Something Profound

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

[atashibunny]

'When a baby comes into the world, its hands are clenched, right? Like this?’ He made a fist. 'Why? Because a baby not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to say the whole world is mine. But when an old person dies, how does he do so? With his hands open. Why? Because he has learned his lesson.’ 'What lesson?’ I asked. He stretched open his empty fingers. 'We can take nothing with us.'

[simplexicated]

She said I was useless. I know I’m not. Everyone’s good for something, I just don’t know what I’m good for yet. But when someone tells you something so many times, over and over again, you start to drown in their words. You start to believe what you’ve been told all along. You start to lose yourself.

s.l. (via simplexicated)

[atashibunny]

hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years time, come on I don't have 2020 vision.

[oneqeightyfour]

The thing I’m most afraid of is me. Of not knowing what I’m going to do. Of not knowing what I’m doing right now.

1Q84, Haruki Murakami, pg 294 (via oneqeightyfour)

[atashibunny]

Thoughts of a Suicidal

It's strange how it starts as impossible.

Then you think it would be a massive over reaction.

But over time, you think about it more and more.

It gets to a point where you start to think suicide wouldn't be so bad, you start weighing the benefits against the drawbacks.

And you're still far from acting on it, but it's now become an option, perhaps a comforting one.

At least that's been my experience with thoughts of suicide so far, I'm wondering if it goes any further or if this is as far as it goes.

[atashibunny]

Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if the contact is lost.

[atashibunny]

if one day i disappear without a trace i dont want anyone to wonder where it is i have gone. i want people to just move on and forget. nothing is as beautiful and as calming as passing by without being noticed because nothing lasts forever.

a.y.

[atashibunny]

But I don’t want small talk. Text me, and without saying hello, tell me why you got so angry at your sister this morning. Tell me why you have a scar shaped like Europe on the left side of your neck. Send me paragraphs about the time you spent at your grandmother’s house that one summer. Call me when I’m half asleep and tell me why you believe in God. Tell me about the first time you saw your dad cry. Go on for hours about things that may not seem important because I promise that I’ll be hanging on to every word you say. Tell me everything. I don’t want someone who just talks about the weather.

[atashibunny]

But at the end of the night

But at the end of the night, I can’t go a single minute, let alone a day, without letting my mind wander back to what we could have been. I could spend hours writing ideas on little sheets of paper, ways I could have been different, ways you would have stayed.
But at the end of the night, I didn’t. 
But at the end of the night, there was always more I could have done to keep you, to convince you, and I faltered.
But at the end of the night, the other side of the bed is still cold and empty, and no matter If I reached my fingers toward the barren space next to me a million times, I don’t think I could ever make you come back.
But at the end of the night, my fingers will always grasp the air wondering what could have been.

[atashibunny]

this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper.

T.S Elliot.

[atashibunny]

The Cold White Room

She walked out of the cold white room, in a swift motion without looking back. Although it was a cold winter day the room had appeared colder to her than anyone else. It seemed that way to her because she felt the cold raising the hairs on her skin and felt it seep into her mind as she confirmed that it was truly her sister that was lying on the bed. At first all she did was stare at her sister’s corpse, it was as though her brain had not registered the memories she had connected with the motionless body that lay in front of her. She showed no emotion as if she was staring at an empty bed, but then she looked down, little drops of water had fallen. She tilted her head up to see the source of the water; it had not come from the ceiling. Her vision blurred for a moment and felt a slight stroke on her cheeks; the water had come from her eyes. She did not feel sad, just annoyed at the wetness of her cheeks. She tried wiping them away but it was futile; her tears kept flowing and exhibited no signs of stopping. She closed her eyes but the tears seeped out from under her eyelids like blood from an open wound. She walked down the stairwell and through the countless corridors, each step faster than the one before, finally she made it outside.

It was pouring heavily; the dark grey clouds swirled furiously, relentlessly swallowing up any of the blue sky that had been there previously. Although she didn’t mind the cold that usually came with rain she hated that kind of weather. This time however she didn’t mind, she let the rain fall on her without trying to shield the wetness away. She let it soak through her clothes and on to her skin, at least this way no one who saw her would know she was crying. The people that had walked by didn’t seem to care or let alone notice; they were busy with their own lives, just walking by a busy hospital in a busy, bustling city. In her mind, time had stopped after she had recognised her sister on that bed and although she knew the world would continue without her, she felt her own world crumble. Just like that she felt the pain connect with the ever flowing tears from her eyes and she bent down to hug her knees then let out a bloodcurdling howl.

-atashi.

[psych-facts]

Everyone’s just looking for reasons to wake up and get out of bed, some do it for nothing but a kiss, perhaps a cup of coffee, others have a harder time; no train to catch, no hand to hold, no reasons at all.

Unknown (via psych-facts)

[atashibunny]

FUCK people.

me

[atashibunny]

Those who are heartless once cared too much.

[atashibunny]

"I'm bored. I'm so bored. If I could sell my boredom, I'm sure I could make a living."

Izayoi

[atashibunny]

Sometimes I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.

[atashibunny]

They say I'm a kind person, they say I'm well mannered and that I do nice things. Underneath all that I have selfish thoughts, there are some things I wish would happen but they are impossible. So I put on this mask and pretend I'm a gentle person, pretend I'm happy. All the while silent tears flow down my face under my mask. The invisible salty tears only I can taste.