Uncertain and Undefined

The name's Naomi. Emancipated minor just trying to figure out life. Currently repairing the damage after 17 years of multiple forms of abuse.

[charmdog]

*adopts 420 children* haha raise it

[xxxan-xiety]

don’t you mean blaze it? 

[charmdog]

NO YOU DON’T BLAZE 420 CHILDREN THAT’S WRONG

[audreynical2]

[glumshoe]

Better stockpile old nature documentaries so you can show your future kids what Earth was like before we destroyed it.

[spaceler]

[laika-the-bitch]

i swear every time i see this it’s just a little more deep-fried

[painstation-deactivated20181026]

[priestessamy]

Um excuse you who gave you the right to post my daily schedule

[vandervonodds]

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon

[morrithal]

“I want to be a half-ogre.”

“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”

“The ogre half is at night.”

[highmachinegun]

“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”

“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”

“…you what?”

“I have my dragon girlfriend-”

“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.” -dice sounds-

*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”

[julshii]

[nucleic-friend-deactivated20171]

[fuckyoubaker-deactivated2017040]

[atomicballooncandy-blog]

Update: spent $10 on an Uber to an interview that didn't happen because the owner's daughter--not the hiring manager--looked at me and decided "she'd call if she needed someone." Not sure how I made her dislike me that fast but damn, that's a record.

[soft-puff]

[demoonbaby-deactivated20190625]

[urbanclictionary]

oh my GOD

[pyomorphic]

tonight we will eat at state violence

[scaredykyleisgonnagosoon]

THANKS WHEEL OF FORTUNE FOR THIS NEW REACTION IMAGE

[wartortles-deactivated20180708]

your 12th emoji is how you'll die

[marsixm]

remember when we all watched icarly and life was easier

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”

[hellokrissi]

dion: aries, taurus, gemini, leo, aquarius, pisces

ms. lindsey: cancer, virgo, libra, scorpio, capricorn, sagittarius