She is messy, but she's kind

Athena Lewis 29 Florist

[athenaxlewis]

Athena had realised that she didn’t have things under control, she knew that but she was trying. She’d be ok, she had to be ok in the end, but trying to remind herself of that was proving to be near impossible. She had felt like she was walking the line and that anything could tip her over. Logically she knew it was everything building up that was getting to her. But emotionally it was harder to not focus it all in one way. Something she knew she had to work on.

All of which would have been fine, only now it felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. Everything she had known had just been tossed out of the window. She had imagined a million different outcomes when she had been in the basement. Imagined everything with what she had thought could have happened. That was until she had run into her biological brother. She hadn’t given them a second thought, and now suddenly he was here, and telling her that their mother had raised him. The woman who had abandoned her... how was she meant to process this?

She was trying not to think about it. She’d gone into The Corner, least there, she could pretend she was reading a book whilst drinking coffee. Instead she knew her emotions getting to her, and she had lost focus. Feeling a shadow come over her, she realised she had lost focus and needed to actually try and be a normal member of society. “Sorry... not in your way am I?”

@cameronrey​

[athenaxlewis]

thetruthissixfeetunder‌:

“ well i’d say that’s a shame, but it your choice, and i’m not one to push a woman when she says no. ” in fact, hathor had several scars on her knuckles from bar brawls where she’d decked a man for not taking a damn hint. “ now, i don’t mean to be pushy, but something tells me this problem might be the kinda problem where you just need to talk it out with someone impartial. sometimes, when you get all caught up in your head, you might miss a glaringly obvious solution. ”

“Bad experience with it” she replied with a shrug. Well that could probably win the award for understatement of the decade, if not the millenium. She shook her head, she hated talking about her issues, wanting to just handle them alone, though now she felt like she was at a tipping point and falling over. “I doubt it. No solution to it. I... I basically died ten years ago, and now I’m stuck in a world that moved on. A job I’ll never be able to have, a man who moved on, friends and family who all changed. I’m trying to rebuild my life, but I have no foundations”.

[athenaxlewis]

pcrkerambrose‌:

                 PARKER offered a gentle smile, having realised that staring at a stranger in the street would be a little more than unnerving, “No, honestly, I’m sorry.” He began, shaking his head, “As stupid as it sounds, you just– you look a lot like my mom.” Parker added, shoulders shrugging softly. He flipped his wallet open as she handed it back, showing a photo stuck in there of his parents and himself that previous Christmas, “I swear, I’m not just bein’ weird staring,” He finished, a light laugh escaping his lips, “But thank you. I can still barely find my way around this town, never mind adding losing my wallet to that list.”

Well the man wasn’t wrong, she did look a lot like the woman... almost eerily so. Or perhaps that was just wishing. Seeing a life she could have had, instead of the one she had ended up with. Was that so wrong really? “I see it” even if it still seemed an odd reason to stare at someone. Who was she to judge, she didn’t have a mother after all. “Sorry... usually better prepared for when someone mentions a mother, don’t have one, and you caught me off guard”.

[athenaxlewis]

miarhodes‌:

Mia laughed softly at how the dog got his name. “It suits him.” She mused, tickling the dog behind his ears. “Hi Bailey!” She spoke in the type of voice that you only spoke to dogs or maybe small children in. “Aren’t you just the cutest? Yes you are…yes you are.” It was almost as if she had forgotten that the dogs owner was standing just a few feet away as she gushed over the most adorable pup she had seen in a while. 

“I think so” it had worked anyway, and she didn’t feel like changing the dog’s name when it worked so well, and had the family link to. Besides, she loved her parents, and if they thought it worked then who was she to argue. “Oh he knows it” and he knew how to work the puppy dog eyes as well. Clever dog, but right now she’d be lost without him.

[athenaxlewis]

kenzietxylor‌:

                      KENZIE dropped down onto the couch facing Thea, coffee cup held gently in her hand as she listened to her words. “Cameron Reynolds, right? He’s back in town?” She asked, more out of curiosity than anything else. She knew he and Thea had been together as teenagers, before her disappearance, but she supposed that Athena was coming back into a world where everything was completely different to what she had known before. It would be an adjustment period - and she could admit she’d be in the same boat. “It’s not selfish,” Kenzie began, shaking her head softly, “You’re allowed to be angry about it, having feelings doesn’t make you selfish. Does he know about what happened?”

