Back to Basics

Harley | they | adult My disability blog. Here is where I participate in advocacy, spread information, and promote wellness. It is OK to IM me!

[autiedog]

I once attempted to run a couple of sister blogs for documenting potential triggers in anime and video games. It was meant to expand on current rating systems for parents and anyone who may want to avoid certain things in their media. It turned out to be too much work for no gain, so the project flopped. However, I recently discovered this site: GamePhobias. 

Here at GamePhobias, our primary concern is making sure that gaming is a safe and comfortable environment for gamers and their loved ones. As such, we have put together this site to help gamers and their family and friends know what kind of content a game contains. This way, they can know what games to play or avoid, based on what kinds of content they are comfortable with.

It has an admittedly small collection of reviews currently, but I believe people here would benefit from this resource and if they desired, could contribute greatly.

[autiedog]

How to host a sensory friendly birthday party by Michelle Sutton

The linked article contains an image description.

[autiedog]

Children with ASD are vulnerable to traumatization due to their deficits in social communication and emotion regulation.

[autisticadvocacy]

MTA must add elevators when renovating stations, rules federal judge

The ruling is a watershed moment for mobility restricted New Yorkers, advocates say

“The MTA must install elevators in any subway station that undergoes renovation—regardless of the cost, a federal judge ruled this week.”

[thatautismfeel]

I was wondering whether there was a difference between autism and aspergers, because my mum thinks i have aspergers but i read somewhere they were the same, also if its not too much can you pls explain high and low functioning thanks a lot

‘asperger’s’ is a label given to certain people on the autism spectrum. 

at this point, all it really is is a personal identifier. it’s not separate from autism. 

some allistic people use ‘asperger’s’ as a label on autistic people, because it makes them feel like the autistic person is more ‘normal’. some autistic people use the label for themselves to make themselves feel disconnected from the ‘low functioning’ members of the autistic community. both of these things are wrong.

that said, if you identify with the term ‘asperger’s’, that is fine, as long as you’re not using it to separate yourself from other autistics. 

as for high functioning and low functioning, they are bullshit terms. no autistic person is high or low functioning. 

allistics label some autistics ‘high functioning’, and use that label to invalidate the autistic people’s feelings, struggles, and anything that makes them feel bad due to autism. they label some autistics ‘low functioning’ and use that label to say that these autistic people are less human than allistics, or should be treated like children, or don’t have a right to life. 

there are a lot of good posts on tumblr about functioning labels. this is one of my favourites 

i hope this was a decent explanation

[formaldehydepiss]

they get bigger when you click them, should fill up a sheet of paper each.

No one is too sure how many senses humans can have, but there are certain ones we’re fairly sure of.  And yes, Sensory Processing Disorder affects all of them.

suggestions are based on what helps me, won’t help everyone, that’s why there are blanks to fill in your own suggestions. Or you can modify it in anyway you like, use it as a base for your own, whatever.

[neurowonderful]

It’s the topic that’s been requested from dozens of viewers— today I tackle the beast itself, Autism Speaks.

What’s wrong with Autism Speaks? Why do so many Autistic people protest against Autism Speaks? How does Autism Speak’s cure rhetoric hurt the Autistic community? What are some good Autism organizations that I can donate to? How can I best support the Autistic community? Answers to all of these questions and more in this episode of Ask an Autistic!

[shardsofawhole-remade-blog]

when people say “alters may have different talents” they actually mean one alter can cook correctly and meanwhile, i just ruined cup noodles

[etherealeunoia8]

Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water. Stop comparing traumas, stop belittling your or anyone else’s trauma because it wasn’t “as bad” as someone else’s. This isn’t a competition, we all deserve support and recovery.

[infiniteglitterfall]

How to find people to network with

(First two posts on this topic: not being scared about networking, and what it is/how to do it. Below: the actual nuts and bolts of what to do.)

I took an online class some years ago called Finding Your Dream Job. It was by Ramit Sethi, who does iwillteachyoutoberich.com. I would say he’s autistic and doesn’t know it; he does a ton with scripts and with breaking down exactly how things work and coming up with systems to make them work better. His special interest used to be personal finance, but over the years it’s shifted to career advice; for example, he has a great set of instructions and scripts for getting a raise. (And hilariously, I just found this line on his Dream Job page: “Since I’m a weirdo and I tend to go overboard with certain things, I ended up having a series of hilarious experiences in the job hunt.“ Yeah. Autistic! I highly recommend all his courses, I’ve taken several of them and they’re really clear and have excellent, useful guidance.) So, some of this is stuff I learned taking his class; much of it is what I learned from implementing what I learned, and tips and tricks from other students. “Informational interviewing” is jargon for “sitting down with someone over coffee/tea/whatever and getting to know them a bit.” You can just as easily do it over email/skype/chat. I think most people feel closer to someone once they’ve seen their face, so skype or meeting in person is best in that sense. But if you communicate much more easily in writing, or entirely in writing, then certainly just do that. (And who knows – you may be networking with people who would also much prefer to do it in writing!)

