my little space

[atel0-ph0bia]

Fucking fat loser. Cant control myself and probably gained weight since the last time I checked. My body is covered in squishy fat that I can squeeze in any spot I try. My stomach bulges and when I sit it rolls up. It’s actually fucking disgusting, I feel morbidly obese even though I know technically I am not overweight. But my body upsets me so much and I can’t get away from it. I literally deserve to have these appalling thoughts about myself every day because it’s my fault I got so fat. I used to be literally perfect and I ruined it and seems like I don’t have enough self control to get back to what I was. I think I’m going to start taking weight loss pills again and I ordered a ton of kratom capsules so that should help manage my appetite too. Maybe there is hope for me? I just need to lose 20 pounds, that’s literally it that’s not that bad right? Right????

God please just fucking let me lose this weight or smite me rn (you don’t believe in god you stupid bitch, no one is listening. You don’t need god you need a therapist)

[atel0-ph0bia]

Oh god I’m back on ED tumblr again is it 2016 rn 😭😭😭 I’m almost 25 doing the same shit I did at 15

[atel0-ph0bia]

I am so fucking down today. I fear that depression is leaking out through my pores and will infect people around me as I go through my work day. Whenever he talks about her it brings me down so far and so fast. And the war with my body rages on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

[atel0-ph0bia]

Th!nspo but it’s me from 3 years ago 😭😭😭😭 I miss her where did she gooo please come back

[atel0-ph0bia]

I miss you.

We don’t talk anymore and that’s not your fault, yet I miss you so. I feel guilt because my life is good without you and I wonder how you are doing. I miss you but I know I cannot see you or speak to you without upsetting the lively balance of my life, and that means more to me. I am happy with where I am and who I am with, happier than I ever thought possible. Yet I miss you. I miss you so much.

[atel0-ph0bia]

Wow things have changed so much. When I wrote this I was decently happy but I was settling for someone who I was not in love with because they treated me well for the most part (other than having a whole other gf for the first couple months we dated uhhh red flag why did I stay so long???)

Anyway I’ve been living with him now for almost a year and I’ve never been happier in my entire life with my current living situation, romantic life, sex life, work life, and social life.

I lowkey/HIGHkey have been fighting with my body terribly since I started drinking again in December though. Ugh alcohol sucks it makes me so fat & stupid but I just can’t give it up.

I haven’t used this account or tumblr for that matter in a very long time. But I don’t have a therapist right now and I need somewhere to vent that I know no one I know will see so this will do.

[atel0-ph0bia]

I miss you.

We don’t talk anymore and that’s not your fault, yet I miss you so. I feel guilt because my life is good without you and I wonder how you are doing. I miss you but I know I cannot see you or speak to you without upsetting the lively balance of my life, and that means more to me. I am happy with where I am and who I am with, happier than I ever thought possible. Yet I miss you. I miss you so much.

[aceofsw-ords]

If I can’t turn this into something beautiful than why the fuck did it happen

[flowerytale]

Clarice Lispector ― The Hour of the Star

[atel0-ph0bia]

I miss her so much

[horrifying]

via weheartit

[atel0-ph0bia]

I need to let you go, this has to be the end of this. I need to let him go I have to I need to end this but god I am so fucking scared and I’m so embarrassed that I am. I am so afraid to be without him I hate how much I love him but god I love him I love him so much it’s tearing me in two

[poetsbloom]

I feel too small for the world tonight,

But that's okay.

Sometimes i like the thought of travelling the earth unnoticed.

[atel0-ph0bia]

I still love you and I can’t imagine the day I don’t

[difficult]

“You never loved me”

[overthink]

Giulia Bialoglowka

[heavensghost]

[qlorifying]

xx

[fox-party]