“He is... I didn’t know either until I ran into him” that had been a shock to her system. She wasn’t sure how she could have reacted, probably better than she had. “Feels like it does. Yeah... I told him, he needed time” and she understood it. Sighing she realised her reaction alone didn’t make much sense. “Thing is... before... it happened, we eloped. I’m not an idiot, I wasn’t expecting some fairytale. But... he said he needed time, then the next thing he tells me is he’s filing for a divorce. Didn’t ask what I wanted until after. By that, didn’t much matter. I get it... ten years is a long time but... it all seemed so easy for him to do what he wanted, and I am trying to respect his feelings, just doesn’t much feel like he is respecting mine. I told him I still loved him but it was my problem, and he didn’t even respond... guess I can add it to the list, lost the man I love, lost the job I wanted to have, lost everything... and people think I should be happy”.

[athenaxlewis]

pcrkerambrose‌:

               PARKER, as much as he hated to admit it, was still getting used to finding his way around Edens Town. It still seemed to be the case that he was getting lost more often than not - he knew his way from his apartment to the diner, then to the bar and back to his apartment. Past that, he was fucked. He’d been in a hurry to get back home when a voice broke his concentration and he turned quickly, almost having to do a double take at the woman stood before him. It took him a few moments of staring before he realised she was holding his wallet out and he shook his head, offering a small apology, “–Sorry, you just– you look a lot like someone I know,” He murmured, managing a gentle smile. He reached out for the wallet, “I– Thank you.”

Oh she hared when people stared. She knew her story had been front page of the paper, and even now it still came up a few times. But it made her feel like some sort of zoo animal, and that she had just gone from a basement to a cage. That likely wasn’t fair, but how she was meant to move on when everyone kept reminding her she didn’t know. She just wanted to crawl into bed and never come out again. To be fair, that wasn’t the answer she was expecting to get, least he was honest. “Oh... well afraid it’s just me” nothing special just... a girl, that’s how she felt. “Sure, it’s important, wouldn’t want anyone to lose it”. 

[athenaxlewis]

miarhodes‌:

Mia was suddenly brought to her senses when she noticed a dog suddenly appear before her. “Hey pup!” She greeted the dog, petting it gently. She wouldn’t usually pet a dog without permission, but it seemed friendly enough and it had ran to her. “Don’t worry about it. He’s adorable, all is forgiven. “What’s his name?” She asked, still fussing the dog.

At least the other woman didn’t seem too upset by it. That was always her biggest fear, she didn’t know how to cope with upsetting anyone, anger scared her. Her own normally just turned into sadness pretty quickly. “Oh he knows it” and had got out of too many scraps that way. “Bailey, my dad was drinking it at the time, and it fit too well”.

[athenaxlewis]

thetruthissixfeetunder‌:

“ I was just gonna ask if i could borrow your phone- but i think you, sweet thing, need a drink. ” hathor brought her hand down from in front of the woman’s face.  it was almost worrying, how blank the woman had gone before hathor had managed to snap her out of it, but it was a disappointingly familiar look that she’d seen many times in the faces of people dealing with intense emotional distress. “ you okay, sugar? ”

“Oh I don’t drink” she couldn’t, not when her entire life had gone wrong because of accepting a drink from a so called friend. She had been so young, she wasn’t about to repeat history, even if it was unlikely. “Honestly? Probably not, but that’s my problem. I’ll be ok”.

[athenaxlewis]

kenzietxylor‌:

                MACKENZIE couldn’t help but be concerned, offering a reassuring smile as she gestured Thea to follow her into the living room, disappearing briefly to return with two cups of coffee. “I get the whole… Claustrophobic feeling of people fussin’ over you,” She began, nodding softly. It hadn’t been quite the same circumstance, she knew the feeling. “But when someone says they don’t know if they’re okay, it usually means they’re not. Do you wanna talk about it?”

She bit down on her lip, not really wanting to talk about it, she never did. But she also knew if she wasn’t careful, she’d say something to her parents, and they would go into full overprotective mode. “It’s... Cameron. I can’t even be mad about it because he hasn’t really done anything wrong but... I don’t know, I want him to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I don’t know how I can stay here and one day watch him be happy with someone else... all of which just makes me selfish huh”. 

