It's been well over a year since I last posted and my life is nearly unrecognizable. I think a timeline would be the best way to bring us up to date. September 2013: - J and I separate. My dog and I move in with my friend S and his roommates; J and my cat move in with my parents. Although I've had this cat since his birth, S and one of the other roommates are highly allergic and I can't keep him. - The limping transmission in my car finally gives out and, as I'm crippled with debt and struggle just to keep my minimums paid, I can afford neither to fix it or replace the car. - Our first marriage counselor not only turns out to be pregnant but actually looks at J during our second session with her and says "I feel really sorry for you." October 2013: - J calls me one night and blurts out that he wants a divorce. He yells at me over the phone and accuses me of sleeping with at least 2 of my 4 male roommates. He calls back a few minutes later, crying, and tells me he doesn't know what he wants but that he loves me. - We find another counselor we both like and start our sessions. During one of my solo sessions with her, she and I come to the conclusion that, although J was the first to say "I want a divorce," his behavior has become unpredictable and it's best to tell him that I want one as well in her presence. - My best friend L finds out she's pregnant for the third time in 3 years. Her children's father has just gone to jail for beating someone nearly to death over a drug deal. November 2013: - J and meet in the counselor's office and I tell him I also want a divorce. He rages until she calms him down and then leaves the session. I cry until our time is up. I then get in a borrowed car and drive to my best friend L's house 2 hours away to spend the weekend with her and my goddaughters. December 2013: - Christmas at my parents' house is awkward. J spends the day texting and my mother keeps pushing me to reconcile with him. When J is driving me home that night he tells me he has a girlfriend and that they've been together since a couple weeks after I told him I want a divorce. January 2014: - J informs me that his girlfriend wants to move forward in their relationship and that we need to file for divorce ASAP. We go to the courthouse to file together since it's easiest that way. Afterward I have him drop me at a friend's apartment where I proceed to spend the weekend getting high on weed for the first time (it had just been legalized in that state). - My dog gets sick and has diarrhea in the house while I'm at work. One of my roommates gets angry at the mess and locks him in the backyard until I get home 12 hours later. It's 14F outside and he's never been an outdoor dog. I'm furious. - Our landlord informs me that she received a fine from the city because the dog was barking while he was locked outside in the cold and a neighbor complained. She gives me a week to rehome him or we're both out. I call everyone I know but can't find him a place to stay. I ask J to take him and he jumps at the chance. However my parents inform me that they aren't "dog people" and the dog isn't welcome even temporarily while I find someplace else to live. I cry and beg for help, because I love my dog like a child, but they refuse. This was the last time I spoke to either of my parents. Finally my landlord agrees to let the dog stay. February 2014: - I start dating my friend/roommate S. We've known each other for over 4 years and have always been close. - J calls and demands my wedding rings back. He's reluctant to answer when I ask why, but finally admits he's proposing to his girlfriend and wants to sell my rings to buy her one. I laugh at him and hang up. - The landlord changes her mind again and demands that the dog leave. I give him up to a rescue that will have better luck finding him a home rather than putting him in a shelter. I've had him since he was a puppy. He's 9 at this point. What's left of my heart is shattered. - J's girlfriend breaks up with him for another coworker and he starts drunk dialing me regularly to complain about her. March 2014: - S discovers that his cancer treatments have caused his vasectomy to reverse itself and he's now very fertile. He undergoes another procedure and I go back on oral contraceptives. April 2014: - My boss informs me that our project is shutting down operations in our location and will be operating out of our other location only. The other location is in another state. If I want to keep my position I will need to relocate with him. - S informs me that he has accepted s job offer overseas. He encourages me to accept the transfer out of state. Since I feel there is very little left for me where I am and even if I stay he won't be there, I accept. After I inform S that my boss and I will be moving he gets quiet and tells me that he turned down his overseas offer because he didn't think I'd really leave. Neither of us want a long distance relationship so we agree to stay together until the move and then break up. - On Easter Sunday I'm home alone. S and the other roommates have left to attend family functions. I'm fine with this since I'm having my period and the cramps are terrible. I'm on the toilet when I pass what feels like a large clot. Just as I'm flushing, I look down and see the sac. Not sure I believe what I just saw, I take a pregnancy test. I see a very faint second line. FML. - A few days after Easter I receive my divorce papers in the mail. May 2014: - S gets arrested for driving without a license. His best friend and I spend the next 36 hours trying to bail him out. We attend his hearing to see if they'll reduce his bond. He is stunned to discover I'm there. After his release he tells me that none of his previous girlfriends were ever there for him in court and he's made a mistake in deciding to end the relationship when I move away. June 2014: - The roommates have become increasingly fed up with S and move out. Just before they finish moving to their new apartment the power gets shut off. Turns out S hadn't paid the bill for a while and the power company won't turn it back on without the full balance (over $2000) paid. The last two weeks before I move are spent bouncing from couch to guest room to motel room just to have a safe place to sleep and shower, and packing my things by flashlight at the house. - L has her baby, my godson. The doctors remove her tubes and one ovary that has calcified. Her chances of getting pregnant again are small. July 2014: - I arrive in my new state just after Independence Day. It's in the dessert. It's hot as hell. And my apartment won't be ready for another week so I move in with my boss. I spend my birthday at work for the first time in my new office. - My apartment is ready so I rent another truck and move my things in. The AC doesn't work so I stay at my boss's place for a few more days till its fixed. The day after I move my things in I go to return the truck and discover that someone has broken into my car. It barely runs but I towed it with me with the hope of selling or repairing