I AM NOT OF THIS WORLD I AM A RED LIGHT FROM GOD @marsixm - Tumblr Blog

i might have just done something great

#david byrne #once in a lifetime #talking heads #mine

parkchanwoohoo

if u get second job i'll you

YOU'LL ME??

nemfrog

Young crows. Bulletin. Chicago Natural History Museum. July 1950. Cover photo.

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nemfrog

"A window box in June." The book of town & window gardening. 1903. Frontispiece.

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genuinely the relationships i have now that have stayed the longest and feel the strongest are the ones i have w my online friends. and i am so thankful for that

also didnt help my mood that i made more problems for myself by asking someone to hang out who i knew for a fact would say no and then making myself overanalyze that all day. ive just lost so many people lately in my life when i, at a baseline, have never gotten to have a lot of the more core relationships most people do, that i feel incredibly isolated. but i know it's not totally a wash so i gotta chill

#i was also doing that ocd thing where i find a smaller more easily manageable problem to fixate on #instead of big scary things out of my control

ive had a 3:330pm-11:30pm work schedule for almost 4 years and ive had a calm morning routine be part of my life for like 7 years so this has been a huge disruption for me because i have very severe emotional dysregulation issues closer to waking. which is why when i have to do a lot of physical work early i feel fucked up and when i get upset in the morning i get catastrophically upset. so im trying to focus on pushing that back....

#i mean i hope it is more tied to waking and not the actual time of day or else ill be fucked #but if i do want to get other job opportunities (wfh computer job in the morning is the ideal) doing this anyway would be helpful...

worked thru some of my thoughts now that i was able to calm down after a rough weekend. i know work is making me flip my lid because i feel stuck and i want to get out and that in and of itself causes me to flip out way harder. but i just need to make a plan and stick to it so i can safely navigate around this. my main thing is i seriously seriously need to focus on pushing my sleep schedule up and otherwise be in survival mode. but like. take it easy on myself too.