Why network this way? It’s great for:

if you’re trying to figure out what kind of job or career is possible for you, or what you’d enjoy doing

if you’re looking for a job and need more people giving you job leads

if you really want to work at a particular company, or in a particular field, and you need to know more about how to get hired there

One of my favorite networking secrets is that you can use LinkedIn to find people who are in your field, or at the companies you are interested in, who have other connections with you. I guess the real surpise, for me, was that total strangers who happen to have gone to the same high school or college as you, or are in your hometown, or share an identity or group with you, would actually be interested in helping you just because of that!

LinkedIn, like Tumblr, is always changing stuff. As I write this (April 2015), you can just click the little word that says “Advanced” next to their search bar to get to the page you want. It pops up a screen that lets you select people based on any combination of different options. For example, say I want to meet someone who works at Intel, but I don’t know anybody. If I search “1st connections” (people I know personally, as opposed to friends of my friends) and select “past company”, I can see if anyone has worked there in the past. I can add other kinds of connections. I can start over and enter my college or high school name in the field for college or high school, and see if any alums work at Intel – or do another search to see if any of them used to. (This showed me that there’s a Mills alum working at their Portland office – we go up to Oregon a lot, I could totally network with her!) 

If you are looking for work in a completely different part of the country, that “past company” thing can be really valuable. You can select that, and then put in your current city or region, and find people who used to work there and then moved near you.

If you find people you want to talk to, but you don’t have enough people in common for LinkedIn to show your their full names (so annoying!) you can google their first name, job title, and company and you’ll often find them. You can also drag their profile picture into Google Image Search and it will often turn them up. Many people also put their email address or other contact information into their LinkedIn profiles, to make it easier to contact them. You can also find people like that by asking around. If you have a friend or relative who always seems to know who’s doing what, pump them for information! If you’re on Facebook, I suggest posting there to say something like: (here’s a script!) “I’m really interested in [career/company/job]. Does anybody know someone who [works there/worked there/does or has done that type of work] who might be interested in chatting over [coffee/tea/skype/email/etc]?”

Or if it’s a type of job you already have: “Does anybody know [type of job – accountants, cashiers, whatever] who might be interested in chatting over [coffee/tea/skype/email/etc]?”

You can vary these scripts any way you want – you don’t have to say “I’m looking for a better job!”, for example, but you certainly can. If you are posting this stuff on Facebook and you don’t want your current job to know you’re looking, for goodness sake make sure that your post is friends-only and that you aren’t friends with anyone from work. (You can make a “custom privacy setting” to exclude work friends from a post. You might want to add something like, “I’m just looking for now – please keep it quiet!”) Next: what to say when you find people you want to network with!

[infiniteglitterfall]

How to network/do informational interviews when you’re autistic

(First three posts on this topic:

not being scared about networking

, and

what it is/how to do it.

And then

how to find people to do it with

. Below: the actual nuts and bolts of what to do.) 

This advice all really applies to anyone, but I feel like it is particularly apt for us autistic people because we love (and often rely upon) scripts. And on finding out beforehand how things will play out and what people’s mental pictures of them are, so that we know how to fit ourselves in.

So, you have people you want to network with. What do you do?

I started out with people I knew: my little sister, a friend of a friend, a college friend I hadn’t seen in ages. I did talk to someone else over the phone too, I forget what our connection was. Even if someone isn’t doing the kind of work you want, or at the kind of place you want, you can ask them to do this with you for practice!!

The script I got from Ramit’s class, for contacting total strangers that you have something in common with, was:

Hi Steve, Greetings from a fellow UCLA alum! I was doing some research on Project Manager positions on LinkedIn, and I noticed you’re a Project Manager at Acme.

I’m on a quest for my dream job and would love to ask you 3-5 questions about your experience at Acme. Would you be available for a quick chat over coffee this Thursday at 10am? I’m also free any time Friday.

