atelier

"Draw your own perspective" a blog of arts, crafts, and architecture

[atelierdesanti]

Crave for desire

tired as fuck

Hungry for im not good Responsible provider.

Depressed cause im done thinking of the next day.

Lonely cause everything around is hopeless

Anxiety with all the douchebag to interact with.

Nakakapagod maging independent at magisa sa thought of surviving.

If im lost, would it mean freedom?

If im nothing, will it mean im worthy?

Im tired. Gusto ko na lang maging sanggol at naiiyak na lang sa gutom.

Nakakapagod to be firm to stand for a falling home. Nakakapagod maging responsible sa environment na waland credibility. Nakakapagod maging tao sa mga manghagamit na Mundo. Nakakapagod magtrabaho kung ninanakawan ka lang ng pagkakataon.

Kung talagang hawak ko ang beat, di dapat ako mawawala sa kanta. Pero may dulo nga ang tugtog.

So papatayin na lang tayo nito?

[atelierdesanti]

UNSAFE TO BELIEVE

Craving for intentional friendship rather than counted for their metric system of useful in your world

Beginning again my mocking smile with the thoughts that it works out being connected and friend with them.

Im actually sick in mind but my intuition keeps giving the thought im dislike. I should pull over now. The are getting along just for the thing called work it our gurl.

Honestly want to pull out my social presence to their idiocrasy. Not defining by their standards because it's deducting out of my wit.

My mistake that I have no one to run my suicidal thoughts. Im tired being a person that need to socialize.

I dont wanna trust my intuition that I Don feel safe with them and just lowering myself to make them the bigger one.

Well the stage is on you, mine is my liberty to be at peace.

Im not a good person. How devil my thoughts means im killing your words into my mockery.

[atelierdesanti]

Walang gwapo sa douchebag 🚩

To go on and process the story you have heard.

Confirming all the woman's instinct of infidelity and being used of the narcissistic egoistic nepo baby boys.

This has just confirmed it is not the mistake to be distant and blocked off to the words and actions that do not give you peace.

I'd rather not hear that you said that I have no interest to be part of the invite, they have no interest with me, they feel noisy around me, im annoyance of Franky telling the truth.

Then douchebag girl. They are douchebag. Turning you a toy na laglagan ng barya ng kahornyhan ng mga sheltered boy na di tanggap na di pinagbigyan. Fuck the masochistic man with ideology that will accept them to be the better man.

Nepo boys naghahanap ng labasan ng kagaguhan pag pagod at may gustong patunayan.

mas pipiliin ko manahimik sa last na tingin niyo kaysa gawin laglagan nang barya ng douchebag boys.

I annoyed more my interaction with society who chose to live with the circus of macho living na bagsak ang saging kung problema na ng responsibilities ang ihaharap.

Manslaughter the objectifying shit of the boys.

Believing that nothing will come at good will who believe that narcissist will accept and be accountable to their thoughts.

Sa utak namin gago lang kayo na di nagpapafeel safe ng Mundo.

Pinararame lang kayo ng kaduwagan at kagaguhan niyo.

Sa mga pumatol sa douchebag. Be proud na laglagan ka ng barya. Nahihiya rin naman kayo magpaexpose.

Burst out my nanandidiri na naiinis na thoughts.

I have been put into the storyline of the douchebag. Nanagdeny ng kahornyhan at infidelity niya. Mamatay Kang gago ka.

Di ako tanga.

🤬🚩❌️

[atelierdesanti]

LEFT DEAD IN THOUGHTS

Silence is my biggest loud. I'm dying with my thoughts, triggers and loneliness.

I can fucking function in tasks but killing my inner demons of all the tensions of hatred I have around. I'm killed by their gossips. Their numerical theatrical competition of hustling. Then I'm in off that thinking

Think how to survive,think of not breaking down, think of not having lost in translation of my anxiety attacks and my suicidal thoughts.

I'm a corpse with no intention to be great.

Vulnerable with my living of hopelessness.

Kill me with all your guilt trip, gaslighting, masochistic living, fucked responsibilities, and destroy me in all your judgment and stories.

I'm all fucking feeling and insanely sensitive about my intuitions.

Bye to another fucking lost quarterly thoughts 💀🚗

[atelierdesanti]

Hi procrastination and anxiety

requesting to extend weekend

This home is a crap putting all the load under the shoulder, making me the investment of their retirement.