it. Estimated value of the stolen property is $1700, including my wedding ring. August 2014: - My apartment leaks. I come home to find my mattress, wall, and floor soaked. It's apparently monsoon season and it takes management two months to repair the leaks. September 2014: - S comes to visit as he does every few weeks. During this visit a girl he's trying to help his friend get together with keeps texting him and posting inappropriate pictures on his social media. Whenever I bring up how I think she's up to something he brushes it off by saying they're just friends and he's told her about me. Then he gets a call from his friend K. K just asked this girl out and she told him "you're disgusting. I'd never let you touch me. If I wasn't trying to get with S I wouldn't even talk to you." S tells her off and stops talking to her. October 2014: - I go back to my previous state for an annual Halloween event that S and I always attend. I have a wonderful visit but realize I'm incredibly unhappy in my new location. I'm depressed for weeks afterward. November 2014: - I finally receive a check from my insurance for the theft and sell my car for parts. I'm fully dependent upon a bus system that makes my 6-mile commute 1.5 hours long. - I have only one friend here and she has just found out she's pregnant from a friends with benefits situation. She asks me to be the godmother. That makes two people willing to entrust a total of four children's lives to me if they should pass away. This gives me mixed feelings. Yes, I'm happy and flattered, but it's also a disconcerting feeling to know that I may only become a mother if someone I care about dies, leaving me to raise their child. December 2014: - I find a car I can afford and buy it. It won't pass emissions so I start trying to find someone who can fix it. - S can't afford to visit this month. - My mother sends me a message on social media (her only way of contacting me) to tell me my cat has a large mass in his abdomen. It's inoperable and they're keeping him comfortable until it's time to put him down. - I spend Christmas alone. January 2015: - S decides that the distance is too much and we break up. - I find out my car will cost several times what it's worth to fix and will have to be sold. Since the temporary registration is now expired I have to store it in my boss's garage until it sells. February 2015: - I see some posts on S's social media from another girl that imply they're a couple. I ask him about it and tell him that if they're together I won't stand in his way but that we can't keep talking because it's too painful to see him with someone else. They aren't together. She's an old girlfriend he hung out with twice after we broke up and he's only interested in being her friend because she's going through a tough time. This starts a conversation about us and we agree to get back together because we'd rather be in a long distance relationship than be with anyone else. He spends Valentine's Day weekend with me and helps me sell the car for what I spent on it. - On February 17, my mother sends me a message to inform me that my cat has passed away. I am inconsolable. He would have been 17 in a few months and lived a good life but I keep wondering if he though I'd abandoned him at the end. I ask her for his ashes and she sends them to me. - S's ex (from over a decade ago, and the girl who's been posting on his social media) is batshit crazy. She refuses to accept his telling her that he loves me and that we're together. She photoshops his face into a picture with her and posts it on his social media with the caption "My future husband. Love him so much." He promptly deletes it and tells her to stop interfering with our relationship. She resorts to texting him and trying to come up with reasons for him to spend time with her. He only responds when she says she needs to get out of the house and her parole officer will only let her leave the house if she's with S. His response is to ask why her PO even knows about him and to remind her again that he's not her boyfriend. She tells him that he never officially broke up with her (after they dated for 2 months in high school) so they're still together. He tells her they aren't and to consider this the breakup. He stops responding. March 2015: - S comes to visit again and we find another car for me. He spends the weekend working on it and finding a mechanic who will fix the one issue keeping it from passing emissions and who not charge me a fortune. I decide that I will get this car registered even if I have to use less than perfectly legal means. - S's crazy ex starts posting to his social media again. At first it's innocent stuff she posts for multiple friends. Then she posts a lengthy "I'll never love anyone like I love you" message and a picture of an engagement ring with the caption "I want this one!" to only his profile. He finally blocks her. She tries to add him on his other social media sites and he refuses her requests. She continues texting him daily and he deletes her messages without reading them. He starts talking about changing his number and we discuss how fortunate it is that she lives 90 minutes away from him, doesn't have a car, and doesn't know where he lives. Now: - I still hate it here and have started seriously considering moving back to my previous city. S and my boss have both offered to help me get there if I decide to do it. My boss has also told me he'll let me know if he hears of any promising job opportunities in that city and will be happy to act as a reference. - I'm still drowning in debt and my company not only keeps putting off giving me any kind of raise but is making it nearly impossible to take on a second job. No, I didn't get a raise when I transferred. I'm making exactly what I was making when I was hired nearly 2 years ago. So is my boss. He's even offered to forgo a raise entirely if it means I'll get one. So far all we're getting are empty promises. - I still hear from J every few months. He usually calls when he's drunk and tearfully begs me to talk to my parents again. They've made no attempt to admit they hurt me and instead pass off my estrangement as an adolescent tantrum. J turned 40 several months ago and has been living with my parents for over a year and a half. My sister has told them repeatedly that they need to kick him out, but I have a feeling they won't until they're both retired and sell the house to move out of state. That won't be for a couple of years. - I have given up hoping for a baby. I'm not at a place in my life where I can afford to raise a child, either financially or emotionally, so I tell myself that it's better that I can't have one. S has always wanted to adopt so maybe someday, if we're still together, we can adopt a child together. Time will tell. TL;DR I divorced J, lost my pets, started a relationship with my friend S, moved to a state I hate, am trying to manage a long distance relationship, have no money and no prospect of ever having a baby, and generally feel like I'm failing at life.