[miarhodesarchive]

who: @edtstarter​ where: the beach when: afternoon

Mia had been longing for a beach day, and after taking the appropriate measures, she was now sprawled out on the sand, soaking up the sun. She had tied a plastic bag around her leg, taping just below the knee so there was no chance of any sand getting in her boot, dressed herself in a bikini and slathered her skin in sunscreen. With her headphones in her ears, she was set for the day. After about half an hour of relaxing solitude, she felt a shadow cross her body. Perching on her elbows, she lifted her sunglasses from her face and squinted, looking up to see who was imposing her space.

[athenaxlewis]

If she could have it her way, Athena wasn’t sure that she would ever leave the house. Especially right now. Right now, she wasn’t sure she wanted to put up with anyone. She wasn’t even sure what it was that she wanted if she was honest. Maybe for everything to just stop for a moment, just so she could try and put herself back in motion, or at least catch up again. But with Bailey, she had to walk him, and the beach was quiet enough. Until the dog got curious and went racing off to someone. “Sorry, sorry. I must have lost focus, and he ran off”.

[athenaxlewis]

Normally Athena really wasn’t the type of girl who could just start a conversation with a random stranger. She wanted to be, she used to be, but now she just got so scared about their reactions that she ended up avoiding it. Today would have been no different, except she had seen the man’s wallet fall out of his pocket, without him noticing it. So much easier to just give it to the police, but it felt wrong when she was there. “Excuse me, you dropped this”. @pcrkerambrose​

[athenaxlewis]

Thea was trying very hard to keep everything to herself, she didn’t want for people to pity her more, she was honestly tired of it. Besides, it wasn’t like she was a victim in this, it was just a terrible situation, and one that there was no winners or losers in. Even worse, trying to cope with a broken heart, and she couldn’t even be mad at him for it. But she had to try and keep living and smiling, however hard it was. Realising that someone was talking to her, she quickly pulled herself back to reality, “sorry what? Think I lost focus there”. @thetruthissixfeetunder​

[athenaxlewis]

Right now, the one thing Athena wanted to do was scream very loudly. But she wasn’t about to get that luxury, instead having to smile very sweetly, and listen as people either told her how lucky she was, or how sorry they were. Honestly she wasn’t sure which was worse. She didn’t really feel lucky, but she doubted that admitting that would go over very well. Still she supposed she was lucky, she had a job, she just had to keep smiling. not that she was grateful for it, it simply just wasn’t the life she wanted. Hearing someone come in she smiled, “hi, how can I help?” @lillymontgomery

[kenzietxylor-deactivated2020080]

location: kenzie & jacob’s house; amber valley

with: @athenaxlewis​

                   IF Mackenzie was being completely honest, Athena had been the last person she’d been expecting to hear from that afternoon. The two had been close when they were much younger, before Athena’s disappearance - but when her phone had buzzed that afternoon, Mackenzie was more than willing to welcome her to her home with open arms. Which was exactly what she did when the doorbell rang. Shifting Hades back from the door slightly, she pulled it open and welcomed Thea inside, a concerned look on her face, “Is everything okay?” She asked, pausing briefly as she closed the door behind her, “I have coffee or I have wine. Whichever you’re in the mood for.”

[athenaxlewis]

Normally Athena would have just tried to handle this alone. Though her normal and everyone elses was very different, and she was still trying to remember that. She wanted their normal, more than anything she wanted that. But eventually she had given in, and no knowing where else to go, had texted Kenzie. “I’m sorry... my parents are fussing and it was getting a bit much” she replied with a smile, moving inside. “Yes... no... I don’t know” oh she did, but everyone seemed to assume that now her life was amazing. It didn’t feel like that, it felt like her heart was breaking. “Coffee... I don’t drink” not when that had been what got her in this whole mess in the first place.

[athenaxlewis]

cameronrey‌:

I’m not going to stand here and lie by saying I don’t still love you.

