read below if you want to see me rip apart my soon-to-be-ex
I’m sure you can understand why I’m writing this letter. The past month and a half has been… emotional, to say in the least. It’s felt like a rollercoaster. The highs have been so high… I told you April was the best month of my life. I was so fucking happy with you. I felt, for the first time in awhile, like maybe I could actually like someone again. Like maybe it was going to be okay. Like maybe I could be happy with someone. You made me feel special, liked, adored… you made me feel beautiful. No one has ever called me beautiful. You made me feel some of the best I ever had.
The lows have been low, though. You’ve made me feel the worst. You’ve made me feel crazy, small, insignificant, unlovable. You’ve contributed now to two of the absolute worst nights of my life. You are one of the most emotionally obtuse people I have ever met. You are inconsiderate, mean, rude, and disrespectful. You tell me these incredible things in the moment—about how you feel about me, about how I make you feel, about how happy I make you…but only to get what you want. I gave you my virginity, truly because I thought you were going to be an important part in my life from there on out. Obviously, I was wrong. If you truly cared about me like you say you do, you would treat me with the respect I deserve. You would show me through actions, rather than words, how you feel. Unfortunately, you have not.
Maybe you are too immature to be in any kind of relationship. But you’ve been in two before, so maybe you just don’t learn your lesson. You need to learn how to be considerate of other people’s feelings. You need to learn how to be less selfish. And someday, hopefully, you will learn these lessons. But I will not be the one to teach you them. I will not allow you to break my heart over and over. I told you I was scared of that, and you promised me you wouldn’t. Maybe you didn’t realize my heart has already been broken over and over by you by disappointment. I guess I’ve had too high expectations of you. But I’m done, Benny. I can’t anymore. I can’t justify it to myself—I tried for a while justifying it to my friends, who over and over again told me to end it. Solange was the last hold out, constantly reminding me of how happy I was when I was with you. But even she doesn’t feel like that anymore. Even she thinks you’re an asshole now too.
When I woke up this past morning and found out the terrible news, you were the first person I texted. I needed you, so badly. I needed to hear your voice. I needed to feel your touch, I needed you to ground me. Even if you couldn’t be there, I needed you to provide me with something, anything. I got nothing. Even if it was a ten minute phone call, that’s all I needed. I needed to feel that you cared, I needed you to comfort me.
I waited all day. I waited all day for you. And now I’m up, waiting all night. I made myself emotionally vulnerable to you on one of the worst days of my life, and I feel like you’ve spit in my face. If you get anything from this, know that I fucking hate you. Truly. I needed you, I revealed that to you, you didn’t even have the decency to respond to my texts. On the worst fucking day and night of my life. How am I supposed to move on from that? I can’t, Benny. That’s it for me. I’m calling it. And honestly? Fuck you. I have so much anger in my heart for you. I have so much fucking spite and hate for you in my body.
The worst part is, if you walked in the door right now, as I’m writing this, I would forgive you in an instant. I would forgive you in a second. I want you so badly, I like you so much. All I want is for you to show me you care. But by the time you read this, it’s too late. You’ve done enough damage to me. I can’t let you continue to hurt me. I’ve waited all night and I’m finally done waiting. I hope you know the damage you’ve done. I hope you know how much pain you’ve caused me on top of the worst fucking week of my life. If anything, I want you to know how much I, from the bottom of my heart, hate you.
You told me how lucky you thought you were to be with me and how you didn’t deserve me. I’m listening. You don’t fucking deserve me, you cunt. I don’t deserve someone who treats me like shit. I don’t deserve someone who lets me hurt and cry without wanting to do a damn thing to stop it. I deserve someone who respects me. I fucking deserve someone who respects me. And guess what? I can’t think of one girl, not even a girl I dislike, who deserves to put up with your shit. If its up to me, no girl at NYU would ever fucking touch you again. Maybe I’ll let some know what a shit-hole you are, incase it hasn’t sunk in enough yet through this letter.
I will do my best to switch out of the class we have together next year. If you have anything to say to me, you can call me or come and see me. If not, have a terrible fucking life and rot in hell you fucking asshole.
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
izzy806
origamiaround
blakekathryn
kaledo-art