I'm tired and goddammit to think all of it while im dealing the shitshow gang corporate.

grocery, bills,repair there, service driver request, investor loader,laundry fees , shit this daughter duties.

Let me build my own destiny, not healing these whole goddammit generational trauma.

Im tired feeling this unjust life.

I want to go away na. Please keep me alive fighting all these thoughts of hatred.

Im tired, life. Please bear with my rants. I have no one. Just home, dogs and my wardrobe theatrical plays.

I want to get weak for now. I'm just tired and just want to extend weekend to grasp all I want to be, feel, smell, hear and see. I want my senses to be selflessly mine after giving it to these all rumbled roles. Enough!! for keep doing the bigger roles. I want to believe this not solo trip but a team road.

Yes, im growing up. Please bear with me. I need a breather to define also my worth and my broken dreams.

I want to feel my desires. I want to validate that im improving my goals. I want to be contented to live.

Why these swords of pain putting my corpse fast track.

Im drop dead.

[atelierdesanti]

burst out

Power playing

Emotions are not the best colleague of an overthinker. It goes up and down to a person with unsafe environment.

The environment dominant with macho mentality. Led only of wanting dominance to secure position.

Then the hell of their kingship leadership. Fucking begging for validation. It is not imposed but given if you have the right to respect and teach humility and acceptance of defeat.

My mind is mumbling with all their attacking ads and would just like to ask to stand up and speak out my disappointment.

Age should not be definition of who needs respect but should be your character.

Im losing it to bullshit man with selfless desire to feel like a man carrying his pants in despair for attention.

Well sorry man, not good looking,money and good clothes makes you attractive in a decent mind of a woman.

Decency is provided by a good person with an intention to be emphatic, sincere and humble to converse.

The world is a shit of show of douchebag called men.

[atelierdesanti]

Anxiety killing thoughs

turn off reading them off

Delete the thoughts of being relatable with people that have used you, gathered informations, judging you, making you the clown and insecure with your existence.

Silencing common denominator and current status is the social break.

Let me reintroduce my mind with limitations,boundary and my own scheme.

Mind play is not a good ailment. To be gentle and handling it with care, we have to block the thoughts of questioning your self worth with others validation and other's usability with you.

Turn it off and say I'm done as your show and image.

I have my own chapter to redefine and build up.

Stop putting me into hate position but let me put myself into defined words of defining my way to healing and rested mind.

Let their fear and insecurities be cured.

For my cure is not reliable in their definition of validation. I'm not gonna be part of them.

Let me harmoniously be okay with this killing thoughts and allow my blocking off as my serenity.

For your assistance to bring me into this random thoughts dump.

📱💀🔋

[atelierdesanti]

Battle in my mind, Face it with survival

Saying it is to kill my will to face it by keeping it in back of my mind.

He never left me in this darkness over and over again. When I was there and almost went into it in my subconscious. He wake me up and call me to stand up, and live up for my task.

It didn't end up right. Coz I felt the hurting trigger that keeps me tumble into pain and anger. It is when I'm vulnerable and wake me up that I'm nothing as an individual enjoyed by people but never been cared of and considered. It is nothing to be push around. But it is the epitome of the society dysfunctional in meaningful engagement. Then we played with it, lived with it and nevermind.

Then it was random session of conversation to people who keep reminding me to fight and stand still. Life is a maze of thoughts and words.

It's something I'm not trained to keep moving but it is the continuous blessing to awake me from emptiness. It keeps being questionable but it is full of sought around discoveries of your weakness.

Leave me in my timing of assembling this battle into a tactical one. But it will keep you sworn into unknowingly shout.

Just make this dump thoughts into a story of my journey. Conversation memories and my continuing existence of nothingness.

How can I end this day of my inexistence.

[atelierdesanti]

self-destruction

The dilemma to be the point person of annoyance, randomness and stupidity.

Well, self made person turns to the puppet of misunderstanding.

Well I ain't the player of mind fuck games. More leading to choose my own liberty to be vulnerable but living to keep living the necessity of this corrupted world.

Seeing other live their best and find the comfort of building theirselves. Here she comes making herself the comedy of the worldly audience of their stereotype judgment of so-called perfect individual.

Aha well word played of just saying they want their rabbit hole of their mocking failed position.

Let me play you my mantra that I ain't bitch, demon and irreespectful. I mirrored the actions of their foolishness to action live drama in the everyday stage performance.

Bravo to your gaslight worlds. Kill your own conscience and we find our strength to cancel noise and find the best meaning of individualistic purpose in life.

Socializing in this corporate mocking world is just like the play of fools of annoyance.

Destroy my reputation but no one deserves to define myself.

Curse the world then fuck you shit people.

I destroy all of your dicks to the grave of your existence in my mind.

Me destroy me. But I'm building my strength to be myself.

🐒🙈🙉🐵🤡👹

[atelierdesanti]

pail of anxiety

Months ,days and hours of practicing self destruction by keeping your presence beside the bizz of the gang walks.

Fucking drained and irritated of the noise. Hating socials deep inside but killing thy thoughts to fill in mind of craziness.

Want to blow the head puzzle?

Want to shout out all the worst honesty in the work ethic?

Want to be away more?

Want to fly out of the anxiety?

Want to get lost?

My mind is dead bat. I'm failing myself again. Please please please keep me in your Hands that I may not forget my existence.

I need You to pain me but lead me to caress that the reality sucks but there is the sunrise to keep looking forward to.

I want to keep diving in my thoughts but also keep wanting to witness the ray of the sun.

[atelierdesanti]

unmanaged self emotion

You go up and down with all the scenes of pain you have cried out for months and this humble you that at one moment you'll lost your love.

Processing an endless thoughts of why? how?

Choosing to go on is the way to survive your lost selves but to keep the sanity that we are all dead people living to dismay reality.

Vulnerability makes you destructive of thoughts to be hopeless, gagged, and foul.

Human is weak as it will be just, just a plant that withered in the soil.

Seeking for comfort that we are not alone to be lost in this world. Clarity in the intentions that we all need the solemnity of caress.

Yes I'm fucking mad and lonely, laughing out my guts day to day, out of the will and passion to be excited of opportunities.

Let it vandalize emotions to mockery of genuine desires.

Help me with it. I'm dead in my emotions management, shouting to release the spinning rollers of life.

Fight me with it.

[atelierdesanti]

makeshift

Call me the feeler, assumer and the delusional.

Subconsciously the world wants me to smile but I'm only trying to escape the reality of blankness.

Searching for what I have become, need to be and what I have lost. Dying day by day of making the mask of mockery.

Daydreaming that I did one step. Then did another quiet day of living. Woke up I was there seating to be the daughter, worker, sister and the lead. Then why felt nothing?

Nothingness in this world to happen. Nothing. Just the dead clause of slow killing of yourself to the blackmore.

Doomed into making me the annoying bitch.

Rest,rest,rest and don't call this the day. But this is life. Life to push that smile out of nothingness. Walk straight and then create your mime.

This is how annoying this mind works right now.

Lets not settle with it and just want to play of delusion.

😑😐😶🫥👇

[atelierdesanti]

Gullible heart

here we go again

approach with his presence then infatuated by his actions

define your heart and mind desire

It's not the way society calls for it.

Genuine connection is what we have been looking. Someone who don't sees an object but someone to build relationship to last.

Communicating honestly and be real to the highs and lows.

Say to what page should I be keeping it.

It's hard to be self explanatory but many enjoy making games in your mind fuck.

I'm just a person who want to be at peace of being loved as I am.

[atelierdesanti]

THE ANNOYING CHARACTER

Here we go again my alter 👋

Go hype. Go laughing. Go be sober.

How loud all the makeshift is giving to you?

You're coming back to where you have started again 😵🫥

Need a sleep but can't fix the mind disaster.

Be the annoying reply to this battlecry.

Be free 🍀

[atelierdesanti]

Out of breath

Anxiety

Disappointment

Inefficient

Useless

Fault

Unfair

Weak

indefinite leave

Vulnerable

Emotional

silent your thought dear?

di Yan babalik kakaiyak mo o kakausap mo sa machine who needs you to tick off their performance

[atelierdesanti]

Unmotivated to do their expectations

Feeling of that unbearable cage of nothingness

Then goes search engine where are you?

How about me?

Procrastination of self imbalance

[atelierdesanti]

Fantasize by how pathetic selfishly wants power

Why they can write such a thing?

But it is true in some way in the feelings but not how that character will react.

That gaze that takes you in the story of hurting.

Audience cannot saved him because that is how the story is written.