What. What? What? Anything else that was said was forgotten or gone unheard when Athena spoke that sentence. It was a one-liner that dissolved all the anger in him and filled him with something else. Once again, what she revealed to him was not fair in the slightest way. While everything inside him wanted to scream at that statement, Cameron miraculously kept a level head and Athena continued speaking as if she hadn’t just admitted what she had. It left him indubitably more confused now than he already had been. All he could do was keep reminding himself that this would be for the best even if it was a hard decision to make so hastily now. 

All Cameron could do was shake his head. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll stop by tomorrow around noon. If that’s okay with you.” He stilled remembered where her parents lived. It was also clear that he had fallen into a state of shock, of at least some sort. He caught the end of her discourse and looked back to her. His hands were folded together and this thumbs were twirling around each other like tiny dancers. For someone who had experienced most of the horrors that war would offer and for someone prepared to face them, he had been blindsided. The blind spot being Athena and the shock factor that seemed to be delivered any time that she came around.

He wanted to curse the universe for having taken away ten beautiful years from the two of them, years that they would never be able to get back no matter how hard she or him wished for a miracle. “You’re not being greedy.” He spoke, his voice finally strong even when he felt so weak and shaken. “I want those things too but we can’t force them.” The universe didn’t abide by man’s laws. He couldn’t tell her that he loved her because he wasn’t sure. His heart loved the woman she was when they eloped. Whatever she was now, he would have to find out. If he could, if it was even possible to.

Perhaps that had been the wrong way to admit that. But what else was she meant to do? There wasn’t going to be any big reveal like in the films, this was something completely different. Wasn’t it better to just admit it, and avoid any misunderstandings? He’d been honest with her, and the least she could do now was to be honest with him. Then what? She’d sign the papers, and all of it would be over. Just like all her other dreams about her life. But that was self-pity, and she would save that until she was alone. She couldn’t start crying about it, that wouldn’t be fair.

She nodded, “noon’s fine” and she was dreading it already. She wanted to beg him not to go through with this, to at least give them a chance. This was all so fast, and confusing. But it would be selfish. Wouldn’t it be better for him to be free, find someone who would actually make him happy when it was evident she had spent the last decade hurting him? And besides, begging him would break her own rules. She wanted to be loved, but not because they felt forced to. That would be worse then not being loved. It was just another thing to let go of, she could cry about her shattered heart later. 

“I know. Can only play the hand we’ve been dealt” which was complete shit. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve any of what had happened to her, and yet here she was. Trying to keep it all together and not break down. It wasn’t just this, it was all of it. Least being left alone for long periods she could guess most outcomes to things, though this was one she had imagined and never wanted. “I should get this one home anyway, tell you what, bring pizza and you can cross that off the list of things we want” she only added the last part as a touch of humour, but nothing was funny about this. Really the dog wouldn’t care one way or another if they stayed, but her heart wasn’t sure she could handle it.

[athenaxlewis]

cameronrey‌:

Cameron wasn’t sure what he expected her reaction to be on the news, but it wasn’t what it was. He wasn’t expecting the crushing sense of doom that came with the closure of a chapter in life, but he needed to appreciate Athena’s understanding. Her quick acceptance was proof enough that whatever they once had was lost throughout the past decade. He felt an unexpected and foul feeling inside, right where his heart should be, at the realization that this whole mess would be done. People probably didn’t even remember that they were married hastily right after high school. 

He looked at how the wind carried her hair and was reminded that he wouldn’t ever be the one to tame it by tucking it behind her hair again. Cameron gave a nod as she continued because this was exactly what he had wanted. They weren’t going to give themselves another shot, they weren’t going to try to rekindle anything that was once between them because their lives had become too messy and the nightmares their either of them experienced wouldn’t heal because they had reunited. Life wasn’t a fairytale and he was well aware of that.

Still, it was a bitter taste. 

“I don’t know what I want, Athena.” He confessed finally. “I just know that I can’t do this right now.” He couldn’t pretend like nothing had happened to him or to her, he couldn’t be in an insta-relationship when he had proven himself to be the type of criminal and despicable man that she would absolutely despise. “I’m sorry that all of that happened to you and I’m sorry that I can’t be someone who’s there for you through it all, but know that I wish you the best.” He brought in his lip and bit down on it. “I can stop by your place tomorrow with the papers for you to sign.” It hadn’t occurred to him until now to ask, so he did. “What do you want?” Tell me the truth. Even if I don’t deserve it.

