Marques King

[attentakaaz]

I'm scared, I don't wanna do this. But I also ain't going back.

[attentakaaz]

I'm so fucking hurt man

I have nowhere to go and my purpose is nothing

the darkness is getting to me

the silence I receive when I try to speak to someone

I can feel them watching me

[attentakaaz]

I opened up to you mother, I trusted you. I looked to you for guidance and for care.

I expected you to understand, and for you to be my caretaker and my protector.

and yet you're still gonna force me to go back.

I expect people to turn on me, to go against me. but I never expected you to mama

[attentakaaz]

I meant it when I said I'll go missing, that I'll go homeless and sleep on the streets if I have to. I'm not going back to that place, I'm not getting harassed again.

I'm not letting anyone see this face.

If this becomes frequent then oh well, call me a asshole teenager who's going through puberty if you want, 'family'.

blame me. blame me.

because I realized family have the same fucking opinions as the public, that they perceive things instantly without second thoughts.

I realized all of these fuckers judge my presence.

family doesn't matter, fuck this family. I die every fucking day and who is there to comfort me?

[attentakaaz]

It's happening when the sky turns dark blue, and I can see where I'm going.

I got like half an hour left in this house.

I thought you guys understood, you were family

you were supposed to understand me

[attentakaaz]

Richard A.M. . .

[attentakaaz]

I.K, you're pretty cool. Had every right.

B.K, you're the best. You're pretty. You're a mixed breed and it's hella funny.

A.J, the prettiest of them all. But also the most torturing one. Might be bipolar like me lol, I love how you are IRL. Fucking hate how you are online though.

I will be gone to not be able to give a shit what you all need to say

I love the three of you, I.K the least. I guess it's just the fact I see you as a cool person now

[attentakaaz]

A.J = Lil Darkie

I.K = C.B

B.K = Me.

The only girl who focused on just me, the girl who wasn't cherishing another man. The girl who never lied, and I fucked her over.

The regret man, I wasn't in another man's shadow with her.

[attentakaaz]

if I survive, if I'm found alive, if I'm okay after this in general

I'll stop putting on this facade and show my true intentions

two hours left. . .

[attentakaaz]

way sooner then I thought, I thought my mom understood me

either she lost the feeling and forgot how it was to be bullied, or she just got harassed less then me. maybe it's both

I tried to be respectful as possible, I guess I truly have nobody

I knew I felt alone, but knowing I AM.. is like, it just hurts

why did it have to come to this

[attentakaaz]

my mother had her first two children, and they're both going down the goody goody path of my mom's side.

and I was the last, I guess one was destined to resemble my dad's side.

to my supposed family, continue ignoring me. and pay attention to the fact we ain't family, to the fact you all ignore me. so you all are aware you have no right in judging who I'm becoming

[attentakaaz]

study your vocabulary, because the biggest mistake you can make is knowing you're not wrong, but not knowing how to explain the fact you're right

never let a pussy subject your pain, never let a pussy manipulate your mind even if it's just a little. and if you want to follow this one, go ahead. coming from a man who knows his shit. NEVER OPEN THE FUCK UP.

[attentakaaz]

I was begging for help, the anger I showed. the obsession problems. the sadness I showed. and they were all brushed off. and now the feelings have worsened and the obsession and anger are growing each day.

is it my fault it went down like this? is it?

because I was open to help, I talked about it many times how I knew it'd go down like this. to fall even deeper.

and nobody helped in the long term, they just dealt with my shit, said a quick I love you and moved on. it don't work that way. self centered pieces of shits I'm surrounded by, several. not just one (have to clarify that!)

[attentakaaz]

I don't care if I let myself go mentally, I wasn't in a specific place to begin with. I was all over. if I start taking pills, if I start cutting, if I start stealing alcohol

I am still a man to do pushups, to watch what I eat. to have discipline.

I notice myself going down a path like my dad, except I'm much younger. he was 34 and I am 15.

I don't care what people think, dead or alive. that is why I grew out of fear of everybody.

[attentakaaz]

I don't post this shit for empathy, I post this shit so I can release my thoughts even if nobody sees it. especially if nobody sees it.

I can release my thoughts, without the blank I love you's. without the direct change of the topic. without opinions, bad or good. without being lied to.

[attentakaaz]

the darkness gets to me, I'm tired of these nightmares. may someone please speak with me, with actual care without taking notes? my dad was murdered, I was led to believe he was the one who stabbed himself in the chest.

I beg for help everyday, I got used to this shaky feeling in my chest. the tightness in my throat, I am surrounded by hypocrites

I hate the way I am, I got true good intentions but things come my way. I wish I'd had died that day. And leave pain behind to the ones who fucked me over.

no matter how many times I say this they'll never listen

nobody. fucking. get's. it.

[attentakaaz]

it should never be a game of who has more or less trauma/depression.

that shit ruins things bro.

you never had to make it that way