Sincerely, John Smith

P.S. I’m sure you’re busy, so if it’s easier for you, I’d be happy to send my questions via email.

And you just replace “Steve” and “Acme” and “Project Manager” and “UCLA alum” and “John Smith” with the appropriate names. (And replace the two times with any times that work for you.)

But don’t use that script with people you know! I would have thought it would work just as well with people I knew. In fact, it turned out that it made them uncomfortable to get something that formal. They acted like it was weird.

So, with people I knew at all, I started saying something totally informal like: “I have to ask for 5 informational interviews for this class I’m taking.“ As long as I had an explanation like that, people totally relaxed and were very excited about talking to me! (It was true at the time, but now I would probably vary it a little because the class is over. I will likely be committing to asking a certain number of people each week/month and then telling them something like,

Hey, I have been taking computer science classes and I really want to learn more about what it’s like [working at [company]/working as a developer]. Can I buy you coffee and ask you stuff? I’m available evenings and weekends right now, I could do any time next Saturday if you’re around!

- Dani

p.s. I’m sure you’re busy, so we could also just do email if it’s easier for you!

Depending on how close I am to applying, I might also downplay my experience less and start with a sentence like “Hey, I have been working on my [web developer/mobile app] portfolio and” everything else is the same from there. Because I know I have a tendency to try to minimize what I can do, and that doesn’t really serve me here!

(I used to say “and pick your brains” instead of “and ask you stuff,” but then my friend-of-a-friend wasn’t familiar with the phrase and thought it sounded very creepy. So I scrapped it!)

What do you say once you have them?

First, you make the “we just got here” small talk. This is generally along the lines of “Hi, how are you, how is your day going, did you have any trouble finding the place, have you ever been here before, oh I love it they make the greatest pour-overs.” A lot of autistics and introverts loathe this stuff. I love it because it’s hilarious to me that allistic people have what is basically scripts too, and mostly, because it’s this subtext of “I like you! We are going to be friendly now!” and it’s so handy to be able to communicate that. (I’m an autistic extrovert though!) And yes, you need to do a little bit of that small talk stuff even if you are meeting online or on the phone.

Ideally, if you are meeting over coffee/tea, you offer to buy them whatever. Just say “Can I get you anything?” or “What are you having?” and then go buy it for them. Or when you get up to the counter, say “Let me get this! It’s the least I can do.” Get yourself something too, even if it’s the cheapest drink on the menu, because many people find it utterly awkward to eat in front of someone who is not eating.

Once you are seated, you can jump in with your first question. Start with something casual like, “So, how do you like [working at [company]/doing [this kind of work]]?” For example: “So, how do you like working at Intel?” Or “So, how did you end up being a rocket scientist?” (replace with their actual company or job please!)

(If they jump in first and ask you something (like “So, what got you interested in [company/job]?”) then too bad, you have to talk more :)  But sometimes it’s nice that they got the conversation started for you!)

You can totally write your questions down and read from the page. Feel free to take notes. You can write down a blurb about why you’re doing this or what experience you have. You can write down how to do small talk. You can even write down the directions and how to order a drink, for all anyone cares. That is the beauty of informational interviewing! 

I have a list of questions that I pick from depending on who I’m talking to, and what I’m talking to them about. 

If you’re trying to figure out what jobs will work for you, it can really help to figure out what the potential problems you might face are, and then ask about that kind of stuff. For example, do you need a workplace or career that lets you work from home? One with unlimited sick time? (yes, that exists) One that lets you work a flexible schedule depending on how many spoons you have? One where you definitely do not need to interact with other humans? One where you get to interact with other humans a lot, but at predictable times? One where you can work part-time, but where you can eventually make an hourly rate that lets you live on those hours?

Once you know that kind of stuff, you can ask about it. This is a scenario where it might make sense to seek out other “spoonies” to interview, instead of people in a specific career or company – unless you definitely know what you want to be doing, and are just trying to figure out what options it offers.

Other things you might want to ask people:

What made you choose this company? / How did you end up working here?

What do you love about what you do? What do you wish you could change about it?

I was also thinking about [these other companies/types of work]. Do you know anything about them? What’s your impression?

Most of the ads I’ve seen ask for at least [x] years of experience. I know I have the skills they need, but I only have [x amount of experience]. How important is that requirement, and how would you approach those jobs if you were applying with this much experience?