Strange. Over a year, and no one had really asked her that before. They seemed to assume that because she was now free, she had everything that she ever wanted. Who was she to reach out and say that actually that wasn’t the case, and that there was still things she wanted. It just sounded selfish, and besides, she didn’t know how people would react to it. Something she now hated about herself, always so scared of people’s reactions, and most of the time they were completely reasonable. 

“Do what? Talk?” and even then, that was more then she had been brave enough to do to begin with. She wished she had been stronger originally, but she had just ended up hiding almost. Scared of... well, this. She didn’t know how to feel about this, but she knew that whilst her life had stood still, no one else’s had. “I also don’t believe I’m the only one here whose been through something... you don’t need to tell me, but your eyes” and just something about the way he acted. 

“Whenever, I’m staying at my parents. Sure they’d like to see you” and she knew they wouldn’t go overprotective, mostly because, as far as she knew, they wouldn’t know what was going on. She had been planning to tell them that day, instead it took a decade before she saw them again. “Cameron... I’m not going to stand here and lie by saying I don’t still love you. I do. But I want you to be happy, and I just cannot become the desperate girl begging to be loved” that had never been her style, and she just couldn’t start fighting someone to feel something that they didn’t feel anymore. “What I want is for the last ten years not to have happened, and a good night sleep... and possibly some pizza. Guess I’m greedy and want a lot. None of it’s going to happen, and I’ve just learnt to live with it”.

[athenaxlewis]

cameronrey‌:

If anything at all, Cameron was tired. It wasn’t from the long flight home that had been over thirty hours of travel or even from unpacking and meeting with family either. It was from a decade worth of anxiety, worry, concern, fear, stress, and all of the other synonyms and alike feelings out there that had crept inside despite his best efforts to keep life occurrences at bay. He sat there with a woman he never thought he would see again at his side. Someone who had once been the love of his life and the person that also ruined that potential for him forever.

He heard her talk about her first kiss but it didn’t register in his head because he already knew everything that there was to the Athena that he knew so long ago. He had already relieved every moment they had spent together over and over again for years, every story she told him and every memory both the good and the nasty. So when she spoke, it wasn’t any knew information and he knew that the guy’s name had been Ryder. He remembered snorting when he heard it.

His attention was finally drawn to her when she laughed. Cameron looked at her with a confused expression that was cleared up as she continued to talk. He needed to hear that validation of his feelings, he really did. “We’re both really different people now, Athena.” His eyes searched hers, those wide big blue eyes that had stolen his entire heart. “I don’t know who you are anymore and you don’t know me. All I know is that this past decade did happen and I don’t know if we need to start on a blank slate or just move on or what.” His heart was hurting again. “I filed for divorce, a few days after I saw you at the church.” He thought he needed it, to move on. Cameron didn’t know if he wanted to or if he should but he knew that he needed to not feel tied to someone who he hadn’t seen in so long. “I meant to stop by and let you know, but it never seemed like a good time.”

And there it was. The words she knew eventually would come, but she had been scared to hear. Of course their decision back then had been crazy, but she had always believed that they would get to at least try and have a life together and some control over what happened within their relationship. Instead, she had been pulled out of her own life, and there was nothing she could do to change it. Other then get a time machine, but so far there was no joy there. She was just left with what she was dealt, and nothing she could do would change that.

Part of her wanted to scream, beg for this not to be happening. But how would that be fair? For ten years he had thought she had run out on him. Why would he want to keep that marriage intact? Whatever the truth, she had to try and be logical about this, and really, how could she ask him to stay in a marriage? Wasn’t he right anyway, both of them had changed, ten years was a long time. Would all be easier if she wasn’t still in love in with him. But that was for her to deal with.

“Well… you’re letting me know now” she replied, trying to keep any emotion out of her voice. She could cry later, but for now she just had to push her emotions down, something that she had become an expert in after years of being beaten should she ever show anything other than happiness. “If that’s what you want” she replied, at least trying to force a smile. At least the dog was there, it was some sort of comfort to her. “Can just be something that never happened” at least the marriage part anyway. The rest was well known anyway, though really if anyone would really care about something that happened over ten years ago. Affected their lives, she wasn’t sure if it affected anyone else. “Whatever you want”.