Distorted Quotes

In my case two wrongs make a right!

[distortquote]

Carol: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Daryl: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

[distortquote]

Karen: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Foggy: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Karen: Yes!

Matt: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

[distortquote]

Villanelle: If it makes you feel any better-

Eve: Whatever you're about to say is going to make me feel ten times worse

[distortquote]

Kevin: And now for a gay update with Patty and Allison.

Patty: Getting gayer.

Kevin: Thank you, Patty.

[distortquote]

House: You are the constant when solving a differential equation.

Wilson: Thanks?

House: Forgettable.

[distortquote]

Ciri: Can I keep the nightlight on?

Geralt: And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head.

[distortquote]

Booth: yeah I give up. I'm tired

Angela: quick, get the emergency supply!

Hodgins: *brings Bones into the room*

Bones: AND I AM BACK BABY LET'S GOOO

[distortquote]

Shawn: *Gently taps table*

Gus: *Taps back*

Juliet: What are they doing?

Lassiter: Morse code.

Shawn: *Aggressively taps table*

Gus: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

[distortquote]

Elliot: That's not funny.

Parker: I thought it was funny.

Elliot: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

[distortquote]

Jaskier: Why are their small handprints all over the walls?!

Geralt: [crouches down to whisper to Ciri] why are their little handprints on the walls?

Ciri: Because I have little hands Daddy

Geralt: Because she has little hands Jaskier

[distortquote]

Richard: alright everyone we will meet here in one hour, sync your watches.

Kahlan: mine doesn’t do that

Cara: I don’t wear a watch

Zedd: time is a construct

Richard: *breathes in heavily*

[distortquote]

Michael: Why can’t I meet your family Maria? I won you over didn’t I?

Maria: You can’t get my parents that drunk Michael.

[distortquote]

Anya: I would say I outdid myself

Anya: But I'm always this good

Anya: So I just did myself

[distortquote]

Madi: *Stubs her toe* FUCK!

Clarke: Mind your language!

Madi: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Clarke:

Madi: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

[distortquote]

Dan: Lucifer, can you just shut up for a second? Im trying to think!

Lucifer progressively getting louder: Don’t mind me! I know its hard to do something for the first time

[distortquote]

Villanelle: I can explain.

Eve: Can you?

Villanelle: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[distortquote]

Sophie: You know Parker, it wouldn’t hurt to just be a little positive! maybe even change up a sentence or two?*

later*

Parker: I hope you get hit by a semi.

Parker: I hope you get hit by a semi…… and live.