(You can also tweak the above question to ask about a specific type of knowledge or experience that you don’t have. See below for another example. It is a little-known fact that most companies do not expect you to have the whole list of requirements. Yes, even though they call them REQUIREMENTS! Often they’re happy to get someone who has 70%+ of the requirements they ask for.) 

It seems like most [X] positions require you to have some experience with [skill – double-entry bookkeeping, gymnastics, C++, whatever]. Is that something I can learn on the job, or would I have to get more experience on my own first?

I have a lot of experience doing [type of work]. It’s a different field, but it uses a lot of the same skills. Do you think that people would accept that experience for these positions?

Besides a great resume, what really makes someone stand out to the hiring manager?

What’s the hardest thing to find for this kind of position? For example, how would you finish this sentence: “Man, it’s really rare these days to find a [job title] who can really do (blank).” [That’s pretty much a direct quote from Ramit. If you have a specific skill in mind, you could give them an example instead: “For example, it seems like it’s really hard to find admin assistants who are really great with computers. Is that true?”]

Can you tell me about your experience interviewing with [company]? [You can also ask more specific questions: How many rounds of interviews did they do? What kind of people did they have you talk to? Do you remember what kind of questions they asked you? Was there anything that surprised you? If I applied there, what do you think would make me stand out? If I had an interview next week, what kind of advice would you give me?] 

On one hand, I’m interested in pursuing X, but I’m thinking it might make more sense to do Y first because of Z. What do you think? Or is there another option that I’m missing?  [For example: I’m interested in learning Rails, but I’m thinking it might make more sense to do Javascript first because it’s applicable everywhere. Or: I’m interested in trying to get an office manager job, but I was thinking it might make more sense to go for an admin job and try to work my way up.]

Given everything we’ve talked about, what other companies do you think I should be looking at?

Are there other people you think I should be talking to? You’re definitely more plugged in than I am, so I would really appreciate any suggestions you have.

If you were in my shoes, what else would you be asking? [One person I talked to straight-up said, “I’d ask for a job!”]

Thank you so much for your time – it was incredibly helpful. I think my next steps are [A, B and C]. Do you think I’m on the right track?

When you’re done: tell them “I guess that’s everything I wanted to ask! Thank you so much, you’ve been really helpful!”

Last step: in the next couple of days, email them again to thank them. For bonus points, send them an article or a cool blog post that you think they’d be interested in based on what you guys talked about. The script for this is basically, “Thank you again for meeting with me! I ran across this post about [whateverpants] that I thought you would like - check it out!” [and a link]

[infiniteglitterfall]

How to network (when you’re totally autistic)

Ok so! I totally want to write a book that’s like “The Autistic Career Guide”. And this has to be a big part of it. So here’s practicing!

You can check out my last text post for a little more about how to not be afraid of networking. Here are some of the “what it is and how to do it”s:

Networking is a big part of how people get jobs these days. Not because you can’t get a job from just applying to something you found online, where no one has ever met you. You can.

It’s a big help in getting a job because when you know someone at a company, even if you barely know them, they can will fight for you. They can tell you about jobs that might never get posted. (because they hire you before they even write up a job posting!) They can tell you details about the company that let you explain, in your eventual job interview, why you are exactly what they need. Or they can tell you details that let you know you definitely do not want to work there! 

(For those of us who do not have this picture in our heads: Seriously. They will support you, even if they do not really know you. Not everybody will, but most people will.

Part of the reason for this is that they had lots of support to get where they were too. And they realize this. And it brings them joy to be able to “pay it forward” by helping someone else.

Part of it is that they see you as being sort of “on their team” or “their people” because you are interested in the same things they are. Like, if your special interest was Minecraft, and some total stranger came up to you and wanted to know about Minecraft, you would drop everything to teach them whatever you knew, right? It’s a lot like that.

And part of it is that sure, there are people who aren’t interested in helping, or aren’t emotionally available for it, don’t have the spoons for it - and those people self-select out. The people who actually meet with you, whether it’s over the phone/skype/chat or in person, are the people who ARE interested in helping you and available to help. The other people either won’t reply because they don’t have the spoons to, which is totally fine, or will graciously decline.)

The secret is that “networking” just means “meeting people”. It’s not some giant different secret thing where you have to act different and pass as normal in a totally new context (like I used to think)! And “informational interviews” just mean “asking someone a couple of questions over coffee.” (Or tea. Or whatever.)

Networking can be as straightforward as emailing/messaging/texting everyone you know to say “Hey, I do this kind of work, does anybody have any job leads?”

You don’t even have to leave your bedroom to do that!

My favorite kind of networking, and what I think is most important, is informational interviews.

In an informational interview, you’re basically just asking the person 3 to 5 questions about their company or career.

It’s perfect for autistic people. Why? Because first of all, you can use scripts!!!! In fact you can fucking write them down and read them off a piece of paper and people will think it’s NORMAL. My favorite!!

Second, it helps you create the pictures you need in your head. Most of us autistic people, maybe all of us, need pictures of how things are going to be, and struggle to create them. Part of the purpose of doing an informational interview – talking to someone about what they do, and what you do, and where they do it – is that you get to fill in those pictures.

It is so much easier to apply for a job and go for the interview if you have already talked to somebody there about what working there is like, and what their interview process is like – maybe even what the specific people who do the interviewing are like! Plus, it means you can ask better questions in the interview.

(Most job interviews will, at some point, involve them asking you if you have any questions. It looks good if you do; it is a way of showing them that you have really thought about their company and their job. If you ask the sort of basic questions in the informational interview – about details of what they do, or how they do it – you can ask questions in the job interview like, “Oh, Tyrone was telling me that you guys have been working on this big project with ______, have you thought about using [this particular tool or technique that I totally know a lot about]? It’s a little unusual, but I think it would really get it done a lot faster.” Because you can, potentially, get to know enough about what’s going on to actually have opinions and details like that. But you don’t have to; that’s pretty advanced interviewing stuff.)

Next: scripts to use!

[k-pagination]

Why I Left ABA

Trigger Warning: ABA, ableism, institutionalized child abuse [Image Description: A bright red door with a brass knob and a faded mail slit. To its left, there is a long, dark windowpane with some d...

I would also recommend Real Social Skills’ post here which isn’t listed in the blog post.

Please, please, please reconsider what you are doing when you try to do things like this. The idea that caring mean you can do no wrong is a terrifying, dangerous idea and needs to be more that you can examine: Is this actually helping the people I care about? 

Because I get that it’s not going to be easy, if you are in this field, to accept that this practice is damaging and is fundamentally treating autism as a compilation of behaviors to be eradicated. 

[xnikulit-deactivated20210219]

This is an awesome article written by the father about life with a service dog for his son. It makes me so happy and so proud to see and hear how our dogs are helping these people out & doing their job. It feels good to know that I’m doing something good. I’m so proud of JellyBean! He’s the dog I trained that went to this family a few months ago. This is a truly awesome article! Read read read!

[autiedog]

For anyone interested, tonight I saw Slenderman (2018) in theaters, and there was a sign posted on the door with an epilepsy warning (after we already bought our tickets). I want to give details to anyone who may be affected by it.

The scene takes place around 10 minutes in, and it lasts between 30-60 seconds. It begins when the girls are watching the video (vague to avoid spoilers), after all 3 bells go off.

There are a couple other scenes that could be troublesome, but much less severe. There is some brief flashing about 20 minutes in, and police lights later on. The credits are also a bit flashy.

[videogameparentsguide]

Video Game Parents’ Guide

Hello! I’ve started a new blog to document triggers in video games. I believe there is a need for thorough reviews not only for deciding what’s appropriate for a young individual, but also for anyone with personal concerns. I intend to cover games for all ages and audiences; this blog is for everyone.

My posts will typically contain:

the title of the game

a cover photo

a rating & genre list

a spoiler-free list of triggers

a warning followed by more detailed triggers

Anyone is free to request something to be reviewed, as well as ask for the inclusion of something I missed in a previous review. If you’d like, you can even submit a review of your own (I’ll tidy it up if necessary). I can’t possibly play everything, after all! If you are interested in joining me as a mod, please send me a message!

-Harley

[animeparentsguide]

Anime Parents‘ Guide

Hello! I’ve started a new blog to document triggers in anime and manga. I believe there is a need for thorough reviews not only for deciding what’s appropriate for a young individual, but also for anyone with personal concerns. I intend to cover media for all ages and audiences; this blog is for everyone.

My posts will typically contain:

the title of the series

a cover photo

a rating & genre list

a spoiler-free list of triggers

a warning followed by an in-depth list of triggers

Anyone is free to request something to be reviewed, as well as ask for the inclusion of something I missed in a previous review. If you’d like, you can even submit a review of your own (I’ll tidy it up if necessary). I can’t possibly watch/read everything, after all! If you are interested in joining me as a mod, please send me a message!

-Harley