David Jimenez

Slytherin 🐍 23/🏳️‍🌈 Drarry shipper Author

[author-david-jimenez]

*Outside a pub*

Harry: *Pulls out a vape*

Hermione: Harry, what are you doing? Don't you know those can kill you?

Harry: What can I say? I love sucking on fruity things that are slightly toxic

Draco, who's with his own group of friends: *chokes in his drink*

Ron: Mate, please tell me you didn't start smoking just to flirt with Malfoy

Harry: Is it working?

Draco, hoarsely: Oh, it's working

[author-david-jimenez]

*Harry explained muggle stuff to Draco*

Harry: And if you go to a dentist to get your cavities filled, there is an expensive option, and one your insurance would cover.

Draco: What's the insurance filling?

Harry: Well, it's basically concrete.

Draco: Concrete? Like, construction concrete?

Harry: I guess

Draco: That's outrageous! They are turning you into a building

Harry: It's really not that bad

Draco: I can't imagine doing that. I wouldn’t want anything that disgusting in my mouth

Harry: Dray, I've seen the blokes you've dated before. The concrete won't be the worst thing you had in your mouth

[thelavendertome]

“Yes, I too can love.” — The Queer Subtext of Dracula

Welcome to the first official post of The Lavender Tome — a digital sanctuary for all things queer, classic, and deliciously subtextual. Today, I’m sharing a snippet from my term paper exploring the homoerotic subtext in Dracula by Bram Stoker.

Written in the late Victorian period — during an era of intense moral scrutiny and the criminalization of homosexuality — Dracula is more than just a Gothic horror tale. It is a narrative pulsing with coded desires, ambiguous affections, and queer metaphors that still captivate readers today.

The following excerpt delves into the relationship between Jonathan Harker and Count Dracula — a connection both tender and terrifying.

The novel provides us with clear examples of a, more or less subtle, homoerotic tension between Dracula and Jonathan, one-sided as it may be. Perhaps the best example would be the line “Yes, I too can love,” that, while addressed to the brides, clearly included Jonathan in the list of people the Count considered to love. The fact that the words were said in a “soft whisper” adds a certain tenderness to a scene where Dracula is already displaying protectiveness towards the sleeping Jonathan. Dracula’s whispered declaration of love, directed at both Jonathan and his brides, blurs the boundaries between the Count’s predatory and tender instincts. This moment, coupled with Jonathan’s vulnerability, challenges Victorian ideals of stoic masculinity, instead positioning him as an object of desire.

Dracula also shows a nurturing tenderness. By taking on the traditionally feminine role of caregiver—providing meals and maintaining the household due to a lack of servants—Dracula upends Victorian expectations of masculinity. This subversion not only reinforces his otherworldly nature but also aligns with queer readings of the text, where traditional gender roles are frequently blurred or inverted.

Dracula’s love, while tender at moments, is inseparable from his predatory instincts, embodying a Gothic vision of love as both destructive and eternal.

[author-david-jimenez]

I'm not saying that uni is stressing me out, but sometimes I'll wake up at like 4am, and can't help but remember the homoerotic, and somewhat unrequited, rivalry between Bram Stoker and Oscar Wilde, and how without Wilde's trial we wouldn't have the Dracula novel as we know it today, if at all.

[daily-spooky]

[author-david-jimenez]

Draco: Where's the most romantic spot for a first kiss? Wrong answers only.

Harry: Dueling grounds.

Draco: I said wrong answers only.

[author-david-jimenez]

Blake: I'm not feeling so good lately. Perhaps I ought to exorcize more?

Luca: I'm pretty sure you mean exercise, but yeah, go for a run. Do some push-ups, whatever helps really

*the next day*

Blake: Give me another 20, now!

His inner demon, doing sit-ups: I don't like that game

[author-david-jimenez]

Heather: Is there anything you are afraid of?

Blake: I know no fear. One time, some bloke held a knife to me neck and I just laughed. I walked through infernos with a grin on my face. Death is only a small inconvenience for me.

*Later that same evening*

Luca: What are we?

Blake: *panics in commitment issue*

[author-david-jimenez]

*Harry and Draco just finished... stuff*

Harry: Wow, that was amazing! Would, erm, like some mouthwash or anything?

Draco, getting up and wiping his mouth: Nah, it's alright. Besides, I like the taste of you *wink*

Harry, laughing: Okay, that's a little weird

Draco: Hey, you were the one who said he liked dirty talk

Harry: Yeah, during, you know, not after

Draco: Well, during, my mouth was occupied with another task

Harry: ...

Harry: Fair enough, point taken

[author-david-jimenez]

Harry: *falls down the ladder while decorating the Christmas tree*

Draco: Please try not to kill yourself, darling

Harry: ....

Draco: ...

Draco: You know what? On second thought, mood

[author-david-jimenez]

Sinful desires

How cruel of you, to give me hope

When you knew it were empty promises, you rose

One token of affection was all it took

Little did I know, there would be a crook

Do you enjoy to twist the knife?

First you took my heart and now my life

And if you must, tell me a million lies

As long as one day you teach me the English vice

In the embrace of the moonlight, I listen to your ballad

Wishing that one day you would toss my salad

Your pleasure shall be my only purpose

Without your reassuring touch I feel oh so worthless

To my name, I do not own a single dime

So let me suffer for your sins, as you absolve me of mine

If only you'd realize that we could start a legacy

But instead this love will once again end in tragedy

I crave thy sinful crimson kiss

To lie beneath you, my only bliss

Make me cry, make me scream, make me bleed, I shan't object

But do not avert your eyes from my love, and neglect

All that we could have, if only you would see

That from now until eternity, you belong to me

The bitter sweet marks of our nightly sins

Forever embedded in alabaster skin

When you tore me apart, I relished in the pain

But now you ignore me

Pretend not to know me

And I'm forced to see, all those letters were written in vain

[author-david-jimenez]

A bunch of Slytherin girls: So Malfoy, which one of us will be the object of your attraction?

Draco: Oh dear, so many great options. How could I ever choose?

Harry: *enters the library* Hey, has anyone seen my potions book? I think I left it here

Draco: *pushing the girls out of his way* Hello, Savior!

[author-david-jimenez]

Luca: What are you getting Caterina for the holidays?

Casimir: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your wife when she already got everything she could've ever wanted when she married you. So I'm not sure yet.

Blake: I'm getting Caterina a divorce lawyer.

[author-david-jimenez]

[author-david-jimenez]

Auror Potter: Do you know why I stopped you, Sir?

Draco, obviously drunk: Because I'm handsome as hell, and you just had to talk to me?

Harry: No, it's because you've been flying under the influence

Draco: *gasps* I am not

Harry: Fine, there is an easy way to find out. All you have to do is blow

Draco: I mean, if you insist, officer *smirks and goes down to his knees*

Harry: *flustered* The breathalyzer!

[author-david-jimenez]

Draco: *sinks down on sofa, frustrated* fuck men!

Pansy: Figuratively or literally speaking?

Draco: Both!

Blaise: And let me guess, fuck Potter in particular

Draco: *sighs* figuratively and literally speaking

[author-david-jimenez]

A while ago, I saw this TikTok about how death tastes like peanut butter, and someone made a joke about licking the grim reaper.

Today, I thought about the phrase "sweet release of death". We all know what it's supposed to mean, but, technically, you could find a different meaning.

All I'm saying is that the evidence points to someone getting on their knees for the reaper and that our man is sugar coating stuff.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk