there. I needed to get out of the house so my ex could have some people over and she was bench coaching another roller derby league. I also hadn't seen my dad for Christmas because I had covid, so I went to see him, then to the bout. We talked about possibly making out that night and well, it happened. And it was amazing. I'm really excited to see where this goes. She's a really good kisser 🥰
She made cupcakes for my birthday party and she was one of the people I got to make out with there. She was going to spend the night, but her daughter wasn't feeling well, so she had to go home. We saw each other again a few weeks later when the league she was coaching was playing another league out west from me. She had told a mutual friend she was meeting up with someone she was dating and when she mentioned it was me, the friend said, "That tracks. You two always had great chemistry." I asked her, "Does that mean you're my girlfriend?" She replied, "If you want me to be."
Her husband finally met me at a party they had at her house and vetoed me shortly after. They had a OPP, which to me shows that he's got some issues men being a potential threat to him. NGL, she's definitely out of his league looks-wise, so I get it, but it doesn't make it right. And I think meeting me made him realize women could be a threat to him to. She wanted to be friends, but I'm not sure if I can do that now. I feel discarded.
Lady #4 Girlfriend #1: bisexual, 4 years younger than me, 4'11", met on Hinge. After the frustration of not getting to see Moxi or Boyfriend #1 very often (I usually see him once a week, but sometimes things with the kids pop up and he has to tend to them), I said to my therapist that I kind of want to find an anchor partner who I can actually see more than once a week. For once, she agreed with that idea. Lady #4 was one of the first people I talked to on Hinge and was looking for exactly what I was.
We had the cutest first date: coffee, then a quilt shop and yarn shop (we're both very crafty). Then we made out on a park bench. She's really lovely and snuggly, which is something I absolutely love.
We made it official back in June and it's been great! Don't get me wrong, we've had our fair share of fights and ups and downs, but we're good at communicating and have managed to get through it all. And the most amazing thing is that Mable loves her! Mable doesn't like anyone and Girlfriend #2 is her new favorite person (besides me). It might have something to do with the fact that she is tiny, so she doesn't perceive her as a threat to me, but still. It warms my heart seeing Mable so happy to see another human. All of my dogs love Small Human, but Mable especially.
